Rachel had been diagnosed with post-partum depression at her six week appointment. She didn't want to admit it, because it made her feel like a bad mom. It wasn't like she didn't love her baby or want her baby, and she felt like admitting that she was depressed would make it seem that way. Evita was a very planned and hoped for baby, she and Noah were blissfully married and they'd tried to conceive for six months, so Rachel didn't see how she could be depressed. But when she started sobbing as soon as Dr. Wu asked how she was doing, and how she was healing, it was pretty obvious to him that something was off. So, after asking a few more questions about symptoms, behavior, and risk factors, it was confirmed. He offered to write her a prescription for some antidepressants, but she refused, even though he assured her that it was considered safe while breastfeeding. Instead, he referred her to a therapist, suggested some herbs and supplements, many of them traditional Chinese ones that he used in combination with western medicine for the few patients that were open to it, and prescribed exercise and a good support system.
The therapist was helpful. She helped Rachel work through the guilt and anger she still carried about delivering her daughter via c-section. Noah and Dr. Wu had tried to assured her that it was nothing she did wrong, that that's what needed to happen, and that she was in no way a failure, but the therapist was the first person who really made her feel better about it. The supplements must have been helping too, and the walks with her friends that took place at least twice a week all seemed to make a difference. She'd been spending a lot of time with Quinn too. It had been a few weeks since they had met, and they'd hung out a few times too. It always helped Rachel to put things into perspective. Considering what Quinn had gone through with her baby, having a c-section was nothing. She always had a nice time with the blonde. Quinn would fill Rachel in on all the juicy Hollywood gossip, like who was secretly gay (the names shocked Rachel), who was a real douche-bag, and who had had subtle cosmetic surgery. Rachel suspected Quinn had had some procedures herself, just like she suspected Santana had had more done than just a boob job; they were too pretty not to, but she never asked. In exchange, Quinn wanted to hear all about Rachel's friends and their babies, so she happily filled her in. They mostly talked about how lucky Brittany was to have a husband that was home all the time, and how lucky Santana was that her husband made several million dollars a year. They had no idea.
So, things were improving for Rachel. She was becoming more patient with Evita, they were bonding more, and Rachel was starting to realize how cute Evita actually was, even though she was still completely bald. And then they got the call. It was seven a.m., Evita was finally asleep after several hours of fussing, and apparently, her mother-in-law thought it was the perfect time to call them.
"Hi Nancy," Rachel said, trying to sound as groggy as possible.
"Hello, Rachel. Did I wake you? I forget that not everyone is a morning person."
"Kind of," Rachel said, becoming slightly hostile, hoping her mother-in-law would take the hint.
"Oh, well, it takes all kinds! Anyways, let me speak to my son."
Rachel handed the phone to Noah and settled back under the covers, hoping that this would be over quickly and she could go back to sleep.
"Hi Mom," Noah said, and then Rachel heard silence. So much silence that it was making her uncomfortable. This was not going to be good.
"Okay," he finally said with a sigh. "For how long?"
"No, it's fine. I didn't mean to sigh, I'm just tired. No, she's not. Mom, she's two months old, that's perfectly normal. It's fine, I promise. Okay, I'll see you soon. Love you too." Noah hung up the phone, handed it back to Rachel and then put his hands over his eyes and sighed again.
"What?" asked Rachel.
Noah didn't say anything at first, and it was really worrying her. "You're not going to like this," he finally said.
"She got another stupid little dog and she wants us to come over for a fashion show?" Rachel asked.
"Her house has termites and it's being tented, so she's staying with us for a few days," he mumbled quietly, but Rachel still caught every word.
"And her only option is with us? She's seen how small our house is. Wouldn't she be more comfortable in a hotel?"
"She doesn't want to spend the money," he muttered.
"Oh please! Her entire wardrobe is designer, she has Coach luggage, she spends god knows how much on her cosmetic procedures, but would rather stay in our cramped house than spend money on a couple of nights in a hotel? This is Lima, we don't even have anything fancier than a Holiday Inn! Where is she going to sleep anyway?" She asked, grabbing her robe and tying it around her waist.
"Well," Noah muttered, looking down.
"You have got to be shitting me," Rachel hissed, walking over to the other side of their bedroom to make sure Evita was still sleeping. "Noah, we can't give up our bedroom. Evita sleeps here, and she needs me at night. Your mother can't exactly breastfeed her!"
"Honey, you know her back bothers her too much to sleep on the pull-out," he explained.
Rachel knew alright. Nancy Puckerman was always bitching. She was one of those people who, if she was miserable, or had any type of ache or pain, she made sure everyone knew about it. Rachel was sure she got some kind of sick pleasure out of making people pity her. She'd spent one night on their pull-out before and complained about all the money she'd had to spend on Chiropractic visits for an entire year after that. The pull-out wasn't bad at all, but it was their house, they should have gotten the master bedroom.
"It'll be fine babe, we'll set up the pack-and-play you got for your baby-shower and Eva can sleep right next to us. Or she can just sleep in bed with us, lots of parents co-sleep," he suggested.
"Oh, no." Rachel said defiantly. "Santana co-sleeps, and she's a great mom, but that kid freaks if he's out of her arms for a second. I'd go nuts if Evita was that clingy."
"Santana Hudson co-sleeps?" He asked, scratching his head. "I know she's your friend and everything and I only met her a few times, but she struck me more as the full-time nanny type."
"Oh yeah, she surprised me too. She co-sleeps, is fully committed to attachment parenting, has only left her baby once, and that was with her mother-in-law, and she's even more anti-formula than I am. Just goes to show that you can't judge a book by it's cover. Still, I don't want to do that, and if we give your mother our room, it'll mess up everything." Rachel explained.
"Please?" Noah asked, wrapping his arms around her waist and nuzzling her neck. "It'll just be for a few days, and it means a lot to me, she's.."
"I know, she's your mother! Fine," she sighed. "Help me set up the pack-and-play."
Noah was a total mama's boy. Rachel thought it was sweet at first, but now it's kind of ridiculous. He was a great husband, but after all these years, his mom seemed to always come first, and Rachel was pretty sure that he'd never said no to her. He didn't have a whole lot of trouble saying no to his wife at times though, and Rachel kind of resented it. What she didn't know though, was that Noah was a little scared of his mother, where he completely respected his wife.
An hour later, after they had set up the pack-and-play and Noah had showered and left for the hospital, Nancy arrived in a miniskirt, what Rachel always referred to as "hooker shoes", a v-neck that showed way too much grandma cleavage, and five pieces of Coach luggage, not including the dog carrier.
"Hi Elizabeth," she screeched, and plucked the baby out of her mother's arms. "Hello Nancy," Rachel said, even though the woman hadn't greeted her. "And her name is Evita."
"Oh, I know that dear. She just looks so much more like an Elizabeth, don't you think?"
"Maybe so, but still, her name is Evita."
"Technicalities, dear. Would you mind getting my luggage? My hands are full with the most beautiful, but bald baby in the world!"
Rachel headed to the porch and took some deep breaths. This was going to be a very long few days. After several trips back and forth to bring all her luggage in, and getting growled at by her mother-in-law's toy poodle "Princess", Nancy promptly asked what was for breakfast.
"Noah and I had bagels," she said.
"I don't eat gluten anymore," Nancy explained.
"Were you diagnosed with Celiac Disease?" Rachel asked.
"No, I just read that gluten makes you fat. Dr. Oz, or someone, said so," she said, looking her daughter-in-law up and down."
"Well, I have bacon and eggs," she offered.
"Is it organic? Because Dr. Oz said you should only eat organic. Pesticides make you fat."
Rachel sighed, and suddenly realized she hated Dr. Oz.
"We have grapefruit," she offered.
"Too sour," Nancy explained, and then proceeded to make awful puckering faces at Evita. "Could you be a dear and run to the store? I'll keep an eye on the baby."
"Fine," Rachel sighed, deciding that she would have to be as agreeable as possible to hopefully make these next few days work, even if her mother-in-law was completely ridiculous. "Let me just take a quick shower first."
"Just leave me with a bottle and we'll be fine!"
"I'm breastfeeding, remember?"
"Still?" Nancy asked incredulously. "And the doctors think that's okay, even with your processed, non-organic diet?"
Rachel closed her eyes briefly and recited the serenity prayer in her mind. "Yup. It's been proven to be the best thing for babies. It strengthens their immune system, reduces allergies, improves their I.Q., prevents certain types of cancer and diabetes..."
"Oh, that's what they say. They also say it helps the mother lose weight. I don't know if I agree with that though," She said, glaring at Rachel. "I never breastfed my Noah, and I left the hospital in my pre-pregnancy clothes!"
Rachel headed upstairs before she exploded, took a quick shower, and returned to the kitchen ten minutes later.
"She ate half a Fig Newton!" Nancy said proudly.
"What?" Rachel shrieked, almost startling Evita.
"Is that a problem, dear? You and Noah eat processed food, so I figured you'd be okay with your child eating it too."
"She can't eat solid food yet! We're waiting until she's six months old, and then it'll just be pureed fruits and veggies. I'm going to the store now, I won't be gone long, so please don't feed her anything while I'm gone."
Rachel got to her car and promptly called Dr. Anderson's office, where the receptionist told her that while eating a cookie at her age wasn't the best idea, it wasn't going to kill her. She hung up and screamed the entire way to the grocery store. Anyone that saw her in her car probably thought she was insane, but it did help her feel better. When she returned with sixty dollars worth of Nancy approved groceries, Nancy and Evita were sitting on the couch watching "Days of Our Lives" or some other awful soap opera and Nancy was explaining the importance of marrying for money to the two month old.
"True love doesn't exist, which is why you just need to find someone rich, even if he's old. And whatever you do, don't sign a pre-nup, so when it doesn't work out, you can take everything he's got."
"Excuse me?" Rachel called from the kitchen as she was putting the groceries away.
"I was just explaining how the world works, that's all. Isn't that right, baby?"
"Look, I'm sure you don't mean any harm, but she's a baby, she doesn't need to be hearing about that stuff. Besides, true love does exist, she just has to look at her father and me to see that."
When Rachel heard Nancy tell her daughter how chunky she was and that she hoped she grew out of it soon so she would attract the boys, that was the last straw. She swooped in and snatched her out of the older woman's arms, and made a point to ask Dr. Wu if she could double up on her supplements and try to fit in another appointment with her counselor.
"I'm just gonna go change her," she explained over her shoulder. Evita's diaper was clean and dry, she just needed an excuse to get her away. When she was done changing her, she sat down on the glider, lifted up her shirt, and allowed her daughter to latch onto her breast. Evita would have been hungry soon anyway, and she certainly wasn't going to refuse the offer. The act of nursing soothed both of them. With Rachel starting to feel better over the last couple of weeks, she was really starting to enjoy these moments of bonding with her daughter, and was finally understanding the overwhelming love and bliss that her friends talked about. Unfortunately, the moment didn't last long.
"Oh, excuse you!" Nancy said, peeking into the master bedroom and spotting Rachel's partially exposed breast. They were in their own house, the baby's head covered most of it, and Nancy's shirt showed way more boob than Rachel was showing at the moment. Evita removed herself at the interruption and Rachel fixed her shirt and reminded herself to breathe deeply. Had the woman ever heard of knocking?
"She's so beautiful," Nancy said, coming over to them and gently stroking the baby's soft head. Maybe this woman wasn't all bad. Rachel began to feel a slight hint of tenderness for her mother-in-law.
"She really is, isn't she?" Rachel gushed, kissing the baby on the temple. Evita's baby acne had finally cleared up, revealing a beautiful olive complexion, she had her daddy's beautiful hazel eyes and full lips, and the smoothest, softest bald head around.
"Of course she'll be cuter and much more feminine looking when she gets some hair," Nancy added. "My Noah always had great hair, she must get the female pattern baldness gene from your side."
Well, that moment was ruined, and Rachel was back to being severely pissed off. And "her" Noah had awful hair. He'd been shaving his head since before Rachel knew him, and after seeing old pictures she knew why. He had sported a mohawk in high school and college, which wasn't bad either, but started shaving it in medical school because he figured most people wouldn't take a doctor with a mohawk very seriously.
The bedroom quickly became very cramped, so they returned downstairs where Nancy announced that Princess needed to eat. They stared at her for a few moments, and Rachel realized that that was her mother-in-law's subtle way of asking her to feed the damn dog.
"Would you like me to get her food?" Rachel asked.
"Oh, would you dear? That would be wonderful. She eats it warm."
Rachel turned around, rolled her eyes, and poured the disgusting contents of the can into a bowl. Just when she was about to stick it in the microwave, she heard a very loud gasp.
"We don't use microwaves!" Nancy shrieked. "Dr. Oz said the radiation in them is bad!"
Rachel took a deep breath and pulled out a pot and a big spoon, and tried not to gag at the fact that her cooking untensils were touching dog food. A few minutes later, Princess had her food, Rachel hadn't received a "thank you" from the older woman, but she hadn't really expected it. They sat there quietly for a few minutes when Nancy got up and started running her finger along picture frames, clearly inspecting for dust.
"Would you like some wine?" She said to the older woman, hoping it would relax her or give her some kind of break. She did want some, and after pouring her her second glass and handing her the remote, Rachel grabbed the stroller and Evita and was off. She asked Nancy if she wanted to join them on their walk, only because she knew she would refuse.
"Bad back," the woman had explained. She was always telling anyone that would listen how bad her back hurt.
As soon as she got to the end of the driveway, Rachel called Noah to rant.
"I know you love her, but I am about to kill your mother," Rachel fumed.
"She can't be that bad," Noah said patronizingly.
"Well, she still refuses to call our daughter by her actual name. I have not once heard her say "Evita" or even "Eva," and and to remind her yet again that her name is not Elizabeth. She refused everything in the kitchen, and I had to go get her some special gluten free, organic crap. She fed our newborn a Fig Newton, taught her the importance of marrying rich, acted truly offended when she interrupted me nursing, said how much cuter the baby would be with hair, and made me cook dog food on the stove because microwaves are bad!"
"What?" Noah asked in shock. "Would you like me to come home?"
"No, I know you're busy, we'll be fine," she assured him.
"I'm so sorry Rachel. Hang in there, and I'll talk to her when I get home. I love you."
"I love you too," she said before hanging up the phone.
"I think we need some Quinn time, what do you think baby girl?" she said to her beautiful bald baby, and earned a coo in return. "I'll take that as a yes." She called Quinn and twenty minutes later, the met in front of the blonde's apartment.
"Do you want to see what the other girls are doing?" Rachel asked and then immediately felt guilty. Quinn was sweet and they always had a nice time, but Rachel could tell that she was still slightly uneasy around Evita. "I'm sorry, I'm sure you'd rather not be around other babies, I wasn't thinking."
"No, it's okay," Quinn assured her. "Sometimes it's hard, but the world is full of babies. I can't hide forever, and I do want to meet your friends."
Thirty minutes later they were sitting on plastic folding chairs in Brittany's living room, as that room was still unfurnished. Santana and Mercedes and their babies had joined them too. Tina had recently returned to work, but appreciated the invitation. Evita was sleeping in her stroller, Christopher was, of course, nursing, and Nathan and Whitney were laying on a blanket on the floor trying to grab each-other's noses. Rachel quietly introduced Quinn to everyone while Brittany was jogging on the treadmill and apparently conduction some type of business.
"Was there no one else you could call?" Brittany asked whoever she was talking to. "I'm still on maternity leave. Yes, okay, I understand. I'll get some quotes this afternoon and call you back." She said, and then hung up the phone. "Sorry," she muttered to her friends.
"Are you back at work?" Rachel asked.
"Not exactly. Someone's wedding singer fell through three weeks before their wedding, and according to my boss, I have the most contacts, so she called me."
"You can give them my name," Mercedes offered. "I'm returning to work in a few weeks anyways. I mean, I don't know if they'd even like me, but it's worth a shot."
"Oh please, you're amazing," Brittany assured her. "Oh my God, you're famous," she exclaimed, finally noticing Quinn.
"Not exactly," Quinn laughed, "but thank you."
Brittany increased the speed on her treadmill to a fast-paced sprint.
"Are you exercising?" Rachel asked. "You've got some amazing will-power, why don't you sit down and join us?"
"Well, I kind of have to. I can't fit into any of my old clothes yet, and can't afford a new wardrobe," she explained. Brittany sprinted for a few more minutes while everyone chatted before they were interrupted by an alarm on Brittany's cell phone. "I'm just gonna go put him down for a nap," she explained, grabbing a perfectly content Nathan and heading off to the nursery.
"He doesn't even look tired," Quinn said to the other women when Brittany left the room.
"She has him on a very tight schedule," Rachel explained.
"Hello ladies," Artie said as he wheeled from the office into the living room. "Can I get you something to drink?"
Brittany is so lucky, Rachel thought as Artie took their drink orders. She would love to have Noah home more often during the day to bring her something to drink, vacuum, or fold some laundry. Brittany returned to the living room shortly after Artie did with a tray full of iced tea, water, and diet Coke on his lap.
"Brittany, you have no idea how lucky you are to have Artie home to help out," she told her friend. Brittany made a face that Rachel couldn't quite decipher and just muttered a "yeah" while looking at her lap.
"I wish I could just stay here forever" Rachel said when Artie returned to his office. "Just remember, if my mother-in-law turns up missing, I was here all night," she joked.
"Is she really that bad?" Santana asked.
As she explained to her friends how her day had gone, they all just sat there in disbelief.
"Wow, I guess I'm lucky I don't have a mother-in-law," Mercedes said.
"My mother-in-law is wonderful," Santana said, "It's my mom I can't stand, although things are getting a little better I guess. She actually told me I was a good mom last time I saw her, even though she disagrees with everything I do."
"My mother-in-law is nice, as far as I know," Quinn added. "I only met her three times. Once at my baby-shower, and then she came to visit shortly after Beth was born, and then of course she came to the funeral. My mom is a real b-i-t-c-h too, though," she said to Santana, spelling the word "bitch" out because there were babies in the room.
Rachel suddenly felt guilty about bringing her around all the other babies, two of them being baby girls, even though Quinn had insisted that she wanted to come. She couldn't dwell on it long though, because just a few seconds later her cell phone rang.
"Where are you?" Noah asked worriedly when Rachel answered.
"We went for a walk," she explained casually.
"You left my mother by herself," he practically whined.
"Well, I asked if she wanted to join us, and she said no. And she is an adult."
"But you've been gone for two hours!"
Shit, had it really been that long? "Sorry honey, Evita needed some fresh air, we're on our way home now," she said apologetically.
"Well ladies, it's been fun. Back to the loony bin," she sighed.
A/n: Thanks for reading! Please review :). And bring your tissues for the next chapter... I should say that the next chapter won't be up right away. It'll be a couple of days at least. I am going to work on my next chapter of MLWSWY first, and then get to work on the next chapter with this one. But I am trying to be better about updating than I have been lately!