Sorry it took so long, I wrote & re-wrote this chapter a couple times.

Plus the fact that I've had a lot of things to take care of this past week.

To make it up to you all, this chapter is uber long. :D

EPOV

I spend my Sunday outside.

Alice decides to stay on her computer with Jasper all day.

I can't decide if I should be jealous of them or not. They like each other and they know it, yet they can't be together.

But what good is being around someone if you don't do a thing about it?

What's more important? Emotional? Physical?

I guess I wouldn't know either way.

Not yet anyway.

The soft lit skies of Forks makes for good lighting throughout the day.

I film the world around me, look at things in a more artistic light.

I haven't felt this inspired in a while. It's freeing to be exercising my creative eye.

I think I'm so inspired because everywhere I look, I see her. In the sunlight, behind the trees.

I see pale legs in dewy grass. Slender fingers on brick walls.

I wish she was here to make all these mental pictures come to life.

I want to see her hair turning golden whenever the clouds part, I want to see her eyes light up as she sees something that excites her.

I want to look at her and wonder what's going on in her head. I want to ask her all the questions I have. I want her opinions, to show her how I see the world and put it up against her mind.

I wonder what she's doing, thinking about.

I plop down in the over-saturated meadow, soak up the sun.

I looked through her Facebook last night. I realized that her LA life was more adventurous than anything Forks can supply.

I'm scared she'll realize what she's missing. Her friends, her experiences, him.

I wonder what he was like. I wonder if he's anything like her. I wonder if I should bother wondering at all.

It's not healthy to think about my past so negatively. To let it harbor & fester inside of me.

I hadn't even thought about her before Bella came along.

Bella's nothing like her but Bella doesn't know that. That's because nobody knows what she was like.

Bella says secrets make you weak. I finally see why that is.

Here she is, beautiful, amazing Bella. And I can't do anything about it. Because I'm scared.

They say history repeats itself.

I wish I knew if that was true.

Alice would know. But Alice is busy knowing other things - like how to handle being in love with somebody far away.

I want Alice to be with Jasper. She deserves some happiness.

And it'd be nice to see someones happy ending happen in reality rather than on a movie screen.

Film was always my escape from reality - a way to create a world alternate to my own. But for once I'd like to see some truth.

Albeit happy truth, but truth nonetheless.

I'm not good at dealing with sad truths.

That's why Bella is so admirable. She processed the situations, grew from them, changed her outlook, and became stronger. I just escape.

I stay in the meadow until the sky turns purple and my mom calls.

As soon as I enter the house, Alice asks me why I went where I did.

"I've got a lot on my mind. Things that probably shouldn't be there but are regardless."

"Bella?"

"Bella, Jacob...Elena." Alice looks sad, she hasn't heard that name in a long time, but I ignore it & continue. "What I'm going to do about the situation I'm in. Whether I should do anything at all."

"I say do what feels right, and don't fret over what you can't change." Alice says, getting to the core of the issue so easily.

"You make everything so simple."

"And you make everything so complicated."

I sigh and walk up the stairs with Alice at my heels. I get to my room & shed myself of my damp jacket.

Alice walks over to me & wraps her arms around me.

"You're going about this the wrong way. You're looking at it too negatively."

I hug her back but then pull away.

"You're right." Because Alice is always right about this kind of stuff.

"I know." Alice sits on my bed & a mischievous smile appears on her face. "Now, I found out via Facebook today that Bella is visiting LA over winter break. And this is valuable news since you can use that date as a deadline."

I groan. "Really, Alice? You can't just leave shit alone, can you?" My anger peaks. I really can't be fucked with motivation right now.

"So you can put hours of negative thought into a situation, that you then talk to me about - and I can't say something positive in response?" Alice snaps.

She's got me there.

I sigh. "Alice, I get it. But that's too much pressure."

"On what? On you? On Bella? It's only a pressurized situation because you're making it that way. You don't even know how she feels!"

I sigh loudly. I should have stayed in the meadow.

I face plant into my bed.

"Like I keep saying, we've known each other for a week. It's impossible for me to make her mine in..." I count mentally. "Three months."

"It may seem like it, but my psychic abilities tell me it won't even take three months."

"Sure it won't." I say, sitting back up. "Anyway, what did you do today?" I ask finally, effectively shutting her up until dinner time.

BPOV tomorrow.
We'll see how she spends her Sunday.

Let me know what you think & thanks for reading!(: