Two months after Jim and Spock had returned to their ship, the Enterprise was assigned to take supplies to New Vulcan. Jim wasn't sure if Chris had wrangled them the assignment or if it was simply that it needed to be done and the Enterprise was the starship of default for the mission. The remaining elders preferred that the Federation send the Enterprise, considering her crew nearly a part of their family. Starfleet respected their wishes whenever it was possible.
"So you going to get married finally? While we're there?" Bones asked them over dinner in their quarters after Jim had made the shipwide announcement.
Jim glanced at Spock who was studying his fruit with far more intensity than it deserved.
"I know you don't want to defy Sarek, Spock. But you and Jim are meant to be married. He has to recognize that," Bones said in a mix of sympathy and anger. Not anger at Spock or Jim but at the Vulcans who were still trying to make him break off his engagement and marry a Vulcan woman.
"We still don't know if you can have children, t'hy'la. Let Bones do the test," Jim requested. He had not mentioned it since they had returned. It had to be Spock's choice to find out whether or not he could reproduce. The fact that the elders seemed determined to make him come to New Vulcan permanently was the main reason Spock was reluctant to find out. If he could have children, he would have tremendous guilt for not returning. If he were sterile, he would be relieved. Except that meant that he and Jim could not have children with a surrogate. Not a quarter-Vulcan child at any rate.
"Yes," Spock agreed reluctantly. "It is only logical that we know the truth."
Bones nodded and stood. "Come on then. You'll need to come too, Jim."
"So I can lend a hand?" Jim asked with a laugh.
"You are such a child," Bones scolded mildly before leaving their quarters, Jim and Spock close behind.
"Either way, we'll deal with it, t'hy'la," Jim assured Spock, reaching over to gently caress Spock's fingers with his own.
"Yes. I will not give into their pressure to return to New Vulcan if I am able to reproduce."
"I know that. I'm not worried. And if we decide to have a baby with a surrogate, we can use my awesome genes."
"Awesome meaning menacing? Disturbing? Cracked?" Bones asked as he entered sickbay with them.
"Sure," Jim laughed, waiting as Bones got a small specimen jar for Spock.
"There's lubricant in exam room 3. Take as much time as you want. I got nowhere to be," Bones assured them as he went into his office.
Jim and Spock went into the exam room, Spock barely able to look at Jim. "Why are you embarrassed, t'hy'la?" Jim asked, kissing his mouth which was almost frowning. "Do you want me to leave?"
"Of course not. I am uncertain how best to produce the sample. This exam room is not conducive to our usual activities."
"Well, no," Jim had to agree, his cool hands slipping under Spock's shirts. "But it's never stopped us before."
Spock continued to look at Jim, his thoughts a rare jumble. There was desire, concern, a feeling of self-consciousness, regret, love.
"You've got a lot going on in your head," Jim whispered. "Computer, lights at 25%. Increase temperature 5 degrees. Play Ravel's Bolero." The familiar music started as the lights dimmed and the temperature went up. "Is that better?" Jim whispered.
"Yes," Spock agreed, leaning against Jim and wrapping his arms around his Human. "Thank you."
"You have no reason to thank me, love. Now, let's get your pants off," Jim said, undoing the fastening and allowing them to drop to the floor. He guided Spock to the exam table, helping him sit on it before kneeling in front of him to remove his boots and crumpled pants. "Do you want me to get undressed too?" Jim asked, stroking Spock's thighs and kissing him.
Spock shook his head, kissing him again with all the passion and want he felt for him. "No. We cannot be too distracted."
"There is that," Jim agreed, keeping one hand on Spock's thigh as he used the other to get the lubricant out of the drawer of the table. "Do you want me to talk to you?"
"Yes please," Spock agreed, watching with glazed eyes as Jim coated his palms with the lube.
"Should I talk dirty?" Jim whispered into his ear, the tip greener than usual.
"You can try. You are not skilled in doing so," Spock reminded him, making Jim laugh.
"I do try," Jim said with a kiss. "How about I tell you all the ways I love you?"
"That would be acceptable," Spock agreed, initiating the next kiss as Jim wrapped skilled fingers around Spock's firming erection.
"I love how you love me," Jim said, showering his face with kisses. "I love that you are more comfortable with yourself now that we're together. I love how smart you are and that it doesn't intimidate me any longer. I love that you allow me to touch you like this. I wanted to for so long before we went to Earth." Jim kissed him on the mouth again before backing up slightly, keeping up his catalog of all the ways and reasons that he was completely and totally in love with his Vulcan. When he reached between Spock's thighs to gently roll his testicles, he could feel them getting ready and reached over for the jar. "I love when we make love and you are inside me. That feeling is like nothing I had ever hoped possible. It makes me feel warm and loved and cared for and desirable. Your love makes me a better person. When you make love to me, I remember that I am yours. And I always will be. Because I never want anyone to touch me the way that you do. Where you do. Where only you will ever touch me again. Because every time you touch me, I feel the love. I know that you cherish me. And I cherish your love in ways I could have never imagined." Those words and a final kiss were all it took to send Spock over the edge and into bliss, Jim carefully collecting the fluid. Spock lay back on the table, staring up blindly at the ceiling.
"You okay?" Jim whispered, kissing his forehead.
"I am. Are you aroused?" Spock asked.
"I'm fine. You can pay me back when we're in our quarters."
"That is acceptable," Spock agreed, making Jim laugh.
"I'll be right back," Jim promised, kissing him again before carefully slipping out and going over to Bones' office. "Here."
"Thanks," Bones said with a nod.
"When will you know?" Jim asked, trying very hard not to let any of his nervousness show on the outside.
"It'll only take me a couple of minutes. Go back in with Spock. When he's ready, come back here and I'll come as soon as I have the results."
"Okay," Jim agreed with a nod.
"So it is green," Bones said with a soft laugh.
"I could have told you that," Jim said with a shrug.
"I know you could have. That's why I never asked."
Jim shrugged again and returned to the exam room where Spock was waiting. He got a medical wipe for Spock, letting him tidy up as he washed the lubricant off his hands. "Bones said he'll know in a few minutes. We'll go to his office and wait for him."
"Very well," Spock agreed, sounding unexpectedly defeated.
"What's wrong, t'hy'la? Are you really that worried?" Jim asked, kissing him and rubbing his thighs in a comforting way.
"I am more concerned than I should be," Spock admitted, resting his forehead against Jim's. "Either way, the choices the information leaves us with are not ideal."
Jim shrugged. "You aren't leaving me. And if we never have children, that's fine. We'd have to retire. And I don't have any plans of it. Not for a long time."
"Yes," Spock agreed.
"And you're worried about what Sarek will say when we get to New Vulcan."
"The most recent time I spoke with First-Spock, he indicated that Sarek is less opposed to the idea than he once was."
"Less opposed. Still not thrilled," Jim said, waiting as Spock put his pants on. He then knelt before him to help him into his boots. When Spock was ready, they went to Bones' office to wait. It was only a couple of minutes before the Doctor returned to them.
"Well," Bones said, sitting on the edge of his desk facing them, using his best Doctor voice. "I don't know whether to say I'm sorry or now. But you are, for all practical purposes, sterile."
"I see," Spock said, holding tightly to Jim's hand. "Thank you, Leonard."
"Do you want to talk about it?" Bones offered more gently.
"Not at the moment. It is something of a relief to know the truth," Spock admitted. "And it reduces the chances of additional pressure being exerted by the elders."
"You said for all practical purposes?" Jim said, looking at Bones.
"Normal sperm counts are considered between 15 and 20 million per milliliter. Spock's is approximately one and a half million. The chances of successfully fertilizing an egg are… basically nonexistent."
Jim nodded at that, looking over at Spock who was looking at Jim. "Do you want to talk to Bones without me?"
"That will not be necessary," Spock said, staring down at the floor, his tumultuous thoughts transmitting themselves to Jim.
"What's wrong?" Bones asked gently, squatting before them.
"He's worried that his increased fertility during pon farr would still make it possible for him to reproduce," Jim explained quietly, Spock closing his eyes to distance himself from the conversation.
"It's possible," Bones agreed. "Do you know the percentage of increase in fertility?"
"It's approximately six time greater," Jim said. "It varies. And his mixed heritage could affect that too."
"Yes. Even if you are six times more fertile, the chances of you procreating are extremely low. You could successfully impregnate a woman but it would be highly unlikely to occur."
"I see," Spock said quietly. "The elders will understand this."
"I would imagine so," Bones agreed. "Do you want me to transmit the results to the Council?"
Spock shook his head. "Not yet. If they request it, I will inform you."
"All right," Bones agreed, standing up.
Jim and Spock stood, Spock finally meeting Bones' worried eyes. "Thank you again."
"No charge," Bones said, watching them leave and wishing there was something more he could do for them. But it was between them now. No one else could help ease their burden, if this news indeed qualified as a hardship.
"I am sorry," Jim said to Spock as they made their way back to their quarters, still holding hands to the surprise of any who passed them.
"You have no reason to be, t'hy'la. I am not surprised. Nor am I particularly concerned about the news. Sarek may be disappointed but I do not believe he will be surprised either."
Jim nodded at that, opening the door when they arrived at their quarters. "I'm going to get some work done while you meditate."
"Yes," Spock said absently. "Should I contact Sarek now, do you think?"
"You can. Or you can wait. Maybe telling him now will prepare him for when we arrive. I would like to get married while we orbit New Vulcan. Especially since we have our rings, finally."
Spock nodded in agreement, sitting behind the desk, Jim next to him as Spock contacted Sarek. "Father."
"Spock, James," Sarek responded, gazing back at them from their screen. "You are well."
"Quite well, Father," Spock said. "I trust you are also."
"I am. The elders informed us that you are on your way to New Vulcan."
"We will arrive in 21.6 hours," Spock agreed.
"Then this communication could have waited," Sarek suggested.
"Yes," Spock said. "However, Jim and I just met with Dr. McCoy. His test reveals that I am infertile. And will likely remain so even during…my time."
"Indeed," Sarek said, one eyebrow arching in a familiar manner. "This is not a surprise."
"It is not," Spock said. "Jim and I would like to marry while we are in orbit over New Vulcan. Will you come aboard for the ceremony?"
"Of course," Sarek agreed. "When will the ceremony be held?"
"We haven't gotten that far," Jim admitted. "We're scheduled to be at New Vulcan for a week. We'll probably get married the day before we leave."
"Very well," Sarek said. "Do you wish for me to inform the elders?"
"Yes," Spock agreed. "Will T'Pau perform the ceremony for us?"
"I will ask. I do not anticipate that she would refuse. I am pleased that you have found happiness, my son."
Jim could feel some of the surprise radiating from Spock at his father's words. This was quite a different reaction than Sarek had had when they were on Earth and Spock initially informed him.
"Your words are pleasing to me and to Jim. Thank you, Father."
Sarek nodded, his face softening somewhat as he continued to study his son. "I should not have objected, Spock. Your path must be your own. I certainly failed to do as expected. I cannot fault you for making your own decisions."
"Thank you," Spock repeated.
"I will see you when you arrive, son, James. Will you stay at my house for part of the time you are here?"
"That would please us," Spock agreed.
"We will speak further when you arrive. Goodnight, Jim, Spock." With that, Sarek faded from the screen, Spock slowly turning to study his love.
"Sounds like we're in," Jim said with a smile.
"Indeed. You don't mind staying with him, do you?" Spock asked.
"Of course not. I doubt I'll sleep in the heat but what the hell? It's not forever. And as long as I'm with you, I don't really care."
"Indeed," Spock responded, staring at Jim's tempting mouth. "Is there work that must be accomplished tonight?"
"Nope," Jim said, laughing softly. "Nothing that can't wait."
Spock nodded at that, automatically taking Jim's hand and following him into their bedroom where their 'work' was accomplished with great skill and caring and love.
~o0o~
When they had been in orbit over New Vulcan for five days and most of the supplies had been successfully delivered, Jim and Spock took up temporary residence in Sarek's house. It was almost uncomfortably warm for Jim but as Spock never complained about the relative coolness of the Enterprise, Jim was willing to return the favor.
They had made all the preliminary plans for their wedding, informing Admiral Pike that they had decided on the day and time. He very much regretted that he could not be in attendance and wished them the very best on their day and always.
Jim contacted Maddie who cried at the news, happy tears he knew. After catching up on all that was going on with Maddie and the farm, Jim signed off with promises that he and Spock would visit as soon as they possibly could.
The Command Crew had volunteered to see to the numerous details involved in having a wedding on board, especially a wedding for the Captain and his Commander. Jim and Spock were glad that they could beam down to Sarek's house, to escape the chaos that seemed to have overtaken their crew and especially their quarters.
"Yes," Jim said again when Sulu contacted him with another question. "We'll be back day after tomorrow. I told you that."
"I know, Jim. But some people are worried you'll skip out on your own wedding," Sulu told him.
"Those people wouldn't be one Dr. Leonard H. McCoy would they?" Jim asked in suspicion.
"I can neither confirm nor deny that, Captain," Sulu laughed. "I need to take one of the shuttles to Spacestation Clapton. Yes, I'll be careful. You have to authorize it."
Jim laughed at his request. "Okay, Hikaru. I won't ask why you're going. Take Pavel with you."
"Already done. Gaila's going too. We'll be back tomorrow at this time."
Jim nodded, waiting as Sulu connected him with Scotty in order to provide his authorization for Sulu, Chekov, and Gaila to take the shuttle. "You need me for anything else?"
"Not right now," Scotty said. "You are looking fine."
"Thank you," Jim laughed. "I'm a tad warm but otherwise perfect."
"Aye. That I can see. And I'm happy for ye both."
"You'll stand with Bones, right?"
"I'm honored, Jim. Thank you. Nyota is excited as well. I believe they will be bringing her a new dress to wear."
"Oh dear. She picked it out, right?" Jim asked with a laugh.
"Aye, that she did. She ordered it from the shop. They only have to pick it up."
"Good."
"Do you want to be speakin' to Leonard?"
"Not unless he needs me. He'll be coming down later today. In time for dinner if all goes as planned," Jim said.
"Of course," Scotty agreed with a smile. "Let me know if there's anything you need me to do for you."
"You know we will. Thanks," Jim said, signing off and smiling over at Spock. "We could ask T'Pau to marry us now and skip all the hoop-la."
"Your crew would never forgive you," Spock reminded him.
"My crew? I thought they were our crew," Jim laughed.
"If you skip the wedding, I will not protect you from their wrath, sir," Spock said as seriously as he could.
"Hmmph…some First Officer you are."
"I am the finest First Officer in the fleet, sir. I have my Captain's assurances of that fact."
"I see," Jim said, pretending to consider it. "Well, if that's the case, I'll still marry you."
"It pleases me for you to say so, sir," Spock said, kissing Jim's laughing mouth. Their moment was cut short by the announcement that Ambassador Spock had arrived and it was time for lunch.
They left the study where they had been, crossing over to the open dining area. Spock was in his usual black silk pants and shirt, Jim wearing the same style but his were blue, the same color, Spock noted, as his eyes.
/No they aren't,/ Jim laughed as they took their seats. /This is sapphire. My eyes aren't./
/They are,/ Spock corrected with much warmth crossing their bond.
"We are pleased you could join us," Sarek said to Ambassador Spock when the Ambassador sat at the table, studying Jim and Spock with barely disguised amusement.
"As am I," the Ambassador agreed. "Leonard is well?"
"As ornery as ever," Jim laughed. "He's coming down this evening. He said he's looking forward to the chance to really talk to you."
"As I am," the Ambassador said, turning his focus on his younger self who appeared fascinated by the fruit at his place. "Spock?"
"Yes," Spock said, focusing on the Ambassador. "I apologize."
"There is no need. I understand," the Ambassador assured him. "I too was nervous prior to our wedding."
"Then it is natural," Spock said, holding tightly to Jim's hand.
"Of course it is, my son," Sarek said with surprising warmth. "It happens to everyone."
"Jim has no such nervousness."
"The Captain is unique in many aspects of his personality," the Ambassador pointed out unnecessarily, making Jim laugh.
"I know it's the right decision. I'm not willing to live without my Spock."
"As I feel for you," Spock confirmed.
"I know that," Jim assured him. "But I'm not being pressured by the elders of my planet to turn my back on the one I love."
"Earth has no elders," the Ambassador responded with subtle humor.
"If there were, they'd probably make sure I didn't have children," Jim laughed.
"I doubt that," the Ambassador said, handing Jim the bowl of fruit so that he could help himself.
"Thank you," Jim said, dishing some out onto his plate and sipping his refreshingly cool water.
"What remains to be done?" Spock asked, trying to complete the mental list that he and Jim were making prior to the contact from their ship. Ordinarily he would have it in his mind precisely but the circumstances and Jim's nearness were making it hard to concentrate.
They discussed the plans for the wedding, considering what needed to be accomplished over the next two days. Spock felt relieved when they had listed those tasks left to be finished.
"I will talk with T'Pau," Sarek said to their nods.
"Thank you, father," Spock agreed.
"Do you have your vows?" the Ambassador asked kindly.
"I do," Jim said with a smile. "Do you, t'hy'la?"
"Not yet. I have considered it but not yet decided."
Jim nodded at that, turning to study the Ambassador who was studying him in turn. There was an expression on his face and a look in his eye that Jim recognized. He wasn't entirely sure how he felt about the appraisal to which he was being subjected.
/You cannot blame him,/ Spock said warmly.
/I am yours, t'hy'la. Not his,/ Jim said. /Can't he read my thoughts, right?/
/He cannot. Unless he is touching you./
Jim nodded, turning his attention to Sarek. "Yes, Ambassador, we have filed the necessary forms with Starfleet and received their approval."
"I had no doubts, my son," Sarek said to Jim, the use of the term for him warming Jim inside.
"And they have agreed that T'Pau is legally authorized to perform a wedding between two Federation citizens," Spock said.
"They would not refuse her or you," Sarek agreed. "If you have all had enough to eat, we may adjourn into the living room."
There was some general agreement, Jim and Ambassador Spock lingering in the dining room.
"Jim," the elder Spock said in undisguised amusement.
"You have to stop doing that," Jim requested quietly.
"What precisely am I doing?" Spock asked, his black eyes sparkling.
"Looking at me and seeing him," Jim said, a note of sadness in his voice.
"Yes," Spock admitted. "I apologize."
"I understand, Spock. I do. But I'm not yours."
"You are not," Spock agreed. "I should better control my thoughts around you."
"If I didn't know my Spock so well, I wouldn't recognize it. The desire. The sadness."
"The happiness that you are still alive."
"In this timeframe. Not yours. I wish… well, I'm sorry your version of me is dead. I really am," Jim said.
"You do not need to be. Ours was a long and happy life. One you and your Spock will share as well. When I look at you, there are times I see my Jim. Not always, however. You are similar but not one and the same."
"We aren't?" Jim asked in some surprise.
"You are not. My Jim had the love of both his parents. His Sam did not leave him. Leonard was not the first person he was certain cherished him."
Jim nodded at that, sitting in one of the chairs, the weight of this knowledge appreciated but difficult to reconcile. "He knew he deserved to be Captain."
"Just as you deserve the position," Spock assured him.
"Did you hate each other when you first met?"
"No we did not. There were many changes in this timeline," Spock reminded him.
"Yes," Jim agreed, looking up at Spock, really seeing him. "Are you okay? This can't be easy for you. Being out of your own time."
Spock shrugged, sitting next to Jim. "I have accepted my fate. I am useful here, helping rebuild the Vulcan race. I would say I miss my friends but I outlived my Human companions. And I was more comfortable with Humans than I was with Vulcans."
"I'm sorry," Jim said, uselessly. "My Spock prefers Humans. Although he'd never admit it. He'd feel like he was betraying the remaining Vulcans."
"I certainly understand," Spock agreed. "We should join Spock and our father."
"Yes. Spock understands," Jim assured him.
"He would. He loves you more than he can completely comprehend," Spock told Jim warmly.
"Do you know because that was your experience? Or because you see it in him?"
"Both," the Ambassador said, walking out of the dining room with Jim to join Jim's Spock and Sarek in the comfortable sitting area, windows open to the vast desert beyond. The hot breeze did nothing to cool Jim but the Vulcans appreciated its presence.
Jim's Spock held out one hand, Jim taking it as he sat next to him, their love crossing the bond. Jim carefully kept his thoughts contained, not wanting to overwhelm Spock but not entirely sure he could keep them to himself. /I'm sorry./
/You have no reason to be. In a short while, we will nap and you will feel better afterwards./
/You aren't tired,/ Jim said with a silent laugh.
/You are,/ Spock said, turning his attention to his father, answering his inquiries. "Our rings remain on board, father. Leonard and Montgomery will have them for the ceremony."
"Will you continue to wear the plain ones?" Ambassador Spock asked kindly.
"One our right hands," Jim said with a smile. "I couldn't stop wearing it now."
"Nor could I," Spock agreed, looking down at both their hands with the rings in place. "If you would excuse us, Jim needs to sleep for a time."
"Ambassador, father," Jim said. "We'll see you at dinner?"
"Of course, my sons," Sarek said, watching them leave the sitting area for the room they were sharing.
Jim closed the door, staring at Spock as he moved easily about the room. He closed the curtains over the vast window, making it a little cooler.
"Should I shower with you?" Spock asked him as he turned back the silk sheets in preparation.
"I feel a little guilty using so much water," Jim admitted.
"You know that it is recycled. You have no reason not to shower and cool off, love."
"Okay," Jim agreed, removing his silk shirt and pants. "I won't be long."
Spock nodded, also stripping off his clothes, relaxing on the bed, looking more green than usual in contrast to the white silk sheets.
"You are so beautiful," Jim said in admiration, standing by the bed to gaze down at him.
Spock met his eyes, love shining in his. "Go and shower so that you can come back."
Jim nodded, leaning down to kiss him before disappearing into the bathroom. After a few minutes, he returned, looking cooler and refreshed. "Are you napping?"
"I am not, love. I will remain here while you sleep," Spock assured him, kissing his head when Jim lay stretched out next to him. "I will guard you against the elder Spock."
"Jealously does not become you," Jim laughed. "He can't help himself. When he looks at me, he sees his Jim."
"I am aware. You are mine," Spock said unnecessarily.
"Yep. That's the way I want it," Jim assured him, one hand on Spock's thigh, gaining comfort from the contact. "I love you."
"I know that you do. Sleep."
"Mmm…" Jim sighed, closing his eyes and drifting off in a light, restful sleep.
He remained asleep until a familiar voice penetrated his brain.
"Was he feelin' poorly?"
"I'm fine," Jim said, barely opening his eyes to look over Spock at Bones, who was leaning back in a chair, his bare feet up on the edge of the bed. Bones snorted in response, sipping from his glass. Jim figured it was water, knowing it was still too warm for Bones to be indulging in his favorite beverage.
"He is, Leonard. The heat was draining to him so he chose to nap."
Jim stretched beneath the silk sheet, sitting up and making sure it covered him as much as modesty required. "You talk to Ambassador Spock?"
"Not yet. After dinner we'll compare notes on the two Jims, God help me," Bones said.
"Don't yell at him. He doesn't deserve it," Jim said with a smile.
"I have no intention of yellin' at him. You, however," Bones said.
"I haven't done a thing for you to yell at me," Jim said innocently.
"Not yet," Bones said with a laugh. He watched Jim get out of bed and cross over to the bathroom, studying his movements with a critical, all-knowing eye. "Is he okay?" he asked softly.
"He is, Leonard," Spock assured him warmly. "The heat makes it difficult on him but he never complains. I make certain he remains hydrated."
"I know you watch out for him," Bones agreed, studying Spock with a familiar expression. "Are you okay?"
"I am," Spock assured him. "The heat is a welcome change. I am with my family. Both Vulcan and Human."
Bones laughed at that. "Thanks. You seem very centered. Not that you don't normally. But it's good for you to be here."
"I appreciate you saying so," Spock said. "I have mixed…feelings about being here. It does not feel like home. I do not believe my former planet would feel like home. The Enterprise is where I belong now."
"We all do," Bones had to agree with a smile, turning to watch Jim leave the bathroom. "You peein' enough?"
"Oh God, Bones," Jim said, laying down on the bed and hiding his face in the pillow. "Stop being my doctor."
"Nope. Can't do it. So. Are you peein'?"
"Yes. It's pale yellow. Stop asking," Jim requested, his voice muffled.
"Next time show me," Bones instructed.
"No. I am not peeing in a jar for you," Jim said, looking up at Spock. "Make him stop."
"I am not capable of it, sir," Spock said in undisguised amusement.
"Please," Jim said, pulling the covers back over him when a knock sounded on the door.
"Come," Spock called, watching the elder Spock enter the bedroom.
"Hello," Ambassador Spock said. "You are feeling more rested?"
"We are," the younger Spock agreed. "Would you bring a chair over and join us?"
"You could dress and come to the sitting room," the Ambassador suggested. "T'Pau has arrived."
"What?" Jim asked before he could stop himself. "Why?"
"To visit, Jim. You have no reason to be concerned," the Ambassador said, laughter barely contained. "You are far more intimidated by her than you have reason to be."
"No I'm not. She's T'Pau," Jim said with wide eyes.
"And you are Captain James T. Kirk," Ambassador Spock reminded him. "While she is highly revered, she never saved Earth."
"Oh God," Jim said, sliding down in the bed and pulling the covers over his head. "Tell her I have heat stroke. Or that I'm still asleep. Or that I left."
"You are bein' an infant," Bones scolded. "Get up and put your clothes on. She's waitin'. You can't dishonor her by layin' here whinin'."
"I don't whine," Jim complained.
"You most certainly do. Please let her know that we will be there momentarily," Spock requested when Bones and the Ambassador went to the door.
"We will," Bones said. "If you aren't out there in less than 3 minutes, I'm comin' back for you. And you are comin' with me, dressed or buck naked. Your choice."
"I hate you. You know that, right?" Jim said. Bones just snorted and left the bedroom, closing the door behind them. "Do I have to?"
"Why are you so worried?" Spock asked, very nearly laughing at him. "She will be performing our wedding. At our request."
"I thought we wouldn't see her until then. And we'd be so busy, I wouldn't have to talk to her. She scares me."
"She scares you?" Spock repeated as he left the bed. "That is nonsense and you know it."
"It's not. I'm taking you from her people. I'm making you defy her. She won't ever forgive me."
"When do you perceive that I surrounded my will to you?" Spock asked, his tone making Jim turn and study him.
"Oh God. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it the way it sounded," Jim said in apology, the realization of what he had said dawning on him.
"Are you certain?" Spock asked, studying Jim with brown eyes that revealed nothing. And the blankness spoke volumes to Jim. He approached Spock, one hand outstretched.
"You're right. I shouldn't have said that. It's the heat and my nerves," Jim said, trying to reach out to him, verbally and mentally. Spock was blocking their bond, cutting off the flow completely.
"You think I am merely your appendage. That what you want is all that concerns me," Spock said in an even voice.
"No I don't. I really am sorry. I didn't mean it. Not the way it came out. She won't be angry at you. She loves you. She has no reason to love me. I let her planet be destroyed, killing her people."
"You are not Nero. You did not destroy Vulcan," Spock reminded him in the same monotone.
"If I had gotten there sooner," Jim said, his eyes downcast. Their bond was completely quiet, no trickle of affection crossing over to him. "I'm sorry."
"I will be with my father," Spock said, leaving the bedroom and Jim in his misery. Jim sat in the chair that Bones had occupied, slumped under the weight of Spock's disappointment.
"Jim?" Bones said as he entered, sitting on the bed facing him. "What happened?"
Jim looked up at him, his blue eyes reflecting his thoughts and his unhappiness.
"Spock said you'd be out shortly. And that's all."
Jim nodded, repeating what he had inadvertently said, Bones shaking his head.
"You don't think for one minute that you are the only one affected by pre-wedding nerves, do you? Because you aren't. He's better at hiding it but that doesn't mean he isn't scared too," Bones said.
Jim shook his head. "We haven't had a fight since, you know," he said sadly. "And now I say something so stupid. In his father's house. God, I'm a moron."
"You're Human, kid. That's one of the reasons he loves you as much as he does. He knows you didn't mean it. He isn't your shadow. You don't believe it any more than he does."
"You sure?" Jim asked.
"Of course I'm sure. And you sure aren't a moron. An idiot, yes."
"Thanks," Jim said with half a smile. "Should I go out and pretend it never happened?"
"He still blocking your bond?"
"Uh huh."
"And you can't breech his barriers?" Bones asked.
"I'm not strong enough. I may be able to one day. But not yet."
"I think he will start to miss you very shortly. And he's as miserable as you. And nearly as nervous. Which you know annoys him. His vaunted Vulcan reserve is failing him and it pisses him off."
"I guess you're right," Jim said, slipping on the soft shoes that matched his pants and shirt. "I sure am glad you came down."
"I figured I'd have to be peacemaker. It's natural as breathing. And neither of you need to worry about it."
"Okay," Jim agreed, leaving the bedroom for the sitting room. He greeted T'Pau with a smile and a small bow, trying very hard not to fidget under her scrutiny.
"You have brought much happiness to my clanson," she finally said.
"As he has to me, Minister. I am complete because of him," Jim said.
"Yes," she said with a regal nod. "Spock tells me all the wedding preparations have been made."
"Yes, ma'am," Jim agreed, glancing over at his Spock who was studying him thoughtfully. "Thank you for agreeing to preside."
"I would refuse you nothing, my child. Surely you know this," she said formally but kindly.
"Thank you," he said again, feeling the faint flow of love returning to him. He looked over at Spock again, seeing his frozen eyes beginning to thaw. /I'm really really sorry./
/I overreacted, t'hy'la. Of course you do not believe I am merely a reflection of you./
/I don't,/ Jim said, going to sit pressed next to Spock when he was sure T'Pau was done with him. He glanced at Bones who winked at him, making Jim smile in response.
The time until dinner was spent with news of New Vulcan, of the family that remained, the plans for the wedding, the places the Enterprise had visited. If Jim had less to say than usual, they understood and no one pressed him to participate.
Bones added to the conversation when he thought it appropriate, Ambassador Spock clearly enjoying the company of those he had known so well in another time and place. Even after dinner, the lively exchange continued, Jim struggling to remain awake as the night deepened.
"Jim and I must go to bed," Spock said, sensing Jim's losing battle with sleep. "Will we see you tomorrow?"
"I will return," Ambassador Spock said.
"I am needed elsewhere, my sons," T'Pau said, looking up at them. "We will speak on the day of your wedding."
"Yes, clanmother," Spock agreed, kissing her forehead before leading a half-asleep Jim into their bedroom. "I apologize."
"For what?" Jim mumbled as he leaned against Spock in order to remain upright.
"You are overly tired. I failed to recognize that."
Jim shrugged, sitting on the edge of the bed before collapsing backward. "Hot."
"I understand, t'hy'la. Do you need to visit the bathroom?"
Jim shook his head, making the mistake of closing his eyes. By the time Spock returned, Jim was sound asleep, not waking when Spock turned him so that he lay the right way on the bed.
"Goodnight, my love," Spock said, kissing him gently, Jim smiling in his sleep.
A/N: Thank you, gentle readers, for staying with me through this journey. I really thought this would be the final chapter of Epiphany. But those boys keep changing their minds and wandering off in directions I don't anticipate. So I'm hoping the next chapter will be the final chapter. I guess we'll see if the muses are ready to be finished! Do let us know what you think of this chapter. Reviews = Writer Crack!