A/N: Hey guys. Sorry you had to wait so long for this chapter. I've been extremely busy lately. But school is basically over for me so you most likely wont have to wait so long again! Yay! :) Anyways thank you for the awesome reviews for the last chapter. I'm glad you guys enjoyed it. I hope you enjoy this one too.

Warnings: Past and present suicidal thoughts mentioned and self harm mentioned.

"So um..how long have you had that box.." Blaine asked him. Blaine had been quiet the whole time while they cleaned the cuts on Kurt's arm. His mouth was fixed into a thin line and his face, though mostly unreadable, sometimes crumpled into a pained expression. Kurt felt guilty that he didn't think of how Blaine would feel, even though he barely registered he was cutting himself.

"For years." He admitted quietly. He couldn't bring himself to look at Blaine. "I had the uh razor for a long time and I only used it once before.." He glanced at Blaine who had box placed in the space separating both of them. "T-the pills for a couple of years." He swallowed nervously. Blaine nodded to himself as if he were trying to understand why.

"Why did you decide to get the razor?" He basically whispered.

"I-I don't know. I just had it around and hid it under my bed." Kurt told him. "I used it the same day my mom carved the word on my side. She found me cutting myself and she got mad a-and..you already know what happened." Blaine nodded. Kurt hadn't told him that he cut himself before his mother did that to him but now the missing pieces of the story were falling into place.

"And the pills?" He asked, voice breaking a little at the end. Kurt looked away from him and stayed silent. "I-I know this is hard for you to talk about..but I need you to talk to me." Kurt looked up at how broken Blaine sounded. He hadn't realized how much this affected Blaine as well. Blaine's eyes were watery and it seemed as if he were forcing himself not to cry.

"Blaine...do you remember the day we first met?" Kurt asked. Blaine frowned but nodded even though he didn't know what that had to do with this situation. "Blaine..y-you saved my life.." Kurt choked out. Blaine's eyes got wide with disbelief.

"W-what do you mean?" Blaine asked, his voice making it clear he was terrified of Kurt's next words.

"That morning I decided enough was enough." Kurt began, letting his tears fall and not making any move to wipe them. "I decided I would go through one more day of school and one last day at home and then I'd take some pills and cut myself until I couldn't anymore." Kurt just kept talking. Confessing everything he had kept from Blaine. "Then you showed up out of nowhere and you saved me. But I was still going to do it..I-I had no intention of calling you or texting you because I thought you were just being nice. T-things like that didn't happen to me. S-so I was in my bedroom a-a-and I was about to take the pills when you texted me. Y-you stopped me Blaine..I was going to kill myself and you stopped me." Kurt cried and finally looked up to see Blaine holding his knees, body shaking and quietly sobbing. "Blaine?" Kurt asked tentatively. He moved closer to Blaine and placed his hands on Blaine's knees. "I-I'm sorry..I shouldn't have told you that.."

"No!" Blaine croaked as he looked up. "Don't say that. I'm glad you told me." He said seriously before taking a deep breath. "I wasn't even going to go with Jeff that day. Jeff was going to go alone like he did usually but Jeff and I were becoming fast friends so I tagged along and then I found you." Blaine confessed before looking at Kurt. "Kurt I almost didn't go."

"But you did." Kurt said, voice thick with emotion.

"I almost didn't meet you." Blaine said in a small voice. Kurt took his hands.

"But you did Blaine." Kurt said. "It isn't about almost. It happened, you saved me and nothing is going to change that."

"Kurt, I don't think you understand how much you mean to me. To just about anyone you come in contact with. Seeing you like this-" Blaine says gesturing to his arm. "Seeing you do this to yourself hurts. I don't want anything to happen to you. I plan on spending my life with you. Going to New York, finishing school, becoming successful, everything we talked about lately-I want everything with you." Blaine paused to look into Kurt's eyes. "Don't you want that too?

"Blaine of course I want that." Kurt said looking at Blaine with seriousness in his eyes.

"Then why are you doing this?" Blaine asked.

"Because I want my dad back." Kurt answered immediately but cringed at his answer. Yes, technically that was why but it was a little more complicated than that.

"What if I didn't wake up Kurt when I did Kurt? What if you actually killed yourself and it just so happened your dad woke up?" Blaine began asking him.

"What if's aren't important Blaine. I'm alive and my dad is still in a coma. We can just forget about this right now." Kurt said beginning to feel exasperated.

"No because the feeling of wanting to die doesn't just fade away Kurt. You can't just sit there and forget about this." Blaine told him as if he knew. Normally Kurt would have probably asked how Blaine knew but he was too lost in his own head to think about it.

"I can and I will." Kurt said glaring at Blaine. "I'm okay now Blaine, it doesn't matter anymore."

"You can't go from wanting to kill yourself to being okay in the span of an hour Kurt. Stop acting like we can just let it go and talk to me." Blaine rose his voice. The tension in the room was thick.

"I am talking to you! I'm telling you that it's over and done with and I'm okay now!" Kurt snapped.

"I'm not going to just sit here and listen to you blatantly lie like this." Blaine said shaking his head.

"Then leave Blaine. I don't really care." Kurt said crossing his arms and looking away. Blaine sat there for a minute holding his tongue before he said something he regretted. He was usually the calm one in these situations but the argument riled him up exponentially.

"Fine. But I'm taking this-" Blaine said grabbing the razor blade and the pills. "And these too." He stood up to go in Kurt's medicine cabinets to grab other pills and grabbed the two razors he had in the bathroom.

"Whatever Blaine. I wasn't going to do anything anyway." Kurt rolled his eyes. Blaine began grabbing his other things, stuffing the offending items in his bag. He was going to leave but paused at the doorway. He sighed and ran a hand through his slightly gelled hair. He turned back and looked at his boyfriend who was shaking with suppressed sobs. He then walked up to him and leaned down to lift Kurt's face up to look at him. He look slightly annoyed but Blaine could see the pain in between hidden in his eyes. He kissed his forehead softly and stroked his cheek and was glad when Kurt slightly relaxed.

"Don't leave." Kurt whispered. "I'm not okay." Blaine pulled Kurt up and wrapped him up in a tight hug.

"I'll stay as long as you need me." Blaine whispered right back.

"Hey are you and Blaine okay?" Carole asked Kurt. They were in Burt's hospital room while Finn and Blaine went out to get them sometime to eat and drink.

"Y-yeah we're okay." Kurt answered. He had his arms wrapped protectively around him. It was too warm in the room for him to wear the sweater he was wearing but it was the best way to hide his cuts.

"Okay, just wondering. Finn said he heard some yelling earlier and crying." Carole said and Kurt looked away. Blaine had told him that he had to tell Carole what he did but it was hard to talk about.

"We had a small fight. But we mostly worked it out." Kurt said subconsciously scratching his cuts over through his sweater. Carole noticed the action but didn't comment on it.

"That's good." She smiled. Kurt nodded.

"I'm sorry about freaking out yesterday..I can't really control my emotions when something like this happens." Kurt explained sheepishly.

"It's understandable. He's your dad, honey. You don't have to explain anything to me." Carole said with a warm smile. Kurt gave her a small smile back before they lapsed into a comfortable silence. Finn and Blaine came back with some food minutes later.

They didn't stay long in the hospital, even though Kurt was hesitant to leave. As soon as they made it to to the Hummel household, Kurt and Blaine retreated to Kurt's room and Kurt tore off his sweater and started scratching his cuts.

"Hey, stop that." Blaine said with a frown, moving Kurt's hand away from his arms. "You're going to make them worse."

"It itches." Kurt complained.

"I could go get you some cream that will make them feel better." Blaine offered. Kurt shook his head.

"It's okay. I'll be fine." Kurt waves him off.

"I still think you should have let me cover them." Blaine says.

"They'll go away soon. I'll be fine." Kurt says while rolling his eyes. Blaine sighs but drops the subject. It was obvious Kurt still just wanted to ignore the cuts.

"I'm gonna go call the guys. They've been blowing up my phone all day." Blaine said. Kurt nodded.

"Tell them I said hi." Kurt says and Blaine nods before leaving the room with his phone. Kurt begins scratching his cuts again as soon as Blaine leaves. Blaine had helped him stop the bleeding and put Vaseline on them to help it heal some, but they didn't have anything to properly clean the cuts.

Kurt took a deep breath before making a decision in his head and leaving his room to go to Carole who was in the kitchen.

"Carole?" Kurt basically whispered. She turned around and gave him a questioning smile. "Can I uh tell you something and not get in trouble?" He asked. She chuckled a bit.

"What happened sweetie?" She asked. Kurt bit his lip not knowing how to go about telling her.

"I did something stupid." He began. "That's what Blaine and I were yelling about earlier."

"What did you do?" She asked. He studied her expression for any judgment and happily found there was none so he went on.

"I uh...after my freak out at the hospital and stuff, I freaked out more after I woke up at home..." Kurt paused and took a shuttering breath.

"You don't have to tell me Kurt. I'm not going to push it." She said not wanting him to give himself a panic attack.

"N-no. I need to tell you but it's really hard because I don't want you to act differently towards me. I feel like if I tell you then I might ruin the chance of ever having a full family again. I feel like everything I do is going to ruin any chance of me having a normal life." Kurt admitted to Carole.

"Kurt, sweetie, nothing you tell me is going to make me look at you any different." Carole assured him. He bit his lip and looked away. He opened and closed his mouth a few times trying to find the words but finally just held his arm out and showed her. He heard a gasp and flinched a little when he felt a hand on his arm.

"Oh Kurt. Why?" She asked. Kurt couldn't bring himself to look at her.

"I don't know...I just want bad things to stop happening to me." Kurt mumbled. He expected to be scolded and be told to never do it again but he didn't expect the tight hug she enveloped him in.

"I know you probably hear this a lot, but everything will be okay. You just have to keep living." She told him.

"It's so hard sometimes. I just don't want to continue being me." Kurt sniffles sadly. "Living is just too difficult."

"Talking to your therapist isn't helping?" Carole asked. Kurt shrugged.

"Sometimes. She wants to give me pills and stuff but I don't want them. She thinks I'm depressed and have PTSD."

"Do you think that will help you?" Carole asked him and he shrugged again.

"I feel like people will think I'm crazy and messed up if I'm on pills." Kurt told her.

"Kurt we only want you to feel better. I know I haven't known you for that long but I care about you. It breaks my heart to see you going through all this. It hurts looking at what you did to yourself. I don't know how you feel but all I know is that you are a fighter. I believe you can make it through all this pain." Carole told him with a watery smile. Kurt looked at her.

"How?"

"Where do you see yourself in ten years?" She asked abruptly.

"In New York, with Blaine. We both finished college and both our careers are launching. Blaine is a musician and I'm...I-I don't know what I am but I'm good at it. We are thinking about starting a family. You and dad come to visit whenever you can." Kurt answers immediately. Carole happily noticed he had a slight smile on his face when he talked about the future.

"Make that your goal. Just know that, if you want that to happen, you can't give up. Promise me you wont give up." She said. Kurt looked down and bit his lip. He didn't know if he could promise that. What if things got worse? What is his dad didn't wake up? What if where he saw himself in ten years was just a silly dream?

"I promise." Kurt answered despite his doubts. "I want to keep trying."

"Good." Carole responded with a nod. "Because I really like having you around." Kurt couldn't help but smile at that. "Now come on. I have some cream that with stop the itching and we are going to wrap up those cuts."

"Hey dad."

Kurt had decided to go back to the hospital alone the next day. After all the drama he's caused he just wanted to be alone with his dad.

"I really miss you. And it really sucks that you can't respond to me right now." He pauses to wipe his eyes. "I've been really stupid lately. But I just want you back. I want you to tell me everything is going to be okay." Kurt holds in his sobs. "Please wake up soon." He whispers. He grabs his father's hand and squeezes it, hoping for a squeeze back but gets nothing. There is nothing more Kurt wants right then, than for his dad to squeeze back.

Oh yeah, I'll tell you something
I think you'll understand
When I'll say that something
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand

Oh please, say to me
You'll let me be your man
And please, say to me
You'll let me hold your hand
Now let me hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand

And when I touch you I feel happy
Inside
It's such a feeling that my love
I can't hide
I can't hide
I can't hide

Yeah, you've got that something
I think you'll understand
When I'll say that something
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand
I wanna hold your hand.

"That voice of yours is really something special." the words were barely a whisper and sounded very weak but they made Kurt look up in shock. He felt the hand squeezing back weakly.

"Dad?!"

Guess who's up? :)

Hope you guys liked this chapter! Let me know what you think with a review! :)

Hints for next chapter: Mostly the aftermath of Burt waking up. :)

Also a side note: I'm gonna meet Chris Colfer at one of his book signings soon! I'm so excited! :) But i have no idea what to say to him just yet! Eeeek :O