Matt Hates His Life

"What's going on here?" Shawn asked. "Is something exciting going on? Why does Matt have a guitar?"

Hunter shrugged. "I don't know. Do you know Jeff?"

Jeff just shrugged. "I just know that Matt said he was going to do a little performance and everyone's here to watch him. I hope this puts him in a good mood though. He's been really crabby lately.

Matt sat down on a stool with his guitar and tapped on the microphone a couple of times to make sure it was on. "Okay, I like the Theory of a Deadman song Hate my Life, so I changed some of the lyrics around to make it fit me better. So shut up and enjoy it or I'm busting some chairs over your guys' heads."

Shawn shrugged. "At least it's not another Britney Spears song."

So sick of the agents talking about the old days

I don't like how I do all the work and

They sit around and get paid.

"Uh oh, I think he's going to start pissing some people off," Hunter said. "This is going to get interesting.

I hate all the people who can't drive their cars.

Randy you better get out of the way

Before I start falling apart.

Jeff sniggered at the offended look on Randy's face. "It's true, our Legend Killer really can't drive worth a shit."

I hate how my brother is always up my ass

He always wants to buy new things

But I don't have the cash

"Hey!" Jeff yelled. "Fuck you Matt!"

Hunter laughed. "You know, until he added that buying new things part, I thought he was talking about some good old fashion incest."

Shawn glared at him. "You're disgusting."

"Oh come on, you're telling me you never thought about our favorite brothers doing it?"

"No!"

I hate my job, my retarded friends

I'll hate Adam Copeland till the bitter end

My career didn't turn out right

There's no end in sight

I hate my life

"This is really depressing," Jeff complained. "I think we need to get Matt some Prozac."

"Yeah and we also need to get you some ADD medicine while we're at it," Hunter added.

How come I never get laid

Nice guys always lose

How they can have another headache

There's always some kind of excuse

"Crap he's on to us!" Maria groaned. "We need a new excuse and fast."

Shawn raised his eyebrow. "I guess the honeymoon is over for them now."

I still hate my job

My boss is a dick

I don't get paid nearly enough

To put up with all of this shit

"Amen to that Hardy!" Hunter yelled.

I hate my job, my retarded friends

I'll hate Adam Copeland till the bitter end

My career didn't turn out right

There's no end in sight

I hate my life

I hate when I can't tell when the ring rats are underage

I invite her up to my hotel room

And then I end up in jail

Jeff winced at the furious looks on Maria's and Candice's faces. "Okay, that was not a good thing to admit when your girlfriends are in the same room as you."

So if you're pissed like me
Bitches, here's what you gotta do
Put your middle fingers up in the air
Go on and say "Fuck you!"

"Fuck you!" Shawn, Hunter and Jeff yelled at once.

I hate my job, my retarded friends

I'll hate Adam Copeland till the bitter end

My career didn't turn out right

There's no end in sight

I hate my life

So much at stake, can't catch a break
I hate my life

No, it's nothing new to hear Jeff say "it sucks to be you"

I fuckin hate my life

Matt stood up, smashed his guitar to pieces and stormed off the stage. Everybody just sat there for a second before hesitantly applauding. "I think we need to help Matt out," Shawn said. "He seemed really angry."

"We could have an intervention," Hunter suggested.

Jeff frowned. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Trust me Jeff, it's exactly what Matt needs."