ANOTHER CHAPTER WITHIN A MONTH?! PREPOSTEROUS! Oh well, Allons-y!

Disclaimer: I'm not French, Doctor Who is not French, and I do not own Ranma 1/2, French or otherwise.

Akane's POV

It was Saturday and Ryu was finally back for good. Naturally, the first thing we did was have a three way practice match in the dojo. Little did we know of the latest batch of trouble brewing.

Nevertheless, before we got to that, Ranma and I told Ryu of what had happened while he was away. His reaction was surprising to say the least.

"WHAT?! Please tell me none of you went in the Nanniichuan!" Ryu shouted

"Relax; it was long gone by the time we got to it, but why are you so worked up over it?" Ranma asked

"Thank goodness," Ryu sighed, "While I was in America, I was able to find a bit of information on Jusenkyo. From what I've read, getting rid of a curse is a lot harder than simply jumping into a Spring of drowned Man or Woman. If certain requirements aren't met, the curses will actually mix."

"WHAT?!" Ranma and I shouted in surprise

"Then how do you cure a Jusenkyo curse?" Ranma asked

"According to my research, the secret to getting cured is in how you feel about the curse. There are three things you need. First: You need to be as comfortable in your cursed form as you are in your birth form. Second: You have to bare no ill will towards the curse or Jusenkyo itself. Third: You have to not care whether you are cured or not when the water of Nanniichuan or Nyanniichuan comes into contact with you. There might also be a fourth step, which involves making peace with the spirit of the Spring which cursed you, but I wasn't able to find enough evidence to be certain," Ryu answered

"Geez, with requirements like that, has anyone ever been cured?" I asked

"There are only three known cured victims and they were all very high ranking monks," Ryu answered

"Well that's just peachy. It's not like I should have expected anything else with my luck!" Ranma exclaimed bitterly and he left the dojo. Ryu and I followed him, only to find a man from the volunteer neighborhood watch handing out pictures of Happosai.

"These pictures are our only lead," He said

"Looks more like iron clad evidence to me," Ranma remarked

"It is pretty damning," Ryu agreed, but the man had left.

Just then, Dad became 'ill' and went to lie down. Dad and Mr. Saotome then wept in despair over how Happosai was going to bring ruin on our family or some such. Ranma suggested tracking down the old goat and turning him in, but Mr. Saotome just splashed himself with cold water and put on the innocent panda act.

Eventually, we managed to get Mr. Saotome up to Happosai's room and told Happosai that Mr. Saotome wanted to speak with him. Of course, Mr. Saotome dragged his feet, so Ranma took the liberty of making up some insulting signs and made it like Mr. Saotome was the one holding them. This came to the predictable conclusion of Mr. Saotome getting thrown into L.E.O.

Ranma then splashed himself with cold water and baited Happosai right to the spot where Mr. Saotome was going to land. So once the old freak was safe under a ton of fat panda we cleaned out his ill gotten stash of panties and bras. Unfortunately, before we were done, Mr. Saotome woke up and freed the prisoner. Happosai then declared that Genma, Ranma, and Ryu had aroused his anger and fled the room.

"Somehow, I feel woefully underwhelmed by that declaration," Ryu quipped and earned a smack from one of Mr. Saotome's signs for his trouble. After that, Mr. Saotome grabbed Ranma and a backpack and tried to flee. They were intercepted at the front door by Dad, who actually wanted to go with them.

"Why do we hafta go anywhere?! We didn't do anything wrong!" Ranma shouted

"Oh son, you have yet to face the true wrath of the master," Dad said and then came a knock on the door. There we found two delivery guys, one holding 50 orders of ramen and the other 100 orders of sushi.

"This is the 'true wrath of the master'? I'm not impressed," Ranma deadpanned

"WHAT?! I ORDERED ENOUGH FOOD FOR AN ARMY!" Happosai bellowed when he saw the two delivery guys.

"Hey stupid, I think you might be missing something!" Ryu called and then held up the telephone cord.

"So, you think you can outsmart me?!" Happosai growled, "I have not yet begun to fight!"

"This is it, the ultimate showdown between the Ultimate Pervert and the Most Prude Boy Alive," Nabiki snarked

"You're so funny, I forgot to laugh," Ryu snarked back

That night, stage 2 of Happosai's revenge was in full swing. Said revenge was wanton destruction and defacement with paint and paw prints. Dad and Mr. Saotome, seeing how they don't have enough spine between them for even one man, quickly gave in and bowed to Happosai. Ranma and Ryu, on the other hand, were made of sterner stuff and ended up getting kicked out of the house for it.

Unfortunately, for the both of them, it was late November and nights were very chilly. Therefore, I decided to gather up some food and supplies and took it to them.

"Why are you two out here in the cold again? Couldn't you just go to your house, Ryu?" I asked

"And have Happosai discover its location so he can trash it? I'll take my chances out here," Ryu answered

"Anyway, I've got an idea on how to fix the little freak's wagon for good," Ranma said and then laid out his plan. We'd do it using some weird girl repellent he had picked up from an herbalist in China. All I had to do was sew it on Happosai.

The next day, it was easy to lure Happosai into letting me sew something onto his gi.

"So Akane, what've Ranma and Ryu got planned for me? I know you three were talking last night," Happosai said while I was sewing. I almost stabbed him with my needle in surprise. I managed to play dumb and sent Happosai on his way with the ticking time bomb.

When it was safe, I followed Happosai and watched as every female that came close to Happosai fled in disgust. It seemed to work, so I made sure to keep my distance. Ranma and Ryu soon arrived so Ranma could taunt Happosai.

After a quick fight that included Dad and Mr. Saotome, Happosai tried to run away. Then, something strange happened. Happosai just collapsed. It didn't take long to figure out what had happened.

"For the love of all that's holy, he's literally addicted to groping women!" Ryu exclaimed in disgust.

"So that means…" Ranma started

"The master is going through withdrawal!" Mr. Saotome exclaimed and then he and Dad snatched Happosai and put him in a box they were going to ship to the North Pole. But Ranma, being Ranma, just couldn't stand seeing anyone, even Happosai, so totally pathetic. Unfortunately, this also proved to be the undoing of our plan.

Ranma ran off with Happosai to a near park and then it started to rain. Ranma wasn't able to get away in time and the old pervert refueled off of Ranma's girl form. To make matters worse, now Ranma was affected by the girl repellant. Thankfully, Ryu managed to pin the old goat, but then managed to vanish. As it turned out, he had somehow gotten into the kettle of hot water I had brought and had drunk it all. On the upside, we managed to trap him in said kettle and Ryu punted him a few districts over.

Or we thought he did. Dad and Mr. Saotome must have caught him or something, because we found them in an abandoned lot. Happosai then grew huge like one of those monsters in Power Rangers. Ranma was all rearing to fight, but then unexpected help came in the form of Mr. Saotome in his panda form.

[I too, have my pride!] His sign read and then he too became huge.

"Great Scott! Mr. Saotome is actually doing something impressive! Alert the media!" Ryu snarked as the two giants postured for a bit while growling at each other. But it wasn't to last. Mr. Saotome started shrinking and then collapsed in exhaustion. Thankfully, Happosai followed soon after.

So with absolutely nothing accomplished and the status quo safe and sound, we all returned home. None of us wiser and none of us richer for the hard day's work.

Almost to season 3… PREPARE THINESELVES!