"So that was close." Tori said when we got back to the convoy. "Yea I guess it was." I replied. My mind was elsewhere. Namely on her tank top that was covered in sweat and dangerously close to becoming see through. She had a bra on, but that didn't matter. A sights a sight am I right?

Tori reached forward and put her fingers under my chin and tilted my head up. "Eyes on mine Jade."

I rolled my eyes but complied. "Something bothering you?" I asked. And yes I was somewhat patient about it. I hope she didn't start talking about feelings or some bullshit like that. I'd much rather be ogling my girl instead.

Tori looked so uncharacteristically sad that I was thrown off. "You didn't hesitate." She whispered.

"In what? Killing that gank? He deserved it."

"Well yea, but you didn't even try and talk to him. You just shot.."

"I tried to talk, but then he started being completely unreasonable."

Tori flinched. She took a moment and gathered herself up again. "But when he came back out, you could have shot him in the knee or something."

"And what? Have another group of fucking psychos chasing after us? We're all ready running from Sykes. At least she'll have the decency to kill us out right."

"You don't even feel bad do you?" Tori demanded.

"I'd feel bad if I had killed some random guy. Instead I killed some gank that looked ready to rape me." I snapped my frustration quickly reach a boiling point.

Tori's face congealed with rage and sadness and she stomped off. I snarled in frustration and stormed away. I stormed passed my father who looked mildly amused.

"Have something to say?" I snapped.

He shook his head. "No. Well other then you completely missed what your girlfriend was upset about. I'm surprised she didn't yell at you."

I blinked. I was surprised my self. Tori wasn't known for her restraint. If she felt bad about something, she'll let you know in a loud as possible voice. I did a mental rewind and I noticed what I missed. Her sadness. Her sadness held back her anger. But what the fuck did she have to be sad about?

"She might be sad over the fact that you killed some guy and don't even feel bad about it."

"How the fuck?" I demanded.

He looked smug. "I'm not stupid. Pretty easy to piece a few things together."

The fact that he could figure it out and I couldn't was just the shit topping on a crap-tastic cake. "Have you ever killed anyone?" I demanded. He nodded. "Yes. One guy during the escape from LA. The military was dropping bombs. I wanted to escape. I had a wrench in my hands. This man. He didn't speak a word of english. It didn't matter. He wasn't going to give me his car. So I hit him with the wrench. And I kept hitting him."

My father looked away. "Do you regret it?" I asked softly.

He looked back. "I do and I don't. Survival is paramount. Or at least that's what your grandfather would say. I survived. That man should have fought better. Survival of the fittest. That's what I keep telling my self. Over. And over. And over." He shook his head. "No matter what, the important thing is that you and that girl of yours are alive to debate about it. Too many people can't say that anymore."

"I don't feel bad. I feel bad about Robbie because even though he was a selfish jack ass sometimes...most of the time, he was still my friend. But you're right. We have to survive. It doesn't matter how."

I turned to walk away. I stopped then looked back. "Thanks...Dad."

For the first time in my life, I saw a surprised look on his face. There was no carefully guarded mask, no smug look. Just pure surprise, and maybe...just maybe, a smile.

I turned back around and started to hunt down Tori. She had to see reason. Protecting ourselves was the number one thing. The ends justified the means. We could debate over morality after we're all safe. Right?

I closed my eyes and that gank's face flashed before my eyes. Bile rose in my throat and I immediately squelched it down. But once that horrid feeling was smothered, another rose in its place. One that wasn't going to be dismissed so easily. The feeling of elation. I enjoyed pulling the trigger. The sight of his head snapping back as the bullet torethrough it. The sight and sounds of the bullets tearing through the gas station.

Was this feeling wrong? I always enjoyed inflicting pain on others. And now, in this world...i have so many opportunities to inflict so much misery...An image flashed before my eyes. Me dressed up in tight clothes,clearly scavenged and put together; my mid rift showing, all sorts of weapons strapped to my body. I sat on top of a pile of corpses.

Is this who I was going to become? Part of me reviled and hated that image. An even bigger part of me screamed for that image to become a reality. I shook my head and kept walking. Now isn't the time to be having weird thoughts. But an outfit...kind of like one seen in Borderlands...I wonder...

I got near the nest and I heard voices. For some reason, I slipped behind the bus and listened to what they were saying. I didn't know why I did it; it just seemed like a good idea. Turns out I was right.

"We've got to be careful! We have to have some morals or we'll going to end up like the skullz or who knows?!" Tori said passionately.

"I don't think we're in any danger of ending up like those sociopaths. Unless you've suddenly developed a desire to start raping people." Jane said coolly.

"WHAT?! No I havent!" Tori snapped.

"You sure? Cuz I've seen the looks you've been shooting Jade when she isn't looking. I think you're about one step away from tearing her clothes off of her no matter who's around."

I had to cover my mouth to keep myself from laughing. Tori's face was beet red and she had her mouth opening and closing like a fish stuck on dry land. The others were trying (and failing) not to laugh.

"Moving on.." Tori muttered before drawing herself back to her not exactly imposing hight. "We have to try other things besides violence. We get too used to it..." Tori trailed off. The others shifted.

Andre rubbed his face before putting his arms around Jane who was starting to show. "I've got a kid coming Tori. And i'm going to protect him or her and Jane. No matter what."

Cat gave Tori a hug before sitting on Beck's lap. "We have to protect ourselves. We can try to talk more...but if people threaten us.." Cat couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence.

But it didn't matter. The others knew what Cat was getting at and they voiced their agreements. Tori looked defeated for a moment before Beck spoke up. "She's still right though. We're getting to casual with violence. Try not to make it a first resort." Tori's face lit up a little though. She knew she had won a little bit. The others sat around the campfire and chatted away while Tori walked off. She entered the bus and didn't bother to close the door behind her. I sneaked onto the bus.

Tori placed her head against the side of the bus and sobbed quietly. I snuck up and planter a raspberry on her neck. Tori shrieked and tried to get away but I pinned her to the floor.

"Nope. Not going anywhere." I breathed against her neck.

Tori gasped and squirmed underneath me. "Wait..I need to ask you something."

"I'm sure it can wait." I said as my hands trailed up and down her sides.

"NO!" And with surprising strength Tori shoved me off of her and sat on my waist.

To say I was surprised would be an understatement. Normally I was the dominate one in this relationship. I sighed and flopped back. "What is so bloody important?" I asked.

"Killing. I get it. We're going to have to do it. I don't like it. I never will. But why didn't you hesitate? You're not losing your morals are you?"

The feeling I had earlier came back...That joy I had felt. This time I squelched it immediately.

"I have to protect myself. And more importantly you Tori." I whispered.

"So that makes it okay? That was a human life you ended! And I saw! I saw! You smiled!"

Well shit. I had hoped she had missed that.

"So what if I did?!" I snapped. "I had a job to do! And that was to protect you! And the others! And you know what?! I enjoyed it! I'd do it again! I loved the feeling when I pulled the trigger!" I broke off in a high-hiccuping laugh. It took a minute before I could regain control of myself. I refused to look Tori in the eyes.

"Guess this is the part where you break up with your psycho girlfriend." I muttered.

Tori's hands grabbed either side of my face turned me towards her. Her lips came on mine and I felt the most reassuring kiss I had ever felt in my life.

"You're not psychotic...just...i don't know Jade. But i'm worried about what this world is doing to you. And the others. They're becoming more okay with being violent. And...i heard you and your dad talking. What's the point of surviving if we have to do horrible things to survive?"

"That morality doesn't really work here though. We have to fight. That's the way things work now."

"So? Animals kill for food, they kill to survive! They don't enjoy it."

"Tsavo Man eaters." I said bluntly.

Tori flinched as if I had hit her. Sitting up, I wrapped my arms around her. "Look. I'll...I'll try to restrain myself. But I'm...i'm starting to like this world...I think..i think i'm going to lose myself. The only thing holding me back is you..if you die..." I stopped talking. This incredibly rare moment of vulnerability from me must have stunned Tori because she didn't say anything.

But I meant what I said. Deep down, I could try and deny it..fight it. Refuse to acknowledge it...But I was growing to like this new world. This hellish world. The only thing that truly held me back was Tori. What she would do if I became the monster that was hiding inside me.

But if she died...

"I'll protect you. I'll save you from yourself. Just please don't become...don't become that demoness again." Tori whispered against my face.

"I'll try. I promise i'll try. But I can't...i'm just too weak.."

"Then i'll be your strength."

Tori and I slowly pulled off our clothes and climbed into the hammock together. I pulled her tight against me. Tight enough that Tori squeaked. I let her go with a muttered half hearted apology.

Tori shifted around until we were tangled up with each other. Neither of us could leave with out spilling the other out of the hammock. Clever girl.

"For the record, when you brought your morality thing up; I made fun of you." I said.

"yea yea."

"And I mocked you for being a sap."

"I got it Jade."

"Just making sure. Oh and I found a strap on I really want to use on you."

"okay Ja-...wait what did you say?"

"Good night Tori."

"Jade!"

That's it for this chapter.

-C.H.