When your whole life felt like it was falling apart, you could feel it. You could feel it in your bones. That tingling feeling that ran up your spine and landed in your heart in a shiver. You knew it, and your heart would start beating as if it wouldn't see tomorrow. There wasn't a comforting thing you could do in the world, whether it was brushing your hair, or tapping your fingers on the table; even if you tried that breathing technique reserved for pregnant women in delivery classes, it didn't work. You tried to think about something, like apple cakes, and it immediately reverted back to nonsense like "You deserved it. YOU deserved it." It's no use at all.
Carmen felt useless, for once in her life, useless because there was nothing she could do in her situation. She could only wait, and brushed her hair back into her neat bun.
"Miss Morales, the Head Pastry Chef is back in the kitchen. Would you like me to tell them you are on your way?" The intercom sounded.
"Thanks, Ella." Carmen said as professionally as she could. She gathered her things, and stood up, that tingling shiver ran up her spine again. Carmen shuddered, but headed towards the kitchen anyway.
"Why are you pacing… Can you stop pacing…"
Alice was weary of the way Shane paced up and down the length of the kitchen, and frankly, she was sick of how easily Shane loses her temper these days. Shane turned at Alice, and looked as if she was going to unleash her wrath on her assistant. But she decided against it, and started pacing again.
Before long, a hike in murmurs signaled the arrival of someone 'important', and Shane knew, she just knew it, that it was the al-mighty Manager of F&B.
"Good afternoon, and welcome back." Carmen said to all the crew of the Pastry department. Everyone gave her a half-hearted applause, and Carmen bit back a hint of disdain. Now it's official, the entire world hates her. And soon Shane would hate her too.
And Carmen wasn't imagining things. Shane sat down immediately after she arrived, and all the time she gave the crew the brief and the prep-talk, Shane remained on her seat, her eyes glued to the baking scale in the back corner. If Shane was already acting this way, imagine how she would act when she found out what she had done.
Carmen finished her address to the kitchen crew, and stole a look at Kit. Kit looked grim, as grim as Shane in the other corner. The older woman gave Carmen a slight nod of approval, and Carmen felt empowered. She turned back to address Shane. "Miss McCutheon, I would like to speak to you privately, if that is okay with you?"
"And what would it be about, Miss Morales?" Shane snarled.
"I believe it is a matter to be discussed in private."
"Discussed? Is there anything to be discussed?" Shane stood up, and started a ponderous walk. "Wait, let me guess, is this about, let's see, Jenny?"
Shane felt a surge of satisfaction as she saw the startled look on Carmen's face.
"It is about Miss Jennifer Schecter, yes. And I would like…"
"How long have you known this, Carmen? How long! And I thought you would have the decency to inform me before you go off firing my crew!"
A general murmur rose amongst the kitchen staff, and Carmen felt downright humiliated. She was the Manager of the Food & Beverage department, damnit! How could Shane speak to her like that?
"Miss McCutheon, I do not think this is the place to speak of this matter. If you would step into my office, I'll be able to explain everything to you."
"I don't think there is a need to. I'm the head chef, I have a right to know this, Carmen." Shane shouted.
Kit, watching from the sidelines, could not hold it in any longer. She walked up to between Shane and Carmen, and pointed at Shane, "Enough, you are out of line here."
"I am out of line? Kit, I have put up with this shit for so long. I am not a child."
"Shane. Honey… please let me explain." Carmen reached out to touch Shane, but drew back when Shane flinched.
"You are acting like a child now. Alice, get her out of here to calm down." Kit ordered.
Shane turned in horror, and stared at Kit, before she could say anything, Kit continued, "You are making a scene, either you go calm down, or I'll make you calm down."
Alice led – yanked, more like – Shane out of the kitchen. Lacey, standing closest to the kitchen door leading to the café, reported back that they had left the hotel through the lobby.
"And the rest of you, no one say anything about this. Do you hear me?" Kit looked around, and saw grave nods from most of the crew members. Satisfied, she held Carmen by the elbow, and discovered she was shaking and unsteady, and led her out of the kitchen.
Alice and Shane sat in Pete's, Pete's being the one place Hotel employees go to. And Shane snapped her fingers at Pete, said owner of the bar and signaled for the half dozen special. It arrived in a bucket, half dozen Stellas. Shane grabbed the first bottle, and downed it like it was an energy drink and she just came from a 10mile marathon. Alice halfheartedly tried to grab the bottle from her boss, but Shane merely moved out of reach of Alice.
"Stop it Shane." Alice said, as Shane grabbed the second bottle.
"She fucking fired my assistant. MY assistant! Can you believe that?"
Alice sucked on her teeth and hummed, and Shane turned sharply at her assistant.
"I can." Alice murmured. Shane opened her mouth to scream at Alice, but bit back her words as she emptied the second bottle of beer.
"Look, I don't like Carmen at work. I think she is a hard-ass for no reason. But Jenny fucked up. Objectively, if I was in her shoes, I would HAVE TO fire her too."
Shane slammed the bottle onto the table, "How can you fucking say that? Jenny made a mistake, but everyone make mistakes."
Alice sighed dramatically, and patiently – as she tears the napkin she was holding into shreds – asked her boss, "Yeah, but what's the first rule of the kitchen?"
Shane remained silent, knowing exactly what the first rule was. Even in her drunkard sluggish state, she knew that Jenny had done the most terrible thing that a kitchen staff could do. "I should BE the one who lets Jenny go, not her!"
Alice sighed again, "Would you? Seriously Shane, I think Carmen did you the favor by playing the bad guy here. And you didn't even give her a chance to explain."
"What's there to explain? She fired Jenny, it's as simple as that."
"Shane, shut up and listen for once. You are being irrational." Alice pulled the bottle away from Shane as she tipped it to her lips, but Shane just swiped off her hand and took a full gulp. "I don't believe it is that simple. Did you think that maybe Carmen had no choice in the matter?"
"Yeah. Whatever." Shane pushed away from the table and signaled for Pete to bring another half-dozen.
Carmen shook, and could not stop her hands from shaking as she accepted the cup from Kit. Kit noticed, but said nothing, for the young manager was trying her best to act like nothing had happened. But something happened, and it was big. And with tears rolling around in her eyes threatening to fall at any moment, Kit knew that it was maybe more than the young woman could handle.
"Have a cup of tea, it'll calm your nerves." Kit emptied the pot of Earl Grey tea into Carmen's porcelain cup.
Carmen smiled, though it didn't quite meet her eyes, "Thanks."
"It'll be okay Carmen, Shane will calm down and…"
"I'm tired, Kit, I'm so tired of her lashing out at me every time things don't go her way." Carmen gripped her cup tight. "At work…"
She looked up at Kit, and with that reassuring tip of Kit's head, continued, "At home… She doesn't see that line. The line that crosses work and personal life."
"I know… I know it is hard. Shane had never had to deal with issues like that before."
Carmen took in a deep breath, "Kit, I try so hard, I know I should have told her earlier… but I was afraid of how she would act. I just didn't imagine that she would do it in front of 50 people."
A young waitress sneaked up on the table behind Carmen, in a pretense of changing the cloth of the dining table, but the threatening look on Kit's face informed her that it was not unnoticed, she hurriedly scampered away.
"Maybe I shouldn't have come here." She took a small sip of her tea and leaned back into her seat, pinching the bridge of her nose, "I just wanted to see her every single day, be with her, I thought working in the same hotel would be such a breeze. Working hand in hand, growing hand in hand…"
Kit laughed, and patted Carmen's hand, "Whoever says a relationship is easy? Friction happens with any kind of relationship. You just have a dual relationship, double the friction."
"Friction? With Shane, it's too intense. She's so talented, and I want everyone to know how talented she is! But she rather remained at the bottom. It drives me crazy!" Carmen brushed her hair back.
"When she's nice, she really nice, you know?" Carmen twirled the cup around. "She's sweet, and so charming... But when her temper rises…" She gave a mirthless laugh.
"Baby girl… let me tell you something. I've never seen Shane more alive than she has been since she's been with you." Kit leaned forward and stared at the defeated Latina. "You are a godsend to her."
"Yeah? I don't feel that way at the moment." A tear threatened to make its way down the flawless cheek, but Carmen wiped it away defiantly. She was still in the hotel, and she didn't want anyone to accuse her of being unprofessional.
"Take some time off, you had a long day." Kit advised, but Carmen shook her head vehemently.
"I can't do this anymore. We cannot work together, or stay together."
"What are you talking about?" Kit tried to hold Carmen's hand, but Carmen pulled it away to wipe her nametag on her jacket.
"What I need is to clear my head, to re-evaluate our relationship. With Shane, there isn't a proper definition between colleague and lover. I think it has to be either or."
"Why has it have to be either or? You just have to trust and to communicate."
"That's the problem, isn't it? It's not the jobs, so I guess…"
"Girl! Shane loves you, and I know you love her. Don't throw it away."
"Sometimes Kit, I'm not sure love is enough." Carmen drew up, straighten her skirt, and pat down her hair, "I have work to do. Miss Porter, please ensure that the episode today does not leak out, it would do much damage to Miss McCutheon's reputation, especially since she just established herself as a talented pastry chef."