Tess tapped Bella on the shoulder. "There's been a call. An explosion at the factory that Adam and the F2 went to."

Bella stopped what she was doing. "What the hell happened?"

"We don't know."

"How many?"
"7 maybe more, ETA 15 minutes."

"Is Adam-?"

"We don't know."

"I'll do cubicles."

"Thanks." Tess smiled and squeezed Bella's arm. "He'll be fine."

"I know..." She shook her head, no she didn't need to take a break. "He's everyone's colleague."

"But-"

Bella smiled, "Have you told the F2's yet?"

"No point worrying them."

"It's gonna be chaos." She laughed. "Just the way I like it."

.

.

Bella spent the rest of her afternoon sorting out the F2's who were clueless as to how to deal with people, and nearly just as clueless about medicine too. They were insensitive, arrogant, and frustrating, so in the end all Bella could do was treat them like student nurses- clean up jobs and sitting with patients.

Polly set about phoning the local hostels trying to get a place for some of them overnight, while Bella did her best on the other phone to get as many of them admitted to the hospital. Big Mac and Noel were discussing the possibility of arson with two of the F2's. The blond, girly one was demonstrating her ignorance. "I don't know how they are going to narrow down the subject list, I mean, most of them are crazy enough, or high enough-"

Bella smiled as Polly interrupted. "Excuse me, what's your name again."
"May."
"Hi May, I'm Polly. Those are your patients you're talking about. Those crazed druggies, they're your patients. They deserve a little bit of respect."

Bella joined in. "They say we're all only two pay checks from the streets. That could be you in that bed one day."

The loud one, Lenny?, smiled. "That's you told."

Bella rolled her eyes. "Didn't I leave both of you in charge of separate patients. Or do you need someone to hold your hand?"
"No, sorry." They both went back to work, at least May had the decency to look guilty.

.

.

Bella and Jess were waiting anxiously outside the E.D, both for the same reason, both looking equally worried. Bella was the first to speak. "It should have been me, I was on call, I shouldn't have even let him go. I should have been better at rock-paper-scissors. I should have gone with him or- I should have-"

"It wasn't your fault."

"If he's not-" Bella and Jess looked at each other, they didn't want to think about the end of that sentence. They went back to watching, waiting, silently.

Jess looked at Bella thoughtfully, she recognized the look on Bella's face, she had seen it in her own reflection when she had realized that Adam was missing. "Do you love him?"

Bella didn't hesitate "Of course." But then she saw the look on Jess's face and realized what she must be thinking. "But not like that, ew, no no no. He's like a brother to me, nothing more than that."

"Oh right." Jess would normally feel awkward at a moment like this but Bella and Jess were really good friends and she was too worried about Adam for any other feelings to come into it.

.

.

Adam got out the car, Bella sighed with relief. She saw the look on his face though, she knew that expression. The captain's guilt, when you loose someone in your division you feel responsible for. She watched as Jess ran to him, hugged him. Adam barely seemed to recognize her, he walked straight past. Jess looked at Bella, confused. Bella took her arm, and led Jess after him. "Survivor's guilt." She explained. "He'll be fine okay?"

.

.

Bella came bounding into the staffroom, again trying to pretend that everything was fine, "Who's up for a drink?"

Tess, Charlie, Big Mac and Noel all agreed, and off they headed. Charlie pulled Bella aside, "You alright?"

Bella smiled and shrugged. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Mood swings, agitation, hyperactivity. You're the doctor, you tell me." Charlie sounded harsh, but he knew Bella well enough to know that you had to be blunt with her else she would just brush you off.

Bella frowned.

He continued. "There's two explanations. Either your meds aren't working, which would be a cause for concern, or you aren't taking them. Again a cause for concern, but one that is easily solved.

Bella rolled her eyes. "I just- I don't want to be someone I am not all the time."
Charlie gestured to her shaking hands, anxiously fiddling with her keys. "That isn't you, is it?"

"I know you're right, as always- well nearly."

Charlie grinned.

"But, I don't know. Should it be this way, should I have to take mood stabilizers just to maintain a pretence of normality? Should I have to take medication to help me sleep, to help me concentrate, to stop me being- you know." Bella sighed. "I guess I should stop complaining, right? Life's too short and all."

She produced 3 packets out of her pocket and popped one pill from each in her mouth. "Happy?"

"Only if you are."

Bella smiled. "Thanks Charlie. Again."

"We're always here for you, you do know that, don't you?"

"Yes." Charlie put his arm round Bella, and directed her out of the department.

She smiled. "I'll buy the first round."