Maggie lightly pushed Alex back as the kiss never broke. She was wary about making her feel like she was no long in control of this, so she decided against lifting her up against her wall, instead leaving Alex leaning against it. Maggie grunted hungrily as the kissing intensified, their tongues darting around each other's mouths. Alex's hands were caressing Maggie's bare back as Maggie ran her hands up Alex's sides, her top having just been discarded on the floor, alongside Maggie's.
"Mmm," Alex pulled her head to the side, breaking the kiss apart. Maggie softly kissed Alex's neck instead, her hands now lingering close to the button of Alex's jeans. "No...no, don't," Alex murmured. "Please stop. Stop, please." Alex's voice raised quickly, as she pushed hard on Maggie, Maggie stumbling backwards as they broke apart.
"Babe." Maggie spoke softly, seeing the fear in Alex's eyes. She tentatively brought her hand forward, wanting to give her wife some comfort, but Alex threw her hands forward, batting Maggie's hand away.
"No no," Alex threw her hand out again, it smacking against Maggie's chest. "Get off, get away from me." Alex sounded erratic as her voice raised.
"Alex," Maggie tried her best to talk in a calming tone. "Baby it's me. It's Maggie." Maggie tentatively took a step forward, her hand lingering but not quite touching her wife. She felt her heart breaking for how scared and vulnerable Alex currently looked.
"Maggie," Charlie sounded relieved as she looked up into her eyes. "You're my Maggie." Alex put her hand onto her chest, feeling her heart beating ten to the dozen.
"Yeah it's just me," Maggie spoke softly. "It's okay. Just take a deep breath."
Alex closed her eyes as she did as Maggie suggested and took a deep breath, exhaling rather slowly. "I'm sorry. I really thought you were her," Alex opened her eyes. "I saw her. It was her."
"It's just your mind playing tricks on you." Maggie wanted so badly to hold her wife, but she didn't want to freak her out any more than she already was.
Alex twisted her lip as she looked like she was about to cry. "I'm sorry," Alex leaned back against the wall and slid herself down, so she was sitting on the floor. "I've ruined our sex life."
"You've not ruined anything," Maggie assured her as she sat down next to her. "So, don't ever apologise, you hear me?" Maggie said, and Alex nodded lightly. "And you know, we got our top halves down to bras and that's an improvement," Maggie pointed out. "And you initiated the shirts coming off so that shows you are getting more comfortable."
"But I can't seem to get past this," Alex mumbled. "What if we turn into one of those couples who just don't have sex anymore?"
Maggie shook her head. "That's not going to happen."
"Well it sure feels like it," Alex sighed. "I can't seem to move on and I want to show you how much I love you." Alex still sounded like she was going to cry. She hated that she wasn't able to be intimate with her wife.
"I know you love me," Maggie replied. "We don't need to have sex for you to show me that. The sex is just an added bonus," Maggie gave a little grin. "One that will come back. And whether that's in a month, 6 months or another year from now, it doesn't matter," Maggie assured her. She would be lying if she said she didn't miss being intimate with her wife, but she knew that right now, it was something Alex was struggling with. "I know we will get the intimacy back. But it won't happen until you are ready and it's not something you can rush," Maggie tentatively brought her hand out and Alex gave a little nod before Maggie put her hand onto Alex's thigh, rubbing it gently. "We keep going to therapy and working through things," Maggie told her. Alex pursed her lips, giving a little nod. "And babe, I think you need to try to separate the rape from sex," Maggie exhaled lightly. "What happened with Stacey, it wasn't sex," Maggie told her. "Sex is pleasurable and enjoyable and it's with someone you trust," Maggie said. "What she did, sweetie, that was an assault."
Alex took a deep breath. "Yeah, that uh…that's a good way for me to look at it," Alex rubbed her hands together. "She used a…" Alex stopped talking mid-sentence. "I don't like that." Alex's voice quivered.
"I know what you like, Alex, and I know what you don't like," Maggie reminded her. "I'm not ever going to do anything that you don't want."
"I know." Alex nodded. She knew Maggie would never do anything she didn't want or like but right now, she just couldn't get Stacey and what she did out of her mind, which was obviously interfering when it came to trying to be intimate with her wife.
"Okay, good, so we just keep taking this at a pace you are comfortable with, one step at a time," Maggie said. "We made it down to bras on top tonight, so maybe another time we can try going a little further. You can get comfortable even just being fully naked around me again. Maybe then some nude spooning or snuggling, just getting you comfortable being naked with me again."
Alex twisted her lip, giving a little nod. "And I do think you are right about separating the two. The assault and sex with you," Alex exhaled, rubbing her hands together again. "I'm seeing Alison again on Monday, so I can talk to her about that," Alex said, a little surprised that Alison hadn't suggested this to her. "Then maybe we can try again. At least, like you've already suggested we can spoon or bathe together and let me get comfortable with the closeness again."
"Yeah." Maggie smiled, liking Alex's suggestion.
"Maggie?" Alex questioned.
"Hmm?" Maggie looked into her wife's eyes.
"It would be okay if you were to pull me into a hug right now." Alex told her. Maggie gave her wife a smile before she wrapped her arm around her shoulders, Alex leaning down and resting herself against Maggie's chest. Maggie wrapped her other arm around her and held her tightly as she placed a soft kiss on the top of her head.
Maggie took a deep breath before she knocked on the door. She could feel her heart thudding inside her as her palms sweated. She'd thought about calling but there was a part of her that felt this needed to be done face to face. She wanted to see her reaction. See the look on her face. "Just a minute," Maggie heard a voice from inside and she was pretty sure it was Gail. Soon enough, the door opened, and Gail was at the other side. "Maggie." Gail sounded surprised to see her.
"Uh," Maggie rubbed her hands together, feeling nervous. "Can I come in?"
"Sure," Gail let Maggie into the room. She looked directly across to Maria, seeing she was zipping her suitcase shut. "We thought you were the bellboy here for our luggage. We are starting the drive back home today."
Maggie thought this was probably a good thing. It meant she could tell her she was going to get tested then Maria could leave. She wouldn't have to face anymore disrespect from her or face more words of disappointment. "How did you find us?" Maria questioned. They hadn't told her where they were staying, and Maggie hadn't been in touch to find out where they were.
"I'm a detective." Maggie answered.
"Of course," Maria murmured. "You come to kick us out of town?" Maria questioned. "Because like Gail said, just give us another half hour and we'll be out of here."
"No," Maggie bit her lip. "I came to talk to you about the transplant."
"Talk to me or tell me off for getting in touch with Ava?" Maria questioned.
"I should," Maggie retorted. "Ava may not see it because she wants to believe there is good in you somewhere, but I know that you just went to her to get to me." Maggie said.
"Oh, we are a clever little detective huh." Maria gave a smug grin as she spoke.
"Maria." Gail glanced at her friend. She didn't see why Maria needed to be this way with her daughter all the time and she could actually see why Maggie had said she wasn't going to do it.
"Go ahead." Maria cleared her throat.
Maggie looked over to Gail. "I'll give you some time." Gail said before she walked over to the door and left the hotel room, giving Maggie and Maria some space.
Maggie took a deep breath as she took a few paces away from Maria, rolling her wedding ring around her finger. She stopped and turned around, her lips pursed. "I will get tested." Maggie told her.
Maria widened her eyes. "Well I'm glad you've come to your senses," Maria remarked. "You should be doing something like this for your mother."
Maggie bit her lip to hold back on saying something nasty. She wasn't about to stoop to Maria's level. "This is only to spare Ava from having to do it."
"So you care about her more than me?" Maria questioned. "She is only your half-sister." Maria pointed out.
"And you are just the perfect mother, right enough. Aren't you?" Maggie retorted, her hands going out to the side.
"You can't hate me for having my beliefs, Margarita." Maria responded.
Maggie pursed her lips as she shook her head. "And you can't hate me simply for the way I was born." Maggie's voice quivered. Even now, after all this time this still made her upset. No matter how much she said she didn't care about her anymore, she wanted to feel like she at least meant something to the woman who gave birth to her and gave her a wonderful home for the first 14 years of her life.
"Do you really think God would make people this way?" Maria questioned. "You had a choice, Maggie and -"
"No," Maggie raised her voice. "Don't. Don't start giving me all this again. I don't need or want to hear it," Maggie told her. "I….let's just….look, I've told you that I'm willing to get tested so all I need from you is a thank you and then I'll be on my way." Maggie said, looking across to the door before looking back to her mother.
"You think I need to thank you?" Maria questioned.
Maggie couldn't believe it. "I'm willing to give you a kidney even after all that's happened with us," Maggie said. "And I don't just mean kicking me out. I mean after what happened with Ava and then with the crash and Alex being hurt and her premature labour as a result of that," Maggie said. "So, yeah…I think if you had an ounce of decency then you'd thank me for doing this for you."
"I wanted to see," Maria stared talking. "I wanted to see if you'd do the right thing. Help out the woman who gave you life and you are going to and that does mean something to me," Maria said. "I went to Ava in hopes that it would change your mind because you are my blood and you are my best chance at having a good life away from dialysis."
"Well your plan worked," Maggie told her. "I'm not doing this because I want you to have a better life or think that you deserve this chance," Maggie said. "I want an apology for what you did to me."
"Margarita, I…." Maria trailed off, her head shaking. "Are you bribing me? You want some faked apology for your kidney?"
"I don't want it to be fake," Maggie told her. "There must be a part of you who is even a little bit sorry for doing what you did."
Maria took a deep breath. She played with her cross pendant as she walked over to her bed and picking up her wallet. She opened it up and went into the back compartment and lifted out a small photo that was hidden away. She handed it out to Maggie as she walked closer to her. "Oscar got rid of all the other photos of you," Maria told her, Maggie looking down to the small picture of her when she was about 8 or 9. "I think he secretly had one in his wallet too," Maria said. "Uhm….a parent never forgets their child, Margarita."
Maggie felt her eyes glossing over with tears. "But how could you kick me out? I'm your daughter. Your only child. You are supposed to love your kids unconditionally."
"Sometimes love isn't enough," Maria told her. "My beliefs, Margarita…I stick by them and I'm….I am sorry that that means you can't be in my life anymore and I…." Maria took a deep breath. "The main thing is that you are in love and you are happy. I…I don't understand it, but it's your life and I see you are happy."
Maggie took a deep breath, wiping her hand across her eyes. "If you don't like that I am gay then why do you want my kidney?"
"That's just biology," Maria answered. "Even if it is a kidney from a woman who lives a life I don't agree with, it's still better than being dead."
Maggie took a deep breath, handing the photo back to Maria. Maria took it from her and put it down on the bed for now. "Uhm….I'm going to go them if…uhm, I guess the hospital here will get in touch with the hospital in Lincoln. That'll be the one you are at, right?"
"It is." Maria nodded.
"Okay, well," Maggie paused for a moment, it not looking like Maria was going to thank her. "Goodbye." Maggie said, turning around and making her way over to the door.
"Marga…." Maria cleared her throat. "Maggie," Maria corrected. Maggie turned around to look at her for a moment, waiting to see what she was going to say. "Thank you." Maria's lips etched into a smile. Maggie gave her the littlest of smiles back before she opened the door and left the hotel room, walking rather quickly down to the elevator as she once again wiped tears that wanted to fall.
Maggie walked into Alex's lab. "Maggie," Alex looked surprised to see her wife. "What are you doing here? Is everything okay? Where are the girls?"
"The girls are with Rachel and Sadie at the park," Maggie answered. "Uh...I went to see Maria." Maggie's lips trembled as she spoke.
"Babe," Alex exhaled as she opened her arms out. Maggie walked over to her wife and walked into the much wanted embrace. "I told you I'd come with you to see her."
"I didn't want her disrespecting you," Maggie said. "And uh, it's a gob job I went when I did because they were almost leaving to go back to Nebraska."
"I guess you told her you'd do it?" Alex questioned, lightly rubbing her back as they stayed in the hug.
"Mmm," Maggie sounded muffled as she buried her head against her wife's chest. "I did actually get a thanks from her."
Alex felt a little surprised. "Unprompted?"
"I told her I thought I deserved it," Maggie pulled back a little so Alex could hear her more clearly. "But she did sound genuine."
"Well she better have," Alex said. "You are being far nicer to her than she deserves."
"This isn't just about her." Maggie said.
"I know. You don't want to see your little sister go through a surgery," Alex loved how much Maggie wanted to protect and spare Ava of this, but she didn't like that it meant Maggie had to do it instead. She didn't feel like Maria deserved it. "But you are still doing this for her and it's a big thing and she should be thankful."
Maggie pursed her lips, pulling away from the hug completely. "You know she has a picture of me in her wallet," Maggie said. "Rosa always told me she threw all the pictures of me away," Maggie exhaled lightly. "But it was me. She had a picture of me. That has to mean something right?"
"Uh." Alex rubbed the back of her head.
"I'm not saying it means she regrets what she did or wants a relationship with me because I know she doesn't and I know that I'll never get her to fully accept me for who I am, but she had a picture of me in her wallet, Alex. She has to feel something, right?" Maggie wondered. Alex exhaled lightly, looking into Maggie's eyes. It broke her heart to see how much Maggie was still yearning for her mother's acceptance, or at least to get some kind of recognition from her. It really showed that no matter how old a person was or what had happened in the past, the want for acceptance from a parent would always be there.
"I'm sure it does," Alex nodded. "I'm sure that there is a part of your mother who does love you," Alex spoke softly. "But unfortunately, she's letting her beliefs get in the way of the most wonderful, kind, caring, patient, strong, amazing woman," Alex rubbed her wife's arms as she spoke. "And you have a family who love you and are proud to say that," Alex told her, feeling herself welling up as Maggie wiped a tear from her own eye. Alex rubbed Maggie's arm again. "You know you have so many people who love you."
"I know," Maggie nodded, her voice a little squeaky. "But wanting your mum to love you for who you are," Maggie exhaled. "You know, it's…." Maggie trailed off, looking downwards.
"I know." Alex spoke softly, putting her hand on Maggie's chin and lightly pushing her face up so she was facing her again.
"I…." Maggie took a deep breath. "I'm scared that I'm not going to be good enough for the girls when they get older because I didn't have my mum there for me when I was a teenager," Maggie admitted, feeling like a weight had been lifted from her for letting that worry out of her. It had been playing on her mind since Maria's arrival had got her thinking all sorts almost a week ago now. "Don't get me wrong, Rosa was great but she's not my…" Maggie pursed her lips as Alex wiped a tear away from Maggie's cheek. "She's wasn't my mum."
"Don't ever think you won't be good enough for the girls," Alex told her. "You are an amazing mum and the girls adore you, Maggie," Alex assured her. "You are not going to turn out like her." Alex told her.
"How can you be sure?" Maggie murmured.
"Because I know you. And you, Maggie Danvers would never let anyone you love down," Alex told her, rubbing her arm once again. "I know it must be hard with her being back in your life only to better her own, so let's just get yourself through this and then me, you and the girls will continue to live our best lives, huh?" Alex questioned.
"Yeah, sounds good to me." Maggie murmured, Alex smiling at her before pulling her into another hug.
"Yey Emmi," Hayden clapped her hands as Emmi walked over to them, 2 gold medals and one bronze medal around her neck. Emmi had come in first in her 100m breaststroke final and her 100m freestyle final and her team come in third in the 4x50m freestyle final. "More medals."
"Good job sweetie," Alex wrapped her arm around her daughter, giving her a hug. "You are going to need a whole room just for all these swimming medals you are collecting huh?"
Emmi chuckled. Her collection was getting rather big. Emmi would compete in almost every swimming competition she could that was on throughout the different clubs around the city, and sometimes she would even travel further afield for them. "Do you think I could swim for the USA in the Olympics one day?" Emmi questioned.
"Oh if you work hard at it," Maggie answered. "You could get yourself a scholarship to get through college though. That would be handy."
"I'll try Mama," Emmi said, Hayden reaching up and trying to get to Emmi's medals. "Don't pull it. You'll rip it off the ribbon."
Hayden frowned as she stomped her foot on the floor. "Mama I want a medal."
"Well when you get bigger you can start swimming too." Maggie told her.
"But I want one now." Hayden pouted.
"Well I'm sorry Jelly girl but those are Emmi's. She worked hard for them." Maggie told her. Emmi did swim training twice a week and always put 100 per cent effort into it.
"But she should share." Hayden pouted.
"You can hold one for a bit if you want but be careful with it," Emmi said, taking off her bronze medal and putting it around Hayden's neck. Hayden jumped up and down excitedly, her eyes staying on the medal. "What are we doing for dinner?" Emmi questioned, looking back to her mums. "I'm starving."
"I bet you are," Alex answered, Emmi having spend the afternoon swimming. "How about," Alex glanced at her watch. "How about we go out for dinner?" Alex questioned, the family starting to walk out of the building. "We have time before Mama has to go to work."
"I wish she didn't have to work," Emmi sighed. "We could have had a movie night and cuddle on the couch together." Emmi pouted.
"Well you have school tomorrow young lady so it's not going to be a late movie night I'm afraid," Alex told her, and Emmi sighed rather loudly. "Aw c'mon you don't have long before summer break," Alex reminded her. "Then we can have all the movies nights you want."
"Good," Emmi smiled. That was one of her favourite things to do. Get some snacks out and snuggle up on the couch with her mums and little sister and watch a movie. She loved it even more in winter because they'd have the log fire on and snuggle under a blanket. "Are we going to go on a summer vacation?" Emmi questioned as they made their way across the car park to the car.
"Uh," Maggie and Alex shared a glance. If Maggie was a match for Maria then she be in hospital for the transplant then have recovery time, so it wasn't looking like they'd be able to do much in terms of a summer vacation. "We'll see, sweetie." Maggie answered. They weren't going to mention anything to Emmi until they knew for sure if Maggie was a match. Until then, they didn't think she needed to know anything.
"Oh," Emmi pouted sadly. "It would be fun."
"Yeah," Hayden agreed with her sister. "It would be fun." Hayden repeated what Emmi had said.
"Well we'll see," Maggie said again, unlocking the car and opening the back door, Hayden climbing up to get into her seat as Emmi and Alex walked around to the other side of the car. She knew it was unlikely they'd be able to go away anywhere, but she didn't want to disappointed Emmi to much right now, not when she was in a happy mood after her medal wins. "C'mon you, buckle up." Maggie said, looking to Hayden who was sitting in her seat but not about to do her buckle up any time soon. Hayden put her arms through the straps, Maggie taking over and clipping her in, so they could get going. She closed the door then got into the front seat before looking to Alex. "So, where you taking me for dinner?" Maggie questioned.
"Anywhere you tell me to take you, babe." Alex replied, turning the key in the ignition and pulling out of the parking space.
"Chuck E Cheese's." Hayden shouted for the back seat.
"No," Emmi said. "Red Lobster."
Alex quickly glanced at Maggie. "Alessandro's?" Maggie suggested, and Alex gave a little nod as she drove out of the car park and made her way to the restaurant, going to enjoying spending time with her wife and kids before Maggie had to go to work.
Thanks for the reviews. :)
Thoughts?