Raph quietly watched his brother as they rode. And he in turn watched Vicky as she slept, exhausted, in the back seat. Raph knew that her being so worn out was more than just from tonight's escapades.

Leo sighed quietly as he turned back to face forward in the driver's seat, and tiredly rubbed his own eyes. Raph eyed his brother a moment, he knew there was still something bothering Leo and he was pretty much sure it didn't have much to do with Bishop becoming a player in the current situation.

Leo caught him looking, then sighed again. "I really screwed up, Raph." He said quietly before looking out the window again.

Raph leaned further back into his own seat and propped his foot up on the dashboard. "Yes, you did." He agreed with his brother. "But I can understand why you did what you did, I just feel you went about it the wrong way."

"I just...Raph, I just didn't know what else to do."

It was then that Raph decided to open up himself. He had told Leo he wasn't the only one who dealt with guilt, and he meant it. Maybe it was time for Raph to play mind shrink to the one who usually took up that responsibility. "You know, I was real tempted not to let Cris come out anymore either." Raph finally admitted to Leo and his brother turned his gaze back to him. Raph really didn't notice because now he was looking thoughtfully out the window. "Seeing my sai stuck in her like that, Leo, that sight still haunts me. She was dying, from my own weapon, and I couldn't do a damn thing for her. For the first time in my life, I felt helpless." Raph let out his own sigh then. "Not a feeling I really enjoyed."

"I can relate to that."

"I'm sure you can." Raph looked back at him. "Still, as much as I wanted to keep her safe in the lair after that, I also fully understood that I couldn't. Cris and Vicky are very different, Vicky being the more calmer of the two where Cris tends to go off at the smallest thing." He grinned then. "Kinda like me and you if you think about it. But there is something they both share, they both are stubborn as hell and refuse to back down. To push either one of them to stay behind, it goes against what makes them...well...them."

"That's not always a good thing." Leo chuckled then. "But, then, are we any different?"

"Exactly." Raph grinned again. "If you think about it, they are pretty much just female versions of us. Can't really expect them to just stay behind, they can't. Anymore than you could just sit by and do nothing if the roles were reversed."

Vicky stirred then a little, mumbled something in her sleep and settled back down again. Leo's eyes had wandered back to her at the slight movement, and stayed there. "I understand that, now. But what did I do to her Raph? Even though she accepted my apology, the hurt is still there from what I did. I felt it. God...Raph...what damage did I do with my stupidity..."

Raph looked at his brother a long time before he answered. "I don't know Leo. I really don't."

"There is something I do know." Hide broke his silence. "If someone does not remove his foot from my dashboard, he is going to lose it."

Grumbling, Raph brought his foot back down.

.

.

They arrived at the base a few hours later, and Leo carefully lifted the still sleeping Vicky out of the vehicle to take her to her room. That thought stung him, more than a little. 'Her room' because he had pushed her away and caused it to be 'her room'. Lord, he had a lot to make up for.

"All of you, get some rest." He quietly told his family once they had all unloaded. They had all had a rough night, and it was starting to show on some faces, one of them being the woman who slept on in his arms. She hadn't even stirred when he got her out.

"Pffft. Like I'm going to be able to." Donnie said. "You know I'm not going to do anything but start on this puzzle, wouldn't be able to sleep anyway if I didn't." Marina just let out an exasperated sigh at that.

Leo just raised an eyeridge at him. "Don't over do it."

"Like Ah woul' let 'im." Jazz grinned.

Leo walked along with Mikey by his side, and the youngest opened any doors they came across for the burdened turtle. If the happy go lucky Mikey only knew how burdened he actually was right now. Subconsciously, Leo held her a little tighter as he walked. They moved quietly, not wanting to wake Vicky and because it seemed Mikey didn't feel like talking for once.

"She looks tired." Mikey finally broke the silence.

"I'm sure she is." Leo answered. "I know her well enough to know she probably didn't sleep well the last day or two."

"Yeah...Leo, not trying to rub this in, but, Bishop popping into this mess when he did, might have royaly screwed her up. Caitlin said she completely froze up in there for a minute. And she's tried to face him head on before with no hesitation."

"Froze up how?"

"Dude, she was scared shitless... She did snap out of it, but still..."

"I see." Leo mentally cursed himself then, she had never frozen up facing anything. To be honest, the problem usually was trying to get her to not rush into things. For her behavior to change so profoundly, to go from one extreme to another told him a lot. And he wasn't liking what he was seeing emerge.

"I know it's not really my business, but Leo, I have to know. Is she really ok? I mean, she seems fine, but then she doesn't."

"Mikey, honestly, I can't answer that." Leo told him with a sigh.

Silence filled the hallway as Mikey took in Leo's words. "Well, then, like Hide said, fix it."

Leo shook his head slightly, if only it were that easy. "Little brother, I'm not sure I can."

"You've had no problems with it before...I mean, dude, every time she started freaking out you've always found a way to calm her down. Like the time she found out we actually had to get the Dark Turtle's help. She was so angry and scared she broke Donnie's chair. Yet, you fixed that."

"That was back when she trusted me fully, Mikey." Leo looked at him. "I don't think I have that level of trust from her right now."

"Dude, why wouldn't she?"

Leo stopped at her door and took a moment to put his thoughts into words. "Mikey, you know her past." He just nodded. "She's been been hurt so many times, each time jading her more and more towards ever finding what she has been wanting for so long. She was on the verge of giving up on love completely."

"Then you stumble along."

"Yes, then I stumbled along." He allowed himself a small smile at the memory of her poking him in disbelief as he stood in her living room. "She already had a preconception of us, you know that." Again Mikey just nodded. "Because she has known all of our personalities before we even met her, she felt safe with us, with me. She allowed herself to feel again. She believed that I wouldn't hurt her, not intentionally anyway. Then I turn around and shatter that belief she had been holding onto for years. So no, she doesn't fully trust me right now and I'd be surprised if she did."

"So you spent the last five years trying to live up to her expectations? Is that what you are trying to say? If you did that was pretty rotten on it's own."

"No, Mikey. She understood there were differences between us and what she already knew. She figured that out fairly quickly and I didn't have to live up to anything. She took me as I stood before her, not for what she grew up with. And I didn't offer her anything else. But she still held onto that hope, that belief, without even knowing she was doing it."

"That makes sense, I guess. Might be a little hard to let got of something like that. And, no offense, that's a pretty shitty way of having to let it go."

"None taken. You didn't say anything I haven't already said to myself."

Sighing himself now, Mikey reached out and opened the door for him. "I'm going to go check on the kiddos, then take Donnie some coffee, have a feeling he might need it." He paused a moment as he moved out of the way for Leo. "You going to be here if something comes up?"

"I'll be here."

"'Kay. I'll let Donnie know." Then he closed the door quietly.

Leo walked over to the bed and smiled at it's messy state, she never really did like making beds. He was a little grateful for it this time as he laid her down, he didn't have to fight the covers. He carefully stripped her of her boots and gear, then gently covered her up. Not wanting to risk waking her up by undressing her the rest of the way. That and he wasn't sure if she would even want him to do that right now.

He after removing his own weapons, he sat in the only chair in the room, tired himself, but unable to crawl in bed next to her. Leo honestly felt they weren't ready for that yet. He had too much on his mind to sleep anyway, and he needed to think.

Once her initial relief had passed, he had felt the change in her. As he had told the others, he still felt that pain in her, felt that loss of trust. She also had an underlying fear that he would someday leave her, fears and doubts he had put there.

Angrily he took off his mask and threw it on the nightstand before rubbing his tired eyes. If he thought a simple apology would fix this huge mess he made, he was sorely mistaken.

Now, now was the time she needed to stay away from missions. She needed time to straighten her head out, figure out a way to deal with what is going on. And he couldn't even suggest it for fear of sending her into an even deeper turmoil. Any attempt he would make to try and do so would be view as a suggestion that he didn't really mean that apology. He did mean it, those words had come from his heart. He just hoped that she could see it herself and choose to stay behind, but he knew she wouldn't.

His eyes wandered back over to her sleeping form, her face filled with a peace he hadn't seen since he pushed her away. He sincerely hoped she was dreaming of better, happier days, because the ones in the near future promised to be very rough. For all of them.