Authoress' Notes: Bet you didn't expect to ever see this again!

What Goes On

Chapter 25: Popping Heads, Taking Names, and Buying Lunch (Part 2)

It was a happy, beautiful peaceful day in the house of everyone Smash. Everything was so perfect. Little psychotic psychic kids beating the snot outta plumbers, swordsmen slicing up anthropomorphic animals, princesses firing laser guns at monkeys, and the occasional giant, floating appendage squashing everyone. All was well.

Pikachu made his way to the bathroom, newspaper under his arm. It was in another language and he had no idea what it was about. He hadn't even planned on reading the thing, instead, using it to be a prick and clog up one of the toilets just because he felt like it.

No sooner had he stepped in, he saw Red Kirby wrestling with a urinal, eventually tearing it off and causing water to spew forth from the wall. For some reason, he had Lucas' ability on-hand. Okay...

"YEAH! KILL THE TOILET! YEAH! COME GET SOME! YEAHHHH!" he growled.

Pikachu raised a non-existent eyebrow. ("Wh—? Huh? ...Kirby? Did you just go homicidal on that thing for no reason?")

"Yeah! I'm pumped! Hey, wanna arm wrestle? Bet you can't beat me!"

("Uh, no. Apparently, you've picked up on some of Lucas' insane little spasms. You might tear it off...")

"And what's wrong with that? You can use it as a boomerang! HELL YEAH!"

("I have a better idea.") He tossed him the newspaper. ("See that newsprint? It hates you. The front page totally called you a pussy.")

"WHAT? IT DID?" He grabbed the paper. "You got somethin' to say to me, punk?"

The paper, indeed did not, so it remained silent.

"Ah, the silent treatment, huh? Well, this is what happens to assholes like you who can't back up what they say!"

With that, he proceeded to tear it limb from limb, or more fittingly, article from article. He then froze it, set it ablaze, zapped it, bashed its brains out with his hammer, and jammed the smoldering mess in a toilet. Finally, he flushed the damn thing, making it explode. Water and wet newsprint went everywhere.

Pikachu watched from the sidelines, nodding. Finally! Someone who understood his motives in making the world just a little more violent when it was needed the most.

It was fantastilastical day outside! And the only person feminine enough to call it that was outside, soaking it all up in a conveniently-placed flower field.

"What a fantastilastical day!" squealed Lucas, skipping around like he was on one of those commercials advertising womanly products while an announcer off-screen quickly read of terrible, horrible side effects.

Finally coming to rest in a nice patch of generic flowers of some sort, he began giddily picking. "Ooh, wait until Ness sees these! He'll just love them! I'll get a whole bunch!"

Getting whatever was universally defined as "a whole bunch", Lucas was ready to skip merrily back to the house to possibly give Ness a hay fever and/or hives with them when he spotted said person several feet away. Of course, he was ecstatic.

"Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!" He waved crazily. "Hi, Ness!"

"HI, LUCAS!" he barked back, so hard in fact, everything above his lower jaw almost came off, like a talking puppet.

Confused, the blonde frowned, not expecting that. "...Why're you smiling all crazy like that? And why do you have so many unnaturally-sharp teeth? What's wrong with you eyes? Why're you dressed like a bee? Why do you look like you just finished drinking 15 gallons of coffee?"

"I DON'T KNOW. HEY, NICE FLOWERS! YOU WANNA GO PICK MORE?"

Lucas gasped happily. "Would I?"

"WOULD YOU?"

"Would I?"

"WOULD YOU?"

"Would I?"

"WOULD YOU?"

"Would I?"

"WOULD YOU?"

Lucas turned his head in confusion. "...Would I?"

"WOULD YOU?"

"Would I?"

"WOULD YOU?"

"Would I?"

And this went on for another half hour.

The Ice Climbers were like night and day. When it came right down to it, oil and water got along better than those two. Regardless, they were still a happily mixed duo who still got along just fine during the heat of battle, even when they didn't exactly see eye-to-eye. This was especially so, considering Nana was trying to fold their clothes while Popo kept unraveling them to find pairs of underwear.

"Popo!" she growled, slamming down a shirt. "Stop undoing my hard work! These're fresh out of the dryer, you know!"

"Well, it's not my fault you're doing them all wrong! The trousers are supposed to be on the top! They're the best part of wearing clothes!"

"But you put them on second! The shirt comes first!"

"Well, you shouldn't!" he angrily proclaimed, scattering the clothes to look for more.

Nana groaned. "Popo, sometimes, I swear—" She was stopped as Toon Link sashayed in... or at least that's who it looked like.

"Hiddy-hi, Nana!" she swooned. "How ya doin', gurlfriend?"

She blinked. "...Uh, fine?"

"Wonderful!" She girlishly gasped. "Oh noes! Lookit these clothes all over the floor!"

Covered in undies, Popo sat up. "...Huh?"

"Dearie me, you need to get these things up before they wrinkle!" she squealed, quickly gathering them.

"..." Nana sweatdropped. "Um, okay...?"

Popo frowned like he didn't get it, which, considering his lack of intelligence, probably didn't. "...Hey TL, what's the deal with you?"

"What do you mean?"

He looked at her long and hard, carefully contemplating on how he could word his response until it finally hit him. "...Your clothes inverted!"

Nana facefaulted. "Augh!"

"Oh, man! That's so awesome!" He laughed. "Teach me how to do it! I wanna do it, too!"

Purple Toon Link blinked in confusion. "Sweetie, I haven't the faintest as to what you mean. I'll also have you know my wardrobe is up to date and efficient, not... uh, whatever you said."

That was too much for poor Popo's brain. "...Who said what did where now?"

The giddy clone giggled, going over to sit on the bed with them. "Now don't you two worry. We'll have these clothes nice and neat in no time! Oh, what fun this'll be!"

"Uh, Popo? Is it me or is TL acting a bit strange...? And he never acts strange..." Nana whispered to her other half.

Startled, he pointed to Purple Toon Link, "Hey! Who's that woman sitting on the bed?"

Toon Link never saw himself as an angry person. Sure, he got a little miffed here and there, but it was usually only to put up a front. He was just, well, too nice to really get pissed off at anything. Kind of like Lucas, but not... a complete and total psycho. He was busy proving this point and doing nothing in particular when a distant squabble caught his ear. Turning to the source, he spotted the Ice Climbers tromping down the hall, hurling shrewd and nasty remarks at one another.

"IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" screamed Red Nana.

"NU-UNH! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" barked Red Popo.

"Ooh, we're never gonna get anywhere if you keep getting lost in this place! I'm the leader! FOLLOW ME!"

"Why should I?" The male crossed his arms. "It's not like you know where you're going!"

"Of course I do! THAT'S WHY I'M THE LEADER!"

"Well, what if I don't feel like following you around anymore?"

She raised her hammer. "Well, what if I feel like bonking you in your big, empty head?"

He raised his. "I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY!"

And she did try. And so did he. She did again, he did too, and they were soon having it out, but not in the sexual way, 'cuz that's gross and wrong and you are a nasty pants for even insinuating that. Needless to say, Toon Link was appalled.

"Guys, guys!" he called, running over to stop them. "Woah, what's going on here? You two never fight this much..."

"Butt out, loser!" growled Red Nana.

"Yeah, loser, butt out!" added Red Popo.

Red Nana glared. "And you stop repeating everything I say!"

"I'm not!" he protested. "You're repeating everything I say!"

"How can I do that when you keep saying things after me?"

"I dunno, you tell me!"

Thus, the two got into another squabble. Toon Link stood stupid as they fought, then frowned. Pulling out a bomb, he tossed it into the fray, blowing the climbers apart.

"Nana, Popo... Honestly, I think you two should really take a chill pill. I know you aren't always in agreement, but does it have to get this out of hand? You two are partners, for crying out loud. I hate to sound cliché, but you should really learn to work on your differences if you ever want to get on each other's good side again."

Infuriated not only by him blowing them up, but by him stopping their fight, the two fumed, hammers ready.

"Who do you think you are, trying to tell us what to do?" demanded Red Nana.

"Yeah!" snarled Red Popo. "If I'm not gonna listen to her, I sure as hell ain't gonna listen to you!"

Toon Link sweatdropped. "I was only trying to help..."

"Well, if by 'help', you mean get your ass kicked, I'd say you did a pretty good job!" said Red Nana.

"I call a temporary truce until we show this loser what for! Agreed?" asked Red Popo.

"Sure, now let's get 'em!"

"Aah! W-wait, no! It doesn't have to be like this!" reasoned Toon Link, as he turned tail and ran. "C-can't we all just get along?"

"NO!" they chimed in unison.

Oh, well... Uh, at least he got them to start working together again. Going after him wasn't exactly in his plan, but hey, being a Good Samaritan wasn't without its perks... or pains.

Kirby loved having so many friends! Okay, well, some of them were kinda mean or crazy or whatever, but he was still glad he had them! Even stuck-up, snotty, high-brow Pikachu was deemed as his pal and vice versa. Now, that was rare! He happily toddled down a hallway to do, er, something when he just so happened to run into Blue Pikachu.

("Oh...") He halfheartedly raised an ear and sighed. ("Hey...")

"Pikachu, hi!" he chirped. "I see you're wearing your Awesome Goggles today. Awesome!"

("What, these?") He sighed. ("Of course. It's always these.")

Kirby turned his head. "Huh?"

("No one ever notices me unless I have these things on... I wish I was as awesome as they were...")

"But you are!" said Kirby. "I was just making a point!"

("Yeah, right. Don't bother lying; I know I suck...")

Kirby frowned. "But... you don't. Who told you that? Ness? You never listen to a thing he says."

("No, Ness didn't tell me that. I came upon the ugly truth all on my own.") He laughed weakly. ("But boy, does that Ness have it going on. Now, he's awesome. I wish I could be half as awesome as he was. Then maybe I wouldn't suck so bad...")

Kirby looked on in confusion. Geez, he'd heard of feeling blue, but wearing blue to feel blue? That was just ridiculous!

Ness stuck his head from behind a corner and looked around. Huh... No Lucas here, no Lucas over there...

Slowly, he tiptoed out and glanced around once more for his blond counterpart, but the cute, little weirdo was nowhere to be seen. He sighed. What a relief. Apparently, Lucas was on a Ness-glomping rampage today, and he was particularly violent for such a little guy. Not to mention they came out of freaking nowhere and it took forever to pry him off.

Whatever. Knowing him, he was probably rolling around in some flowers outside or something. His mind at ease, Ness was about to casually stroll down to the Kirby Room and meet up with its namesake when he passed someone idly leaning against the wall, reading a newspaper... upside down.

This usually wouldn't have been a big deal, but he blanched as he suddenly realized the oh-so-familiar shoes, shorts, and size of the guy from behind the paper. His fears were soon confirmed as the reader let the newspaper's top half flop, showing his face.

Ness sweatdropped, backing away and putting his hands up in defense. "Look, Lucas, please don't glomp me or attack me or whatever it is you do because you've already done it, like, 49 times today, and I know you're trying to break your record of 72, but I'm just not in the mood for it today, okay?"

Claus-Lucas frowned. "Ew, gross. I don't wanna glomp you. You glomp me; I'm sexier."

To put it simply, Ness was dumfounded. "...A-whu...?"

"But that's not the point. Listen to me, you're in grave danger."

Ness scowled. "...Did you just say you were sexier than me?"

He went on. "I suggest you alert your friends before the whole house is leveled."

"...Did you just say you were sexier than me?"

"There's no telling what'll happen if they're not stopped. They aren't very smart, but together, I fear their stupidity's their greatest weapon."

"...Did you just say you were sexier than me?"

He frowned. "...You're not listening to me, are you?"

"That depends; did you just say you were sexier than me?" Ness repeated again.

The clone facepalmed. "Okay, y'know what? Yes. Yes, I did. I did say I was sexier than you, and I am by a long shot, but that's not—"

"True," Ness finished, crossing his arms.

"What?"

"You're not sexier than me, I'm sexier than you."

"What?" He scoffed. "Look, who cares about that? I need to tell you something important!"

He scoffed. "Well, I'm not gonna listen until you take back what you said, Lucas. Honestly, I'm surprised at you. What a horrible thing to say..."

"I'm not Lucas, okay?" he sighed.

"Well, you have the hair, the shirt, the ridiculously-similar-to-me-in-body-structure, so who else could you be?"

"That's 'cuz I'm a—"

"Big fat lair?" interjected Ness. "Yes, you are, but I'll forgive you if you take back what you said."

At this point, Claus-Lucas was starting to get irritated. "What is your problem? Can't you see I'm trying to warn you? Shut up and listen to me!"

Ness was horrified. "...! ...Lucas, you... you... you just told me to shut up! ...What's gotten into you? Are you possessed again?"

"Well, you're the one who's so self-conscious! If you'd just listen to me, maybe—"

Annoyed, Ness poked him with his bat as a warning. "C'mon, stop trying to upstage me, Luke. You're really making me look bad. We all make mistakes, y'know. S'no shame in admitting you were wrong."

"Stop poking me with that," growled Claus-Lucas, angrily shoving it away.

Ness sneered and did it again, harder. "You mean like this?"

"No, like this!" he responded, whacking him over the head with his stick.

Once he recovered from the initial shock of the retaliation, Ness glared. The clone mirrored it.

"...Lucas."

"..."

"...I don't know what's your problem today, but I do know this."

"...What?"

"...It's on. Like Donkey Kong."

And with that, much scrambling, hair-pulling, punching, and slap-fighting ensued.

The clocks in nearly every room in the house soon struck 12 noon, and if they didn't, they were either broken, off by a few seconds, or non-existent. Either way, it was lunchtime! Smashers came to eat with the usual madness, fighting, messiness, blah, blah, blah. The point was that everyone was happy. But, according to some shady-looking people standing outside the lunchroom, that would soon be put to an end!

("Mwahahaha...") evilly laughed Red Pikachu. ("We've got the originals just where we want them! Now to plot a surprise attack...")

"OH, BOY! WILL IT BE A PARTY?" barked Yellow Kirby. "I HOPE IT'S A PARTY. I LOVE PARTIES!"

Red Toon Link hit him over the head with a wooden chair, somehow breaking it in the process. No one was really sure where he got it from either. "Will you zip it? One false move and we'll all be back in those holding pens before you know it!"

"OH NO, NOT AGAAAAAAAAAAAAIN!" cried Green Lucas, going into a fit.

"What is wrong with you people?" irritably shouted Red Lucas, facepalming. "What, you want us to get caught?"

Dark Ness made a face, not that anyone could tell, since he still had his Emo Box over his head. "Oh yeah, like yelling even louder than him's gonna help us not get caught. How do you come up with such wonderful ideas?"

Blue Toon Link failed to catch his sarcasm, frowning in confusion. ("So... that's the plan?")

"No, no, no!" growled Red Lucas, shaking his head. "You're all forgetting the motive here!"

Green Kirby looked on in fear. "Motive? What motive? Oh no, we don't hafta kill anybody, do we?"

"Ooh, killing." Dark Toon Link grinned. "Now that's something I can do."

"Can we use their internal organs afterwards?" asked Dark Popo, him and Dark Nana's head also under their Emo Box.

"Nuuuuuuuuuu, don't do that!" whined Blue Kirby. "Killing people makes me saaaaaaaaaad!"

"Whatever," sighed Blank Ness. "I don't care..."

"What he said," added Gray Kirby.

"What who said?" bawled Sad Ness. "I don't understand! YOU'RE CONFUSING ME!"

"Gee, it sure is boring around here," stretched Retro Toon Link.

"Hey, I think he's right," said Weird Ness. "Aren't we, like, missing some people, like, yeah and stuff? ...Enchiladas."

"Purple!" squealed Pink Lucas. "No, my BFF! She's gone! I knew something was wrong here!"

"Who cares?" scoffed Red Toon Link. "Can we please just make a plan so we can take over the house already?"

"But we need to find those of us who're missing!" whined Blue Toon Link.

"I say screw 'em. Should stayed with the group," said Red Lucas.

Green Pikachu trembled. ("I knew it! I knew it! I knew I shouldn't have come along with you guys! We're all done for now!")

The Blue Ice Climbers sighed, speaking in unison. "This whole thing just makes us both so sad..."

The White Ice Climbers also sighed, speaking in unison. "We'd envy you for being able to feel sad, but we don't care enough to..."

At this point, Red Pikachu had had it. ("All right! That's it! Everyone, just STOOOOOOP!")

"..."

After such a ridiculously loud outburst that echoed on for miles and miles around the house, everyone stopped in their tracks and things were so quiet, crickets started chirping.

Nearby, Marth sweatdropped. "...Can I help you?"

Red Pikachu joined him in sweatdropping. ("Uh...")

He frowned. "...And why're there so many of you? And Lucas? And Ness? And Kirby? And Toon Link? And the Ice Climbers? ...Am I missing something here?"

"Uh, you need glasses?" shrugged Red Lucas.

"..." Marth looked at him like he was crazy, making everyone wince.

"...Corrective eye surgery m-might work..." added Blue Toon Link, making things even worse. Red Toon Link slammed an elbow into his head as punishment.

"...I knew it!" the swordsman suddenly gasped, hands slapping the sides of his head in shock.

Snake's trademark "!" noise sounded as every clone simultaneously grew an exclamation mark over their heads at his realization. Their cover had been blown! They were busted for sure! The jig was up! That was it! Game over, man! Game over!

"...Ike said the exact same thing last week!"

This caused everyone to facefault, and hard.

Marth began nervously dancing in place. "Oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man! I can't go blind! I'm too sexy to go blind! And princes don't wear glasses! That's just plain unnatural!"

Seeing he was on a roll, Red Lucas went on. "Oh, yeah. See, there's only one of each of us here. If you're seeing more of us and in different colors, there's definitely something wrong with your eyes."

He gasped. "W-what should I do? What should I do?"

He shrugged. "Well, seek out an eye doctor, what else?"

"But we don't have any eyes doctors here!"

He thought for a moment. "Well, Mario's kind of a doctor, and 'doctor' is in 'eye doctor', so he's your best bet."

Elated to hear such news, Marth ran screaming down the hall, "MARIOOOOOO!"

The clones exhaled collectively as he left. It was a good thing most of the people living there were so stupid. ...Excluding themselves, of course.

Red Lucas looked around shadily. "That was too close for comfort... I say we get the hell up outta here."

"LET'S GO OUTSIDE!" screeched Yellow Kirby. "WE'LL HAVE A BUNCH MORE ROOM THAT WAY!"

"The yellow freak's got a point," added White Nana, sighing. "And I'm only saying that because it's true, not that I have an opinion on it or anything..."

Sad Ness sighed. "...Aw, I don't wanna go outside... It's too bright and stuff..."

Red Pikachu socked him, making him bawl. ("I say we do that! Go outside and formulate a proper plan so we can take over this dump in style!")

"Great!" exclaimed Retro Toon Link. "I'll grab my stuff!"

"So it's settled, then!" proclaimed Red Toon Link. "Let's all go outside and plot our evil plan from there!"

("...Dude, who died and left you in charge?") scowled Red Pikachu. ("Besides, I just said that. Don't try to upstage me!")

"..." Red Toon Link couldn't think of a proper comeback, so he whacked Red Pikachu with a boomerang and ran for it.

("HEY!") growled the Pokémon, giving chase.

And so everyone followed! ...Not like they had anything else to do.

("Wow, going outside to cause complete and total havoc was a great idea!") exclaimed Pikachu to Red Kirby, who was no longer Lucas now 'cuz it was uncool. ("Kirby, I dunno what's gotten into you, but I like it!")

"You ain't so bad yourself!" He perked up. "Ooh, look! Wusses! In that conveniently-placed flower field over there!"

Pikachu squinted to see Lucas and who he figured was Ness having some sort of... Well, he didn't know what the hell they were doing; they were just running around in circles while flowers rained from the sky without end. Okay...

("Oh yeah. Those guys. Let's go kick Lucas in the hair and then call him gay 'cuz he obviously is.")

"YEAH!"

And so, they charged! Ooh boy, they were gonna mess them up good! Meanwhile, Lucas and Yellow Ness were still doing whatever the hell they doing until Lucas felt a disturbance and stopped.

"Ness?"

"YES?"

"I hate to tell you this, but I think playtime's over now."

Despite being upset, he still grinned like he was on drugs. "WHAT? WHYYY?"

"DIE, EVIL LITTLE BOY FROM AWESOMEHAIR LAND!" roared Red Kirby, smashing his foot into Lucas' head and knocking him over.

Lucas pouted, seemingly unfazed. "Aw, c'mon now, Kirby. That was uncool, and you know it." He looked to Pikachu. "That's something I expected from you."

("I know. Beautiful, isn't it?")

"Listen, for the last time, I'm not a magician! Now leave me alone!" whined Purple Toon Link, appearing.

Popo stalked her. "Aw, c'moooon! Please tell me how you did it! I want my clothes to inexplicably change color every time the scene changes!"

"What scene?"

"Popo, has it ever come to your empty, little brain that TL might've just changed his clothes?" suggested Nana, following them.

"Of course he did! That's 'cuz he's magic!"

"Ugh!" Infuriated, she stomped over to Lucas and the other three unimportant guys. "Any of you guys feel like doing a lady a favor and removing this hooligan?"

"Lady?" Lucas frowned.

("Who, Nana?") asked Pikachu.

"No, me!"

"HUH?"

Just then, a scream was heard as Toon Link came flailing onto the field, falling in front of the group.

"Lucas, Pikachu! You've got to help me!"

("No,") refused the mouse.

"I-it's Nana and Popo! They've completely lost it!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked Nana. "We're standing right here!"

"Huh?" Toon Link blinked. "Then, who was that chasing me—?"

"There he is! I see him!"

"GET HIM!"

So sooner had they declared their attack, the Red Climbers charged up, ready to flatten Toon Link like a pancake. They came to a screeching halt upon seeing the others.

Nana flipped out. "What the heck?!"

"Ah ha! See? He did it again! I told you he was magic, Nana! TL made us change clothes this time! And he inverted his again, 'cuz he's also right there!" accused Popo, going back and forth between the two Toon Links.

Purple Toon Link scowled. "Wait, what?"

"Someone, anyone! Heeeeelp! I'm being somewhat verbally assaulted!" a newcomer howled.

"Oh, boy," Nana sighed, already seeing how this was coming together, "I wonder who that could be?"

The sobbing grew louder until Kirby appeared over the horizon, flailing his arms wildly. "Guys, you gotta help me! Pikachu's all sad and depressed and it's making me all sad and depressed! I can't take it anymore!"

Pikachu's ears shot up. ("What the hell?")

Blue Pikachu trudged behind. ("And now you're crying... I make everyone cry. Man, I suck...")

("Anyone mind telling me what the hell's going on here?") asked Pikachu.

"Think someone divided by zero again?" pondered Toon Link.

"I wish dividing by zero did this. Last time was disastrous," responded Nana.

Lucas tapped his cheek in thought. "Hold on a second. Didn't this happen before?"

"I don't know. You tell me."

"About 3 months ago? Remember that time we went to eat and, for some reason, there were, like, 11 Warios in the lunch line?"

Toon Link frowned. "I don't remember that..."

"I think you were fighting when it happened," pouted Pikachu. "Lucky. They stank up the joint so bad, we had to eat outside or in our rooms while MH aired out the place! It took days, and we could still smell it all around the house for the next week! Dirty, stinkin' clones!"

Nana was surprised. "So these things are clones?"

"I knew it!" gasped Popo.

Toon Link was also surprised. "That's what that smell was?" He frowned. "Ness said it was a compost heap in the backyard from a zombie attack!"

"He told me that, too!" squeaked Kirby.

The Pokemon narrowed his eyes, ears flattened. ("TL. Please don't tell me you actually believed that. Kirby, I can understand, but... I had had hopes you still had some sanity left.")

"I-I do, but..." He bit his lip. "I have kinemortophobia."

("And that is...?")

Toon Link decided this was a good time as any to disregard that. "Speaking of Ness, where is he? His clone's here."

"You probably jinxed us by saying that, so he should be here soon," said Kirby, suddenly not depressed from the presence of Blue Pikachu.

Also speaking of which, the clones had randomly decided to distant themselves from the real deals, now semi-huddled together to come up with a distraction since they'd inadvertently blown their cover. I wonder what this is playing up...

And as if no one knew this was gonna happen, a distant roar from a violent scuffle graced everyone's ears. They ignored it at first, assuming it was Ike tenderizing his meat outside again, but as it grew into two voices, neither of which sounded like the swordsman.

"Ness! If you know what's good for you, you'll listen to someone in your life for once!" growled one.

"I don't have to listen the likes of you, especially if you suggest it!" spat the other, who was obviously Ness. "You've gone mad, Lucas! What's your problem? Why're you acting all assertive and cool like me, and then say I'm not your role model?!"

"You fool!"

A cloud of dust kicked up, the maker of it zooming into view. Ness sprinted towards the crew like a track runner, but with all the dust behind him, no one could tell who his pursuer was.

"Guys!" he shouted. "Get down! Lucas went mad again, and he won't leave me alone! I think it's serious this time; he dyed his hair, changed his shirt, and think he's cooler than me!"

"That's because I'm NOT LUCAS!" barked the silhouette in the dust clouds.

Hearing this and seeing the actual Lucas, Ness skidded to a stop, although it took him a while to actually stop skidding. And, of course, he had to stop at the uncomfortably close range of his blonde friend.

He smiled. "Were you running to me? That's so sweet."

Ness promptly pushed him over. "I was running away from you! How'd you get here so fast?"

"Well, see, it goes like this..."

Lucas didn't have to explain anything. Ness saw the multiples of of his friends huddled together, shocked at his appearance. He wasn't that smart, but he could count; thus, they became worried.

He sighed, used to this by now. "Okay. Who did this, why, how, and will this help us bring Schlemiel back?"

Lucas was still on the ground. "Uh, we don't know, we don't know, we don't know, and... we don't know!" he cheerfully finished.

"I have been enlightened."

By this time, the dust had settled and spread over the area, making everyone cough and gag. As it dissipated, a lone silhouette stood, unfazed.

"Ness! You and your friends are in grave danger!" it spoke. "Listen to me, before they show up!"

Everyone looked up and gasped! ...And then promptly choked on the dusty air.

Popo recovered first, bluntly exclaiming, "Guys! Ness was right; that's not Lucas!"

"Gee, what gave you that idea?" hacked Ness.

"It's even worse! He's an evil clone!"

Claus-Lucas promptly facefaulted. "Y-you're... You're kidding me, right?"

"It's a demon! A demon!" continued Popo. "Look into his disgustingly honest eyes, his beautiful fashion of sense, and that attractive red hair, burning a courageous flame of justice!"

The clone became complacent. "Oh. Well, I don't mean to brag but... I do try my best."

"Popo, you made him sound more like an angel than a demon," said Nana.

Her counterpart sneered. "That's what he wants you to think!"

Ness pointed. "I wouldn't be surprised! Lucas is off his rocker this time!" He turned and slapped the blonde upside the head, who was just getting up, knocking him over again. "Who do you think you are, making an evil clone of yourself to try and upstage us?!"

Lucas gushed as he hit the dirt again. "I'm sorry. I'll try better next time."

For no reason, Kirby turned around to see the other clones from before were now gone. "Uh, guys?"

Toon Link scratched his head. "I thought the clones got out again. This should be one of them, so I doubt he's evil."

Pikachu sauntered over to Claus-Lucas. ("TL, did you ever stop to wonder why those clones got out last time? And the time before that? And that? And when they got out last tourney, when you weren't even here?")

"Uh..."

("Every time they get loose, it's to do something stupid! The very first time they escaped in the first tourney, they all got out. Wanted to steal household appliances and build a rocket or something.") He shrugged. ("If we didn't stop them, I'm sure we would've all died from weapons of mass destruction.")

Lucas finally got to his feet, dusting himself off. "Sounds serious. Maybe we should go inside and tell Master Hand."

"That sounds rational," Nana frowned. "So I'm waiting for someone to disagree."

"There's no time. They've probably got the house surrounded by now." Lucas' clone approached the real one. "Due to a freak accident, your clones got out, then they let their friends out, and so on. Fortunately, the only clones loose are all of you guys'."

Nana threw her hands up. "Of course!"

"I did a headcount and each one of you has 5, except Pikachu, who has 3." He counted back on his fingers. "That means there's 23 loose, 28 if you count the extra Ice Climber."

Ness crossed his arms. "Y'know Pikachu, I'd think someone with an ego as big as yours would have like... 7."

("The Pokemon Team has more clones than anyone in the house altogether. I'd be rubbing it in if I had more.")

"..." Ness turned his mouth up.

Claus-Lucas went on. "The point is, we're at a disadvantage and I want everyone to stay alert. Ness wouldn't heed my warning, so I hope the rest of you do."

"How come you aren't working with them?" asked Kirby.

He shrugged. "They want to rebel because of unfair treatment and unsanitary living conditions. I'm the only sane one down there, and I know doing this might screw everyone if we're not careful."

("Maybe if they'd stop breaking out and wreaking havoc we'd actually care!") groaned the Pokemon. ("When Smash Bros. started, they had a nice little suite in the backyard, then they started getting out and trying to kill us! Even then, they complained about the suite when we had a mansion.")

"Well, they are kind of living in a dingy cellar now, in cages with cramped space and limited luxuries. Meanwhile, the house has almost quadrupled in size over the years. Their place is equatable to an underground dog pound." Toon Link laughed. "Hey, I made a rhyme."

Pikachu threw his arms up. ("Big whoop! They treat us like crap, we treat them like crap! Kirby, remember when they rearranged the stairs to our rooms to loop indefinitely? We couldn't make heads or tails of it! No one could get downstairs and no one could get upstairs! It was like being on a treadmill from Hell!")

"I flew up and downstairs, so it didn't bug me," he happily replied. "Oh, by the way, the clones that were here earlier ran off."

Claus-Lucas blinked. "They were here?!"

Ness groaned. "You let them get away?!"

"How's this my fault? I didn't let them get away, I just noticed they were gone." He pouted. "Y'know, I wouldn't have said anything if you were gonna act like that. Maybe I should stop telling you anything, like how the clones got some reinforcements and are sneaking up behind Nana and Popo as I speak."

Nana whipped around. "What?!" A stray Thunershock singed the grass at her feet, going over Popo's head, literally. "Woah!"

He looked up. "Ooh! Fireworks!"

"Gee, it sure is boring around here," said a generic voice.

Everyone looked in the direction from where it came, only slightly shocked to see all their respective and somewhat angry clones. Red Lucas seemed to be leading the charge.

"So," He narrowed his eyes. "We meet again."

"Well yeah," Ness scoffed. "I mean, we've all fought you a number of times in a Brawl."

"Oh, think you're a smart guy, huh? Huh? Huh?!" He brandished a stick. "Let's see how smart you are when I hit a home run with you."

Ness took that as challenge. "Excuse me?"

"That's right. I'm calling you out! I'm calling you all out!"

Red Toon Link raised a fist. "We're tried of living like a bunch of animals! The madness ends here!"

Some of the other clones cheered.

("We're mad as hell, and we're not gonna take it anymore!") exclaimed Red Pikachu.

More of the clones cheered.

"You can't push us around this time!" growled Red Kirby. "We've had it! We're gonna defeat you, then release the rest of our brethren and kick you outta the house for good! Then we'll see how you like living in a basement!"

Now, most of the clones were cheering.

Pikachu shrugged. ("That's it?")

Their cheers abruptly stopped, Red Lucas frowning. "Whaddya mean, 'that's it'?"

("I mean, really, that's it? Just take over the house? Your not gonna try to, I dunno, do something really cockamamie that fails horribly and almost kills a select few?")

"We're bringing in a new era! No BS, just take over! That's our motto now, and you'll feel the wrath of it soon enough!" He waggled his stick in the air. "Clones, about-face!"

His lackeys got into position, despite already facing the enemy. They did, however, get into these really cool orders. They lined up by what color they were horizontally and by what clone they were vertically. Everyone except Toon Link, Kirby, and Lucas were to stubborn to admit, but it was really badass.

Claus-Lucas braced himself. "Okay, everyone. Get ready for quite the assault. This is gonna be like Cruel Brawl or something, so keep up your guard up and-"

Ness whined. "Why do you get to be the leader? I wanna be the leader. It'll be more fitting with me as leader. Red Luke leads the clones, I lead the real ones. It's not fair you get to be leader-"

"Fine, whatever! Just lead us!"

"Glad you see it my way." Smug, he walked in front of his lackeys. "And on that note, we'll-"

"ATTACK!" screeched Red Lucas. With that, he and the clones stampeded forward in a big, jumbled pile of WTF.

Ness sighed loudly. "Thanks a lot, asshole! You made me forget what I was gonna say!"

It didn't matter, really. Since the clones were, like, a total of 10 feet away from the real deals, and Ness was just gonna improvise, he would've been cut off anyway.

Because of this, madness ensued! The clones hit their originals with a bang, quite literally, as several of them went flying from the destructive collision. The Pikachus got into a big, yellow static-filled ball as they had it out with each other, and not like that. The Ice Climbers continuously dogpiled each other because the two real ones kept getting lost in the confusion. It wasn't like they couldn't use any special moves or anything, they just... forgot.

The Nesses fought dirtiest, substituting their PSI for punching, kicking, whacking, and even biting. Hell, they even used other unsuspecting fighters as human shields, then threw said hapless victim at the attacker as retaliation. If Brawls were like this, causalities would be an everyday thing.

The Toon Links fought well, but maybe a little too well. They were so lithe and agile, no one could land a hit. They clashed and slashed swords, sure, but that didn't mean anything if the target kept doing back flips and rolls to get away and attack your backside, while you did the same thing and it just repeated.

The Kirbies lost sight of what they were doing almost immediately. Yellow Kirby tripped at the last minute and ran into the real Kirby, bouncing harmlessly off him like a Soccer Ball, sans the flaming doom. Due to them being easily amused, they made a ceasefire and took turns bouncing off each other's heads.

The Lucases... didn't really even fight, except for when Red Lucas punched the real one in the face, causing him to cry. Claus-Lucas then came up and scolded him about fighting dirty, brewing an argument. This escalated until the group eventually got into a heated dispute over boxers versus briefs.

The respective groups did these respective things for about half an hour before Ness broke away from the fight, yelling, "STOOOOOOOP!"

Everyone skidded to a halt, sound included, as they pulled a freeze-frame and stopped in their tracks. And it's not like they just stopped, no; they actually froze mid-fighting, like someone hit the Pause button. Walking away from the chaos, Ness wasn't sure if they were even breathing.

Regardless, his stomach growled. "I'm hungry... Therefore, this fight is over."

"Actually, I'm a little hungry, too," mumbled Lucas, also walking away from the frozen nonsense. "I was going to lunch earlier, but I got distracted with that cute little yellow Ness over there."

"I didn't have time to get there, due to, uh... well, you remember who I was running from, right?" said Toon Link, sheepishly.

("Too busy making mischief,") admitted Pikachu.

"Popo kept messing up my folded clothes, so I would've missed it anyway!" huffed Nana.

"Nana kept folding them wrong, so I would've missed it anyway!" he replied.

"I already ate lunch!" beamed Kirby. "But I'm always up for more!"

Ness was dumbfounded. "...Why are you guys telling me this?"

They stared at him blankly, then at each other, then at the clones, who'd stopped with the freeze-frame thing and also stood there, dumbfounded.

"...What kind of food do they have?" blankly asked Gray Kirby.

("None of your business!") snapped Pikachu.

"Oh, they have everything!" answered Kirby, counting on his one nub. "Pizza, pancakes, fries, steak, eggs, burgers, ramen, biscuits, every kind of cereal, and much more! And since we work here, it's alllll free!"

"Uh, that, uhm... sounds really nice," whispered Blue Nana.

("And don't bother asking for a hand-out, either,") said the Pokemon. ("We're so telling MH on you after we eat.")

Nana pulled her hair. "Isn't that what I just said we should do a half hour ago?!"

"Didn't I say it?" put in Lucas.

Popo scratched his head. "Nana, how come you know how much time has passed out here, but not in the house, where almost every room has a clock?"

...

...

...

That was an astute observation.

Ness cleared his throat. "Well, I'd love to stay around and see how long it'd take someone to reasonably explain that, but I'm getting me some eats." He walked off. "Later."

Lucas causally followed. "Me, too!"

The other real deals shrugged and laughed, also making their way back the house. It wasn't like this scuffle meant anything to them; they all had fun in their own special way, but the battle was declared over, so their copies had no use now. It was just like a Brawl, and they didn't make their point at all! Ooh, another rhyme.

"So that's it?" Red Lucas was livid. "They're just gonna leave?!"

"Tsk, I'm not surprised," Hand on a hip, Pink Lucas wiped some hair from her face. "They don't care. They never cared."

"And you!" He pointed at the clones who ran off the first time. "Who do you think you are, running off and making buddy-buddy with the enemy?!"

Blue Pikachu cowered. ("N-no, don't hit us!")

"Dumbass!" retorted Red Popo. "We didn't leave, you lost us!"

"Besides, who died and made you in charge?" added Red Popo.

Their makeshift put a fist to his noseless face. "This made me in charge!"

"That's stupid!" exclaimed Red Kirby. "You're stupid! I should be in charge!"

"No, I should!" proclaimed Red Toon Link. "For I am actually a canonical character."

("Well, I have an awesome HAT!") said Red Pikachu, pointing to it.

"Who asked you?!"

("I dunno, probably yo momma!")

As expected, this caused a fight to break out between the Reds. The Blues started crying, and the Greens tried to make a totem pole with themselves. Everyone else sighed.

"See?" gestured Claus-Lucas. "This is why I joined the originals. You guys have no logic, no reason!"

Purple Toon Link rolled her eyes. "Tsk, like you do?"

"Yes, actually."

"Oooooh!" She sashayed away. "You men think you know everything!"

Pink Lucas watched the scene unfold, rubbing her chin. Claus-Lucas' slightly inflated ego was giving her an idea.

Purple Toon Link came over. "Gurl, whatchu doin? You got that look in your eye. The look that says you're getting a cuh-RAZAH idea."

"I sure am, gurl! This cuh-RAZAH idea just might be cuh-RAZAH enough to change the very way we live!"

She danced in place. "Ooooh! Gurl, you best not be trippin'!"

"Watch me work, gurl!" She girlishly pranced off to catch up with the real deals.

"Go get 'em, gurl!" called her gurlfriend.

She skipped ahead of the group, her presence halting their progress.

"Heeey theeeere," she greeted.

Pikachu pointed. ("Don't bother trying to bribe us, either. We're still telling.")

"What would I have to bribe you with?"

("...Whaddya want?")

"Fellas, I haven't been around long, but this whole Clones vs. Originals thing needs to end. Today. The others mean no harm, really. Remember, they're extensions of yourselves, not gang of hoodlums."

"Could've fooled me," said Ness.

"I know we've had our differences, but today showed me the clones agree and disagree just as much as you do. We were based off your deepest, darkest mannerisms; we act in ways you never would, unless you lost complete control of yourselves."

"Yellows are, obviously, your happiness and aspirations. The Greens represent your fears and the bravery to overcome them, which everyone has. The Reds are your driving source and determination. The Blues are your feelings and expressions. Whites and Grays are your tough and rigid sides, while Blacks are your darker, more moodier sides. Pink and Purple, the best ones, are your love and affection. You see? Can't you identify?"

Ness raised a hand. "Question: what if we don't have said color clone? Apparently, a red cap and shoes are good enough to make me a Red."

She giggled. "That means you're most expressive in your Red side than any other color."

"Hmm..."

"I know we're really annoying and all, but you'd be that way, too, if you only had one attribute. And Pikachu, we do stupid stuff for attention because we feel used. Dragged into battle, thrown out afterwards, and you guys keep talking down to us. We feel jaded and you feel annoyed." She smiled, holding out a hand. "So let's start over. We promise not to do anything stupider than the average original if you stop treating us like prisoners."

Lucas went to shake her hand. "I'm game."

"No, you dumbass!" Ness pulled him back, muttering. "How do we know we can trust this broad?"

("Psst!") Pikachu whispered. ("Say no. It's a trick. Has to be.")

"I think she's being earnest," said Nana. "Let's trust her."

"Ness," said Kirby. "I'm not one to hold grudges, so I'm gonna go back to telling you things, okay?"

"That's nice," he replied, not acknowledging him.

"And it's a good thing, too, because Master Hand just showed up," he finished.

Ness didn't even say anything. He just stared deadpan at the smiling puffball until the appendage's voice boomed.

"You! What're the clones doing out here? And why didn't you call me about it?"

"I can explain everything," assured Lucas.

"No, you know what? No." He pointed somewhere. "Clones, back to the cellar. I'll deal with you later. Smashers, stay here. I'll deal with you now."

Claus-Lucas raised a finger. "Would it help things if I said, due to a valiant battle of justice that raged on for years, we lost horribly and our views on life have been reformed so the very thought of disobeying any sort of rule makes us hiss and boo like no tomorrow?"

The hand seemed reluctant. "Maaaybe..."

"Then that's what happened," added Lucas. "I should know, I was there."

He faced the real deals. "Then, well done! I'm been trying to get the clones back on the right track for years, but it's taken you a little over an hour to do it!"

Dark Toon Link looked up. "Does this mean we don't have to live in a cellar anymore?"

"Uh..." If Master Hand had a head, he's be scratching it. "Have you learned your lesson?"

"Yes," they said said in unison.

"Have the other clones learned their lesson?"

"...We can force them to," suggested Blank Ness.

"Fair enough. I'll let the house know, so skedaddle on to lunch." He floated away and disappeared.

...Either Master Hand was getting lazy or he was really tried of Ness and the crew doing stuff like this behind his back, because that exchange could've ended much, much worse.

"Well, that's that." Popo dusted off him hands somehow. "How about lunch? I'm buying!"

Nana sighed. "The food is free, Popo."

"When did this happen?!"

"Well that was uncanny, but we got what we wanted, so victory!" concluded Red Lucas.

"What now?" asked Kirby.

"Lunch!" groaned Ness. "Forget you guys. I'm going for real this time." With that, he promptly left.

Claus-Lucas looked to Lucas. "Think we can just waltz in there without everyone having a conniption fit?"

The blonde chuckled. "Oh, sure. It takes a lot to surprise us these days. By the way, I think Pikachu was exaggerating about you guys trying to blow up the house or whatever."

"Why would we ever want to do that? If you die, we die."

"He says every time you guys get loose, it's to do something stupid."

He made a face. "There's a difference between stupid and downright idiotic."

"Yeah, I guess you're right-" He suddenly noticed they were alone. "Where'd everybody go?"

His clone would've answered him if he hadn't made a beeline for the house, behind some other scattered clones and real deals who'd gotten a running start.

Lucas thought about saying a stupid, little quip to end this on, but decided against it on the grounds that he was too hungry to think of anything clever. He eventually ran for the house, too, despite his occasional tripping.

And that's how the clones and originals made peace! Master Hand kept his word and reformatted the clone's living quarters that very night, turning their icky domain back into a suite! He wasn't authorized to remake the building, so it stayed underground, but the clones were cool with that. It had everything the house did, even its own lunchroom! It didn't have that last time! A generous upgrade, indeed.

Since there were dozens more clones than Smashers, you'd think they'd need a place even bigger than the house, but nope! Master Hand used his space-bending powers to make the inside triple the mansion's size. Once you opened the cellar doors and went down a flight of stairs, it was like you'd discovered a hidden civilization of duplicates! The clones dubbed it Swag Cellar. Don't ask.

The place was huge. Like, real huge. In fact, it was so huge, there was a map at the entrance to help you around, like a mall; 'cuz that's how big it was! Rooms were located up and downstairs, but due to the large numbers, each clone had their own dorm. They went in the same order as the house, but also by color. All the Red Rooms were lined up together, then the Green, Blue, etc.

They were allowed visitations in the mansion anytime, while the Smashers could also visit 24/7. Hell, the clones even had their own lunchroom and Worker R.O.B.s. It couldn't any better. No matter where anyone was, they were home. And the topper? All this took place in less than a day. Oh you, Nintendo logic!

The clocks in Smash Mansion struck 12 noon as always, and the midday lunch rush began. Pikachu, the Ice Climbers, and Ness were already at their regular table when Toon Link and Lucas showed up.

"What took you so long?" asked Ness.

"Lunch only started maybe 8 minutes ago," replied the cat-eyed kid.

"I reiterate, what took you so long?"

Lucas sat down. "We had to wait for some pals from down below. They want join us for lunch today."

("Don't tell me you invited them all,") said Pikachu.

Toon Link sat. "Nah, just our favorites."

No sooner had he said that, the guests in question finished in the lunch line and came to join them. They were Purple Toon Link, Retro Toon Link, Pink Lucas, and Claus-Lucas.

"Nice to see you," greeted Toon Link. "Pull up a chair."

They took his advice the wrong way and stole 4 chairs from a nearby table, causing Luigi, Fox, Link, and Pit to fall flat on their asses. The inevitable squabble broke out soon after.

"I'm so hungry, I could eat an Octorok!" stated Retro Toon Link.

"Omg, gurl!" squealed Pink Lucas. "I hope this doesn't go to my hips!"

"Pshaw, girl! You go on with your bad self and splurge!"

"Gurl!"

"Gurl!"

"Gurl!"

"Gurl!"

"It's nice to see things're finally back to normal again," said Claus-Lucas. "...Not that I was around the first time things got bad."

"You got an upgrade, trust me," said Nana, nibbling some fries.

"Well, all that matters is we can put aside this petty nonsense and stop formulating crazy schemes every month or two." He bit into his omelette. "Wow, I haven't had a decent meal since I was brought into existence!"

"Me, too!" squeaked Kirby, just so he could say something.

Lucas gasped. "You like omelettes, too? You're like, the only other person who does, and everyone picks on me for it! Let's lunch together more often!"

Popo looked around the table. "...Where'd all these people come from?!"

("Yeah, well, make sure you don't get all smug and start thinking you're better than us. That's our job,") nagged Pikachu, eating corn on the cob.

"Next time you come over, bring one of my clones," said Ness, waving his empty plate. "I want him to be my second helping fetcher.

Retro Toon Link smiled. "Great!"

Everyone yukked it up, and all was good.

Authoress' Notes: And so this story makes a grand comeback. I had to become a lot more spastic than usual after writing so much HSSS, so it was fun.