Chapter 25: When the sun is full of smiles, the moon also shines.
A/N: You know why I love the reviews? Because I don't remember what I wrote in the chapter before and then I laugh to myself and I have to think that I plan this out too much if I don't remember what I wrote hours after I submitted it. So here's to not remembering! (I'll forget half this chapter within the hour of releasing this :P)
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter
"You finally willing to talk?" Victoria glared at me. She had two other girls with her. I should really know their names but it had seemed to of slipped from my mind. I was on my way to the library to meet up with Lily and Raven to work on my Charms essay, but these girls had found me and felt it was fit to pull me into an empty classroom.
It had been at least two weeks since I had received the letter from Trigger which meant this Saturday is the Qudditch match against Ravenclaw…and let me tell you, all I wanted to do was get my homework done before that. But these annoying girls are in my way.
"There's not much to tell." I stood as tall as I could and faced these girls who were all glaring down at me. This wouldn't be such a problem, but I'm alone with them in a classroom. And there is three of them and one of me.
"Oh there is. Sirius hasn't been doing much of anything! In fact it's gotten worse since over break! And you've been spending a lot of time with him." Victoria rambled on as she pulled out her wand and brandished in the air. "You have to know something. You can't tell me you don't."
I shook my head with a sigh "Of course I know" I took a seat on the desk nearest me, hoping I was safe to do at least that. "But you see…" I was about to tell them that I didn't feel it was my place to say, but one quick look at the glare I was receiving made me think otherwise. "Okay fine" I let out a sigh "I'll tell you."
"Knew you'd see it our way" Victoria beamed. All her other girls perked up as well and inched closer to me.
"Sirius, what he said was he is trying to find the right one for him." I said truthfully. The girls just stared at me for a moment without saying anything.
Till the small girl on the right said something, "What does that even mean?" She half snorted while the other half of her seemed to be disbelieving of my words.
"I wouldn't expect girls like you to understand" I spat with venom while crossing my arms. "He just wants to find his true love and stop with all the nonsense. Can you understand that?" I angrily said while getting off the desk. Once again they didn't say anything. I think they were just taken a back but what the answer was. I just rolled my eyes and left. If they didn't want to believe me, then I didn't need to be by them. It's as simple as that. I'm not going to waste my time or energy that I didn't have on girls with half a brain. I was busy enough with practice for the Qudditch match that was coming up, all the homework, essays, and test, plus the constant letters from Trigger and Fay, and my mission to have to worry about those silly girls 'problems'.
They had upset me enough just from that small encounter to completely abandon my studies and not go to the library all together. Instead I found myself going back to the common room, where I had just come from. I was stomping and fuming all the way to the Fat Lady as I crawled through and walked in blindly. Only to come to a crashing halt as I walked straight into someone.
"Bearings?" I questioned as I looked up at who I had crashed into. "I am so sorry." I smiled in apology, despite how awkward this felt. I hadn't talk to Bearings since we won our first Quidditch match at the start of the year.
"It's okay, you look bothered. Everything alright?" He questioned ignoring the fact that he pretty much dropped off the face of the earth.
"Oh yeah…just got cornered by Sirius' fangirls." I rolled my eyes to show my annoyance.
"Care to go for a walk and talk about it then?" He questioned hopefully.
"Not much to say, but a walk would be nice." I smiled warmly.
He started walking and led me out of the common room. "They still think you are hitting up on Sirius?" He questioned as we walked.
"Something like that…I guess it's been hard on them since Sirius won't date anyone." I laughed.
Bearings joined in "I bet that would make them unhappy." He said before shaking his head "I don't see what's so good about him. He's an arrogant prick who's not even that good looking."
I let out a sigh "I used to think that too you know." I smiled "But then once you get to know him he's alright." I admitted.
"You don't like him do you?" His questioned caught me by surprise, I found myself blushing instantly.
"I…no we are just friends" I denied feeling the blush intensify.
"Are you telling me that or yourself?" He asked stopping mid-step as we were going down the stairs.
I stared at him and bit my lower lip. "We are just friends, that much I can tell you."
"So then the rumors that Sirius is dating you in secret are…?"
I smiled at him "I hadn't heard that rumor, Yeah it's a complete lie." I thought for a moment "Though I think that would be a nice shocker. Sirius dating someone in secret…that wouldn't last" I laughed. A small silence fell upon us. I think we were just left in our thoughts till he finally broke the silence.
"Anyways, how have you been? I've been hearing rumors that your family got attacked at Christmas and then you were attacked in Hogsmeade." He asked now starting to walk again.
"Yeah, those rumors are completely true. I mean…it hasn't ruined my life, but it has been hard." I smiled warmly "So I mean other than that, I've been great. How about you?"
He sighed "Good, just been bored." He laughed.
"Bored? With all this homework, I question you." I laughed. "You sure you are going to Hogwarts?"
He stopped for a moment seeming to fidget. "This is going to seem out of nowhere…but…" He stopped walking once again. I stopped right in front of him and watched him with interest. "I don't know…would you maybe like to be my girlfriend?" He asked with a hint of shyness.
It was not at all what I was expecting. My eyes widened as I stared at him. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. We hadn't even had a conversation since the last Quidditch match and we had barely even talked. Not only that, I was here for Sirius to save him. What was I suppose to do? I couldn't just turn him down. I'd feel to…to mean. I had to think of something to say, I couldn't just not say anything. That would be worse than saying no.
"Wait wait wait, did I hear right?" I was busy blinking but whose ever voice this was snapped me right out. Both Bearings and I looked up at the staircase we had just been on, to see all the Marauders walking down the staircase right at us. James was the one who spoke, he was wearing a huge smirk on his face. Sirius who was next to him looked just as amused.
"James, don't be rude" Sirius rolled his eyes, though one look from him and you could tell he didn't mean it.
"Oh come on Sirius, we just witness Kobato getting asked out. This is exciting." James smirked "Oh oh! And by a Quidditch player none the less."
I had to stop looking at James by this point. I looked over at Bearings instead who was as red as I felt. We both were blushing out of embarrassment and I'm pretty sure we could both agree on something, this wasn't what we wanted.
"This is true…so what are you going to say Kobato?" Sirius asked with more curiosity than I have ever heard come from his lips.
I wanted to snap at him. I want to say something mean. I wanted to…I don't know. This wasn't going well.
"She has to say yes" James nodded agreeing with his own words.
"I think I agree, she needs someone." Sirius nodded agreeing with James words.
Now I really wanted to scream. I want to shout that I like Sirius. No I wanted to run. This was more than I could handle right now. What an evening this was turning out to be. I turned back towards Bearings who was now grinding his teeth out of irritation.
"I think she should decide for herself." Bearings finally said after a couple tense moments.
All eyes now turned to me. I felt extra awkward as I bit on my lip. I didn't really know what to say. This wasn't an easy choice. "I…" I started "Look…I…" Where were my words? Come on…be a Gryffindor. "I'm sorry…I can't Kyle." I smiled saying his first name. I gave him one last look before I ran off to my dorm, what an evening.
I didn't give it a second thought. I just let my feet carry me up to the dorm. I ignored everything else and before I knew it I was deep asleep and morning was coming through. I still ignored it all together. I don't know why. Was this really that embarrassing? Or was it that Sirius actually didn't care if I dated someone else? I thought I was getting somewhere with him. I guess not…
Another couple of hours passed. It was around 7 in the morning now. I didn't want to go to class. What was this feeling? Was this rejection?
"Kobato? You are going to be late for breakfast. You getting up?" I heard Lily's voice call from somewhere. I slowly opened my eyes. She was standing over me looking concerned.
I didn't know what to say. I just couldn't understand why Sirius would want me to date someone. I guess…just because I love him, doesn't mean he loves me. Not yet at least. I haven't worked hard enough obviously.
"Kobato?" Lily asked once more, now kneeling over my bed.
"I'm not hungry." I finally said in a raspy voice.
"Do you need to go to the hospital wing?" She questioned as she put a hand on my forehead to check if I was doing okay.
"No…I'm alright." I smiled weakly and then rolled over ending the conversation.
I laid there all day. I just sat there thinking. I needed to do something. I couldn't rely on next year alone. I wasn't making any progress that I could see. I was here to save Sirius and I wasn't going to let anyone down. I was going to do this. He was someone that deserved it. I may not deserve him, but he deserved to be saved.
Around lunch time Raven came into checking on me. I pretended to be a sleep and soon she left me alone. I immediately went back to my thoughts once she had left. I had to figure this out.
By dinner time I was set and ready. I got up and dressed in my school uniform making myself look as good as I could. I finally decided I would start to take action after the Quidditch match on Saturday. That left me two days. Two days to prepare. If we won the game, I would for sure make a move. I would let Sirius know. But if we didn't win, well I would take a little bit longer. I had too. And I would start with that kiss I supposedly owe him, so I can stop those stupid morning speeches…which I missed this mornings. I will have to make one tonight…ugh.
That didn't damper my spirits. I confidence I walked down to the great hall wearing a smile ear to ear.
It took me a moment but I found Lily and Raven at the far end of the table by the Professors.
"Hey" I smiled.
"Well, look who's up." Raven teased as I sat right next to her.
"Fine I won't sit by you." I pouted as I started serving myself some food.
"You look a lot better." Lily smiled as she eyed me. "But is there something you want to tell me?" She asked still looking at me with a strange look.
"No nothing I can thin-" I started to respond but I was cut off.
"Kobato? What happened?" We all turned around to see Sirius taking a seat next to me. James also thought it was necessary to take a seat next to Lily, leaving Peter and Remus to fit in nearby.
"What do you mean?" I questioned now totally immersing myself in my food. For some odd reason I was feeling embarrassed. I wasn't exactly planning on seeing them for dinner.
"You never showed up for classes." James said looking at me in concern all while ignoring Lily's clicks of her tongue.
I didn't say anything at first. I was too busy eating my mashed potatoes. "Mmmm" I finally started "I wasn't feeling good."
"You look fine to me." Sirius narrowed his eyes at me causing me to blush.
"She wasn't feeling good, let it be and leave us be." Lily glared more so at James than anyone else.
"In a bit" Sirius smirked. "Someone has an announcement to make." He patted me on the back before getting up and stood on the bench "Everyone! Good evening! Glad you all could make it to this wonderful dinner." He smiled warmly basking in the attention. "As you can see, Kobato finally decided to join the world of the living and crawl out of dream world." He pointed down to me, I took it as my cue to stand up and take a bow. "So without farther adieu here is Kobato's wonderful words" He gave one last smile and a couple of winks to some girls before sitting down and leaving the rest to me.
I was standing there feeling awkward. I had not planned on saying anything…I didn't know what to say. What was there left to say? I've told all of Hogwarts what I like for the past what two months?
That's when it hit me. I haven't once touched upon boys. Once. It's always I like my tea with three lumps. Or I like full moons. Or I like the color blue. Why not take this time to describe Sirius. Then maybe he would get the hint. Maybe…
"Good evening everyone! And thanks Sirius for those cruel words of welcome." I teased him before turning back and looking at the great hall. "I think tonight I'm going to take a different approach, if that's alright with you guys." I paused and waited for a couple cheers to slide by from some rowdy boys before I talked once more. "I will take that as a yes." I smirked. "So, for today, I would like you all to know and mark that I like a man who knows how to smile at even the hardest of times." I tried not to look at Sirius when I said it, but it was one of my favorite things about Sirius, no matter what he was always ready with a smile. "That is all, enjoy your dinners" I smiled warmly before sitting back down. There were a couple claps here and there…that was usual, I was just glad that was over with. I do not enjoy those speeches.
"That was a different approach. What brought it up?" Sirius questioned while raising an eyebrow.
I rolled my eyes "I'm running out of things to say." I said simply.
"Well then we could end this." Sirius leaned forward and pointed to his lips "Just one small kiss."
I thought for a moment. I was highly considering it. Not just because of the speech part. "Still a no" I said finally before turning back to my food.
"Are you afraid to kiss me?" Sirius questioned, still not putting this to rest.
"Oh this is ridiculous. Sirius, knock it off" Raven glared over at him. She wasn't in the mood for this apparently.
"No, I will not knock it off. I want to know." Sirius glared back at Raven as if she was being the rudest person alive.
"I think you are in love with her." Raven snapped right back at Sirius. Both Lily and I gaped opening at Raven. James, Remus, and Peter just blinked stupidly at Raven, this wasn't what we were expecting. Why was she getting so upset?
"What" Sirius finally said while staring idiotically at Raven.
"You heard me." Raven crossed her arms and stood her ground.
"Why would you say that?" Sirius questioned with furrowed brows.
His question caused Lily to snort "I have no clue. God you boys are so clueless." Lily rolled her eyes. "Don't you agree Kobato?" Lily said in a tone that didn't let me question otherwise.
"Yes" I said in a shy tone. I wanted to shrink away.
"Honestly, I don't insist on kissing Kobato every ten seconds just because she didn't kiss me under a mistletoe and we are best friends." Lily went on farther letting the anger and annoyance shine through.
"What…you are…no" Sirius opened and closed his mouth several times. He didn't know what to say at all.
No one else really did either, it was Lily and Raven letting their wrath out on him. Remus for once was sitting there quietly letting everything unfold. Peter was looking away not enjoying the anger that was taking place. And James had a smile on his face, as if he knew something but wasn't about to say anything to help his friend. That's what I found weird, James' behavior. Well even Remus was being odd, not interfering.
"Just because you are afraid to admit that you love James doesn't mean you can take this out on me!" Sirius finally shouted. If there was attention focused on us, there was now.
"Oh oh oh" Lily got up and pointed her wand angrily at Sirius "This has nothing to do with that!" She shouted right back.
"It does" Sirius said in the cockiest voice I have ever witnessed coming from his lips. Meanwhile he pulled out his wand, not taking his eyes off of Lily.
"It does not!" Raven said in defense for Lily. She was now up and pointing her wand at Sirius as well.
"If I'm denying my feelings you sure as hell are as well." Sirius retorted, I had never seen him this angry before. Something was definitely up.
"Oh whatever" Lily snorted with one of the best eye rolls I have seen yet.
"Lily has no feelings for James" Raven said, though her voice didn't sound fully in it. Both Raven and I have been suspecting something going on with our friend. She hasn't been as vicious and cold when it comes to James lately…She's been pretty civil.
Everyone was watching the scene unfold as if it was an intense tennis match, all eyes now shift to Sirius who had dropped his wand down and was letting out a deep laugh. "And you proved my point, I don't like Kobato at all."
His words hit me hard. At all…at all was what he said. I wasn't the only one. I was blinking hard before I got up from the bench. "At all, huh?" I questioned before pushing hard past Sirius and storming off.
I could already feel the tears swelling within me as I ran. I knew people were following after me, I could tell by the footsteps, but I ignored it. I kept letting my feet lead me to an empty classroom. From there I choice a seat closest to the window and sat down letting my thoughts drift.
Saturday morning couldn't come soon enough. I spent the all of Thursday ignoring Sirius and all of Friday doing in even better job ignoring him. I didn't care about my mission. His words cut through me and hurt me more than he would know. I in fact wanted him to know. It wasn't fair. He went around stomping on girls hearts like he was the best male a live, meanwhile the rest of us sit there in wounded spirits. He needed to learn different emotions other than lust…and whatever else that heart of his was capable of holding.
Although, I'll give him a little bit of credit, Sirius did try to get me to talk to him Thursday evening, but gave up after we got into our first full out duel in ages. After that point he decided to play along with me and ignore me. Though from what I understand from James, he was the moodiest he had been in ages. James also had told me that what Lily and Raven had said got him really upset. He couldn't stop talking about it, it's like Lily and Raven had hit more than just a nerve. They did some sort of damage. But that didn't stop me from hating this whole problem.
Not only was it draining mentally, come Friday evening I was started to feel ill and I had hoped that Saturday morning I would be feeling just fine, but that didn't happen. Something was making me shake. I wasn't nervous for the game was I? No…what was this? I did not like it at all.
"Kobato? Is that you moving around?" I peered up from over my trunk where I was grabbing things to get ready for the Quidditch match. Raven was over by her bed doing the same.
"Oh yeah…couldn't sleep anymore." I said airily while I went back to searching for my clothing I needed.
"You still look ill" She commented now walking over to me to look me over.
"I'm not feeling right" I told her with a heavy sigh. "Something is off, I can't figure it out."
"Think we should get Bearings to play?" Raven frowned at me.
"I'll eat and then we can see. We could at least warn him." I sighed too.
"You could at least warn us before you guys decide to stomp around at 7:30 in the morning." Raven and I both turned to a cranky Kathleen. We couldn't help but laugh at her messed up hair and her exhausted looking face.
"I'm going to have to agree" Bri grumbled.
"You guys" Raven rolled her eyes before twirling and dancing in the middle of the room "It's a beautiful morning! Perfect Quidditch weather! Gryffindor is going to win!" She sang as she continued to dance by herself.
"That's right, Quidditch match is today, I almost forgot" Kathleen said while quickly jumping out of bed to get ready, now which much enthusiasm.
"How could you forget?" Raven asked looking appalled and stopping mid-step.
"Simple, homework" Kathleen laughed. I had to agree with her this whole homework thing was getting to me.
"Mmmm let's not forget all the drama." Bri said now getting out of bed.
"Drama?" Both Raven and I raised an eyebrow in question.
"What happened on Wednesday" Bri shook her head with a sigh. "It's been getting all of you moody."
"Oh that" I felt my lip twitch up in annoyance. "Yeah sorry about that" I apologized honestly feeling sorry.
"It's not your fault" Kathleen smiled warmly.
"Yeah it's not your fault two people are in denial and the whole school knows it…That and they just so happened to argue together about their love lives." Bri agreed while continuing to get ready. "Speaking of which, where is Lily?"
"I have no idea" I responded now noticing her bed was empty and she wasn't in here.
"I'm sure she'll be at breakfast!" Raven said happily now back to her skipping "Come on! Let's go let's go!"
We did as Raven said. Together the three of us all got ready in our best Gryffindor fashions and heading down to the great hall in merry spirits. Though mine were starting to fade the more we got down to the great hall. My stomach was just feeling so upset, kind of like I was going to hurl. I didn't like this at all. I was beginning to shake.
I just needed food. That's all. I kept telling myself as we entered the great hall.
"You sure you're all right?" Raven asked again now holding onto me to help me into the great hall.
I nodded half-heartedly as we walked into a room filled with either red or blue. It was a sight to see. The whole Gryffindor table was red and gold from head to toe. They weren't the only one, most of the Hufflepuff's seemed to be supporting Gryffindor as well. Some were supporting Ravenclaw, along with all of the Slyhterins. It was time and it was exciting.
I couldn't help but let my lips twitch into a grin.
"Let's eat so we can get this game started!" I said happily now holding onto Raven in excitement, trying to push aside this wave of sickness that was taking over me.
Together we watched letting our eyes scan for Lily. We finally found her sitting all alone in our usual spot moodily stabbing her food. We all let out a sigh and didn't even need to wonder what was wrong with her. We knew James was behind it.
Together we made our way over to her, but we didn't get very far till I noticed something was off. As we were walking for her there was a different color amiss in all this red and gold. My eyes couldn't be pulled away. I had to stop walking as my stomach lurched even farther.
"Kobato! You're up, we were getting worried." Faintly I heard James call to me. My eyes were still focused on the odd color among the red and gold.
I ignored James and let my eyes trace the figure to which the colors belong. They were supporting Ravenclaw colors. But what were they doing here? My eyes widened as I watched the girl throw her arms happily around Sirius before planting a passionate kiss upon his lips.
My stomach gave another fierce lurch, worse than before.
"Kobato?" I heard again faintly. I was barely aware that several people were shaking me in attempt to snap me out of it.
I was starting to shake as I stared at Sirius I couldn't tell if he was enjoying the attention from the girl or not. It seemed so much out of the blue. What was going on?
I had to tear my eyes away. It was hurting me. I looked away now noticing Raven, Kathleen, Bri, and James all in front of me eyes filled with concern.
"Come on let's get yo-" James started but cut himself off as I began to cough violently. Blood was pouring out of my mouth.
My chest felt like it was heaving in two. I was dizzy. My stomach felt even worse. My head was screaming in pain. I couldn't stand up anymore. I had to grab onto James as my body swayed back and forth. I had never felt this bad in my life.
I heard voices surrounding me, but I couldn't understand them. I felt people reaching out for me, but I couldn't really feel it. I saw concerned faces, but I didn't know who they were.
Slowly I felt my body fade down to the floor in a gentle manner as I closed my eyes and succumbed to the weakness that was engulfing my body.
A/N: I did not have this planned at all actually…just one thing lead to another and that's what I wrote. I feel like it wasn't that strong but it has a point. I slightly changed some well thought out things just for this. I felt like certain characters need time to shine. Hope it was enjoyable at least, I didn't care for it too much...just certain moments. (And sorry it's a short one.)