Well... one day late isn't that bad, is it...? Sorry :(
This really is it- the final chapter. I may come back in a couple weeks to do some more editing to it, make it more perfectly to my liking (I'm not going to be able to really do that for quite a while and I couldn't make you all wait that long), but, regardless. I do have two more epilogues planned, but they'll be more free bonus scenes (one for Ed and Roy, another for Roy and Maes) than something like this. For all intents and purposes, this is the end of the story. Those two other epilogues will also be posted in this file, mostly for convenience's sake, but not in my usual schedule because they're not even close to written... check my profile for their status if you want. Also just check my profile if you want to see what other projects I have coming up (currently, it's a short, Roy/Team Mustang centric fic of dark angst and then maybe a super short Parental RoyEd fic, of more sadness and angst).
And now, one last time, thank you all so much for reviewing, and I really do love you guys :) The response I got for this fic just blew me away and, in all honesty, you all got me through this semester. You actually conditioned me into loving Wednesdays no matter how awful they were otherwise, just because I knew I could count on you guys to give me happiness and warm fuzzy feelings after I posted the week's chapter. I haven't had a good Wednesday in two years, and you all changed that for me :) You've all been fantastic, I hope I've made this all worth your while, and I really hope you all enjoy the last chapter!
Roy had to be honest: the Rockbell automail shop was not his ideal location for him to spend his medical leave.
In fact, it was one of the lowest places on the list.
But, Ed was going to be here, obviously, and so he figured he could at least stand it for a week or two.
He smiled slightly to himself, leaning against his elbows on the porch railing to watch the two dogs run and play together in the tall, swaying summer grass of Risembool. One, a smaller, black and white dog that ran with an automail leg, led the other, a great, jet black beast, around his new home.
Roy had very much wanted to keep the dog he'd been merged with for himself. Unfortunately, the dog looked extraordinarily similar to the human chimera he'd been, and he'd at last had to concede that it was too dangerous to suddenly adopt a dog with such an appearance. It would just make it too easy for anyone to make the connection and realize what had happened. Maes and Riza had been unable to keep the dog for similar reasons; as close as they'd been to the case, for them to suddenly end up with this dog- it would raise questions, questions that were safest to just avoid in the first place.
Al had been the one to suggest taking him to Risembool.
He sighed fondly, watching his former body explore his new home. In the end, this was the best decision, clearly, no matter that he was still a little irritated he'd have to leave the dog behind. Winry and Pinako had been reluctant in the beginning, mostly because the explanation had been it was his dog, and neither liked him much at all- but the damn thing was too lovable for its own good. After both had been tackled and licked to near death, neither of them had been able to say no.
After telling them the dog's name, though, Roy had found himself needing to hide behind Al to stop the wrench from killing him.
"WHAT KIND OF A NARCISSIST NAMES HIS DOG AFTER HIMSELF?!"
As if it was supposed to be his fault the dog responded to no other name except Roy.
The sound of the door creaked open behind him, followed by the thud of a crutch and just one footstep. He tilted his head and smiled to himself again, listening as Ed approached from behind. He waited until the kid had drawn closer, only a few steps away from joining him at his side, then asked, "Did you work everything out?"
Ed let out a huff. "Yes. No thanks to you. ...She's not that happy about it, but you can stay."
Roy sighed again, his smile fading.
Upon arrival, Roy had found out that his rude subordinate had not bothered to tell the Rockbells that he was bringing a guest with him- something that ended up being a very grave mistake, when he was extraordinarily disliked in the Rockbell home. Both women still held a grudge against him, for being the one to coax Ed into the military's brutal arms at the tender age of twelve. Neither had been very thrilled at the prospect of him taking up one of their beds for several days- entirely understandable, in his opinion- but rather than do him the grace of politely asking him to get a hotel room, Winry had shouted that he'd sleep in the yard like the dog he was, and then sicced Den on him.
After that...
Roy's memory of the incident was somewhat indistinct. He had just succumbed completely to instinct- but Ed had told him he'd just calmly dropped to his knees, gotten right in Den's face, and growled at her. Then growled again when she fought back, snarling at her in some kind of base, primitive, alpha male display.
He was pretty sure he was glad he did not remember that.
"I just spent ten minutes convincing Winry you don't speak dog," Ed snapped at him, though he didn't really sound irritated. "Even though I'm pretty sure you actually do- or whatever the closest scientific equivalent is, anyway. So. If you could do your best to not make things more awkward while you're here, then that'd just be great."
Roy laughed again, giving Ed a sidelong glance as the kid joined him at the porch. "But where's the fun in that?" he prodded, taking amusement in the annoyed huff, then let his smile fade as he glanced out towards the dogs again. "Besides, it worked out for the best... Den's got a new friend, and she already loves me."
"Weirdo," Ed jabbed eloquently, "you dog-talking weirdo," and Roy just rolled his eyes.
Ed fell silent after that, looking out along with him at the two dogs playing in the waist-high grass. They stood there in a companionable quiet for several minutes, reveling in the almost impossible peace of it all.
"How're you doing, though?" Ed asked quietly at last, still not really looking at him. "...Really."
Roy frowned, momentarily considered hiding it, then discounting the possibility just as quickly. As unwilling as he was to talk about it, he figured Ed, at least, deserved the truth- and besides, it was no less embarrassing than his display with Den had to have been. "How messed up is it that I want to go play fetch with them?"
"...That's not that bad..." Ed trailed off uncertainly, raising an eyebrow in confusion.
He grinned wryly. "No. I mean I want you to throw us a stick, and I want to be running out there and catching it."
"...Oh."
He nodded slightly, glancing back out towards the grass again. "Yeah."
"That's... pretty messed up, then."
"Yeah."
Ed didn't press him on it; knew, perhaps, that there was just no point in trying to get him to talk about anything that he was feeling. He didn't have words for it, and anyway, overall, he really was doing far better than he had been. These lingering urges, while unsettling, were no longer terrifying or all powerful. If he had to, he could easily resist them. It was far, far better than he had been before, and Roy found himself unable to even be that frustrated with it. He was lucky to be alive at all. If this was the price for it he'd pay that willingly, and then some.
If only he was the only one still dealing with the fallout now, then he'd be content.
He looked down at Ed, smile fading as he examined him, passing over all the small signs that he was still unwell and searching for any new ones. "And, what about you? Are you... okay?"
Ed sighed through his teeth, not even glancing over at him. His fist rapped quietly on the wood in a nervous tick, as if he just wanted something to do with his hand. "Yeah, I guess so," he said at last, still frowning. "They're going to making the new ports tomorrow; we'll see how it goes. She said I could have new automail in two weeks if I'm lucky." He smiled softly for a moment, shrugging a little, and Roy hesitated, torn and struck by how genuine that smile really was.
It really wasn't right that he could look so content about that.
"...This shouldn't have happened," he said quietly, finally finding the words but still having to struggle them past the forming lump in his throat. "Your automail, I mean. What Kuzon did to you is bad enough, but... your limbs..."
"Just shut it, will you," Ed said conversationally, cutting him off.
"Ed..."
The kid shrugged as if he didn't care in the slightest, glaring away from him. "Kuzon shouldn't have happened at all, but he did and this is what I've got to deal with. It's fine. It could be a lot worse. Al's body was always most important anyway... as long as I can still help him, I'll be fine."
Roy winced, the unbearably selfless words making something in his chest clench. "...But... Ed, even so..." he forced out, his voice slightly thick, "That's not really what I meant. ...You did not deserve for this to happen to you, Ed. None of this was your fault. And even if it had been, this..." He waved a hand at him, struggling to put it into words. "...It's not equivalent," he finally managed, shaking his head. "It's not equivalent at all."
Rather than shoot him down, though, Ed just frowned out over the grass again, refusing to look at him and his expression almost disturbingly resigned. "Believe what you like," he commented at last, offhanded and nonchalant- but the guilt still lurked quietly in those words, hidden in overshadowed eyes and a clenched hand.
Roy sighed, a band of misery constricting around his heart.
He'd always known Ed had a bit of a guilt complex, but to this level... How Ed could still, even now, blame himself for everything that had happened? How could he honestly believe losing his limbs to that psychopath was something earned and deserved?
Shaking himself, Roy drew himself up to his full height, forcing back his own mournful misery for a later time- because pity and sad reflection wasn't going to help anyone, least of all Ed. "Yes," he announced firmly, with far more gusto than he really felt, and pointed down at him with a steady hand. "I will believe what I like. I'll also say what I like. And you, Fullmetal, will listen to me."
Ed hmphed at him, but he still wouldn't look at him and his eyes remained dark with a burden mere words could not touch. "Oh? And why is that? Just cause you think you can order me around doesn't mean you can tell me what to think. You're not all powerful, idiot- though I know you like to delude yourself that you are."
"What? Oh, no, Ed, this has nothing to do with the military..." He trailed off for a moment, savoring the smug feeling of victory- then reached out to warmly plant a hand on his head and ruffle his hair, holding on even when Ed's eyes blazed and he raised a hand to punch him. "It's just that children should listen to their elders, is all."
Oh, that look on his face was simply delightful.
"Ch... children?!" Ed sputtered at last, positively spitting fire. "Children- children! Elders! You! You- elders! You senile- you old- you've already got one foot in the grave you big, stupid idiot, you're older than dirt- you- you-"
"My, my; forgotten my name already?" he chided, shaking his head. "Perhaps you're the one who's getting on in the years, here, Fullmetal."
For a moment, it appeared as if Ed might actually explode. At last, the kid just imploded instead, moaning and crumpling to slump against the railing, burying his head in his hand. "I can't believe I ever even thought I liked you," he groaned miserably, and Roy beamed quietly with his victory.
"Trust me, I'm still shocked with the development," he needled softly, the jab not entirely a lie, either. After several silent moments passed, the kid still moping with his face hidden, Roy reached out to muss his hair again. This time, the gesture was not patronizing. "It's not your fault," he repeated, quieter than before- yet, still, just as unyielding.
"It's not your fault, Ed."
And this time, Ed didn't fight him.
He could tell, even in the silence, that the kid still did not really believe him. That was fine. Expected, even. Roy knew better than anyone how painfully inadequate words could be, in assuaging guilt like this. Just because he said it didn't mean Ed was ready yet to accept it.
He would just have to keep repeating himself until he was ready to believe it.
Ed sighed heavily after several moments, lifting his head again. His eyes, however, weren't as dark as before, and Roy breathed a quiet, satisfied sigh of relief. He looked away himself, intending to let the conversation lapse into silence- however, Ed stopped him.
"I'm okay, now, you know." His fingers tapped for a moment uneasily, amber eyes darting over to look at him for a heartbeat before drifting away again towards the yard, the kid seeming distinctly uncomfortable. "If you go back to Central, I'll be fine..."
"Ed?"
He shrugged again, still not looking at him. "I know you followed me out here because you were worried about me. Well... don't be. I'm fine."
Roy frowned at him uncertainly. First of all, Ed was pretty much the farthest thing from fine he'd ever seen right now, but even so- "I thought I told you I'm not just here to make sure you're okay."
Rather than be reassured, however, Ed looked suddenly even more uncomfortable, still refusing to meet his eyes. "Look, I get it. I know you're here because, just... more of that dog's instincts, I suppose." He waved a hand vaguely out towards where the two animals were playing together in the grass. "It's fine; I get it. So... you, um... you really don't have to stay..."
Ah.
This again.
"Edward," Roy interjected firmly. He waited until the kid had shifted just enough to be looking at him out of the corner of his eye, then snapped, "If the only reason I was still here was because of a dammed dog's instincts, then I also would've bitten you three times by now. ...Seriously. Quit stealing food from my plate." He paused, hoping to get some sort out of a rise out of him, but when it didn't come, he sighed again, even that small, weak smile fading. "I'm not here because of that thing's instincts, Ed. I'm here because I want to be. We've been over this."
"But..." Ed bit his lip. "Shut up, you can't really know that, you..."
Roy sighed heavily. "That dog is still saying a lot of things, Ed, despite not even being in my head anymore. I'll admit that. And his instincts did cause a lot of things. But it's not the reason I'm here."
"But you can't know that, not for sure," Ed insisted, clearly trying very hard to sound calm and logical. "Look, bastard, all I'm saying is I'll understand if you want to leave, when you're more... yourself. You don't have to-"
"Will you shut up for one damn moment and let me talk? Or at least listen to me when I do," he snapped, getting vaguely irritated now. "Really, Ed, I know you tend to think I have nothing worthwhile to say, but as long as I'm still your superior, could you at least pretend to give me the respect that's due? No, you know what? You don't even have to listen," he grumbled, rolling his eyes. "Just stand there and act like you are."
Ed rolled his eyes right back. "Then what's even the point of you running your stupid mouth if no one's listening?"
"Just... just shut up." God, the kid could be so dammed frustrating when he wanted to be. "Listen to me. When I was a chimera, I- well, that dog, he... he decided... that..." He hesitated, his mouth suddenly dry. Was this actually such a good idea? "That you... were his, um..." This is really not that good idea, Mustang, just shut up... but damn it, he really does need to hear this... if it'll convince him and he'll stop worrying, then...
Damn it, just say it.
"...his cub."
All previous protests evaporated in place of speechless shock, Ed now looked gobsmacked.
Roy glanced away, stubbornly ignoring the heated flush trying to rise to his cheeks. "He had no idea who you were, all right? He just for some reason decided that was who you were. I don't know why... maybe it was all some instinct to begin with, some evolutionary drive to protect the young... maybe he just took some feelings that were already there to begin with and ran with it. But regardless of the reason, Ed... that feeling is still here."
Ed stared at him for several moments, his eyes impossibly wide, then abruptly twisted away again, his own cheeks coloring faintly pink. He looked as if he had no idea what to say, not that Roy could particularly blame him. This wasn't exactly easy for him to talk about either and he found himself looking away as well, his face uncomfortably hot and his tongue unhelpfully leaden, mind blank and uncertain as to how to go on.
At last, his voice a little strained, and the kid still refusing to look at him, Ed spoke.
"W-well... so, this proves my point... doesn't it?" he prodded, voice high and a little squeaky with how completely uncomfortably with this discussion he was."It's just the dog's instincts. That's all I'm saying. So-"
"No, Ed, it's not."
"You mangy mutt, you just said-"
"The dog in my head says he'll slaughter anyone that tries to hurt you, Edward, yes," he interrupted, now turning back to look down at him with a gaze of fire. "He's still saying that, even though there's no danger at all and he's not even in me anymore. I admit that. Well... he's not the only one in my head. There's a Colonel Mustang, too- and he laughs, and says you'd slaughter any idiot dumb enough to try something before I got the chance. ...And, then... the... the Roy..." He trailed off for a moment, his voice slightly thick as uncalled for emotions rose up again, making his hands shake and his heart pound.
"I want to burn Kuzon alive and never let your rash, troublemaking, danger-seeking ass out of my sight again," he swore fiercely.
It took him more than several seconds to look away this time. To hear what he'd said and slide back into something more human, remember that such words were ill suited for either of them- even if they were true. He cleared his throat uncomfortably and stared out at the yard of the again, feeling the weight of Ed's stunned stare on his back.
Just when he was thinking he'd finally managed to break the kid's brain after all, Ed shifted uneasily next to him, hopping a little on his one leg to draw away. He hesitated a moment longer, then, so eloquently, just said, "Oh."
Then, a moment later, he tacked on a weak, "Sorry."
Roy frowned, looking back down at him, self-consciousness forgotten. What? The last thing he'd wanted from that highly embarrassing speech was another apology. "Ed-"
"No, let me talk." Ed waved him off, but he still was avoiding his gaze, looking vaguely embarrassed, suddenly. "It's just... well, my default is to assume that people are assholes. Assholes that only put up with you for as long as you serve their benefit. And, well... you weren't exactly jumping to disprove that. Before, I mean. So... sorry. For second guessing you."
Roy stiffened. Ed still wasn't looking at him; was doing just about everything he could manage to avoid it, in fact. The words looked as if they'd been very difficult for him to say, and Roy took a moment, sifting through them to find their hidden meaning.
Once he found it, nearly instantly, he found himself struggling to tamp down on the protective urge to snarl and hunt down the person responsible.
God damn it, chill, you stupid dog... Roy took a breath, clenching his fists. Shut up and go bother someone else. The last thing Ed needs is you reacting like an idiot. Come on, calm down... for his sake...
"Who hurt you?"
Ed twisted back to stare up at him, his eyes now wide in innocent confusion. "Uh, what?"
"That's no one's default, Ed," he said back stiffly, and hopefully without the hostility he was still trying to push back. His fists shook again and he shut his eyes for a moment, forcing himself to stay calm. "That's a defensive measure. One adopted after you were hurt by someone. ...Who was it?"
No, he wasn't asking just so he could hunt the bastard down and fry him.
Though it was no small part of him that wanted to.
Ed's confusion faded now, replaced by a look of hesitant understanding. He looked at him for several moments longer, now seemingly appraising him, deciding whether or not he should answer. At last he glanced away again, withdrawn into himself as he chewed on his lower lip, clearly uncomfortable. His features remained carefully, almost painfully guarded. "The reason you've never heard anything about my father, bastard, is that he's not in the picture," he said at length, subdued and monotone. "Left when Al was just a baby. And if your own father leaves you, then you should probably wise up and realize you can't count on anyone to stick with you."
The resigned sort of way he finished was chilling, and he clenched his fists again, having to look away from that quiet, withdrawn stare. For a moment, Roy was still, just absorbing the information and factoring it in to everything he'd already known about the Elric brothers. It made sense- and wasn't even surprising, in a way... how Ed took care of Al the way a parent should, how he'd stumbled upon two maimed children living with their neighbors, house abandoned and covered in blood... even the fact that they'd attempted human transmutation at all; he'd always firmly believed that if just someone had been there to teach them better beforehand, then none of that tragedy would ever have occurred. If an adult like him tried something so woefully stupid, well, it was their own fault- but no mere child should be held responsible for such a desperate act.
But, then, there'd not been anyone there to teach them better, had there?
He sighed heavily, closing his eyes. Yes. It all did make sense now, and perhaps, he'd guessed this from the beginning.
And it also explained why Ed was so reluctant to risk believing he wasn't going to go, either.
Somehow, he could no longer be irritated with him for having such trouble accepting that.
His hand found its way over to rest on top of his head again before sliding down to the base of his neck, and he paused for a moment, trying to give his words all the weight he could to ensure they'd truly be heard. "I won't leave, Ed," he promised quietly, and left his hand there, trying to drive the statement home.
"...I know, Roy."
He watched Ed carefully, looking him over as closely as he could. Only once he'd judged that Ed really did seem to believe him, and not just be giving him what he wanted to hear to make him shut up, did he realize how strange all of this was. Reevaluated feelings and relationships or not, there was something extremely unsettling about having a civil conversation like this last this long. And he knew Ed felt it, too, by the way the kid was again refusing to look at him and flushing nervously, as if he wasn't sure now what he was supposed to do or say but just knew that this, between them, was weird.
And so, grinning, Roy pulled his hand back and prodded them along right back to normal.
"That said." He cleared his throat again, smile morphing into a small smirk. "I have a question for you, actually."
"Yeah?"
"Correct me if I'm wrong, Fullmetal... because I'm not entirely sure I'm remembering this correctly..."
"...Uh, yes?" Ed said, frowning in frustration.
"Wasn't I taller than you?"
The kid froze.
"...What."
Now, he no longer made any attempt to hide his smirk.
"Wasn't I taller than you?" he repeated calmly, spelling it out as plainly as he could make it. "You know. As a dog."
Ed stared at him for one long moment, his eyes widening as he realized what was being said. If spontaneous combustion from rage were possible, Roy knew he'd be the first to witness it, right then, but instead he just got to watch the steady, step by step mental breakdown from calm and relaxed into absolutely, positively seething.
At last, he regained enough control, just barely, to snarl a reply.
"Get out."
"What?" he chuckled innocently. "It's a serious question, Ed-"
"Serious my ass. Get out."
Roy beamed gleefully, standing back with a smug laugh. God, he'd missed this. When Ed raised his fist in means to advance on him in fury, he just laughed again, egging him on and enjoying every second of it.
Then, a mischievous light came into Ed's eyes, and the kid paused for a moment, watching him with the look of someone who was about to snag their own victory. Roy balked, still laughing but inwardly instantly apprehensive. The last time he'd seen that look, Ed had turned heel, left his office- then, a week later, mailed him a bill for a destroyed national monument.
This was not going to be good.
Grinning wickedly, Ed hefted his crutch in one hand, raising it overhead like a bat. For a second Roy thought he was going to have to duck- but rather than aim for him, Ed turned towards the yard, brought his arm back, and chucked it as far as it would go. Then he looked back at him, grin growing more smug by the second, and told him, "Go fetch."
Oh, for fuck's sake.
...Oh, for fuck's sake. Shut up, dog. No. You don't want to go get the thing. Shut up. Shut. UP.
Ed's broadening smirk told him the kid could see that some tiny part of him did actually want to comply with the command, and Roy scowled murderously at him. He folded his arms and planted his feet firmly on the porch, glowering down at him. "Ed, that is really unfair."
"Go fetch, boy!" Ed laughed at him, grinning like a maniac all the while. "Go fetch!"
I take back I everything I ever said about liking this brat. "You realize, of course, now you have to crawl out there and get it."
But Ed shook his head, wagging his finger at him like a teacher scolding a foolish child. "No, Roy, you need to get it. You need to go fetch it for me. See, do you realize what Winry will do to me if she catches me crawling around on my automail ports?" He shook his head, shuddering violently at the very thought. "She'll murder me, Roy."
Roy's scowl deepened. "I rather think that's your problem, not mine."
But Ed was not swayed in the slightest. "Come on!" he encouraged brightly, pointing him out towards the yard and grinning eagerly again. "Go fetch, go fetch! Come on, Roy... you know you want to..."
This was the most brutally unfair scheme he'd ever faced in his life.
At last, when it became apparent Ed really was not going to cave, Roy just closed his eyes, an expression of great pain coming over him. If he let this go on, then Ed would just never stop. He'd continue this bullshit until the sun set. Sure, he'd eventually be vindicated whenever one of the Rockbells or Al came looking for them- but that was a hell of a long time to suffer through this, and...
There was still that tiny, minuscule part of him that wanted to go get it.
He clenched his jaw in agonized irritation.
"Next time you throw something out there for me to catch," he finally forced out as a sullen grunt, "I will literally throw you after it, runt."
And he trudged off the porch to get the crutch.
He glowered dangerously when, upon turning back around, Ed's wicked smirk had grown even bolder, and the kid just stood there grinning as if he'd just singlehandedly won a war. Damn brat. Still glaring, Roy reluctantly headed back up to him, already planning his next revenge.
"Aww, good boy, Roy! Good boy!" Ed cooed, stretching up to pat him on the top of the head. "Good boy!"
Okay, last straw.
He whacked Ed over the back of the head with the crutch, then yanked a glove out of his pocket, snagging it onto his fingers. "One more word," he warned, "and that thing goes up in flames."
But the kid just continued to look entirely unrepentant. "You wouldn't dare; Al would murder you for it," he snarked back confidently. Then he twisted back towards the house, raising his voice to an earsplitting shout. "Hey! Al! Get out here! The bastard's being a bastard again!"
Almost immediately, the response came. "Colonel Mustang, stop picking on Brother! Brother, stop deserving it!"
It was Ed's turn to gasp in agonized betrayal- and Roy's turn to grin.
"Have I mentioned how much I love your brother?"
"You just keep your paws off him, mangy mutt," Ed seethed. He turned to stomp back inside- just how anyone could manage to stomp with only one leg was beyond him, but Ed certainly managed- and, still smirking, Roy followed.
Dinner was a rather awkward affair, Ed decided, even more so than their arrival had been. Once again, it was almost entirely Roy's fault, with Den practically sitting on his lap and the colonel doing nothing to dissuade her. Winry and Pinako were both obviously a little unsettled by it, with Winry going so far to just openly stare at him, suspicion radiating off of her, while Pinako had seemed it was best to just ignore the odd sight entirely.
Ed, for his part, was actually rather glad to have something pulling the attention away from him for once, and just picked at his food in silence while the idiot colonel distracted everyone else.
"All right, narcissist." Winry leaned forward with a piercing stare, planting her hands on the table. "Fess up. What did you do to Den?"
Roy frowned innocently. "I'm sorry?"
She pointed at the way Den was curled up next to his leg on the floor, still emanating suspicion. "Den doesn't trust anyone that easily! But you. He's only known you for three hours! What, did you drug him?"
"Miss Rockbell..."
Pinako sighed gruffly, but she seemed to be fighting a grin of her own. "Winry, I sincerely doubt he went to the trouble of drugging our dog."
"But Den likes him! Den doesn't like anyone that quickly!"
Roy let slip a sly grin, scratching at Den's head under the table. "I suppose I'm just a dog person, then."
Ed rolled his eyes, muffling his strained laugh under his breath. "A dog person," he muttered, unable to help himself. "Right. What, you mean literally?"
"Brother, be nice..."
"Hey, he's the one who said it!"
While the colonel sat back smugly, returning to his meal with a smirk still crawling across his face, the former chimera wondered back over to his side, rubbing his head against his leg. Ed looked down at him under the table and resisted the urge to smile, rubbing his head fondly. The dog was just as clingy as always, it seemed, still hanging around with him rather than Roy every chance he got. Luckily, Winry and Pinako had yet to notice- although Al certainly had, by the sly, amused glances his brother kept giving him. Shaking his head a little, Ed slipped him a little bit of food under the table and scratched the back of his neck.
Roy- the dog- gave a little whine of appreciation and licked his knee happily, stretching luxuriously under the table. Ed rolled his eyes at the noise, smirking fondly- then froze, when he realized the dog's sound had attracted attention back to him.
Winry scowled so severely he found himself making sure there was no wrench anywhere within reach.
"Edward," she began, leveling a fork at him, "what have I told you about sneaking food to the dogs?"
"...Er... that I should... totally do it?"
Her fingers twitched around her fork, tightening in a way that suggested, very dangerously so, that she was about to throw it.
"Oh, come on!" he caved, pushing away his half-finished plate and grabbing for Al's arm, pulling it closer as a shield. "A couple hours ago, you didn't even want him! Now he's your pet all of a sudden?!"
"Roy is a very good dog," the colonel interjected blithely, resting his chin on his hand and looking on in mild interest. "Of course she likes him. It's impossible not to like him, really."
This time, Winry turned her scowl on him, even as Ed rolled his eyes again. "Don't subtly compliment yourself like that, bastard. It's fucking lame."
"I was complimenting the dog," Roy lectured sagely, but he was clearly struggling to keep that smug smirk from crawling back onto his face. "Not myself-"
"Oh you knew exactly what you were doing, you mangy mutt-"
"Boys," Pinako snapped, warning weighing in every word. She glanced between the both of them, her glare far more powerful than Winry's ever had been and all that was needed to subdue the upcoming argument. Ed pulled Al's arm a little closer to him, cowering behind it.
Upon seeing she'd succeeded in shutting them up, the mechanic sat back, shaking her head in fond amusement. "Dogs, the both of you. Incorrigible and stubborn, and you bark louder than Den ever has. Al, how do you ever put up with them?"
"It really is a struggle, some days..."
"To be fair," Roy cut again, smirking once more, "I'm the only dog of the military in this room. Ed chews straight through his leash every time I try and tighten it. He's impossible to tame... and believe me, I've tried." His smirk grew even bolder, eyes glinting in smug amusement as he waved a fork at him. "You wouldn't believe me how many times I've had to tell him to not destroy national monuments just because they happen to be in his general vicinity."
"You shut up," Ed snarled. "That was one time, and you liked it and you know it. That statue was fucking ugly. It was an eyesore on the whole city and if it hadn't been for me, it still would be. I improved it!"
"You turned the Amestris dragon into a gargoyle-chicken. With wings."
"What kind of a dragon doesn't have wings in the first place?!"
"What kind of a dragon is half chicken?!"
"BOYS!" Pinako yelled again- while Winry was already in the process of rolling up her sleeves and muttering something about a wrench. "Military dogs or not, if you keep this up the both of you will be sleeping in the yard, is that understood?!"
Ed gulped, and Roy inched his chair back, instantly cowed.
"...Yes, ma'am," they chorused meekly together, and went back to their dinner in silence.
He was pretty sure Al was trying his absolute hardest not to laugh at him.
...And, so was Winry.
And Pinako.
Screw you, Roy.
"Grandma," Winry stage whispered, her eyes bright with barely restrained laughter, "he... he turned our national symbol into a chicken."
"...Gargoyle-chicken," he cut in sullenly, glaring down at his plate.
"With wings," Pinako added, then chuckled smugly herself.
Ed groaned.
Roy, meanwhile, leaned forward, resting his chin on his hand and suddenly looking extremely intrigued. "You know, that's been a problem I've had with him ever since he entered the military. Doesn't understand a pocket watch isn't a license to gargoyle or dragon-up everything he runs into. Something tells me you two have far more experience dealing with that than I do, though..." He trailed off suggestively with a grin-
And before Ed could do so much as protest- indeed, it as if she'd just been waiting for that question for years- Winry lunged straight into story telling.
"Oh, you have no idea how many stories I have! This one time, narcissist, Ed wanted to help fix a broken toy and..."
Ed moaned, pushing away his half finished plate and sinking to bury his head in his arm. He felt Al pat him sympathetically on the back as Winry started to tell everyone about when he'd tried to fix her toy truck and ended up setting it on fire. He'd been four, for god's sakes- but did she chose to recount that part in the retelling? No, of course not... damn it. Roy was never going to let him live this down, the son of a bitch...
He wasn't sure how long the embarrassing stories had been going on for, just that all the attention was well and firmly fixed on Winry and had been for at least ten minutes, when a cold hand came to nudge at his shoulder.
Curious, Ed shifted just enough to glance over at Roy. The colonel wasn't looking at him, appearing, for all intents and purposes, like he was fully regaled by Winry's story of the time he and Al had nearly flooded one of their neighbor's farms. But he'd definitely gotten his attention on purpose, and it took Ed glancing around for a moment, startled, to realize why.
He'd switched their plates.
Ed blinked, looking between them in surprise. He'd definitely switched their plates. Both of them, already half-finished, which Ed had just taken as his cue that he was done. He still hadn't managed to eat more than half of anything given; it was just too hard to stamp out the instinct that he needed to split and share it with Roy...
Which was exactly what Roy had just done.
Ed, eyes wide, stared back at the colonel again, who was still busy feigning complete obliviousness.
Then, grinning weakly, he pushed himself back upright and reached for his fork again.
As well as the rest of the day had gone, Ed supposed he still had no right to be surprised, when night came, and the moon found him tossing and turning once again.
It seemed some things really would never change.
Al wasn't with him, for once. His brother, instead, was with Den and the other dog outside. The former chimera was still skittish and wary, and on his first night in a new home, they'd decided it would be best to have a familiar face nearby.
Which left him alone in their old room, and completely unable to sleep because of it.
He'd had his hopes, when he'd said good night to Al and headed here by himself. After how good the past several days had been, the way everything was still looking up now, the fact that he was finally back at home- everything had really been in his favor and he really had had his hopes up when he'd headed up here.
Then, of course, he just had to be proven wrong.
It was too unsettling and nervewracking, knowing Al wasn't here to watch his back (not that there was any danger here, but that wasn't the fucking point, apparently). The shadows were too dark, the room too silent to be trusted; every creak of the old house had him near jumping out of his skin and each warm breath of wind outside left his skin crawling. It was entirely overwhelming and pathetic all at once, so pathetic he wanted to scream.
He tossed and turned for a while, irritably hugging his pillow and kicking blearily at the blankets, cursing himself for being such a damn childish mess even still, after all this time. Eventually, probably out of sheer spite for it all, he did slip into a sort of half-doze, his mind hovering somewhere between the border between wakefulness and dreams- one that ended rather abruptly, when he jerked upright, his mouth tasting of blood.
At that point, he decided against trying for any further sleep at all.
Ed wiped a hand at the cold sweat that clung to his forehead, trembling and fighting to catch his breath. After barely a moment of just sitting there in that cold, lonely room, Ed swung out of bed, suddenly wanting nothing more than to just get the hell out of there. He violently pushed off the dark shroud of memories as he limped for his door, trying to stay as quiet as possible.
He wasn't going to wake Roy, he told himself firmly, navigating the halls towards the patient room they'd left the colonel in. Not for something like this. It was his problem, and just the very idea of the bastard finding out he couldn't sleep or had bad dreams like a damn baby... no. No.
He was just going to look, was all.
When Ed reached his room, he paused for a moment outside, pressing his ear against the door wood in case the bastard was still awake. It didn't sound like it, though, so with a weak, shuddering breath, he told himself to stop feeling so dammed pathetic and carefully cracked open the door.
Just gonna look for a second, make sure he's okay... then I'll go...
The sight waiting for him, however, instantly put an end to any such plans.
Roy was fine, yes. Probably better off than him, because he was actually asleep, instead of wide awake and shaking at one in the morning.
However, he wasn't in his bed.
After several moments, Ed shook his head, giving into an exhausted frown. He rubbed at his face shakily again, his breaths still far too unsteady, and weighed his options for only a moment before limping forward a little more. He couldn't really just leave like this, he reasoned with himself, it wouldn't be right...
Really, of course, it was just that anything was better than going back to his room alone.
Selfish motivations or not, Ed closed his eyes for a moment longer, forcing himself to take another deep, meant to be calming breath, then carefully and deliberately eased the door shut.
The colonel flinched awake at the tiny noise, one ungloved hand jerking up to snap. The moment of alarm was instantaneously brief, the tense muscles relaxing and the light of battle in his eyes fading quickly as he turned his gaze towards the door- then quickly shut his eyes again, and lay his head back down on the floor in resignation at being caught.
"Shut it, Ed," he muttered, voice still gravelly with sleep.
Ed frowned again.
"You said you were doing better," he said quietly after several moments, unable to completely keep the soft accusation out of the words. As much as he'd tried to hide it, Roy still plainly saw how much of a mess he still was, even now. So how could the colonel lie to him after that and pretend that he was just fine?
Because he obviously wasn't.
Roy was still curled on the floor, previously fast asleep in a patch of cold moonlight filtering in through the window. He'd wrapped himself up into a tight ball, the picture so eerily similar to something a dog might do it had left him frozen in the doorway.
The colonel sighed.
"I am," he muttered, still not opening his eyes. "...It just gets harder to ignore that dog's voice when I'm not with you, okay? I'm fine. So just drop it."
"Roy..."
"Drop it," he said again, this time with iron. He opened his dark eyes in a mild glare then, staring up at him from the floor in an unsaid challenge to keep pressing it anyway; when he did not, only then did the man relax, his shoulders easing as he pushed himself upright with a weary sigh. "And what exactly are you doing here? You should be asleep, Ed."
His confidence faded as quickly as it had come, Roy twisting the situation around to the heart of the matter with an ease he hated. The colonel had somehow managed to put him on the spot despite him being at every disadvantage here, and Ed found himself forced into looking away, uneasy and unsettled all over again. "...Just not that tired. It's... nothing."
"Ah." Roy tilted his head slightly, eyes narrowed. "You seem to be just not that tired quite a lot, recently, then."
The words felt like a slap, and he winced, just barely managing to smother his flinch. "...I'm fine," he managed at last, but his voice was weak and even to his own ears, it sounded like a lie. He shrank back, curling into himself a little and refusing to look at him.
"No, you're not, Ed."
He flinched again. "Can you just shut up?" he muttered, though the words lacked any hostility. "No, I can't sleep. I never can anymore. Meanwhile, I just walked in on you passed out like a dog. So drop the act and quit judging me."
It was quiet for several moments, Ed still glaring stubbornly away while Roy just looked at him, his eyes unreadable. At last, the colonel cleared his throat, sitting up a little straighter on the floor.
"If you stay here, will you sleep?"
Ed blinked. He glanced back towards the colonel in surprise, takenaback, but Roy remained stubbornly impassive and blank, pale and distant in the wavering moonlight and dark eyes just as unreadable as ever. "It's a yes or no question, Ed," he said quietly when no response came, still impassive. "If you stay here, do you think you can sleep?"
If he hadn't already been so shaken- so tired- so sick and tired of being so tired all the time- Ed probably would've retained the strength to lie and just go. God knew it probably would've been the better choice. It definitely was the better choice for the sake of his pride. Just turn around, leave, and lick his wounds in silence and alone. Hell, that was probably what he should've done in the first place, and never wondered in here at all.
"...Yeah," he heard himself admit at last, voice thick. He glanced away again, wrapping his arm a little tighter around himself. "...Probably. Yeah."
Roy sighed deeply. The colonel just watched him for a moment, eyes dark with some sharp, indescribable sort of emotion. All that Ed knew was that it was not pity before it was gone, quietly subdued behind his mask again, and the colonel rose to his feet, turning his back and walking towards his unused bed. "Come on, then."
Even though he'd known this was where this was going, Ed still took a step back, shaking his head as his pride begged him to retreat. "W-what? No, I'll be fine, Roy. It'll be fine, I just-"
"Don't lie to me."
"...I'm just going to-"
"Edward." His gaze cut into him again, piercing and inescapable. "You don't lie to me. You can lie to whomever else you want, but you don't lie to me."
Somehow, that look was all that was needed to make the reassuring I'm fine, bastard refuse to come.
But his leg wouldn't move, either, because there was something about this, just something that so blatantly seemed to scream he wasn't okay and needed help, and admitting that so easily...
Roy sighed at him, folding his arms with an air of impatience. "If you don't want me to sleep on the floor, then this is just about the only way you're going to get it, Edward. Don't think for a second this is purely for your benefit."
The rough words startled a weak laugh out of him, and he shut his eyes for a moment, shaking his head. "Of course," he muttered, chewing on the inside of his cheek. "You get something and so do I... equivalent exchange. Like always."
Except, it wasn't equivalent, of course. Not at all. They both knew Roy was lying, and would sleep perfectly well whether he was here or not. This offer was for his sake, and his sake alone.
But Roy betrayed no sign of the lie. He simply nodded quietly in the dark, unreadable and solid, and the pity he'd feared to find there was banished as he handed him this out, this one explanation he could grasp at that still left him with something resembling independence or a way to deny that he needed help.
He sighed, wondering just when things had changed so greatly, and he'd been knocked so low, that he could stand here now and accept this.
"...Fine."
Equivalent exchange, it seemed, hadn't really applied to his life in a while. No reason this should be any different.
He climbed unsteadily into the bed so his back was to Roy, steadfastly ignoring the moment he sensed the warm presence behind him he breathed easier and he could close his eyes without flinching at the shadows. He hugged himself, burying his head into the sheets and staring out towards the now abandoned patch of moonlight on the floor, sure this should feel far stranger than it did- and yet, somehow entirely unable to worry that this felt more natural than anything else that had happened all day.
"...Ed?"
He swallowed the forming lump in his throat, squeezing his eyes shut tighter. "Yeah?"
"Is this okay?"
The soft weight of the words in the stillness was what said, more than anything else, that Roy, too, felt just how not all right this was. He swallowed again, desperately wishing he was still strong enough to turn his back and go.
But he wasn't that strong anymore, and he hadn't been for a while.
"...I can't imagine that it is, no."
Roy paused for a moment. "But you don't want me to go."
It wasn't a question.
"...no."
Once again, the colonel hesitated. Ed could feel the quiet tension in the air and sighed for a moment, curling himself even tighter. This wasn't okay. Not in the slightest. And some small part of him hated himself for not being strong enough- that no matter how not okay it was, he still needed this. It had been weeks, now... was this ever going to stop?! Even now he couldn't even be called anything close to all right... He could barely eat, he jumped at every loud noise, he veered away from crowds, some days he could barely even hear himself think the memories were so loud- and now, needing his brother or Roy there to even risk getting a few hours sleep... it felt like he was just spiraling worse and worse with each passing day.
And things could not continue on like this. This was fine now, while Roy was on sick leave and his automail was still weeks away. But soon, this wouldn't be possible. It wouldn't be okay, but even more than that, it wouldn't even be an option. Roy would be back at work in the east, and he'd be wherever missions took him, searching to regain Al's body. This wouldn't last. Even though he believed Roy, most days, now, when the bastard said he was here to stay, this...
This wasn't going to last.
Roy shifted in the dark, the warm weight far more reassuring than it had any right to be. His voice cut through the cold silence like a knife, slicing past dark memories and the uneasy, terrifying thoughts of what the future would bring. It was the only anchor he had, in that moment, and so he did the only thing he seemed capable of doing, anymore, and he grabbed on and let it ground him.
"In a couple months, Ed, you'll kick down my door and rant and scream, and I'll wonder how someone so small could possible have caused such a big riot on what was supposed to be just a mine inspection. You'll throw something at me, or call me a useless sack of trash in the rain, or some other such baseless nonsense. And everything will be fine. ...You know that this is only until then."
Ed took a moment to absorb the words. He doubted if that really was true after all... that they could ever get back to something he'd once called normal. It honestly didn't feel possible to him anymore. As much as he wanted it, everything that had happened had changed him- and Roy, too. The point of no return had been crossed many months ago, and yet he was only just now starting to really see that there truly was no reclaiming anything they'd had before. He'd lost far, far too much- so much of it things he could never get back.
That person he'd used to be was now well and truly gone.
"But, what I told you this afternoon, Ed?" Roy spoke one more time, even softer than before but words still heavy with sincerity. "...I still mean that. No matter what happens, I'm not going to leave you."
Slowly, Ed let himself breathe again.
He'd lost a lot, yes.
But he'd also gained something, too.
And for once in his life, he decided he wasn't going to weigh what he'd lost over what he'd gained. He didn't care if it was equivalent or not.
In that moment, all he knew was that it was worth it.
"I know, Roy," he said softly back, and shut his eyes.