Chapter Twenty-Five:

A few days after she'd broken the big news, Elise persuaded me to take a stroll through the Public Garden. "Exercise is good for pregnant women." She said as we walked past the equestrian statue of George Washington on the Arlington Street side of the park.

"Exercise is good for every woman. I guess I should think about getting some."

"Oh, Brianne, don't be glum. It's such a beautiful day. A walk will be good for the soul."

Well, I thought, my soul could use some soothing. I couldn't forget the contempt in Wade's voice when I'd told him about Elise and Chris. From now on, I vowed, glancing at my friend, my friends' lives are their own. I will not practice full disclosure with my husband. At least, not with the husband I've chosen.

"How are things with Chris?" I asked.

"Good. There's some strain." Elise admitted. "It's odd being familiar strangers."

"I imagine so."

"It's so odd to know nothing about his life for the past years. I mean, I love Chris and yet in a daily, mundane sort of way, he's a stranger. I know nothing about him anymore."

"You know he wants you." I said. "And that he needs you."

"Yes. I should be content with that but I'm not. I want it to be like old times, when I knew everything. I knew what brand of toothpaste he used. I knew how he took his coffee. I knew that when he was in the car alone he liked to listen to NPR. I knew everything."

Not everything, I thought. Not how he acted alone with his wife. Not where his comb rested on their bathroom sink. Not the color of the bathrobe she bought him or the way he looked at her while she was sleeping. Not what he felt the first time he saw her holding their firstborn child? Not those intimacies.

I said nothing, just nodded encouragingly. The sun was warm; the gardens were alive with color; the sound of a child's laughter reached my ears. My soul, however, didn't feel particularly soothed.

"Now, I know nothing. I know nothing about what for the past years made him happy or sad. Are his parents still alive? What books did he read? What HBO series was he addicted to? Where was he on September 11th 2001, when he heard about the attack on the World Trade Center? I know nothing."

Elise' words made me think. I knew virtually everything about the daily Wade. I'd been with him almost every day for the past year. And yet, what did I really know about him, beyond the habits and behavioral traits? What had I really learned about him during our time together? Why hadn't I asked some important questions?

"But you'll learn." I said. "You'll ask questions."

Elise gave a small smile. It looked pained. "Oh, sure. But it's odd to know so very little about the life of someone you love so much. It's not like we were writing letters or emailing. It all just stopped. And I never knew what he was thinking about me. I never knew if he regretted ever having met me. I suspected me might. I doubted his love even then."

"Maybe you didn't doubt his love as much as think you weren't worthy of it."

"You're right. I guess I couldn't imagine love that big."

We walked along without talking for a while. I looked for mothers with their children. And I wondered what their husbands were doing after hours.

"I am so hungry." Elsie said suddenly. "My appetite has almost doubled since Chris came back. Let's get lunch."

"I guess I could eat something."

"Still battling nausea?"

"No, not really. I just feel a little off."

Elise didn't press the matter. "Look at us Brianne. What incredibly divergent paths our romantic lives have taken."

"You've had adventures. You've taken chances. I've kept to the straight and narrow."

"I'm beginning to think that the straight and narrow is kept is by very few people. I'm beginning to think that maybe the straight and narrow doesn't even exist."

"Are you saying life might surprise me yet?"

"I'm saying that you might surprise yourself yet. Far stranger things have happened, Brianne."

We walked across the Commons to a small comfort food place called Pasha. I had little appetite but ordered a tuna salad sandwich.

"I'll have a cheeseburger and fries." Elise told the waitress. "And do you have real Coke, not diet?"

"Your appetite has improved." I commented when the waitress had gone off with our order.

Elsie grinned. "I know. And I'm not even worried about gaining weight. How bizarre is that? Oh, and Brianne, I need to ask you a favor."

"Sure."

"Would you not tell anyone about Chris and me? I had to tell you, you're my closet friend but I want to keep Chris to myself for a while. I want to keep us private."

"Of course." I assured her, hoping my crime wasn't' stamped across my face. "Your secret's safe with me."

"I'm not ashamed. And I don't see a reason why when I do introduce my friends to Chris I have to reveal the whole tragic story."

"I understand."

Our lunch came and Elise dug in like the proverbial truck driver. I took one bite and chewed unenthusiastically. "So, if it's okay to ask, what happened with Chris and his wife?"

"What happened is that his wife decided she didn't want to be married any longer."

"Just like that"

"Well, according to Chris it was out of the blue. Right after dinner one night. He went out back to turn off the sprinklers and she followed him. Told him right there on the lawn that she wanted him to move out."

"What reason did she give for wanting a divorce?"

"She said she was leaving on grounds of incompatibility. I'm not even sure she needs a reason in the state of Massachusetts. Anyway, I suspect her decision wasn't' made on the spur of the moment. Can you imagine making such a momental decision in the snap of a finger?"

"Not really. Aren't you afraid he'll go back to his wife?" I asked tentatively.

"No, I'm not afraid. He won't go back. And even if he wanted to, which he doesn't, she wouldn't take him back."

"How can you be sure?"

"I'm sure. Anyway, he's kind of in shock, of course. He never expected her to go. How well did he know her after all?"

How well, indeed. Maybe, I thought, if Chris had paid more attention to the woman he'd married, then what? Then Elise might never have met him. Would that have been a good thing or a bad one?

"But now, he's free."

"You have such faith in him. I'm impressed by that. I feel that you deserve this chance with your one great love."

"I don't' know about deserving the chance. I don't think the world works fairly. I don't think anyone gets what she really deserves, good or bad. But the chance is here and I'm taking it and if I don't' take it wholeheartedly, what's the point in taking it all?"

"You aren't very good at doing things halfway. That's true."

"Love isn't half-hearted, Brianne. It's like the songs say, all or nothing at all. Love is either there or it isn't. Love is easy that way. It's not confusing. It's very simple. I like that about love."

"I don't know how you can say that love is simple. Maybe for some people it is, but for other people it's horribly complicated. What happens when you find yourself in love with someone you're not supposed to be in love with?"

"What does that mean? 'Supposed to' has nothing to do with love."

"Of course it does. You're not supposed to fall in love with a married man. You're not supposed to fall in love with someone so different from you he'd irrevocably disrupt your life and just make a mess."

"I gather you're not talking about Wade. The man probably never even made a mess in mud puddle."

"I'm not talking about anyone in particular" I retorted. Of course, Elise knew I was lying. But I could pretend to ignore that fact.

What had she said about people who choose not to see the truth? And then I thought, when you say you have to grab love when it shows up, even when it means hurting someone in the process—like a wife or a husband—aren't you just creating an excuse for selfish behavior? Aren't you just saying, forget will power and self-control and sacrifice. Just take what you want and if someone gets destroyed in the process well so be it. That's life. That's the way the ball bounces and the cookie crumbles.

"So, it's okay to cheat on someone if—"

"I don't advocate cheating, Brianne. I do advocate love. Anyway, what are we really talking about here" Not me any longer, that's for sure."

"Nothing. I guess I'm just tried. I feel a bit confused. I haven't been sleeping very well lately."

"Maybe you need more exercise and fresh air."

"Maybe, I do."

Please Review!