Chapter 25
Jean Havoc's Journal Entry #2-#5
Hi.
It's been a long time since I wrote in this thing, huh? Okay, so it's been nearly two years- not that long, but... Let me just start over.
My name's Jean Havoc. I'm twenty-nine years old, single, a country-boy bumpkin from the east living in Central City, Amestris, and a second lieutenant in the Amestris Army. In my last journal entry- and also my first- I whined and complained a lot about the Chief- Colonel Roy Mustang- colonel at the time anyways. I protested against the Chief's actions. The actions of when he would constantly take the women I had been currently dating. He didn't care whether he got my (ex)-girlfriend's attention or not. They just came to him. Just my luck that I figured out that they just 'use' me just to get to the Chief. The Chief never meant to do something like that, and I never intended for something like revenge. He didn't care about my love life; I didn't care about his.
Wrong. True, but wrong in a weird bizarre way. Let me explain.
Chief. His name is Roy Mustang. Until recently- a few years ago, he had been booted up several ranks, and you know what? He's a general now. No, not brigadier general; not major general; not lieutenant general; hell, the way I see it, he isn't even a general-general. In my POV, I see him as the military's Fuhrer. He leads everyone in the military, armed forces, and law enforcement. He's the big dog, just like he always wanted to be. He's the commander-in-chief; he's the marshal of the Amestris' Army- no, scratch that- he's the marshal of Amestris' entire Armed Forces. We all remember Mustang's dream in becoming a true leader for this country, right? He said how he was going change this country. And now that a quarter of that dream came true- a quarter 'cuz the politicians, economics, and the socials have their own leaders- you'd think that Roy Mustang would be happy, right?
Wrong, again. Sure, he's totally for running the military and tactical stuff and et cetera, but he isn't happy. I'll elaborate soon enough.
You guys remember, Riza Hawkeye, right? She's the first lieutenant that I deliberately call my 'sister'- even though we all know she isn't. I look out for her (not that she really needs to be looked out for). She's a capable sniper who's responsible in nearly every way. But I still watch over her... in a sensible way; I watch over her like a big brother ought to for a younger sister. I'm a good friend of hers; I know it, she knows it. Sometimes we just get together to talk about what's going on in our lives and how we're holding up, so on and so on. We don't do it in such a way that it's like we're boyfriend and girlfriend, or in a flirtatious way or anything like that. We're just really good friends.
Chief and Riza were great friends, too. Riza would always look out for Chief and would follow him through no matter what. Even though she never told anyone, including me, it didn't take a genius to figure out that she liked... err... loved Mustang. I knew she loved him a lot. She treasured Chief and would give her life so he could live. The way I see it, I'd give my life to Riza so she could give hers for Mustang, so he could change this country. I already know that's how Commodore Hughes did it. He died for Mustang and look at Chief now. He is closer than ever to his dream- ever since the rank and title of Fuhrer has been abolished.
I didn't mean to bring up such a sore topic. Sorry, Commodore Hughes.
But a while ago, two years or ago- give or take a month-, me and my buddy Sarge Denny Bloch found out that Chief liked the first lieutenant a little more than a superior ought to. Hell, he liked her more than just friends ought to. He had feelings for her, too.
And one day, me, Bloch, and 2Lt. Maria Ross found them at a cafe, sharing a kiss. It was pretty safe to say they hooked up, and I thought they were a perfect couple. Even if I did act like the smart-allec. Sometimes I'd stay late when my work hours were over just to see what'd they do. Sometimes I'd literally play hooky when they were both on leave and stalk them, hiding in alleys. When I'd get caught, I'd say something like "Hey, chill, Chief. I'm just picking up tips on how to get a girl." Although, it was pretty obvious that wasn't the case.
I don't know why I stalked them. I just did. I wanted to know what Riza did when she and Chief were alone. I wanted to know what Chief did when he and Riza were alone. I wanted to be there because I felt obliged to... to what? I don't know. I guess I was just being overprotective as someone who only thinks that one of his best friends is his 'sister'. Then again, I really supported them. Despite the fact of all the times I revealed their secret and apologized, I really meant it. I didn't want them to ever get in trouble because they loved each other.
And then it came. Riza broke up with Chief. Not everybody knew they were dating. Not everyone heard that she said that she was sorry she was breaking up with him. Not everyone knew.
But I did. Me, Bradykins (Breda), Tech-y/ RadioHead (Fuery), and Webster (Falman). We were there and we heard what she said. Fuery almost cried, but Breda told him to man up before anything suspicious happened. Too late, 'cuz everything was built on suspicion. The statue too. I mean...
That stupid bastard. The stupid bastard who came up with that gawdawful fraternization rule. That stupid little alchemist runt who caused Riza to think she couldn't handle Chief like that and make that gawddamn statue. Why'd he have to be such a prodigy that the statue he transmuted of Chief and Riza be so... well done that you could easily tell whom the characters making out were? Dammit. It may have been humor in some odd way, but... Stupid. There's a problem.
That's not the end of the problem either. That night, I really wanted to talk to Hawkeye about what happened, but I didn't exactly follow through. Instead, I went to see Breda's psychiatrist- the lady who talks to Breda about his fear of dogs. She knew me 'cuz I sometimes accompanied Breda. But this was my own problem and it had nothing to do with dogs.
"What do you think of 'Roy'?" she asked me. I didn't dare say who the two characters were. I knew if I did, I would risk their 'once-forbidden-been-love-relationship' and their reps. So she said that if I could name them any name but theirs, what would I name them. I lied, basically and left their names alone. It would've been a lot easier on my head.
I was lying down on the cot with my hands folded over my mid-section. "He's a great guy," I responded. "He tends to shoulder work away and gets tired a lot because of his job, but he's really fun-loving. He slacks from what I know. He had one of his best friends die, and that was really tough on him. He got through it, though. He used to be somewhat of an alcoholic because he'd go to the bar two times a week, but now he isn't. I don't know the exact reason. But despite the fact that he somewhat gets tired of who he is in this world, he loves it. He's an extremely determined guy who wants to change something. To be blunt, that's how I'd describe him."
Doc took notes. "And, what do you think of Riza?"
"She's awesome. She's very... well put together. She's so... emotionless. She has a pretty good shot too. The best sniper there is." When I said that, I held my breath a little. I just gave away part of Riza's job. But I regained my head and kept on. "But when we're together- like as in, friends having lunch- we always have something to talk about. I consider her a younger sister to me because it's like I'm always watching after her in the shadows of another shadow."
"Do you think of her more than a friend- or sister?"
"No," I answered. "We're just really good friends. I'm not exactly the type to build romantically on her," I said defensively. "I guess I have passion and understanding, the thing she looks for in a guy, but, I'm just not her kind of man. We've been through situations in and out and have known each other for a long time, but... We're... just friends."
"And what do you think about 'Roy' and 'Riza' as a couple?"
"I feel really good. 'Roy' deserves 'Riza'. They're totally meant for each other. When they're together- like on a date or something, and I just happen to be strolling by- I feel really good about them being together. Like a sense of relief. Because if you've experienced what I have, you'd know. 'Riza' follows Chie- 'Roy', but it's not in the cheap woman pushover way. She knows when to draw the line, and in the end, 'Riza' has the final decision, no matter what 'Roy' says first. Either 'Riza' agrees or she doesn't. And when she doesn't 'Roy' takes it like a warning- or an omen. When she does agree, 'Roy' feels something good might come out of it, because of her positive reaction. They're meant for each other. "
Doc wrote stuff down. "And what about now?"
I sighed, aching for a cigarette. "...Now that 'Roy' and 'Riza' have broken up... I just feel like it's all my fault. I might be thinking too large on a scale here, but... they didn't end their relationship over something so trivial as... I dunno- something small. 'Riza' broke up with Chie-... 'Roy' because of some sixteen-seventeen year old kid. What does that have to do with me? Almost everything.
" 'Roy and 'Riza' were keeping their romance a secret, but I accidentally... It wasn't an accident... much... but I spilled it. I let-up to some kid. Who would've thought that in a few months time that my slip-up would wreck something I supported?"
"Why do you blame yourself for that?" the Doc said. "You should know that you don't run that kid's life and you don't tell him what to do. Do you see that child often?"
"Yeah. 'Roy', 'Riza', and most of my other buddies all know him well."
"I don't mean to be pessimistic, but don't you think he would've found out sooner or later?" I averted my eyes away from her, and to the plum colored wallpaper. "Just know this, Jean. Because you told that child a secret doesn't necessarily mean he was going to make trouble when he first heard it. There's no way to know what would've happened if we changed things."
I was in a dire need for a cigarette right now.
But I promised myself I wouldn't do that anymore. Riza hates tobacco. We can never talk right when I smoke.
"Maybe we should change the subject," Doc suggested. I agreed by lifting my chin up ever so slightly. "Why do you support their relationship so much?"
I unexpectedly sat up, my legs dangling off of the cot. Why did I? Why do I still? I stared at a spot on the lavender carpet between my legs as my arms leaned off of my knees, thinking.
"I just want 'Riza' to be happy. I want Ch- 'Roy' to be happy. After all they went through, before and during their romance, they deserve it. I... I just want them to be happy. Nothing less."
That was the last question before my hour-long session was up. 'Doc', whom I found out was Doctor Carly Heron, hoped to see me again in the future. I nodded, walking in the direction of my barracks. After all, there was work tomorrow and unless I was on leave, I couldn't exactly go home.
I really didn't want to go to work tomorrow. I really wanted to go home.
I arrived at the bunk in my casual stride. The only thing absent was the cigarette, and I was begging for one, but I found a way to deal with that. See, I recently discovered a type of nut called 'pistachio' from Falman. We were all snacking at the Mess Hall on the day of the Alchemy Exam. The show just ended. Al got disqualified. Riza broke up with Chief.
It was a silent snack. Take note, this happened directly before I went to see Breda's psychiatrist.
I was immediately addicted to the pistachio; however, I found it extremely hard to smoke and crack a nutshell at the same time. Which addict was stronger? The pistachio or the cigarette? The mood tempted me for the cigarettes, but... Riza hates tobacco.
I thought. Long and hard, sitting there. I suddenly stood up and left the table without a word. I felt the other guys' eyes on me as I left the Mess Hall.
I dashed to the locker room. I emptied the entire thing, making a slop on the locker room's floor. I found what I needed and stuffed it all into a backpack.
I immediately went back to my barracks afterwards. I tore open my drawers, turned my mattress inside out, undid the covers on them, shook out my pillowcase, forced all my pockets from all my jackets, pants, shirts, and et cetera. Emptied everything out of my knapsacks, duffel bags, and backpacks. I rummaged through my end of the closet me and someone else shared.
I forced my findings into a small section of the floor near my cot. Then I released the contents of my backpack over the piled mound.
Altogether, I had thirty-seven boxes of cigarettes in that small secluded circle. I emptied my pockets and put it another box and a half-full, half-empty one. Thirty-eight and a half boxes was the final count. I pulled another object from my uniform jacket pocket. It was a lighter.
Let me inform you how illegal it is to purposely start a fire in your own barracks: VERY WRONG!!! NEVER EVEN CONSIDER OF DOING IT!
I did it anyways. I burned the entire stash. All of it. I stood there, staring at the fire for a few minutes, before running to grab a bucket of water. I returned, happy to find the fire didn't burn elsewhere or spread. I dumped the bucket and the flames immediately ceased. I sighed, dropped down on my knees, grabbed a roll of paper towels and began wiping the mess and swept up the leftover ashes.
I returned to the mess hall, where Breda, Fuery, Bloch, Ross, and Falman were seated. They looked at me oddly. I smelled of ash, my knees were wet, my boots squeaked, my hands had small burns. They didn't utter a single word.
"Give me the pistachios," I said, sitting myself down. Falman slid a paper bag in my direction. I took one, cracked it, and chewed.
After that, we all left the table at our own pace- most of us without a word. I was the last person at the table. I sat there for about a few minutes and left the mess hall. I left the campus secretly- leaving to see Breda's psychiatrist.
-
I arrived at my barracks and it was, in a word, quiet. The lights were already turned out, despite the fact that it was only 21:15. Our earliest 'bedtime' was 22:00 on the dot. Our latest was 23:58:59- a record. Usually, our 'bedtime' depended on our captain- Captain Kelvin Zunis.
Our barracks system in Central Command HQ, naw, scratch that- the entire army in Amestris, was very complicated. I wish I could draw it out, but this is how it works: First off, each army soldier has an assigned barrack- all down to the specific bed you sleep on. Jeez... it's so complex. The barracks are at the back of end of HQ, roughly 2 miles from the main headquarters building (so if you don't got a car, you walk to HQ- wonder what idiot came up with that...). Then, it's cut into quarters- That's the corps. Four corps (is there plural to corps?) makes up the entire Army. From what I heard from Falman, a corps is typically made up of 20,000- 45,000 soldiers. Four corps times the mean of 20,000 and 45000... I don't feel like doing math...
Then our corps is divided into five divisions. There is one division per commanding headquarters- one division for East HQ, one for West, one for South, one for North, and one for Central (ignore the minor forts like New Optain) again, Dictionary Falman says a division is technically made up of 10,000- 15,000 soldiers. After that, it is once again divided (by 3) and it gets you the regiments/brigades/groups (same difference really; they just have different names). The regiments are made up of 3000 to 5000 soldiers. And then, you divide regiments into five battalions, 300 to 1000 soldiers per battalion. Once again, we divide those sections by 6 and we get companies: 62-190 soldiers per company. We divide each company by four and we get platoons- each platoon made up of 16-44 soldiers. And finally!!- We have the smallest end of military structure's chain of command; the squad- often consists of 9 to 10 guys.
Did you get all that? I didn't. Falman explained it to me. I didn't get it still. But I wrote it down anyways... I think I understand now... I'll recap that forward instead of backwards like I just did (even if it does kill my wrist).
Squads hold 9-10 soldiers. Platoons hold two to four squads. Companies hold four to six platoons. Battalions hold four to six companies. Regiments hold two to five battalions. Divisions hold three regiments. Corps hold two divisions. The army holds two (and over) corps.
I get it now!
Uh, oh. I left something out... Gawd.
Squads are lead by sergeants. Platoons lead by lieutenants. Companies by captains. Regiments by lieutenant colonels. Brigades by colonels. Divisions by major generals. Corps by lieutenant generals. Army by lieutenant generals OR higher.
Ow. My hand hurts. But I need to keep going. Since I'm a second lieutenant, I don't work in 'squads'. I lead platoons, specifically myself, I direct third platoon Easy (actually it's Echo, but everyone calls E Company 'Easy') Company from 2nd Battalion of the Tenth Regiment... And, jeeze, I don't even know why I'm describing this all. (So, I lead 3rd Platoon, Easy Company, 2/10... Yeah...) My higher ups tell me my division and my corps and etc... Man.
Okay. So because of that... That directs my barrack. Yeah.
-
So I got to the barracks. Finally. Like I said, it was way too quiet. Everyone must've been asleep or something. Good thing, too- I wasn't allowed off campus after 2100. So I snuck in, changed my clothes, and tiptoed into my bed. All was well, right?
"Eh, Havoc, where have you been?"
I tensed.
I had been awake. I was focusing on the silence. I was thinking about... today. And suddenly someone jumps at me.
I turn over to see the culprit guilty of causing me to lose my concentration. I couldn't see, so I couldn't tell for sure. The voice was hollow, sorta like Breda's. Hell, for all I knew, it could've been Breda.
"Yeah, Hav. Lights out was twenty minutes ago." That was another voice, lighter. I concluded the first one to be Breda.
I sighed. "Just had a lot on my mind is all," I replied.
"It's about... Hawkeye and Mustang, huh?" Breda said. The other guy, Bob Bryare, in our private threesome conversation looked awed.
I tried to ignore his expression.
"Yeah," I said. "I was just... I... I can't believe..." I stammered. "I was really all out for Chief and Riza... I never thought that..." I left the sentence hanging there.
"W... whaddya guys mean?" Bryare asked, confused.
I tried to ignore him still. Even if he was a friend. He didn't know about the recent deal between Riza and Chief.
Bobby Bryare was another second el-tee. I've known him since Basic Training, too. He was one of the few soldiers from my BT who made it to become a junior officer, if not higher... And passed through the wars we've fought. Since he was in the infamous BT, that means he's known Riza, too. Bobby practically owes her life to Riza. He'd be one of the junior officers who didn't make it past the wars we fought if Riza hadn't shot at some tree branch. A hidden enemy falls at Bobby's feet.
Coincidentally, Captain Zunis- our company chief- was also in my BT. He's known Riza, Bradykins, Bryare, and me since that time. However, he, too, had no idea of the hidden romance.
I stood up, unable to sleep. "I'm going to make a phone call." And I left, leaving Breda and Bryare to stare at me.
-
I had made several attempts. They all failed. I was on my fourth one this time. Once again, I dialled.
The first time: I had called was Riza's assigned barracks. I dialled six, then seven-five (six meant around HQ, seven-five meant 'P' for platoon and 'L' for lieutenant). Then I did a look-see in a HQ directory for Riza's exact barrack.
Someone picked up. It was 2Lt. Maria Ross. She told me that Riza wasn't there and that she and a reserved sniper were covering her platoon for her. That wasn't good news. I asked Ross to call back if... when Riza got back. Ross said she would as soon as she saw her.
I dialled once again. I was now on my eighth try. I was calling Riza's home. If I were lucky she'd be there. I dialled. And I dialled. And I dialled. And I dialled. And I dialled. And I dialled. Where the hell was she?
I lost count by the time someone answered and it wasn't the answering machine. My persistency has paid off! Too bad I had no idea exactly what I was going to say. In my messages I put on her answering machine, I just said, "Are you there? It's Havoc." or "Pick up, Riza. It's only me." or "Hey, Sniper. It's me again. I just called to see if you were okay. Call me back or something."
Now that she picked up, I had no idea what I was going to say. I crunched on a pistachio, nervous.
Actually, she spoke first. Her voice scared me.
"You are getting on my last reliable nerve! I will find you- not the other way around. Did you forget I have sources-"
I swallowed. "Um... sorry. I guess."
"Excuse me?" Riza said. Why was she mad at me? "Who is this?" she asked.
I swallowed another nut. "It's Havoc," I said, my voice nearly cracking.
"Uh... hello, Lieutenant Havoc."
There was a very odd and awkward pause after that. I threw in another shell. I had to save those things. Who knows when I'll be on leave next time to buy these nuts? ... The silence was almost killing.
"Okay, I guess," I said, trying to break the pause. "Mustang, huh?" I wondered.
"What was that?"
I looked down. I was outside, leaning on the railing of the barracks. A bag of pistachios and the receiver of the phone in one hand, the actual phone in the other. "Were you expecting the general to call?" I asked meekly.
"No..." she said. "Someone else... Are you okay, Havoc? You sound different. Saddish you could call it."
I knew she was trying to get the subject away from her and what happened earlier during the alchemy exam that day. I didn't like that. She was the kind of person to face things head on, not to avoid them directly.
I didn't want to give her the benefit of my being gullible, but she sounded desperate to get the topic changed. I sighed. "Don't mind me, el-tee," I said, trying to put in some smile. "I just... you know, gave up on 'em." I cracked a shell.
"What's 'them'. What do you mean? Gave up on what?"
I looked into my bag of nuts. "My cigarettes."
I thought I heard her snicker a little. Good... I think.
"W-what for?" she asked.
I didn't want to answer "for the pistachios" because that wasn't the real reason. I would've said, "You hate tobacco," but I didn't. It was too... kinky. It might sound like I have an actual 'thing' for her... Once again, I'm just a really close (concerned) friend. That's all.
"No reason," I answered. I tried to change the subject, but I didn't know what to say next, so I briefly said, "Did you get my messages?"
"Yeah."
Not cool. Riza doesn't answer 'yeah', nor does she often answer in one-word sentences.
"So... you okay then?" I asked.
I think I hit something.
"Ed just got him to the point where I couldn't stand the rivalry the two of them have," she answered, breaking somewhat. "Annoying is the word I'm looking for, but... stronger. I don't think I could stand living it out with an over-belligerent man who constantly argues over a sixteen-year old boy."
She hung up.
I said 'I think I hit something' a few sentences ago. I was hoping I'd hit gold. I didn't, though. I hit copper.
Basically, she lied. She lied to me. But I understood... I think I did anyways.
I returned to my bunk where Bryare and Breda were still sitting there. Bryare's bunk was to the left of mine, but Breda's was all the way at the other end of the hangar-like compound. They were both obviously waiting for me.
"You talked to any of them?" Breda asked.
I pulled the covers over myself and turned away from the both of them, ignoring Breda's question. I heard Bryare turn and move to his bunk. I didn't hear Breda move at all.
"Breda, did you tell Bryare?"
"No," he said. "He persisted, but no."
I stared at the blank wall to my right. My bunk was farthest right in the hangar, I should've mentioned. It was silent once again. Breda stood up from his crouching position and crawled to his bunk. I reached over to my drawer out of habit for a smoke- I forgot I burned that then- and came up with a brown notebook titled 'Roy Mustang Surveillance Log'.
I turned that 'Surveillance Log' into a journal account of what's happening right now. That 'Surveillance Log' is what I'm writing in as we speak. I reread my first entry- the one where Chief stole... what's her name? Grace? That's right. Grace from the flower shop who played hard-to-get. Yeah.
-
Thursday
I don't know what just happened. I'm too confused. I'm lost.
Rereading my last entry- the one where Chief and Riza just broke up at the Exam- a lot has happened compared to that. Everything is so far away. To think exactly nine days ago, we were having some uncalled for fun in a chaotic manner involving a surprise physical exam. Now... that humor has turned into, dare I say it, drama.
Everything's amiss. No one's doing work. People are talking. The victims of those gossips are changing. They're getting less sleep. They're coming in tardy. No one's been taking things seriously. Everything's out of place.
I don't know.
So much has happened. So much that I can't just write it all down.
Brief Summary: Riza comes in very, very late. Chief is nowhere to be found. There's too much tensity in the room. And I snap. I try to calm down other people's nerves... I thought my little speech got through. The mood in the office seems to lighten as I did a variety of push-ups.
Then something else happens. Everything between that was a blur. Chief was mauled by Black Hayate. Riza disappeared. Ed and Bloch go looking for her to calm Hayate, but they can't find her anywhere. Meanwhile, me and the rest of the crew chase Fuery- who's frantically trying to get to the lieutenant colonel that's trying to get to Black Hayate- we stop dead as we reach the grounds.
Hayate finished his attack. Chief was standing up as if the brawl between him and the canine had never happened. But, Hayate was down. Down and out on the ground. He looked dead. Fuery collapsed on the spot. Chief was reprimanding just as a crowd began to form. I believe he was scolding the el-tee-cee for having shot Hayate, but there were words that almost had nothing to do with it...
"What..." Chief looked hurt. He looked pained. He tried to hide it, and it would've worked to someone who didn't know Chief as well, but I saw that Chief wasn't doing well. "... Don't you ever call First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye by those words." Chief muttered something. Sounded like, "Bitch my ass," before saying, "You may be three ranks higher than her, but you are no higher than me. Your rank doesn't give you the right to ascertain someone by his or her actions. Nor does it give you the right to shoot down that person's pet." Chief gestured at the lifeless cur. "What the hell gave you the slightest idea you could shoot down Black Hayate!?!"
The crowd was getting larger and denser in size. Mustang's reprimand had caused quite an attraction. The LtC. said, "I'm sorry, sir, General Mustang." He started to lift his arm for a salute, but Chief interrupted him rudely.
"And as for the 'illicit' term you called her, you can believe whatever you want. If you think that me and my lieutenant had any form of fraternization- a private get-together, a romantic dinner, or even a sexual affair, you can just let your minds rot to your improper pleasure." Chief turned on his heel despite his injury and faced the large crowd.
"And that goes for everyone," Chief stated.
And Chief swayed. He staggered. His knees buckled. And he fell.
I saw this and immediately pushed and shoved my way through the crowd to get to the Chief just as Fuery began to recover from passing out. I found Major Armstrong along the way, and together we forged a rough pathway to the center of it all. The other soldiers were standing around, shocked and unsure of what to do.
I reached the middle with Armstrong, and Breda. Falman stayed behind to aide the light-headed Tech-y. I was first to kneel down by the Chief. "Chief!" I yelled. "Hey, can you hear me? Say something," I urged. There wasn't a response.
I looked to Breda and said, "Breda, check the leg wounds."
And right on cue, our human dictionary and the tech medic came in. Apparently, Techy was feeling much better. That, or Falman gave the news to him and what Fuery did was react like a real medic sarge would. Fuery forced his way through with Falman, I saw, despite his small fragile frame. They arrived with a medic-pack.
Breda had already detached Chief's pant leg from his boot and was now rolling it up.
"Damn, this bite is huge," Breda commented. "It goes from just above the knee all the way up. I can't even tell how far it foes. Jeez, it looks like an old mortar round or some piece of shrapnel grazed alongside it."
"Bring them down," Fuery said.
"Hell what?"
"Pull his pants down!" Fuery ordered.
"But- but," Breda stammered.
"I said to pull down his pants! I can't determine the state of the wound if I can't see it!" It was safe to say Fuery wasn't in the best mood. He then transferred to Black Hayate. He was alive, Fuery said, but he needed some ATT1 and quick. "Jeez," he said.
The real pro medics came in and took Chief; Fuery ordered them to take Hayate as well. If that mutt died, you'd never hear the end of it from Hawkeye. The medics took Chief to the infirmary- they said that Central Hospital was too far away; they feared they wouldn't make it- not to mention the traffic at this hour. They also grabbed Hayate, because Head Medic Tomo Kinsey came on the scene and sided with Fuery as well.
When Chief and Hayate were gone, me and Breda went out in search for Ross. We were going out on a search and retrieve (not rescue) for Riza. Not by ourselves, but we were going to use our authority as lieutenants and make our platoons do the work while we conducted them.
We quickly found the only other junior officer and started the search. Ross' platoon was sent out to search all the other minor buildings within campus. Breda's was headed straight for the most probably place, the shooting range. Between the small arms ranges- where there were at least five of in HQ- and the advanced snipers' range- there were two of those- and the area within HQ and the distances between each range, it should've been enough to keep Breda's platoon company. But if Bloch and FullMetal had already checked up on all those, they'd move in to check the barracks area.
I arranged for my platoon to grab the main building and the entire perimeter around HQ.
-
I visited Chief a few times, but the nurses kept giving me the rejection.
Until Chief was finally awake that is. He wasn't out of it like the nurses had warned me. He seemed capable of holding his head together. And what he really wanted to talk about was Riza. He wanted to know if she knew. Where she was. What she was doing. All of that.
He really loved her. I could tell.
Gradually, we took to leaving the infirmary, while coming across several obstacles, yet getting past them using Chief's authority, clever wits, and critical thinking. Yeah. Chief told me to hang back a few times, but I got past him without a word. Maybe he knew that I was a close connection to Riza and I shouldn't be left out of anything involving her. Yeah. That should've been it.
"Havoc," Chief began.
"Uh-huh?" I said.
"Do you... do you know why Riza broke up with me?"
I didn't know what to say. I was panicking on the inside, although I look pretty much aloof. So I said, "Yes, sir."- I rarely call 'Chief' 'sir'.
"What did she say?" Chief asked.
I debated, getting more panicked. "I- I can't answer that, sir."
"It's an order, Lieutenant Havoc."
"I'm sorry, sir. I cannot and I will not answer that."
Chief sighed. "Havoc, if you know, and you said you did, tell me."
"No, sir."
"At least give me an idea. Does it have to do with me?"
"Can't say."
"Give me assurance. Tell me what... what isn't wrong."
I looked down as we still walked. "I'd love to, Chief. I really would love to give you some assurance so you know that it only had to do with the rivalry between you and Ed and that nothing else..."
Chief was stunned. I shut my mouth. How could I have said that? No... No! No! No! Riza's gonna kill me... she's going to grab her M24 and shoot me right between my eyes when I least expect it. How... Why did I say that? Chief was looking very somber... I can't believe that I just said that! I told it straight to his face! Oh my God, if Riza kills me, on my tombstone, they'd better write that I deserved it because I betrayed Riza.
Even if what Riza said had been a lie.
I'm glad to say, we walked into Chief's sitting room (the room that was before the real office of Chief's). For some reason, we both had this freak feeling that Riza was in there. Either she was or she wasn't. But this was one place where our platoons obviously didn't look, for the doors were locked.
"You can stay out in the sitting office," Chief said earlier. I don't want anybody- nobody- cut across their rank if you have to, but nobody walks into this sitting room, and no one, absolutely no one- not a single soul ought to walk into that office. That includes you. Do you understand me?"
There was no one in the sitting room.
"No one's here, Chief," I announced. Idiot. Of course no one was in there.
"Obviously," Chief remarked. "I said you had to stay and wait here in this sitting room, while I walk into my office. Is that clear enough?" Chief drew the office key.
I responded with an, "Aye, Chief." We said a few more sentences, and then I made my way to one of the black leather sofas. My posture was edge-of-the-seat, literally. My eyes were focused and they wouldn't move away from the double doors. Not a chance. No one was walking in here. No-body.
I heard Chief open his office door and walk in. Then, through my peripheral vision, I saw him close it.
She was in there all right. That was a definitely.
-
I stayed on the couch for a while. I focused on guarding that door to the point where I didn't even know that the sun was beginning to set and it was getting very dark. By the time I did realize the time, I was sprawled out on the well-kept sofa, bored to death, only stealing glances at the door every so often. There was nothing.
Sorry, Chief, I told myself. I just wanted to know what was going on in there. Was there a stern talking to? Reprimand? A conversation over what happened? Apologies? Were they getting back together? Making love?
(If the latter was the case, I'd be 'awed', cuz Riza strongly does not believe in premarital sex.)
I truly was and am sorry, Chief. But I had to. I stood up and put the lessons on being stealthy and covert to use. I made small steps and made pauses between each step as I closed in on the location. The office door. I didn't want to go inside, nor did I intend to. I basically wanted to get to the door, drop down on my knees, and peer through the bottom crack. Just a quick visual and a quick briefing.
I backed against the wall I was headed toward and scratched my way along till I made it to the door. I was right next to the doorknob and was about to drop down on my knees when I heard something. Chief was saying something.
I dunno. It sounded along the lines of, "It's okay," something or other. And then something else. And I think Riza said something else. And then... I stopped short and my pistachio and its shells fell out of my mouth. It sounded like... It couldn't be... But, there was also the Chief, no Chief couldnt've... No... Wait...
Was Riza crying?
She was. I turned around and sprinted back towards the sofa, frightened. My fingers fidgeted over my bag of pistachios. I popped one in my mouth. I felt like I was being taken over, like a seizure or something and the pistachio nuts were my pills.
There was no way. Riza wasn't crying. She couldn't have been. In my entire life I've known her, she only cried once. O-N-C-E. And that was because of Mustang nearly dying during the 'mission' when I was up north. But that was a rumor.
No way, Hawkeye wouldn't cry.
But then who else could it be? Chief? No. Chief was the man. He had to show Riza he would always be with her, and that he supported her, and he would always love her as the man. Not to beg or plead like some pansy. He had to be firm. The man had to be the strong one in the relationship. He had to be strong. That was one of the few reasons I came with Chief to this spot, rather than chilling at the infirmary or waiting outside in the hallway like an enlisted guy. To help Chief man-up.
So it had to be Riza. She was crying.
But then again, she has every right to cry.
Hell, I feel like crying right now. And if I feel like crying, then Chief and Hawkeye should feel like they want to die, because what I've been through in this ordeal is diddly squat compared to what happened between the two of them. Seriously. I shouldn't even think about wallowing in my own pity. I have more than enough to deal with. I don't need to add it by putting up with my own.
Riza's the smart one. Chief's the ambitious one. What happens when they both break? Who has the courage to do what supposed to be done? Who has the composure to stay calm in chaos if no one else? No one.
So I'll do it.
Chief called me. I pushed the bangs out of my eyes.
Jeez, did I fall asleep? I think I did. There was a very soggy pistachio shell in my mouth. I spit it out in the direction of the trashcan that I pulled next to the sofa.
"Havoc."
I sat up, stood up, and raised the arm up for the respective salute. "Sir," I said.
"Go home."
"What?" I asked.
"Get on the P.A. system. Tell everyone in Headquarters that tonight's night shift is cancelled and that they are ordered return to their barracks, if not stated to a furlough the next day. Including the night-shift workers and Lieutenant General Grumman-" (By the way, General Grumman is Riza's grandfather; and the general in charge on night shift- like a Lt. Fuhrer)- "When everyone has left, get into the security room to check the cameras. If every room and every hallway is clear, report to me. If all goes as planned, you may leave, too," Chief said. "You understand that?"
"Sir!" I said. I started for the exiting door and stopped.
"Chief," I began, slightly turning to face him. "Did she take it bad?"
I could barely see Chief's silhouette from the doorway of his office. The door was ajar, which was part of the reason, and Chief covered the open door.
Chief sighed. "She fell asleep. I'm taking her home."
I turned, ready to leave. "Havoc," he said.
I stopped, halfway out the doorway.
"I only told you that because you're her friend. Don't talk to anyone else. In fact, keep of all this to yourself. Nothing happened."
"I understand, sir."
I left. Reported. And one and a half hours later, Central HQ was empty. Not a soul in sight.
Except General Grumman.
"Who gave you this order?" I was confronted by the old geezer (Riza would kill me if she read this- my calling her G-pa an old geezer) just as I thought the coast was clear. I was in a very awkward position. I was cornered in a stairway, half a flight of stairs away from Mustang's office, by Hawkeye's grandfather. Very, very awkward.
"I... can't say, sir," I stammered. I felt sweat come down come down my forehead; it was about to fall into my eyes. I knew was going through Grumman's head. As of right now, there are only two generals that separate General Mustang and Lieutenant General Grumman. Those two generals both had day shifts. The night shift started three minutes ago.
And since no one but General Mustang was present and that a higher ranking officer higher than Grumman had given the behest, then it was obvious to conclude that the person who ordered for this sudden schedule change had to be none other than Mustang.
"Ah," Grumman said. Secretly, Grumman does hope that his granddaughter, Riza Hawkeye, would marry Chief, but he totally disregards the fact that the rumors between Chief and Riza are true. He doesn't know they really are true... or were true. Oh, man.
Grumman dismissed me. He thought I didn't know. But I knew what he knew and he knew what I knew and that was that Mustang had given the order. I know he knows that it's Mustang. Since I know, I'll stop him.
I pretended to exit, but slipped into one of the most direct staircases to Chief's office. With my speed and agility, I'd beat Grumman to the punch just to warn Chief. Yeah. That was the plan.
I made it. I made it, all right. I knocked on Chief's sitting room door without stopping to take a breather. Roy answered a very gruff and grumpy, "What is it?"
I replied by throwing a pistachio shell through the bottom crack. Grumman was closing the distance; I needed to get in without him knowing. That included making noise- such as using my voice. Luckily, Chief caught the gesture of the pistachio (I think he expected a cigarette... I didn't exactly break the news of my trying to quit to him, yet) and let me in.
"What is it Havoc?"
"General Grumman, sir. He confronted me. He's concluded that you're the one who gave the order to cancel tonight's night shift. He's coming up here right now to talk about it."
Chief was alarmed; I could tell by the look on his face. "Grumman? Riza's grandfather?"
"The one and only, Chief."
"Shit," Roy placed a hand on his forehead in frustration. "Havoc, Riza's sleeping in my office. I was about to take her home- as you know, but change of plans. Get in that office and hide. I'll stall here."
I dashed into the office and bolt-locked it. Riza was curled out on the couch, looking, dare I say, 'cute'. (Once again, we're friends. What? A guy friend can't think of a friend who happens to be a girl to look cute? I'm overreacting.) I wondered how she got that way. Did she cry herself to sleep or something? Was that why Chief wanted to evacuate HQ? He didn't want anyone seeing him carry her down and bring her home?
I heard voices just then. I pressed my ear against the doors.
"General Grumman, what a surprise," Chief said. He was keeping his cool. At least it sounded like that.
"I apologize for my intrusion, General Mustang, sir."
"That's alright. Whatcha here for?" Sounded like Chief was trying to keep the mood light, too.
"I was just a bit suspicious over the sudden cancellation in the night shift. Rather sudden, I thought," Grumman said. "I believe it was one of the second lieutenants from 2nd and 10. If you don't mind my asking, sir, but what's this about?"
"Confidential matter, General Grumman. Something sudden involving the parliament is all." I gotta give my props to the Chief. He uses his authority well to boot, including to lie.
I think Grumman saluted at this time. "My sincerest apologies for the inconvenience, General Mustang, sir." There was a pause. I got down on my knees to spy through the bottom door crack to see if Grumman left the office. He didn't.
"But, there is one other matter that I have to discuss with you, General," Grumman said. I had a very vague, yet descriptive feeling informing me that this was not going out well and that the topic had to do with a certain law and a certain rumor. Curse my rank as a second lieutenant (if only I were somewhat higher ranked, I coulda convinced Grumman with a lie).
"I apologize once again for my curiosity, General, but it's only in my best interest to look out for my granddaughter."
Oh yeah. I think my idea was right.
Chief looked a bit uncomfortable and shifted his weight uneasily. Partially because he was uncomfortable, and partially because several hours ago, he was stitched up.
"Uh, pardon me, General Grumman," Chief began. "But it's very late. I understand how you feel on these preposterous innuendoes and such, especially on your account, but I can guarantee you you have my undying trust. And I assure you that-" Chief stopped short here. I think he thought he went to far. "Anyhow, um, I believe that it would be more appropriate to book a small session. Yes. I'll schedule a meeting over this in the near future." Chief grabbed his coat. "I really ought to be getting home, as to you too, General Grumman."
Together, they both left the office. For a second, I thought that Chief actually forgot us, but then I figured that he probably would just flank the lieutenant general.
Correct, once again.
Chief returned some ten minutes later and ran into the room. I was still propped against the door when Chief busted through, ramming the office door open and my jaw ricocheting off.
"Ow!" I screamed. My head then rebounded off the wall, and then against the doorknob. The brass doorknob. "Ow!"
"Sorry, Havoc," Chief apologized. Sorry wasn't gonna pay for my doctor's bill, but I didn't say that. "Now, go home."
I stood up and saluted. "Aye-aye, Chief. Goodnight." I turned and walked.
"Goodnight to you, too, Lieutenant."
I left, walking to my barracks. I didn't wait around to spy or to tailgate them or nothing. I've gotten myself into enough trouble that way, but hell, it was worth it. For Chief, for Riza, for the good of this country, it was all worth it. So long as Chief's happy and so long as Riza's happy, it was worth it.
The only question is are they happy?
I don't think so.
Friday
I'm writing this entry in my living room condo rather than in the bunk of my barracks. Why? Hell, I wish I knew the answer to that.
Company Commander Captain Kelvin Zunis woke me up early. It was, like, 0400 I was told when he pulled me out of bed. I was tired and I didn't even realize I was being given a stern talking to. Remember last night? Yeah, who could forget a hectic night like that anyways?
I snuck into my barracks sometime between 0100 and 0200 hours. It was silent. It was dark. And no one could see me. Good. Better than good. It was, in a word, awesome that I had managed to sneak in and that no one had caught my late night schemes, yet.
I snuck into my bed and drew my log out from under my thin pillow. I don't know how, but I managed writing all of that from my last entry in an hour in a half.
And before I knew it, I fell asleep. At least I finished my last sentence though.
But I wondered what happened with Chief and Riza.
-
"Lieutenant Havoc! Are you listening?" Zunis said. I sat straight up in the chair I had been provided. How did I get here? I don't know. Oh yeah, I must've been half asleep. But I saw I wasn't in an office. I was in Capt. Zunis' secluded bunkhouse.
"Heh?" I said.
"You weren't present when I called 'lights out' last night- and the night before that. Your whereabouts?"
I was wide-awake now, blinking still. My mind had to cook up a reason. "Captain, I was with the Commander-In-Chief, sir. I was running errands under his direct order."
"So," Zunis began. "If I went to General Mustang right this very moment and asked him about your whereabouts last night, he wouldn't answer, "How should I know?" "
I nodded my head. "Yes, Captain. I was with the general entirely."
Captain Kelvin Zunis. I think I mentioned this once before, but Zunis was a former B.T. of mine... and Riza's... and Breda's. He's a typical guy. He's married, wife and kid- a son. He's relaxed as a friend. As an officer, he's a by-the-book man. Will do what he can to protect this country, He doesn't care about rank. He's been through so many wars and led so many battles that when the next one comes, he'll retire from the military and become an English schoolteacher or something. That was him. The captain of Easy/ Echo Company. Laid back, but overall, by the book.
"Okay, I trust you," Zunis said. He pulled something out from nowhere- behind his back I think. It was a manila envelope. "Here," Zunis shoved it at me.
"What is it?" I asked. Inside, I sort of hoped that the contents of the envelope beheld a promotion. Please?
"Not the slightest idea," Zunis responded. "Colonel Armstrong-"
"Colonel Armstrong?" I rudely interrupted.
"Yes," said the captain. "He gave it to me just before I called roll last night. He said it was to go directly to you, but you weren't in. I held onto it." Small silence. "The colonel also said that it came from the government."
"The government?" I repeated. It might've not been a promo, but that G-word just sparked my interests for an unknown reason.
"Yes."
"Can I open it? Here... and now?"
"Whatever you wish. It's not mine to mess with," Zunis said. He looked like he couldn't care any less with his crossed arms and his half-drawn eyelids.
I greedily ripped open the package. I read through it, barely able to make out the words because of the darkness. I forgot I was in Zunis' secluded barrack. He turned on a lamp.
"Better," I muttered, glancing down at the typewritten paper. I scowled deeply as I finished it. "This is bullshit!" I announced, outraged. My hands twisted the paper, but the captain grabbed it out of my hands before I could do any more destruction to it.
"What's it say?" Zunis asked.
"Read for yourself, Captain," I answered gruffly.
It didn't take a certified alchemist to know that that document reversed my mood. How stupid to feel anger to such a flimsy item. No, hold on. I wasn't angry at the paper. I was angry at the government.
It said I was being given a 'leave'. To sum it up, they've dismissed me from the military... temporarily anyways. Three weeks. If I 'cooperate' (whatever the hell that means), they'll let me return to my duties as a lieutenant quickly. They make it seem like I'm a criminal on parole. Bastards.
Why? Because they also believe that I was in on the knowing of the forbidden friendliness and that's why they've maimed me of my military status. If my mind was going right, I think they're planning to do a little one on one interrogation with me. And if I break, I endanger Mustang. And if they found out about Breda, Fuery, Falman, Bloch, Ross, Armstrong, Lansen, Hedger, Whitcomb, and Graham knowing, too, I'd break for all of us. Not to mention that if they did find out about those guys, then that means that the chances of one us spilling is greater.
'Leave', huh? I like taking my leaves off from the military to relax. But this is no furlough. It's... like... solitary confinement. A part time dishonorable discharge. That's what I know now. Then, when I was standing in front of my captain, vehemence was building inside, totally mixed to even think still.
Zunis stood up; his arm was outstretched, willing to give me my file back. I took it, hesitantly. To think that it had only been two days since that gawdforsaken alchemy exam. My head hurt.
"Listen, Lieutenant Havoc," Zunis began. "I was at the junior officers meeting. So were the other lieutenants in my company, other than Breda. But though I went, that doesn't mean I agree with everything they said. Me and Bryare were recalling the meeting with a few other junior officers from Delta Company." I sat there. "And the few of us agreed that the General and Lieutenant Hawkeye shouldn't restrain their feelings for one another."
I sat there, listening.
"Tell me, Havoc, is it true?"
I looked up. So straight, so blunt as six words. I sighed. "Sorry, Captain. I'm ordered not to answer questions relating to that topic. From General Mustang," I said, almost in a robot-like voice.
"I see," said Zunis. "Who's Hawkeye's captain?"
I shrugged. Okay, me and Riza are great friends, but I don't even know her captain... Odd. "I don't know," I answered honestly. "I think she's Alpha Company- 3rd and two, 5th Special Forces Marksmen Division. Something like that."
Zunis nodded. "You'd better leave now. That notice," he pointed at it, "on the bottom, it reads effective immediately."
I saluted to my captain. "Sir." I began to leave, but stopped midstep. "Captain, I know we were comrades since Basic Training- hell, that was a long time ago- but, you remember Riza right?"
Zunis nodded fairly. "Yes. As does Bryare."
"Well, don't tell anyone about anything about this discussion. Including Bryare." I put my hand on the doorknob. "I hope you have a good night's sleep, sir."
I left, but without hearing him say, "Damn, there's no way I can get sleep now."
I walked all the way to the end of the hangar, trying to be silent as possible. The stretch from the Captain's bunk was far. Very far since my bunk was all the way at the other end, but after several long minutes of creeping past other comrades' bunk, I reached mine.
There was a closet behind my makeshift bed- the closet where I also stashed some cigarettes- that I shared with my bunkmate, Bryare. I opened that and pulled out my duffel bag; I dragged it forward. I then revealed my trunk from under my bed. The trunk. It contained clothes, mostly my fatigues, and a few other things. I stuffed it in there. The trunk was empty by the time I emptied the trunk. Empty all for a single backpack. That emerged and I stalked over to the nightstand to the cot's left. I unloaded the drawer and put its contents in the small backpack.
There wasn't much. The codebook. This journal I'm writing in. A few pictures. Yeah.
"Huh," I said, feeling something, rather someone, over my shoulder. "You too?" I said.
Breda nodded. "Yeah, Hav. Looks like we're both out." He threw his duffel bag over his shoulder.
I stood up to my full height of just a little over six feet. "Well, yeah. I guess we're going home. Who knows the next time I'll see the light of day in this place again." I kicked the drawer shut with my boots.
"Wha'dya mean?" Breda said. "The telegram says that we're supposed to be off for three weeks. Then we could come back," Breda said while pulling out the notice.
"Don't trust the government, Breda. Captain Zunis and I had a discussion over this a few minutes ago. This is probably just a bunch of crap they want us to suck up. They're scheming a way to get Mustang out of his power. That's why they're turning this non-issue friendliness into this big deal, when it should be taken lightly."
"What? Why?"
"Don't ask me," I said. I bent down to lace my boots. I was still in my so-called PJ's. A royal blue T-shirt and some navy blue bottoms. We all dressed like that for bedtime. I didn't get a chance to change, but I did have the decency to pull on some socks and to tuck my bottom leggings into my boots. I tucked in my royal blue tee.
"C'mon. We're gonna miss our bus."
-
So here I am now. It's noon, but I don't feel like eating lunch. I skipped breakfast on the bus, too. I found out later on that Fuery and Falman were involved and given the 'leave' too. So were Armstrong, Ross, and Bloch. They were the only other soldiers. I didn't see Lansen, Hedger, Whitcomb, or Graham. Apparently, they were safe. But did that mean one of those guys ratted us out? Or did the feds find out using some sort of bean?
And where was Riza? And Mustang? Sent before us to throw us off? Or did something happen last night after I left the two of them at HQ?
I got questions, but the answers will intuitively lead to more questions. I'm somewhat relieved for this furlough. I can breathe easy now that I'm away from the chaos- even if I can't really 'breathe easy'. It's all too complicated.
I sigh now. I'm miles away from most of my buddies, but I have a superficial feeling itching at me, saying that I shouldn't leave the condo. But who damn cares? I'm in trouble anyways. The closest people living near me are the Elrics, but Ed disappeared. Bloch didn't know where though (he was the last person with him). Riza's a little over ten miles away and Chief's real place- not his special barracks- is five miles away from Riza's.
Now what?