Brand New Start
Chapter 25
Finn POV
Waking up in a cold sweat on the floor with your face in your gay roommates arm pit is NEVER the most rewarding way to wake up in the morning.
"Dude, get off me." I yell as I grab Blaine's arm and push it away. He snorts as he rolls over and I try and untangle my legs from his. "What the fuck man!"
Blaine opens his eyes and looks over at me and then sits up quickly. "What the hell?" He says looking around.
"I think you fell of the damn couch dude. I told you I was sleeping on the floor. You were supposed to stay up there!" I say pointing to the couch.
"What time is it?" He asks me. I look down at my watch.
"Crap. I'm going to be late for school. I promised Rachel I would go today." I jump up and rush back to the bedroom. The door is open and I can see that Rachel has already left for the day. I frown as I see that she has folded all her clothes from the night before and put them on the bed. The jeans are torn and bloodstained. I get dressed quickly and run downstairs to catch a cab.
By the time I get to class I'm an hour late and I try and slip in the back of the room unnoticed. When class ends I quickly gather my stuff and head for the door.
"Finn, can you stay back please?"
I inhale and turn around to face my professor. "Yes sir? Sorry about being late."
"Oh I was just surprised to see you at all. It is Monday right?" I look down at the floor.
"Yeah sorry about that. I've been busy."
"Finn I have to ask. Are you sure that you are committed to this Major?"
"Yes sir. Of course."
"You've been missing classes, you aren't paying attention, and you look like you haven't slept in days. Is everything alright?"
"I'm sorry; I guess the band is just taking up a lot more time than I thought it would."
He nods. "How's Rachel?" He asks and I flinch. "I haven't seen her in a few days. She is usually around after classes."
I frown because I realize I have no idea what Rachel has been up to lately. I really haven't been paying a lot of attention.
"She's alright. She got hit by a car last night." His mouth drops.
"My God is she ok?"
"Yeah yeah she's fine. Just some scrapes. She's at school today though. I think."
His eyebrow creases as he looks at me confused.
"Why don't you come with me?" He says walking out of the room. I quickly grab my stuff and follow him out. He walks a few doors down and heads into his office.
"Are you coming to the summer musical?" He turns and asks as he grabs some papers from behind his desk.
"Musical? Um no." I answer quickly.
"Oh I just assumed with Rachel taking the main solo over you would be coming."
"Um. Sorry, what?" I ask confused.
"Rachel, she has a big solo number in the musical. One of the other girls got laryngitis and it takes a lot of preparation so her professor asked her to step in. It's normally just for Juniors or Seniors but Rachel has an amazing voice."
I nod my head and wonder why Rachel hasn't told me anything. But then I realize I haven't exactly been spending any time with her. I've been at parties and rehearsals and promotional functions. When did I become that guy?
I look down and see that my professor is handing me a photo. "Here it is."
I take the photo and see a grainy picture of a band. They look to be about 17 and they are on the beach with their instruments. I look back up at him confused.
"That's me. Behind the drum set." He says. I look back and recognize him except that in the picture he has a lot more hair.
"Wow, didn't know you were in a band." I say surprised.
"Yeah we were pretty awesome back in our day. Beach band mostly. But it was a crazy time." He starts to walk out of the room and I follow him again with the picture still in my hand.
At the end of the hall I hear a lot of banging noises coming from the room. We walk in and I see about 15 kids sitting behind drums banging away with huge smiles on their faces.
"Now make sure you don't just bang. Remember the sound we are trying to make." A tall man says from the front of the room. All of the kids start talking at once making the sound with their mouth.
"Rat tat tat." They say in unison.
"Exactly." The man sees my instructor and walks over.
"How are they doing?" he asks the man.
"Excellent. Donny is making a lot of progress." He advises and I recognize the kid in the corner as my instructor's son. The boy sees me and holds up his sticks and points to them. I laugh as I recognize the red tape I added to the sticks when I first got them. I give him a thumbs up and he continues banging on the snare.
My professor smiles at his son and then nods at me to follow him out of the classroom.
"He hasn't stopped playing since you gave him those sticks." He says as we exit the room to the hall.
"That's great. He looks good."
"Finn, I'm sure New York is a pretty big place to you compared to where you were from right?" I nod. "And I'm sure you never had as much attention as you've been getting with this band of yours. From what Rachel tells me you guys are quite good." I smile and wonder how often Rachel has talks to my professor. I had no idea they had ever met.
"Being in a band is awesome. Some of my best friends were in that band." He says pointing to the photo in my hand. "Just don't lose sight of the real prize though. Fame and attention that stuff goes away. People get bored and move on. But teaching, making a difference in a kids life, that's a reward that stays with you forever."
For the next few days those words stay with me. I make sure to attend all my classes that week. Rachel still isn't speaking to me though even though I've tried talking to her many times. I decide to stay after school to make up the time I've missed for every Monday I skipped and as I finish up one night I pass the auditorium on my way out when I hear her voice.
I sneak in the back of the auditorium and take a seat by the door. Rachel is standing in the middle of the stage and every spotlight is on her.
'Memories, light the corners of my mind
Misty watercolor memories of the way we were.
Scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind
Smiles we give to one another
For the way we were.'
I can't stop staring at her as she sings. I'm mesmerized by every note she hits. She's perfect. And my heart breaks a little as I realize that I have forgotten all about Rachel and being there for her. I've been so caught up in what was going on with me that I completely forgot about her.
'Can it be that it was all so simple then
Or has time rewritten every line?
If we had the chance to do it all again
Tell me would we? Could we?'
A part of me wonders why she chose this song to sing. Secretly hoping it was chosen for her but knowing Rachel the way I do, I know it means something to her and it hurts my heart to think about her reasons for singing it.
'Memories, may be beautiful and yet
What's too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget
So it's the laughter we will remember
Whenever we remember
The way we were.'
If you didn't know her well you would think the song was flawless. But I know her better than that and I heard the soft wavering in her voice with the tears that were threatening to fall. And I have to get out of there. I head out of the auditorium and when my feet hit pavement, I run. I have no idea where I am running to I just know I need to get away. I need to figure out what the hell I'm doing.
She wouldn't leave me right? We've been through so much, she wouldn't leave me now. I run until my legs give out and I have to catch a cab to get back to the loft. But I don't even bother going up to the room, instead I head straight for the basement where I keep my drum set locked up. I close my eyes as the wood hits the pad. Pounding out all my frustration and anxiety as I feel the tears well up in my eyes. I don't know what I'm doing.
I'm losing her. Is that what I want? How did I lose touch with her life? Have I even asked her how she was for weeks? God I don't blame her for walking out. I'd walk out too. And suddenly I'm panicked. I can't lose her, not now. She's everything I've got. What if she actually leaves me? What if I had actually lost her that night when she got hit by that car? I would have never forgiven myself.
I feel the sweat pouring off of me as I pound the sticks into the metal cymbals and feel the vibration of the bass beneath me and I scream at the top of my lungs. When I find that I can't scream anymore, I feel the anger just pour out of me and the sticks go flying out of my hand. When I look up I see Rachel standing on the stair case looking over at me with tears in her eyes.
"Rach." I say standing up quickly. She starts to walk back up the stairs. "Please don't go." I whisper. She stops and turns around.
"I can't." She says staring at me and then looking down at the floor.
I fall back on the stool and lower my head into my hands. "Please don't leave me." I breathe out quietly.
"Finn." She says sucking in a breath.
I don't even look up. "Please Rach. I can't lose you. Just don't leave me." I feel the tears falling and I feel like such an idiot for crying like a baby, but I can't do this without her. I don't know what I have if I don't have her.
I feel her hand on my shoulder and I look up quickly. The tears are in her eyes and I take her hand in mine and pull her on to my lap. "Finn." She whispers as she tries to pull back.
"Rach, I'm so sorry. I know I've said it before, but I'm really sorry. You were right. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. But I can't do this without you. Baby don't leave me. I'll make this right. I swear I can make it right." I look into her eyes, pleading with her. Begging.
My hands find their way into her hair and I'm pulling her towards me like I need her mouth to breathe. Her lips crash onto mine and my heart feels like it's going to explode. She moans against my lips and my tongue pushes up against her bottom lip waiting for her to let me in, pleading with her to let me taste her. She sighs and her lips part as our tongues mingle together and her hands pull at my hair.
"I love you Rachel. I need you so much. I'm so sorry." I say between kisses. Her mouth is sliding down my neck and I feel her breath against my ear as I pull her against my lap, my pants getting tighter as her legs wrap around me. My hand grips her thigh and she moans into my ear causing my erection to grow even harder as she grinds her hips against me.
"I missed you." She whispers into my ear. "I've needed you so much Finn."
I slide my fingers under the hem of her skirt and when I reach her center her panties are soaked. I rub her through the cotton and she softly moans my name against my neck as her body pushes against me. I feel her hands move between us as she reaches into my sweats and tugs them downwards slipping her hands into my boxers and freeing my erection. She slides her hand slowly against the tip as she pulls my head backwards with the other hand gripping my hair and her mouth makes contact with the underside of my chin and I feel her teeth graze my skin. I groan at the forcefulness of the contact.
I quickly push her panties to the slide and feel the wetness of her folds around my finger as I push one inside of her as she pants softly. I slide another one in as her hand begins to pump up and down my shaft with her mouth roughly moving down my neck. I remove my fingers and quickly push her hand off of me as I lift her with both hands and move her over my dick. Pushing her panties to the side I quickly slam myself into her with one thrust as she throws her arms around my neck and yells my name. I keep my hands on her ass as I left her off my cock and thrust back inside of her.
She throws her arms back and they make contact with the cymbal and she arches backwards against the kit and I continue to thrust inside of her. With one of her hands on the snare drum she moves the other down between us and throws her head back as her hand makes contact with her body. After a few more thrusts she's moaning loudly and the sensation of her hand between us and being buried so far inside of her is enough to cause me to explode with a load groan as I feel her walls tighten around me and she screams my name one more time.
Her head comes forward and rests on my shoulder as I put both my arms around her back pulling her to me.
"Rach." I whisper.
"Shh." She says quietly.
"Baby I'm going to make this right. I promise."
She lifts her head and looks at me, the tears now streaming down her face. "I thought I had lost you." She sobs.
"I thought I lost you too. I'm so sorry baby. I promise. It's not going to ever be like that again. I swear to you Rachel."
Her head rests on my shoulder and I hold her as she cries. And I know that no matter what I do, I have to fix this. I have to fix us. All the fame, all the attention, none of it is worth it if I don't have Rachel.
She pulls back and I wipe the tears from her cheeks. "No more drinking during our sets ok?" I say seriously. "And you have to know that nothing happened with that girl." She nods.
"I know. Tiffany came over and told me." She says quietly.
"What?"
"She came to apologize. She's not so bad when she isn't being a complete bitch." She laughs.
"I heard you sing." I say suddenly.
"What?" She says surprised.
"The way we were. I heard you the other day. I'm sorry I've been so wrapped up in this that I forgot about you."
She looks away. "It's not a big deal."
"Yes it is. You're a freshman and you already have a solo. You're amazing Rach. And you sounded amazing. Like always. It's just…." She climbs up off my lap. "You'd do this all again right? You don't regret this?" I ask, afraid of what the answer may be.
She turns and looks at me. "I would never regret you."
I stand up and take her in my arms. "I never want to lose you Rach. When I heard that message that night. When I heard Kurt saying you were in an accident. I didn't know what to think. I thought my life was over. I didn't care about that damn band. I just wanted you. You can't leave me ever."
She looks at me and smiles. "You can't get rid of me that easily. I'm Rachel Berry remember." She giggles.
"How could I ever forget?" And once again I kiss her and I know that no matter what comes our way, together we'll figure it out. Together, we can fix anything.