A/N: Hello! I do not own the Harry Potter multi-verse full of awesome, J K Rowling does. I hope you like this chapter, we hear from Severus again!
LAST WEEK OF THE HOLIDAYS
LILY'S P.O.V
Today is the day of the funeral. I'm going to see the ruins of Spinner's End, Edwards Street and what remains of Cokeworth. I brush my hair gingerly, before straightening my black dress. I did make an effort with make-up but it somehow made my face look even more tired and corpse-like so I took it off. There's a knock on the door, I wonder who it is. It won't be James or Sirius because they normally just barge in, Alice and Mar shout from their rooms if they want to talk and Peter never knocks on my door. This leaves only one possibility –Remus.
"Come in," I call, my voice hoarse from crying.
Remus opens the door and smiles at me weakly.
"Are you ready?" he asks.
"Mhm," I manage to choke out.
His face looks so helpless, it's a look I've seen on so many people recently. They want to help me but they can't. There isn't anything they can say to make me feel better. Instead he hugs me which just makes me cry harder.
"I wish I could say it's going to be okay… oh Lily. I don't know what to say. Just stay strong, okay? If not for your sake, then do it for James'. Or for Marlene and Alice's, they're all driven mad seeing you like this. Me too, Lily. Maybe you'll get closure. We love you, Lily."
I try to compose myself. I stand straight and shake my head slightly, bringing my walls back up, protecting myself once again. I manage a half-hearted smile and Remus and I leave my room. I asked Remus to come with me ages ago, for moral support and I'm glad he's decided to come. Remus understands me better than a lot of people, apart from maybe James. When we get downstairs, I see Sirius, Marlene, and Alice, Peter and James all dressed in black.
"W-what are you doing?" I ask them, my breath catching.
"Coming with you, you dolt," Mar rolls her eyes, like it's obvious.
"But –"
"Oh shut up, Lily. We're coming with you whether you like it or not," Sirius cuts in, dragging Marlene and the others with him through the door and into the waiting Knight Bus.
I'm a little shocked but I'm secretly happy as well. All my friends… I can't believe they would do this for me. I'm a little frightened as well; I don't want them to see me breaking down. James takes my hand and a wave of serenity washes over me. I'd forgotten the way he makes me feel just by being near him.
We get on the Knight Bus and in what feels like a matter of seconds we arrive at Cokeworth. I hold my breath as we get off. I'd braced myself for the worse, complete rubble, broken glass but what I see is even more shocking.
I drop my coat and walk forwards, repulsed and curious at the same time. Every street has been blown to pieces apart from Edwards Street and Spinner's End. The places that once meant the most to me. I walk towards Edwards Street, stepping on windows, mirrors and fences like stepping stones. I stop at the start of the street. Memories hit me like lightning bolts, running down these streets with Petunia, talking with Severus as we walk back from Spinner's End, laughing at one of my dad's jokes... Stop it, Lily. Just carry on walking.
Every house is exactly the same, eerily pristine. Apart from my house. 87 Edwards Street is complete rubble. I walk on the cobblestones, my shoes making the only noise for miles around. I can almost pretend I'm walking home. I stop outside my house. There's Dark Magic radiating off of my house. The front door is still intact, so is the front garden fence. Beyond that, all I can see is timber and brick. My old bedroom curtain burns away on a dying flame on top of our burned away dining table. Other than that, everything is sound. I step forward and push open the door. It's strange going inside, my old room is on top of the dining room and the roof's crumbled into the back garden and the rest I can't make out.
I walk back out of the door, which seems silly because it's the only thing still standing. I close the door behind me, the familiar click of the door shutting makes my heart jump. I walk to Spinner's End, to find Severus' house. His house hasn't been touched but you can still feel an aura of evil. I'm not surprised in a way; Severus' house has held many evil events. Not just cold murder. I stop outside the door, contemplating on whether I should knock. I know Mrs Snape was murdered which makes no sense. Why would the Death Eaters kill the mother of one of their own?
I turn away before I start seeing memories I don't want to remember. Instead, I walk to the park near a lake. Severus and I spent hours there, just talking. Tuney and I used to swing on the swings, me going higher and higher before flying to the ground. Tuney used to tell me not to, because it was dangerous. That was when Severus came and told me about Hogwarts and what I was. God, that seems so long ago. Too long ago.
"Indeed, Miss Evans. Sometimes it takes the bad and the old to remember the good and find out the new."
I whip around to see Professor Dumbledore standing beside me. "Professor Dumbledore, what are you…"
"Doing here?" he says helpfully, "I knew you were coming here long before you did," he sighs. "Death is a strange thing, Miss Evans. Very strange indeed."
"Mhm," I say, because I don't really know what he's getting at.
"You see, Lord Voldemort," I wince slightly at the name, "works by using our greatest advantage as a weapon. To him, the murder of his own friends would not affect him as he doesn't have any. We should pity him, don't you think? Do you understand what I'm trying to tell you?"
"I'm not sure that I do, Professor. If it's our advantage, then how can he use it as a weapon? And why would anyone feel sorry for him?"
"An interesting question, how can an advantage be used as a weapon? If you ever find the answer, let me know. I'm talking about something you have and he does not. Something which makes life better and worse. He does not know this; he cannot fathom this source of power which is why he is ultimately weak. "
I stare at him blankly.
"You, yourself have it, Miss Evans. A weapon so powerful and yet so common, Lord Voldemort doesn't understand it."
"I don't have any weapons, Professor," I say miserably. "There's nothing I can do in this war."
"That's not true," Professor Dumbledore smiles, "you've had it all along."
"If I have this weapon, then why couldn't I save them? Why couldn't I save myself? Why couldn't I stop Severus? I'm useless, Professor."
"My dear, sometimes you can't save people," his eyes turn misty and grey, "sometimes the only thing you can do is let them go. You can't hold onto things forever, it isn't right."
"I can't, Professor. I can't let them go. Not when I could…"
"Miss Evans, it doesn't do to dwell on what could have or would have happened. The 'what if' game, I suppose you would call it, will only make things worse. Let's say you were here that night, you didn't go to the Potter's. Do you think they would have survived?"
"No."
"Miss Evans, those Slytherins you seek vengeance against, can't you forgive them?"
"They don't deserve forgiveness."
"No, but you deserve peace," he counters. "You'll only be happy when you learn to accept and forgive. Hating each other is exactly what Lord Voldemort wants us to do, what he doesn't understand is that forgiveness is a form of love. He doesn't understand love."
"Love is the weapon to defeat evil? Professor, that's ridiculous. What can a feeling do?"
"Everything, my dear. A feeling can change everything. If you didn't love your parents, would be here today? If you didn't care about anything would you be alive still?"
"What are those things going to do? How is my love and care going to help anyone or anything in the war?"
"Miss Evans, if only you had a little faith. In the words of Ghandi, 'the weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong'. Tell me, why are you going to fight in this war?"
"I don't know. To get revenge?"
"That is a flaw, Miss Evans, an Achilles' heel, if you will. You care and love too much. You care too much about what others think of you. You're fighting in this war because you want to protect the people you love. It's the year 1977; there has been talk of war since the 40s. I believe your sister is getting married near Christmas this year, am I correct?"
"She was going to have the reception next year, in the summer," I say, confused. "Why would she have changed it?"
"I imagine that as your parents were helping her organise the affair, she wanted something low-key and less frivolous as soon as possible. The Muggles are not stupid; they can feel things stirring as well."
"I don't know what to do, Professor. I don't want to hate people but what about justice?"
"Justice," he muses over the word, "justice is in the eye of the beholder. War is a terrible thing, Miss Evans; I personally would not inflict anything like it on any person. No matter what terrible things they've done."
"What should I do, Professor?"
"My only advice, Miss Evans, is to remember the people you love and know that as long as you believe it, love will give you the strength you need when it matters most."
"But what do you mean –"
"Good bye Miss Evans, I have faith in you," Professor Dumbledore disappears in sharp crack I recognise as Disapparition.
I'm left standing there, trying to work out what he means by love giving me the strength I need when it matters most. I need strength now. I sit down on the grass bank and lie back. I briefly consider not going to the funeral but the idea is preposterous. I need to go. To say good bye.
JAMES' P.O.V
We get off the Knight Bus. Lily looks a little stunned when she sees it. I'm a little stunned as well. After hearing Lilt talk about this place for years, this isn't what I expected. Obviously, it's down to rubble so that's not normal but I can't imagine Lily running down these streets, these dark and cold streets. Then again, I haven't seen what it was like before.
Lily drops her coat and walks forwards, transfixed. I make to follow her but Mar puts her hand on my arm to hold me back.
"Just let her go, this is hard for her."
"Which is exactly why I need to be with her."
"Yeah, it's hard enough that we're all here watching whilst she breaks down. She really needs to be alone. This is her childhood, her past. We should respect that."
"I just hate feeling so helpless," I sigh.
The Knight Bus has already zoomed off so we're left stranded.
"I still can't believe she said she loves you," Padfoot breaks the silence.
"Yeah, me neither," I smile to myself.
"How are you two working out?"
"Okay. It's unlike any relationship I've ever been in."
"Of course," Padfoot grins, "'cause you're soul mates."
Marlene and Alice frown at that. "What do you mean soul mates?"
"Er, so there's this thing, an Epiphany of the Soul…"
I launch into an explanation of what happened the day Lily first went into the Hospital Wing for a long time and how Dumbledore came to visit me and why it's supposed to be a secret.
"…so you can't tell her," I finish.
"She's our friend; it's kind of our job to tell her."
"Yeah, but we're protecting her by keeping this a secret."
"How? You already know she loves you. She said it herself. I'm sure she wouldn't mind that the two of you are destined to be," Alice points out.
"I don't want to tell her yet and I certainly don't want anyone but me telling her," I say.
"To be honest, I don't think she'd believe you," Marlene says. "She thinks soul mates are a load of rubbish. You'd need proof."
"Oh I can give her proof alright. Maybe I don't need to tell her. Maybe the evidence will present itself and she'll come to the conclusion of what an Epiphany of the Soul is," I can already feel a plan forming in my head.
"You mean she already knows that an Epiphany of the Soul exists?" Padfoot says.
"Erm, she kind of overheard us, Padfoot. She also knows Marlene and I snogged."
Marlene turns red. "W-what did she say?"
"Nothing really," I shrug, "she was a bit annoyed I'd do that to one of her best friends but… as I pointed out, every –"
"'…every saint has a past and every sinner has a future'."
I turn around to find Lily standing behind me. I knew it straight away, nobody else I know quotes Oscar Wilde so fluently. Her face is tearstained, as it has been recently. I tackle her with a hug and kiss her. We do kiss a lot, but we've got two wasted years to make up for. I developed a serious crush on her in the fifth year, before that, I was just winding her up.
"Ahem," Marlene says.
We stop attacking each other's' lips and turn red. Marlene and Alice sandwich her in a tight hug.
"I don't mean to turn everything all serious but we've got a funeral to go to," Padfoot says.
With that, we make our way to the local church, me holding Lily's hand. This is going to be hard for her but I'm not leaving her side. She leans on me a little, the two of us carrying a burden together.
SEVERUS' P.O.V
"Thank you Severus!" Narcissa kisses my cheek.
"Yeah, yeah. Just don't make me wear a dress."
"I wouldn't dream of it! Speaking of which, what do you think of this one?" Narcissa holds out a green dress.
"It looks hideous."
"Oh! But it would go so nicely with Lucius' tie. What about Bridesmaid dresses? Should I go lighter green or darker green?"
"I don't know! Shouldn't you be doing this with a girl?"
"Why? Bella hates shopping of any kind and I don't really know any other girls who would be willing to come with me."
"Why?"
"Er, girls are sort of terrified of either Lucius or Bella or both of them. Apparently if they're anywhere near me, the Dark Lord will unleash his fury or something."
I snort at that.
"What?"
"It's just ridiculous. Why would anyone not want to be your friend?"
"I don't know, Severus," she sighs. "Anyway, what do you think? Dark green or light green?"
"Er, what colour's your dress again?"
"Emerald green."
"So why do you want your bridesmaid's dresses to be green as well?"
"Fine then, not green. What about orange? Or red?"
"I don't know, Narcissa. Orange?"
"Mhm, maybe you're right… It's just, what about red? Red is quite nice with green. Wait no, there's some old proverb about that. Bad luck for them to be together or something."
"Yeah, but they're Christmas colours, aren't they? You're getting married at Christmas anyway so…"
"I suppose you're right. It'll be nice to have a Christmassy wedding. We're getting married on the 24th and we'll have our honeymoon over Christmas. Lucius is taking me to Paris. Paris! It's going to be so romantic."
I roll my eyes. Narcissa has talked of little else but the wedding and how romantic it's going to be. To be honest, thinking about Lucius being romantic makes my head hurt.
"What are you going to wear, Severus?"
"What?" I choke.
"The wedding, Severus. You are coming aren't you?"
"You're inviting me to your wedding?"
"Of course, you're my friend. Now, what are you going to wear?"
"I don't know. A suit?"
"Well obviously. Oooh! Look at this!" Narcissa holds up an extravagant emerald dress.
"I thought you were getting your dress designed."
"I am, but I need ideas don't I? In fact, Lucius' mother's helping me choose the lace and she's lending me the Malfoy family jewels. They've been handed down for centuries. What do you think of pearls?"
"I'm not opposed. So how is Lucius?"
"Hmm, I don't think pearls are very appropriate but they're better than the rubies. Oh Lucius is fine. It's Bella I'm worried about. What about silk?"
"Silk's fine. What's this about Bellatrix?"
"I don't know about silk. Silk and satin or just satin? Oh Bella's not too keen on Lucius. She's a little angry with me for wanting to marry him but I told her it's not her place to judge."
"And you're still alive to tell the tale?" I marvel.
"Of course," she laughs, "Bella's my sister. She'd never hurt me."
"I never heard of Bellatrix making exceptions for family."
"You antagonise her," Narcissa scolds me, holding up some fabric of some sort.
"And you're deluded."
Fortunately, she laughs instead of hexing me for insulting her.
"What do you think of ribbon instead of braided gold?"
"For what?"
"My hair, duh," she says.
"Erm, silver?"
"Yes!" she beams as me, "I knew it was a good idea to bring you along. Silver would not only complement my skin tone and hair, it wouldn't clash with the green. Like Slytherin! You're a genius!"
She kisses me on the cheek again. In a sisterly way, of course. Narcissa is like the sister I never had, possibly my only friend. Apart from Lily but she doesn't count me as one of her friends anymore. I wonder how she's doing. The funeral would have finished by now, is she okay? I hope so. There's nothing left of my mother to bury and she didn't have friends, so it would be only me at her funeral. Instead, I've had a gravestone made for her put up in the cemetery. She wasn't religious so she wouldn't appreciate any kind of ceremony or service. The thought saddens me deeply.
"Severus?" Narcissa's face is warped with concern.
"What?" my head snaps up, suddenly aware of time and space.
"Are you all right?"
"Not really," I say truthfully.
Narcissa's the only person I ever say what I'm really feeling or thinking to. She's not going to judge me, so long as I don't insult her family. She sits beside me on one of the plush velvet stools in the bridal shop.
"I'm sorry about what I said before… I should have been more sensitive. You know I consider you to be part of my family, Severus. It's not right. The Dark Lord said he'd give your mother his protection and he didn't –"
"Please, Narcissa, I really don't want to complain or do anything about it."
"Why not?"
"I think the Dark Lord ordered for my mother to be killed as a warning. To keep me in line. Also, killing Lily's parents…now I have to see her hurt and watch by idly. It's a test, Narcissa. For loyalty. Will I leave the Death Eaters like Lily wants or will I stay and watch her suffer?"
"You can't leave," Narcissa says quickly.
"No," I agree, "but I most certainly can't stay. What do I do?"
"I'm not sure. On the one hand, you can show Lily who you are and make the so-called right choices or you can protect her in the long run by sticking with us. Just remember, Severus. Leaving the Death Eaters isn't really possible; you've pledged your allegiance. Besides, if you were to stick by Lily, sure it would be good for a while but then she's move on. She has her own friends, Severus. What makes you think she loves you so much that she'd give up everything to come with you? Short term gains versus long term consequences. You need to stay here."
"I know but what if she could love me back?"
"And what if she won't? You're better off here. Despite what Bella and Lucius say, they do consider you a friend. Moreover, you've got me. You know me, Severus. I'm not going to leave you."
"Pinky swear?" I hold out my pinky.
"I'm not familiar with this, is this a Muggle thing?"
"Erm, yes. Lily taught it to me."
"Is it legally binding?" she asks in utter sincerity.
"You could say that, yes."
"In that case, yes. I pinky swear," she and I link pinkies.
It makes me smile because Lily taught me so much about the Muggle way of life and in return, I taught her about the Wizarding world. I wonder now if what I told her was completely accurate. I mean, I did say that it didn't matter what your blood status was but I didn't want to scare her. It may be technically illegal to be friends with a Muggle-Born but Lily's different. You can't deny she's got talent. She's just as good a witch as any Pureblood. So why am I on this side in the war? I don't agree with this so why am I here?
My Dark Mark burns but I can barely feel it. I've had enough of the Mark controlling me and being part of me. So I use my talent in Legilimency and Occlumency to ward off the Marks' power. The Mark works by reading your emotions which come from your brain and soul, I can't control my soul but I can control what the Mark sees in brain. I can manipulate the messages sent form my brain to the Mark, something which is unheard of. Legilimency allows me to manipulate the signal, Occlumency allows me to shield my true thoughts. Many people die because they fool themselves into thinking that free-thought still exists. Free-thought does not exist. If you know what you're thinking then so does the Dark Side which is why anyone who's smart should learn both Legilimency and Occlumency. The skills are invaluable.
"I think we should go now, Severus. I can't promise we'll stay alive for long but I have every intention of making it through this war."
"Of course, for Draco and Cassiopeia."
"Yes," she smiles wistfully, "I would like to have a family after the war. I wonder sometimes if having children at this sort of time is wrong, like raising pigs for slaughter."
"You have nothing to worry about, Narcissa. You're not even a Death Eater, you'll be safe no matter who wins the war. You're not pregnant, are you?"
"No! Of course I'm not pregnant. We're back at school in a week, Severus. I'm not careless, you know."
"I know."
"All right then, let's go to the café down the street. Coffee's on me."