Guys, guys, guys look! Look what's up!
Yeah I finally (and let me stress the word finally) managed to finish this part of the PDTT. I had kind of struggle with it and by the end it blown out of the proportion. It should be short chapter with as little angst as I was capable of writing at this point in this story but somehow it turned out to be more tear worthy than I planned. So yeah, it's not gonna be pretty. I'm sure you all are going to want to murder and torture me. And I would really like to tell you it will all turn out for the better in the next chapter but no, not yet. Definitely not yet. But as much as incredibly it sounds it WILL end up with happy ending.
The next chapter is currently being written (I've reached 1.2K words today) and I really wanna post it also this week but I have birthday next week so I'm gonna be incredibly busy, I think you can imagine. But I will do my best.
DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GLEE
A thanks goes to my amazing Beta gleeklaineKIT! Thank you so much Honey3
Thank you guys for the patient and unbelievably sweet reviews you are giving me.
Read, review, follow, favorite but mainly enjoy!
Love Helen
Parties, dresses and temper tantrums (part seven)
"You ready to meet your daughter?"
"As I've ever been"
Doctor Kim pushed the door open revealing to Blaine a large brightly lit room with a few people in it. In the middle of the room stood an incubator surrounded by many machines, oxygen tanks, IVs, all kinds of monitors, just name a machine and you will find it there. A senior nurse was standing next to the heart rate monitor, checking it and writing some notes into the medical chart. Next to her stood young doctor, neonatologist Blaine presumed, and he was looking down into the incubator.
"Come on" Doctor Kim nudged him softly urging him to go closer to the incubator. The nurse looked up at them giving Blaine soft smile.
"You must be the Daddy of this little Princess"
"Papa" He corrected her softly. "Kurt, my, my husband is, is the Daddy" He shuttered choking on his words a little. The nurse smiled at him again, this time her smile turned a little sympathetic.
"Do you want to meet your daughter?" The neonatologist turned to look at him smiling a little. The doctor was young, really; really young which made Blaine a little unsettled. Not like he had any prejudice against age but he couldn't help but worry. Was he good enough to take care of his baby?
"Doctor Shane is one of our best NICU doctors" Allyson said to him gently as she was reading his mind. "He worked in Paris and London before he came here."
"Don't worry your daughter is getting the best care we can offer. " The young man turned his piercingly green eyes back to the little baby inside the incubator. "And actually she is doing pretty well." Blaine took a few steps closer and for the first time looked at her daughter.
And God was she beautiful!
She was tiny, tiny and her skin didn't have a pink tone but was slightly bluish. His eyes were closed and her mouth was open against the tube of the ventilator but still he could tell she was perfect. Her nose was little and slightly upturned and he could totally say she took after Kurt, even though in one of the nostrils was tube. On her head was a pink hospital cap but he could see the jungle of dark curls, definitely his.
"God she is so tiny" He said watching her chest raising and falling with every breath she took. She had IVs in both hands and many wires were wrapped around her body.
"Yeah but don't let this scare you. She may be little but she is already fighter." The young man said with smile looking down at the baby. "She has a really strong heart, never stopped beating for second which is really good. We also did some tests and she is able to breathe on her own. We only left the ventilator here so she can concentrate on getting stronger. Our main concern now is for her to not get fever or any kind of infection"
"Why, why she has the tube in her nose?" Blaine asked quietly.
"It's nasogastric tube, it's giving her nutrients, basically it's feeding her."
"Does it hurt her? Is she in any kind of pain?"
"No, no don't worry. She is under medication she doesn't feel anything" The nurse said and Blaine looked back at the tiny little human. That wasn't how he imagined meeting his daughter for his first time. In all the scenarios he made in his head Kurt was always by his side.
"What's going to happen now?" He asked after while looking at the baby. "How long she is gonna be on the ventilator? How long she is gonna stay here?"
"It's still too soon to make any prognosis. We have to wait for her to get stronger. Then we can try to make her breathe on her own for some time and if she will handle it we could take her off of the ventilator. We can't say an exact time she is going to spend here it varies on many aspects. But her changes are big" The young doctor said with encouraging smile. "Now do you have any more questions?" Blaine only shook his head not taking his eyes from his little girl. He really wanted to touch her, to assure himself she was really here but he knew he would probably hurt her.
"Okay we are gonna give you minute with her. Talk to her. She hears everything we say and she remembers your voice." Doctor Kim said gently patting his shoulder. With these parting words the two doctors left only the nurse staying.
"Do you have name for her?" She asked scribbling something in her chart.
"Oh, uh no, not yet. My partner, we didn't.." He stuttered not knowing what exactly he was trying to say. He and Kurt did talk about the name for the baby but they didn't settle on any of the many suggestions they made.
"It's okay" The nurse smiled at him and wrote something on light pink sticker. Then she put it a top of the incubator, smoothing it with her hand. Blaine leaned down to see 'Baby Girl Hummel-Anderson' written on it in the nurse neat handwriting. "Now, I'm going to sit down at the nurse corner in the back of this room. If anything happens or you have any questions just call for me okay? My name is Holly" With one last smile she turned around and let Blaine alone with his daughter for the first time in his life.
"Hey princess" He said after a while spent only looking at her. "God you are so tiny. I could basically lay you on my open palm. But God you are so beautiful. You look exactly like your Daddy" He couldn't help but his voice broke a little. "Do you remember me Baby? I'm your Papa. We had so much fun together me singing you songs and you kicking to the rhythm of them, didn't we? And now you are finally here." Wiping his nose he kneeled down next to the incubator so he could watch his daughter more closely. Her eyes were still screwed shut but she titled her head slightly to the direction of his voice. That made him beam proudly. His daughter was listening to him!
"I'm so sorry your Daddy isn't here with us Darling. Trust me he would if he could. But he can't right now. But I promise you, both of you will be just fine. And in no time you'll be home with your big sisters and brothers playing and having fun and being loved. We are all so happy to have you Princess. You just have to fight for us okay?" He whispered sobbing a little. The next ten minutes he spent simply watching his precious treasure, the steady rise and fall of her tiny breast, the way she tried to move her delicate fingers or how her eyes moved underneath her eyelids. He tried to not think much about what was happening with Kurt and concentrated on the baby and just being happy she was here, safe and alive.
But soon enough the nurse was back, checking the machines with apologetic smile. Quickly Blaine wiped away his tears (which he didn't even realized were falling) and stood up straightening the scrubs.
"I'm sorry but I have to ask you to leave. I have to check her all over and the Doctor has to do some more tests. But you are more than welcome to come back later today or tomorrow." He wasn't ready to part with his daughter yet, he really wasn't, the twenty minutes he had spent with her not long enough.
"Could, could I take picture of her? So I can show it to the family and, and Kurt when he wakes up" He said trying to ignore the annoying voice in his head, saying 'if he wakes up'
"Of course Darling. Just turn off the flash okay?" She smiled at him and busied herself with preparing different kinds of medical equipment on the nearest table. Blaine quickly snapped a few photos of his daughter smiling at the beautiful sight.
"I will come later okay Baby? I'll go see how your Daddy is doing" He hoped, really hoped, he would also get good news about Kurt's state as he got about his daughter. "I love you Honey. My tough little Fighter" He smiled pressing his index and middle finger to his mouth and then on the glass of the incubator.
"If anything changes we will let you know immediately don't worry" The nurse said when she saw he was hesitant to leave.
"Okay, thank you" He said looking at his daughter for the last time. "Stay alive" He whispered swallowing a few tears and left the room. In the front room he took off his scrubs. When he was in the hallway he kind of expect Doctor Kim waiting on him but she was nowhere in the sight so he went back into the waiting where he found Rachel speaking with someone over the phone.
"No I don't know when I'm gonna be back Honey. I know. Where? You took the kids to McDonalds? Kurt won't be happy when he finds out. He is gonna eat you alive" She smiled wiping away a few tears. "Yeah, I know. I love you too. Yeah I will keep you updated don't worry. Okay, see you soon"
"So McDonald huh?" He said chuckling softly shaking his head. Rachel, evidently not seeing him coming, jumped a few inches in the air turning over quickly.
"God you scared me" She said holding her hand to her heart.
"Sorry" He smiled softly watching her to calm herself down.
"No it's okay. And yeah sorry Finn took them to lunch. You know, he is not the best cook in the world. And he is taking care of six kids so it was probably for the better" She said shrugging softly.
"I'm sorry" He closed his eyes for a second massaging the bridge of his nose.
"No, no, no, no don't be. It's okay, we have it under control okay? And Burt and Carole will be here in two hours or so, so no worries okay?" She approached him laying her soft palms on his face patting his cheeks gently. "So how is she?"
"God Rachel, she is perfect! She is tiny and fragile but she looks so much like Kurt. Wait" He said fishing his phone out of his pants. "Look" He handed her the small device with photos of his new born.
"Aw she is precious. She really looks like Kurt" She smiled cooing over the little infant. "So she is going to be okay?"
"It looks like. The doctor said she is very strong and her heart is too"
"That's good isn't it? She will be fine in no time" Rachel said leaning up and giving Blaine kiss on his cheek.
"Did, did anybody tell you anything about Kurt?"
"No. Uh Doctor Kim was here when you were still in. She said she would stop by when they have Kurt settled in his room" So they sat back at the chairs waiting. Meanwhile Blaine forwarded the pictures of his daughter to Carole and Burt, Wevid and Cooper with the basic information on what was happening. Cooper called him right away and he spent the next twenty minutes desperately trying to not to cry as he explained to his brother what was happening. Cooper promised he would come to the NYC as soon as possible, Blaine refused but his brother was adamant so he agreed at the end. And it would be nice to have his brother with him in situation like this. He didn't send the photo to anyone from the New Direction because he just didn't want deal with the chaos it would cause. Rachel promised him to take care of it so he didn't worry about it. But after hour spent waiting he was getting restless.
"Aren't they taking too long?" He asked Rachel while standing up.
"I don't know. I'm sure they are just taking care so they don't underestimate anything." She tried to calm him down.
"I don't know Rachel. I don't like it" After it he started pacing around the room counting his steps to keep his mind away from the horrible scenarios popping up in his head. He was on the number two thousand fifty four when the door to the waiting room opened revealing Doctor Kim again.
"Allyson?" He asked her trying to stop the nervous beating of his heart.
"Sorry it took so long, we had slight complications" She said and Blaine really didn't like the look she was wearing.
"What's wrong?" Rachel asked standing up.
"His heart stopped beating again. We had to resuscitate him. It was a struggle but we managed to bring him back." Blaine didn't know what to say. He felt like all the air in his lungs changed into poison and he just couldn't breathe. His vision began to sway and got fuzzy. His knees trembled and he would probably crash to the floor but two pairs of gentle, famine hands gripped his forearms and guided him to the chairs.
"It's okay Blaine, just breathe. Here, drink this" Someone trust into his hand bottle of water and he took a few sips of it his heart not slowing down its crazy beating. He looked up to see both Rachel and Doctor Kim hovering about him worryingly.
"His heart stopped beating again?" He repeated, the words not sinking in yet.
"But he is alright now" The Doctor reassured him with smile which didn't exactly reached her eyes.
"Is he still in coma?"
"Yes, but.."
"Well then he is not alright!" He spat bitterly his hands curling into tight fists.
"Shush Bee, calm down" Rachel said kissing his temple. "Getting angry will not help him" He really wanted to turn and yell at her but he just felt so drained he couldn't muster enough energy for doing that.
"I shouldn't allow it, but I managed to pull some strings so if you wanna see him I can let you in for a few minutes. But only just few" The doctor said looking at her watch.
"Please"
"Okay come with me" Soon he found himself once again changing into another pair of scrubs. "Alright, listen, he is hooked up to many machines so try to not move him or anything. You can touch him but be very careful okay?" She said while she opened the doors to the ICU. Young nurse looked up from her spot at desk in front of big window, which lead to the room where Kurt was laying.
"Hey Marry, any news?" Doctor Kim asked the nurse who only shook her head sadly. "Right, this is Blaine, Kurt's husband. I'm gonna let him in for a few minutes okay?" The nurse didn't look like she had any protests; she even smiled a bit and then looked back into the medical charts covering her desk. The doctor then went past the desk and into the room stopping at the doorway. "I'm going to give you privacy now. If you need anything I will be right here with Marry okay?"
"Yeah. Thank you" He said and then turned around taking a few hesitant steps. He looked up to see his husband but the sight he saw wasn't anything he was ready for. When he saw him lying there with all the machines hooked up to him his heart stopped. He looked so young, so vulnerable. He was afraid he was gonna hurt him only by looking at him or breathing the same air. Slowly he made his way to the bed his scrubs rustling loudly.
"Oh God" He breathed out when he reached the bed. His hands fluttered at his sides uselessly. He wanted to touch Kurt so badly, but he wasn't sure if he wouldn't hurt him any farther. At the end he settled on touching Kurt's forehead with the tips of his fingers.
"God baby" He said his eyes once again watering with tears. He was surprised there were any left after all the crying he did through the night and morning. God this was so messed up. Just twenty four hours ago they were getting ready for their trip to Zoo and now? Now this. Kurt was lying in hospital bed in freaking coma fighting for his life. How was any of this fair?
"Kurt, baby can you hear me?" He whispered, probably too silent if he wanted to wake Kurt up. But his lover stayed silent and unresponsive. Now he understood how Kurt must feel when he had the car accident a few years back. There wasn't anything worse than seeing the love of your life in hospital bed.
"Baby you have to wake up okay?" He took his hand in his gently cupping it in his palms. "You have to wake up and get better alright? The kids need you. I need you. I can't live without you. I don't know how!" He sobbed kneeling down next the bed. "Baby we have daughter. She is so small but so beautiful. She is fighter just like you. Don't you wanna see her? You just have to open your eyes. Come on Angel open your gorgeous eyes. I'm here with you. So please. Please Kurt" But his pleas fall on deaf ears. His baby was still as unmoving as before. So he only let his head fall on top of the mattress and cried.
"Blaine?" Soft voice broke his desperate sobs. His head snapped up so fast his neck popped loudly but he didn't care. He looked at Kurt, though in the pit of his mind he knew it wasn't Kurt's voice. He knew it by the heart; he would recognize it anywhere, anytime. And seeing his still form only confirmed his assumption. So he looked around the room, searching the source of the voice, finally seeing Doctor Kim standing by the door.
"I'm sorry Blaine, but you have to leave now" She said in quiet sympathetic voice.
"Can't I stay with him? I don't want him to be alone"
"I'm sorry Blaine but he has to rest now. I shouldn't even let you in in the first place. It's against the hospital policy in cases like this"
"I can't leave him alone. I just can't. What if he wakes up?"
"It's an improbability right now. But I will call you right the moment if anything changes. But you have to leave now. Go home, have shower and try to get some sleep. It was long night" The woman suggested gently.
"How can I just go home? He is not gonna be there!"
"I know it's hard Blaine"
"You know fucking nothing!" He said standing up hastily wiping his tears. "This is not the love of your life lying here. It's not your kid in the NICU being fed by tubes and having to be helped with breathing. So don't you try to tell me you possibly know how I feel or how hard this must be because you don't know!" He found himself just a few centimeters away from Doctor Kim screaming in her face. But she didn't do much as move an eyebrow. Blaine must give her credit for it. She really must be used to dealing with angry, sad and desperate family members.
"I'm- I'm sorry" He apologized taking a few steps back. This woman did everything she knew and could to save the lives of his husband and daughter; he should be thanking her not yelling at her.
"It's alright. Really no big deal. But we have to go now"
"Oh-Okay" He sighed heavily turning back to his husband. He leaned down kissing Kurt's forehead softly. "I have to go now sweetheart, but I'll come again soon I promise. You have to stay alive okay? Fight for me, for the kids, for our family. I love you" Not hearing Kurt answering back with his own declaration of love broke his heart into millions of pieces. These three words meant everything for him, for them. He remembered the days he lived through without hearing Kurt saying 'I love you' to him and frankly they were the worst days in his life.
He leaned down again giving his husband long kiss on his forehead and then, although he really didn't want, left the room, swallowing his bitter tears. How he made it back to the waiting room he didn't know but soon he was enveloped in Rachel's soft embrace her palms rubbing wide circles on his back. She pushed him back on the worn out couch petting through his curls. He could hear her talking with someone but he couldn't bring himself to stop crying to hear who it was.
"Come on, let's get you home okay?" His friend said softly helping him to his feet. Blaine felt like he was in some kind of dream, or different universe because one moment he was in the hospital and the next he was sitting on couch in their living room.
"Here take this" Rachel appeared in his vision handing him two white pills and glass of water.
"What it is?" He asked taking them from her watching them closely.
"Advil and Ambien. It will help you with sleep." He only nodded and swallowed the pills splashing them down with the water. He handed the empty glass back to Rachel who in return pushed sandwich into his hand. "Eat it. At least little of it. Then you can go to sleep" Blaine smiled a little, her mother instincts were slightly kicking in.
"Thanks" He managed to go through half of the sandwich before his eyes started drop down.
"Okay come on" She took him by his shoulders and helped him stand up. Slowly they made their way into the master bedroom. Sluggishly he took off his jeans and shirt and crawled under the covers. Rachel leaned over him and tucked him in kissing his forehead.
"Just go to sleep. I and Finn will take care of everything"
"Thank y-" He didn't even get the chance to finish his words when the pills took him under the mercy of dreamless sleep.
A/N: How big is the chance I will survive to my B-day or you would kill me for this part? *lol*
Love Helen!