Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to Twilight.

Thanks for all the reviews, and the death threats, they really keep me motivated, and made sure I got this chapter out quickly. Anyway I'll let you read on now. xx

Chapter 24

Minutes ticked past but I couldn't move, I just stood staring at the door, tears streaming down my face.

He's not coming back.

Those four words hit me with the force of a steam train, my knees buckled and I collapsed to the floor.

I knew it, I had always known this would happen, I knew he'd leave me, just like James did.

Sucking in a sharp breath I shook my head angrily at myself.

That was not fair, Jasper had every right to walk out on me, I'd fucked everything up.

I had someone who loved me, who took care of me, who didn't care that I was scarred and broken and I had thrown that away, for what?

"Idiot, idiot, idiot!" I screamed at myself.

I could not believe it, James had been back in my life less than twenty four hours and it had once again turned to shit.

How had I let this happen? Why didn't I just tell Jasper James had called? Why the fuck did I just go running back to James the second he called?

Fumbling with my phone I dialled the familiar number with ease.

"Bella." I sobbed as she picked up.

That was all it took, in ten minutes she was hammering on my apartment door.

"Alice what?" her eyes were wide in panic as she saw me "What happened?"

I took several deep breaths trying to talk but all I managed was a pathetic gurgling sound.

Bella had me sat on the sofa in less than a second and just held me tight as I cried.

"Jasper's gone." I finally managed to choke out.

Bella's face hardened "He just left you? Why? That bastard I'll kill him."

"No. No, no, no, no." I cried "No, he…it was my fault Bella. I lied to him, I told him I was working so I could go and see James." I blurted out.

Bella's mouth fell open in shock "When the fuck did James…you and…how…Alice what the fuck?"

I managed to get my crying under control, my eyes were cast down as I explained everything to her "He called me yesterday, asking if we could meet, he wanted to talk about Ellie. I don't know why I lied, I just thought it would be easier but it just…" I trailed off with a sob.

"Oh Alice." Bella sighed hugging me tight.

I glanced up nervously and she gave me a knowing look, I decided to just come clean. Bella was my best friend I could trust her to understand.

"I wanted to see him again Bella, I wanted to know if he thought about me if he missed me, but when he said he did." I shook my head "All I could think about were all the nights I'd lay in bed missing him when he was at college, wondering if he was thinking about me, only to find out he had been off with someone else." I fought back the tears "I don't know how I feel anymore, about anything." I admitted finally.

"He was your first love Alice, your first everything. That's always gonna leave a mark. Then when he left you, he left you completely lost."

Tears were streaming down my cheeks again.

She sighed squeezing me tight "You keep pushing Jasper away because you don't want to go through that again, which is understandable. In many ways you and Jasper were bad timing, you finally started getting yourself back together and making it on your own, but you never really got the chance to because Jasper showed up."

I nodded slowly in agreement, I had never really given myself time to get over James before I started seeing Jasper and I had never gotten over that fear.

I didn't want to get hurt again, I wasn't sure how I made it through James betrayal and I cursed myself for just running back to him when he called, because of that I had lost Jasper, I had finally pushed him too far.

Pain crippled me as it ruptured through my whole body, I curled up instinctively trying to block it out. This is what I had been fighting against ever since I met Jasper, what Edward had tried to protect me from.

This crippling agony that cut through every part of me, that made it imposable to move, to function. My chest felt like someone was twisting a knife in my heart.

This is how it felt when James had left.

I sobbed out once "Oh god what have I done?"

"Ali?" Bella asked in concern as my breathing started to pick up, but I wasn't paying attention.

I sat upright making Bella start.

I had spent so much energy fighting it that I had failed to realise I was, in fact, completely and utterly in love with Jasper.

Looking up at Bella I felt a huge smile break across my face "I love him." I murmured.

"What? Who?" Bella looked seriously confused.

"Jasper." I said like it was obvious "I really love him." I laughed as I let myself bask in this feeling for a few moments.

I wasn't completely broken, I was able to love again. I was in love with Jasper.

I giggled once until I remembered how this little revelation had been brought about.

Jasper had walked out on me, he was gone.

Go after him and get him back. My mind ordered me. You do not give up this time, you fight for him.

I shot off the sofa, I was not going to lose him. I was going to make this right.

"I have to go." I mumbled to Bella "I need to see him."

Without waiting for a reply I sped out the apartment, hailing a cab the second I was on the sidewalk.

The uncontrollable joy at the realisation I was head over heels in love with Jasper had disappeared as I stood at the door to his and Rosalie's apartment, my hand held up ready to knock.

I mean sure I loved Jasper, but that didn't change the fact I'd treated him so badly, it didn't change the fact I'd lied or that I had kissed James.

My hand fell.

I had to stop being so selfish, maybe he would be better off without me.

You owe him an explanation.

I sighed, that was true. It wasn't fair to just leave him with nothing, even if it wasn't enough to get him back he had the right to know the truth.

Summoning up my courage I raised my hand and knocked.

I waited nervously, wondering if he had gone back to work and I'd have to come back and try to talk to him again later, when the door opened.

My heart stuttered at the sight of him.

How could I have not realised I loved him?

One look at his face caused my heart to fall, he'd obviously been crying and his jaw was tense as he looked down at me.

"Jasper." I blinked, everything I wanted to say flew out of my head "I'm so sorry." I whispered.

My eyes dropped to the floor as guilt washed over me.

Without a word he stepped back into the apartment, the door was left open so I took that to be my invitation and followed him.

Even though it was my first time in his apartment my eyes didn't wander, they stayed glued to his back as he stood tense next to the sofa.

"What do you want Alice?" he asked after several seconds of silence, his back was still to me.

You! My heart screamed.

"To apologise." I muttered.

"You've done that." his voice was hard and all my defences were telling me to turn and run, but I stood my ground. I was sick of running, sick of pushing him away.

I was scared to take this step, to admit to him how I felt, especially given the situation. There was a very good chance what I had to say wouldn't make the slightest bit of difference, but I had to be honest.

"And to thank you." I added.

I noticed his head raise slightly and could imagine the confused frown on his beautiful face.

"You see." I continued trying to just not think, I needed to get this out before he stopped me "I realised something when you left. Watching you walk out my door broke my heart Jasper, which was a shock as I never thought it would ever be whole again. But, thanks to you it is, you rebuilt it, so I guess that means it's yours." I swallowed trying to keep my voice steady "I mean, if you still wanted it."

His back was still to me and I started to panic, maybe this was all too late. Then his shoulders slumped and the tension flowed out of him.

The next second I was in his arms, he lifted me and my legs automatically wrapped around his waist pulling him closer.

"I love you so much." he murmured before crushing his lips to mine.

My hands flew to his hair trying to pull him closer as our tongues battled together, one of his arms was around my waist supporting me, the other hand was at the back of my neck keeping me close.

I broke from his lips peppering kisses all over his face.

"I love you Jasper." It was only when I heard my voice break I realised I was crying.

His lips pressed to my cheeks wiping away the tears.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I continued to sob.

"Shhh." he hushed hugging me tighter.

"I'm an idiot, I can't believe…I'm sorry."

"I know you're sorry baby." he said calmly "I know, it's okay."

I clung to him still sobbing uncontrollably, Jasper just stayed quiet holding me tight, running a soothing hand over my back.

Calming down slightly I set myself back on my feet looking up at him "I really love you." I whispered.

He smiled softly his thumbs drawing little circles on my cheeks "I've waited a long time to hear that." he murmured.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled again.

"I know, it's okay. I would have happily waited fifty years, than have you say it and not mean it." his lips pressed to my forehead.

I closed my eyes and sighed contentedly.

Jasper chuckled softly and I pulled back to look up at him.

"I guess I don't need this anymore." he said pulling the small heart shaped red card from his jacket pocket.

The edges were slightly frayed as though he carried it everywhere with him.

That thought made me smile and feel another wave of guilt crash over me.

My fingers trailed over the black letter as I remembered when I'd first had the idea, in honesty back then I hadn't known if I'd ever really make good on that promise.

I stretched up so I could reach his lips kissing him softly.

We spent a few moments just staring into each others eyes, it wasn't quite the big romantic moment I'd have loved to have because there was still so much that needed to be said.

"My mum's going to be dropping Ellie off soon." I murmured. I knew I still had a lot of explaining to do, but I wanted to keep this good feeling for a bit longer before I had to ruin it again.

"Okay." Jasper sighed, he pulled away and headed into a room, I presume was his bedroom.

I smiled as he came back out dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, his suit in a garment bag over his shoulder.

"Is it okay if I stay tonight?" he asked.

I nodded smiling wider "Of course it is." I giggled, he was so sweet I just loved him. That made me giggle again.

The evening went smoothly enough, there was still a slight tension in the air, but it wasn't enough to make either of us confront it. I couldn't ignore what had happened though, and as we got into bed that night I couldn't push it aside anymore.

"Jasper?"

"Yeah?" he rolled onto his side to look at me.

"I'm sorry, I made a really stupid mistake today." I mumbled not quite meeting his eyes.

One of his hands cupped my cheek softly "It's okay baby."

I shook my head "No it's not. I have fought you and pushed you away every step of the way, and if you hadn't left today I don't know how long it would have taken me to just admit I was in love with you."

He smiled softly when I said that.

"When James left me." I began.

His smile quickly fell.

"If it wasn't for Ellie I don't know how I would have survived it, and I can't go through that again Jasper." I took a deep breath.

"Tell me." he said softly making me frown in confusion.

"What?"

"Tell me what happened Alice, help me understand what your scared of." his face was deadly serious.

"You're not gonna like it." I whispered.

"Yeah I know that. But, I need to know what you're scared of Alice, so I make sure I never hurt you, or let you down." he said, his fingers gently trailing over my cheek.

I took a shaky breath "Can you promise me something?"

He kissed my forehead "Anything baby."

"Just, don't hate me okay. Let me explain everything and just" I broke down a little "Please don't hate me."

His arms wrapped around me "Never happen, I swear. No matter what you tell me I wont think any less of you. I've never gone through a breakup, so I am in no position to judge you for how you dealt with it."

He always knew how to calm me down.

"I didn't deal with it, that's the problem." I muttered before taking another deep breath.

I kept my head down unable to look at his face as I told him everything that had happened from the moment I had found out I was pregnant.

All the times James had let me down and I'd just overlooked it, our last night when he'd used me, then the morning after when he'd left me feeling completely worthless. I told him about sleeping on the sofa for over a month, admitting that was the reason we hadn't used the bed the first time we'd had sex.

I told him everything I'd been feeling, why I hadn't been able to trust him. My slightly psychotic behaviour over getting rid of my bedding and finally being rid of James.

"I guess that's the first time I really wanted to let go." I said "I didn't want him hanging over us, guess I fucked that up huh?"

I tried to swallow down the lump in my throat but it wouldn't budge, another deep breath and I was able to continue.

"The truth is Jasper I'm scared of admitting how much I love you, of letting you in, because the last time I did it nearly destroyed me. I mean I know you're not James, I know you've promised never to hurt me like that, and I do trust you but" I paused "I trusted James as well, all the times he cancelled visits, all the times I called and he was busy or out, I never once thought he was cheating on me. I think that's the worst part. Call me stupid and naïve if you want, but I never saw it coming. I never even suspected him it was totally out of the blue."

I stopped to take a deep steadying breath.

"That's why I went to see him today, I mean I know I could have arranged to take Ellie to see his mum without him having to be involved, but I needed some kind of closure because, I don't know what went wrong." I sobbed "I don't know why I wasn't enough, why he couldn't just tell me the truth when he first met her. Why he had to keep stringing me along."

The tears started to fall again.

"I know I shouldn't have lied to you, and I know it's not fair dragging you into all this, and I know I'm not being fair and I should just let it go and focus on us, but I can't. he just left me and I want to know why."

Jasper's hand was running over my back soothingly "If he said he wanted you back" he began, but couldn't seem to finish that thought.

"He did today." I admitted feeling Jasper tense beside me "I told him to prove it, and that's when he kissed me." I finally looked up at Jasper to find his eyes burning with anger "I pushed him back telling him I was seeing someone else." I mumbled, relieved when I felt him relax a little. "I don't want him back." I continued, I knew that for certain now "I don't love him anymore, but I did love him for five years, I have a child with him, I can't cut him out of my life that easily." I sighed "I'm sorry Jasper."

"Hey." his hand came to my chin tilting my head so I was forced to meet his eyes "I'm not asking you to cut him out of your life, it's not fair to cut him out of Ellie's. No matter how much of a dick he is, he's still her father and she has a right to know him. I just need some assurance here Alice, that it's me you want to be with, because I know you loved him and he was important to you, and the truth is that scares me." he admitted.

I snuggled closer to him bringing my hands up to caress his face, I kept my eyes locked on his.

"I love you." I said firmly "I am not going to leave you, especially to go back to my lying, cheating twat of an ex."

I leant in so my lips could take over from my fingers, placing kisses over his cheeks and jaw.

"I know I fucked up today, but seeing him again, how I felt when I watched you leave, everything that's happened, I know now for certain, it's you I want, it's you I love."

I pressed closer to him, my lips still working over his jaw and down to his neck.

"Alice." he murmured softly, one of his hands sliding under the back of my top.

I trailed my lips up to his ear "Jasper." I moaned mocking him.

He growled rolling on top of me, my arms wrapped around his neck.

"You wouldn't be trying to tease me would you Miss. Cullen?"

I blinked innocently up at him "Why of course not Mr. Hale." I said, contradicting myself completely by wriggling against him and running my leg up the inside of his.

He growled again and reached around his neck to grab my wrists.

I hissed in pain, pulling my hands from his grip. Jasper bolted upright in shock.

"What? What did I do?" he asked in panic.

"Nothing, it wasn't you." I assured cradling my hands to my chest.

He lay back down next to me gently taking my hands in his, he inspected the marks and bruising forming around my wrists.

I bit my lip as anger flashed in his eyes when he gently placed his hands around my wrists, confirming to himself they had been made by fingers gripping me. His eyes snapped to mine.

"James?" he growled out through clenched teeth.

I nodded "He was stopping me from slapping him." I said.

"Son of a bitch." Jasper growled before taking a deep calming breath. He lightly kissed each mark on my skin "If he ever touches you again I will…"

The threat trailed off, but I knew Jasper would willingly inflict lots of pain if James ever hurt me again.

I felt the usual comforting feeling of safety I always got when I was in Jasper's arms. Another wave of guilt crashed over me, he gave me so much without even knowing it.

"Jasper." I whined gaining his attention. My hands were still in his, he was cradling them like they were made of the most precious crystal or something.

"Kiss me." I begged.

He willingly complied as we gave into our need for each other.

Well in my opinion I think Alice got off too lightly, but Jasper refused to stay mad at her no matter how hard I tried to make him.

What do you think? xx