Review Thanks:
ben4kevin: Poor Ludger is really feeling left out, but Jude will make him feel better :)
ZalelTribal: They are both being idiots this time.
xXBloodDemonXx: I'm glad you like my OCs. I was worried that people wouldn't. As for Yamato and Hibiki go. I know what you mean ;) I love that the 'hiro' wears a bunny jacket. It just cracks me up!
blackkyu: Yeah. The boy needs to talk more. Which Jude will tell him ;)
AN: Only four reviews this chapter. I've been spoiled that only four reviews is disappointing. Bad me. Anyway here's the next chapter. I planned to have a lot more happen, but the chapter was getting a little long so I decided to split it into two. Next chapter will be up next weekend at the latest. Maybe sooner ;) Please leave a review!
Chapter 25
Ludger let out a sigh. Today was even more difficult than yesterday. The mansion was full of people. Guests for the wedding, the mansion servants, and people hired just for the wedding. He had a fear that he would run into someone he knew. Someone that didn't' know he was back. He wasn't up to dealing with an explanation at the moment.
That was why he spent most of the day hiding in the bedroom. He was so worried about running into someone that he didn't even leave his room to eat lunch. He didn't want to deal with the people. It didn't help his mood any that Jude had to leave so early this morning. He barely got to see his boyfriend before he had to attend to his best man duties.
Once it was getting close to the ceremony Ludger put on the suit that Alvin bought for him and headed outside. The chairs were set up beautifully and he saw Luci from a distance. The man looked very in control as he talked to Driselle.
Not wanting anyone to see him Ludger chose a seat in the back. This gave him a perfect view to watch the people, but they didn't pay any attention to him. People kept coming and the seats were quickly filling up. He watched as Driselle sit in the front row next to Milla and Muzét.
Ludger's row stayed empty until right before the ceremony started when it to fill up with 'disgruntled' looking people. He had a feeling that they didn't want to be there. Not that he could really blame them as he wasn't a big fan of weddings either. He didn't have time to contemplate them much as the music started up and the ceremony began.
Elle walked down the aisle first with a young man he didn't recognize. She looked very grown up in her long, blue, gown and her short was down up with a wreath of flowers. Next came Alvin and Leia. Leia was dressed similar to Elle and the suit Alvin wore was the same color as the girls' dresses but the shirt was white. Next came Elize and Jude. Ludger blushed when he saw how good Jude looked in his suit.
As they too walked down the aisle Ludger truly realized how much they had all grown and how much they had changed. Elize and Elle had been little girls when he 'left', now they were grown women and they didn't need him anymore. Ludger bit his lip. A wedding was a happy occasion and he tried to push his depressing thoughts away.
Last down the aisle were Rowen and Marcia, because they were older they thought the 'giving the bride away thing' was silly. Wanting to do something different they decided to walk down together. Marcia's dress was an off white color. It was simple but elegant. Rowen wore a white suit with a light blue shirt. What stood out most to Ludger was how truly happy the two of them looked.
Gaius wore the traditional black suit and white shirt has he was the one that was preforming the ceremony. All of his friends looked so happy. Even though he didn't want to Ludger was once again reminded of how much he missed out on while he was gone. He remembered Rowen and Marcia had started to become friends and now they were getting married.
The ceremony soon came to an end and the wedding party was whisked away by the photographer. He wouldn't be able to see any of them until after the dinner as they would be all sitting at the head table. He did spot Milla and Muzét, but they were talking to Balan. Not that he was up to talking to either of them.
He stayed in the background knowing that it would be rude to leave, but not really in the mood to talk to a bunch of people that he didn't know or even worse run into an old acquaintance. After nearly an hour of mingling people started to go where the tables were set up. It was sunset by now and the tables were set up beautifully; he figured this was some of Luci's handiwork.
He glanced at the head table and saw that they were already sitting. It again struck him how happy and comfortable they all looked together. He watched as Milla went and talked to the head table. They even seemed comfortable with her in a way that they weren't with him. That hurt more than it should have. No longer in the mood to deal with people Ludger headed to the kitchens; he highly doubted anyone would miss him anyway.
He thought for sure that Tave would kick him out this time, but the other man looked so frazzled that he only gave Ludger a confused look. The other man though didn't say a word as Ludger took off his jacket and put on an extra apron. Knowing what needed to be done Ludger immediately jumped in and started helping.
Ludger worked in tandem with the other man. Instead of guests ordering their meals through their RSVPS there was a small menu of a few meals instead. This gave them more work, but the food was fresher that way.
Once Ludger got into the rhythm of cooking his other worries evaporated, at least for the time being. Reality soon came crashing back down though when the last meal went out.
"You really didn't have to help this time," Tave said, "but I was grateful for it. Once again I don't think I could have done it without you. You really should get back to the wedding though. The dance is going to start soon." As if on cue the music started up.
"I'm not one of dances," Ludger said. He briefly wondered if Jude was dancing with Milla, but quickly squashed that thought. He didn't want to think about the two of them dancing together.
"What about your boyfriend?" Tave asked.
"He's best man. He has other duties to attend to," Ludger said with a shrug.
"Well I'm not one for dances either. Why don't you, me, and Luci all have dinner together," Tave said as he took off his apron. No sooner than he said that, that the kitchen door opened and Luci waked in. "Speak of the devil…I was just coming to look for you."
"And I see that you talked Ludger into helping you. Again," Luci said with a shake of his head.
"I didn't," Tave said with a pout. "He just came in and started to help."
"I don't like crowds," Ludger told him not wanting to cause a fight between the two of them.
"See," Tave said looking smug.
"And I take it you don't like dances either?" Luci asked. Ludger bit his lip and shook his head.
"I told him that he could have dinner with us," Tave said. "From what I know about you two, neither of you ate lunch today."
"I was a little preoccupied," Luci said. Ludger shrugged trying not to look too guilty as he hadn't had breakfast either.
"You two sit while I get us all something to eat," Tave said with a dramatic sigh. Knowing that he wouldn't win the argument Ludger sat down at the counter.
~XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX~
It was getting late. Very late and the fireworks were going to start soon. This was when Jude realized something and felt sick when he did. He hadn't seen Ludger since he left their room this morning. He quickly scanned the crowd, but he didn't spot his boyfriend. Jude shook his head in frustration. He had been so busy with his duties that he hadn't looked out for Ludger like he should have. He just hoped someone else would know what happened to him and where he went.
He found Alvin first. The man was talking to several people; more than likely a potential group of investors. He didn't want to interrupt, but he was worried about Ludger.
"Jude can I help you with something?" Alvin asked after he just stood there for a moment.
"I was wondering if you saw Ludger?" Jude asked him.
"I haven't," Alvin said as his smile turned into a frown. "Do you want me to help you look for him?"
"No, I'll be alright," Jude said then hurried on his way.
He found the girls next, but they were talking to a couple of cute boys. He didn't want to ruin their night, especially if he didn't have to. So he left them alone for now. He continued to walk through the crowd looking for any signs of Ludger, but was finding none. Jude ran his hand through his hair in frustration. He was beginning to get very nervous. What if something happened to him?
"Jude is something wrong?" Milla came up and asked him. "You look upset?"
"I was just looking for Ludger. Have either of you seen him?" Jude asked.
"I saw him during the ceremony," Muzét said as she joined him. "He was sitting in the back."
"The back?" Jude asked with a frown. "He was suppose to be sitting up front." He once again ran his hand through his hair in frustration. "You didn't happen to see where he went after that?"
"Sorry," Muzét said with a shrug, "but, I don't remember seeing him at dinner."
"Would you like us to help you look for him?" Milla offered.
"That's alright," Jude said with a shake of his head, "but if you happen to see him…"
"We'll tell him that you're looking for him," Milla said.
"Thanks," Jude said and then hurried on his way.
Thinking that maybe the wedding was too overwhelming for him Jude thought that Ludger just went back up to their room. He opened the door hoping to find his missing boyfriend, but instead all he saw was an empty room. He let out a long sigh and leaned his back against the wall. He was starting to get really worried. What if something did happen to him?
He couldn't panic yet. Jude tried to think of any other place that Ludger might go and then an idea struck. When Ludger was upset he liked to cook. Jude quickly got up and headed to the kitchens hoping that his hunch was right. He stopped outside the door when he heard voices, one of them sounded very familiar. Not wanting to wait any longer Jude opened the door. He saw Ludger sitting by the kitchen counter with two other people that he recognized to be Tave and Luci.
"I've been looking everywhere for you," Jude said as he hurried over to the younger man.
"Sorry," Ludger said looking contrite.
"Don't be sorry," Jude said as he laid a hand on his shoulder, "I was just worried."
"And when did you notice that he was missing?" Tave asked his voice cold.
"I…" Jude said as he stumbled over his words unsure of what to say. What kind of boyfriend was he to not notice that his other half was missing?
"Come on," Luci said as he got up and pulled Tave up after him. "It's obvious that the two of them need to talk."
"But…" Tave argued.
"Let's go," Luci said as he continued to pull Tave from the kitchen and out the backdoor.
"Alright," Tave finally agreed then turned his attention back to Ludger. "It you want to watch the fireworks with us we'll be up on the hill." Luci finally dragged Tave from the kitchen after that was said.
"So you went to the kitchen," Jude said as he looked down at the younger man who shrugged in response. "Are you upset about something?" Ludger looked up at him and opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but quickly closed it making Jude sigh. Something was obviously wrong.
"Come on, they're right we need to talk," Jude said as he grabbed Ludger by the hand and led him from the room. He didn't know if it was a good thing or not that Ludger didn't protest as he took him through the backdoor and outside. Jude ended up taking him to a very secluded part of the yard where they wouldn't be disturbed. "Alright tell me what's wrong."
"I…" Ludger said then quickly closed his mouth. It looked like he was debating with himself. "Milla."
"Milla?" Jude repeated. Ludger nodded. "What about Milla?"
"Would you rather be with her?" Ludger blurted out taking Jude surprise.
"What?!" Jude asked almost hurt by that statement. If Ludger hadn't looked so upset he would have been. "What would make you think that?"
"I remember how close the two of you were and when she showed up again, you got that same look on your face," Ludger said as he looked down at the ground. "If you would rather be with her I'll understand and I won't stand in your way."
"I don't want to be with Milla," Jude said as he put his finger under Ludger's chin and forced the younger man to look up at him. "I'm not in love with Milla. I want to be with you."
"Then I'm not a second choice?" Ludger asked. "I thought that maybe if I wasn't here, that you would have ended up with Milla."
"I must be a really bad boyfriend," Jude said as he leaned his head against Ludger's shoulder.
"You're not," Ludger said. "It's just…"
"Listen," Jude said as he picked his head up. "You. Are. Not. A. Second. Choice. Milla and I never would have worked. We both put our jobs before each other. Always have. But if you needed me to I would quit my job at the research center."
"I would never ask you to do that!" Ludger shouted.
"I know," Jude told him, "but if you needed me to I would and I wouldn't hesitate."
"I…" Ludger stuttered looking at a loss for words.
"Look, I'm sorry I made you feel like a second choice," Jude said then slowly kissed Ludger and felt relief when Ludger kissed him back. "Next time you feel that way, you can talk to me. I won't get upset." Ludger bit his lip and once again looked at the ground. "Is there something else?"
"I don't feel like I belong," Ludger muttered so quietly that Jude almost didn't hear him.
"What do you mean?" Jude asked.
"You all have gotten older, gone on with your lives," Ludger explained. "I don't feel like I fit in. It's like you don't need me."
"How long have you felt this way?" Jude asked. Ludger shrugged in reply and Jude held in a wince. If Ludger wasn't answering that meant too long.
"I'm happy that you all have gone on with your lives, it's not like I wanted you all to be miserable, but still seeing you all." Ludger again shrugged. "It made me realize how much you all had grown."
"We might have gotten older and changed, but that doesn't mean that we don't need you," Jude told him hoping that Ludger believed him. "It's just in a different way than before. Is that why you went to the kitchen?"
"Part of it," Ludger said quietly. "Seeing you with Milla and with everyone so busy and…"
"And…" Jude pressed when Ludger's face trailed off.
"And I was worried that I might run into someone that I use to know," Ludger finally admitted.
"You really have had a rough night," Jude said as he pulled the younger man into a hug. He felt better when Ludger leaned into him. "Why don't we go up to our room just the two of us." He felt Ludger nodded against his shoulder so he led the younger man to their room.
"I'm going to get comfortable. I can't stand to be in this suit a minute more," Jude said as he walked into the attached bathroom. He quickly changed into a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants then joined Ludger back in the main room, who also happened to change into something more comfortable. The younger man was sitting on his bed and looking out the window.
"Are you feeling better?" Jude asked as he joined him.
"A little," Ludger said. "Sorry I acted like such an idiot."
"You didn't. You were upset. I just wish that you had come to me earlier," Jude told him.
"I didn't want to bother anyone. You were all so busy with the wedding," Ludger said as he picked at a loose strand on the comforter.
"Ludger you'll never be a bother, especially if you're feeling upset. You can always come and talk to me or one of us," Jude told him. "You know that, don't you?"
"I'm trying," Ludger said. "It's just…hard."
"Do you want to talk about anything else?" Jude asked.
"I think I'm pretty talked out," Ludger said.
"Do you want to watch the fireworks with me, we should be able to see them through the window?" Jude asked.
"I'd like that," Ludger said as he finally smiled. Jude returned it. It upset him to think that Ludger was so upset and kept it to himself. It upset him even more that Ludger thought himself a second choice. It looked as if he would have to try harder to prove to Ludger that he really did care about him in that way.