A/n: Sorry for the delay. I mixed the extended and shortened one because I really honestly didn't think either was going to go the way I wanted it to. So now this is the middle version, haha. Thanks for all the reviews! Remember, Reviewssmiles which equals happiness which equals updates :)
"This is Johnny J from your number one hit station in sunny Malibu, heck; maybe even all of Cali! Next we're going to play the top thirty break-up songs of all time! Yes, that means even oldies! These songs will make you want to cry, go hug your lover, or even go burn your ex's house down! First, we're gonna slow things down with Toni Braxton! This song will remind you of the pain of your first major breakup and maybe even make you cry. I know I did! So here it is— Un-break my heart!"
The soft music started and filled the room with a melancholy aura. I kept my eyes downcast on my coffee mug and mumbled, "Please turn it off."
Oliver looked up from the TV and jumped up like the house was on fire. He shut it off hurriedly.
Silence filled the room again. It was even louder then the radio. I sat there and listened to my own heartbeat. The pain seemed to intensify when I did that.
"Turn it back on," I found myself murmuring. Oliver raised his eyebrows, but turned it back on.
"--bring back those nights when I held you beside me…un-break my heart…say you love me again…undo this hurt you caused when you walked out the door and walked out of my life…un-cry these tears…I've cried so many nights…"
I shut my eyes tightly and blocked it out.
"I can turn it back off if you want…" Oliver suggested meekly. He looked so lost and helpless.
I shook my head and squeezed my eyes shut tighter. Was there nothing I could do to feel better? The songs hurt, but the silence hurts too. Everything hurts. My head, my heart, my stomach…it feels like a two ton car had just fallen on top of me and crushed my body. My ribs were stabbing into my heart making them sear in immense pain...and into my lungs, making each breath feel like a bee sting…or getting a shot.
Suddenly, the music started and the room filled with loud electric car and screaming. My heart was hammering so hard in my chest I could hear it over the music. I could hear and feel it in my ears. I could feel it in my toes and in my fingers…
"Oh...Lets go to the park!" I screamed with enthusiasm. Jake smiled and said,
"All right. But no frisbee this time, That knot is still on my head!" I smiled and replied,
"Oh that's right! It's like a sin to have a knot on your perfect zombie-slaying head!" He grinned and said,
"Darn right. I love my head."
"I bet you do." I muttered. He laughed and slung his arm around my shoulders, receiving glares from all the jealous fan girls. We climbed into Jake's car and he started the car. We both turned our attention to the radio. We slowly looked up at each other.
"I GET TO PICK!" We screamed at the same time. I reached forward and pushed 20. Kelly Clarkson played through the speakers. I smiled and leaned back singing along with 'Because Of You'. But, my favorite song was interrupted by no other than Jake. Hard Rock blasted through the speakers. I covered her ears and screamed,
"DO YOU WANT A GIRLFRIEND THAT'S DEAF?" He grinned and said,
"THIS MUSIC IS GOOD FOR YOUR SOUL!" I glared,
"THIS MUSIC IS TALKING ABOUT TAKING AWAY PEOPLE'S SOULS!"
"AND?" Jake's singing was interrupted by The Black Eyed Peas singing 'My Humps'.
"Hmph."I said as I sang along with my music. Jake rolled his eyes and said,
"Your such a drama queen Mile." I smiled.
"I know."
The guitarist reached his solo, and the loud sound shook the walls and floor. The pictures on the wall were shaking…but I couldn't feel the beat…I couldn't see the walls or anything…
The radio was still playing as I went over to Cole's seat and kissed him.
"Sorry it's taking so long," I muttered to him. He just smiled.
"Hey! You don't like my music, huh?" Jake smirked as he wrapped his arms around me and nodded to the radio.
"It was already on there, and I can't reach the radio." I defended myself.
"Sure. You may say that, but I saw you reach it the other day."
"Nuh uh!"
"Yes huh!"
The song was coming to an end. Just like so many things in my life.
He didn't reply, which added further to my worry. He reached to turn on the radio. It was on my station.
He didn't even try to change it.
I reached over and changed it to his station. He looked at me. His face was blank, he just looked at me. I looked back out of the corner of my right eye as I drove. The silence was suffocating in the car. I couldn't hear the music; all I could hear was the silence…just the silence…
I breathed in sharply.
"Turn it back." I yelled painstakingly at Oliver. He looked at me in surprise before switching it back.
"—and it was beautiful. But yet sad in so many ways." Some women's weepy voice came from the radio.
"I'm so sorry for your loss, Angela. I hope you feel better soon," The woman hung up, "This is Johnny J and you're listening to J-Mix! We're still jamming out to the top thirty break-up songs here, so don't turn that dial! After burning it out with Usher, we're inspiring and lifting those broken hearts with Christina Aguilera's Fighter! Here it goes!"
The music started and Oliver bobbed his head, getting into it. I had to smile a little at that; he has such a childish spirit.
I wasn't crying anymore. I hadn't cried since a few days back when I snapped off at Oliver. Or maybe it was a few weeks back. Maybe it was a month. I didn't know. I didn't care either.
If Lilly was here, she would have diagnosed me with PBS—a disease she invented—and told me I would get better soon and subscribe a movie night and Ben and Jerry.
PBS (Post Break-Up Syndrome) had five distinct steps, as Lilly constantly told me. And she also included a demonstration of each step. Step One, Denial—it didn't happen…no, no, no…it didn't!! The second was sadness—how am I going to get past this! I'm going to die! Oh, God, I'm going to die!! Third: Desperate—I'll call him…yes, and then, when he hears my voice he'll remember how much he loves me and take me back! And if he doesn't, I'll beg him! The forth, and her favorite to act out was anger: That donkey ass jerk!! I hate him! How the HELL could he do this to me?! After ALL we've been through! The talks, the laughs, the kisses!! UGH! I can NOT believe he can act like this!! Well that's freaking fine! He can just go suck a monkey's ass and back off and NEVER talk to me EVER again! And if he does, he'll find his precious car totaled in the ocean with all his stuff burnt to ashes in it!! The fifth and final step was acceptance—we just weren't meant to be. I'll find The One someday.
Somehow, however how accurate it seemed to be a few years back, I didn't think this would apply to me.
Is heartbreak terminal? Can it be? I think so. If not, it is now.
"—Now this one didn't make the top thirty, but my daughter really wants it to be played. And I'm the boss so I can do what I want! Here's Men Don't Change by Amy Dalley. Go tear up those wedding pictures and burn 'em!"
The twangy music started. Oliver listened to half the song then scowled,
"This is such a mean song. Not all men are like that."
Yes they are.
I stayed silent.
The song played on and another came on. One after another, songs about pain, revenge, and empowerment played over the radio. I couldn't relate to any except the first one. That's slightly depressing.
"—walk?" Oliver asked.
I looked at him blankly and said, "I'm sorry?"
"I asked you if you would like to talk a walk down to the beach." He explained.
I stared out of the window at the happy sun and the waves crashing against the shore.
"No."
The word hung there. I felt like I was drowning…I was falling deeper and deeper into water that was so cold it numbed. And right above me Oliver was reaching out, trying to save me…but I kept falling…and all around me the silence pressed into my ears and on my eardrums. I couldn't hear anything. I couldn't breathe either. The more I sank the more panic that tried to rise in me. But I was numb. I couldn't feel the panic. I knew I was sinking and needed to get up, but I couldn't. I felt as if I was stuck in quicksand in the water. Just stuck there in the silence…kicking but not moving…breathing but not living…seeing but not believing…feeling but not touching…living but dying.
Oliver sighed, aggravated.
"What can I do to help?" He asked.
I stared at my hands.
"Make me forget," I breathed out. It was so soft I knew he didn't hear me.
"Nothing." I said, louder. The silence fell again.
Suddenly, I felt two hands on my shoulders. I jumped, only to find Oliver behind me now. He looked down at me, concern glistening in his large, brown eyes. I stared back.
"Miley," His voice wasn't making a harsh statement; he wasn't leaving with that on his lips. It was the beginning of his statement, "you can't do this anymore."
The silence was ringing in my ears now.
"What?" I whispered.
"This…this..," he searched for a word to use, "this nothing you are doing!"
I didn't say anything back. He didn't understand.
"You are my best friend, and I need you to pull out of this ali—
Riing…riing…riing…
Oliver yelled in frustration, having had the speech he's probably been planning for weeks interrupted.
He grabbed the phone and thrust it in my hands. I looked up at it.
"You answer it."
I didn't do anything, so he pushed talk and put the phone to my ear.
I waited. No one said anything. I could hear breathing, though.
"Hello?" I whispered in a shaking voice.
"Miley?" Someone's equally shaking voice said over the line. My throat tightened and my eyes burned.
"Is anyone there?"
I took a deep breath and cleared my throat before choking out, "L-Lilly?"
Oliver's head snapped and he looked at me with wide eyes.
She was crying, I could hear it. Heavy sobs over the line. My arms itched to hug her and make her feel better.
"M-Miley…" She paused and tried to get a hold of herself, "I'm...I'm not supposed to call…I really shouldn't have…I-I think I need to go…but when I heard…when he said…I couldn't…you were…" I couldn't make out a full sentence through her sobs.
"Lilly," I exclaimed in a voice louder then I'd spoken in since Jake left, "Lilly please don't hang up."
"I...I have to…he'll…please understand…" She whispered into the line.
"No, No, NO! PLEASE don't hang up, Lilly! Please, I need you!" I screamed. I could hear her crying. I sniffed and said softer, "I need you here."
"I know, Miley. I know. I know what happened! He told me, he told us all…I know what's going to happen! You've got to—
The line went dead.
I stood there, shocked. "I've got to what?!" I screamed into the receiver.
Silence fell again. Oliver stared at the phone.
"She's gone? What did she say?!" He exclaimed desperately.
"I don't know! Something about how she's not supposed to call and that he told them all, that they all know and that I've got to do something…then she hung up!" I screamed, hysterically.
Oliver paled. He looked like he was going to be sick. Suddenly, he grabbed the phone and hurled it across the room. It slammed into the wall and crushed.
"DAMN IT! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON ANYMORE?! WHERE IS LILLY?! AND JACKSON, AND YOUR FATHER! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH JAKE? WHY IS EVERYONE GOING? I'M SO SICK OF THIS, DAMN IT! I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE! WHY CAN'T ANYTHING GO NORMAL? WHY NOT? DAMMIT! DAMMIT! DAMMIT! I HATE THIS!"
He was livid with anger. I was shaking. I'd never seen Oliver like this. NEVER.
"AND YOU! YOU ARE NOT THE GIRL I KNEW! MY MILEY WOULD NEVER LET A GUY DO THAT! MILEY, HE EMBARRASSED YOU! HE TOOK YOUR PRIDE, WALKED ALL OVER YOU, USED YOU, AND HURT YOU! WHY ARE YOU LETTING HIM GET TO YOU EVEN MORE!? YOU ACT LIKE A WET, STRAY DOG IN THE RAIN WAITING TO BE KICKED! HAVE SOME CONFIDENCE! GET OVER HIM! HE'S JUST A SON OF A BITCH!"
I stared at Oliver in fear. He was glaring at me.
"I love him," I whimpered out. I knew how pathetic I sounded, but I didn't care. It was the truth.
"HOW CAN YOU LOVE HIM AFTER ALL HE'S DONE TO YOU? HE ABANDONED YOU WITH A BABY! HE'S A JERK! WHY WASTE LOVE ON SOMEONE LIKE THAT? I KNEW FROM THE BEGINNING HE WAS LIKE THIS! BACKSTABBING JAKE RYAN! IT'S ALWAYS BEEN THAT WAY! HE LEFT YOU BEFORE, AND FOR SOME REASON YOU THOUGHT HE WOULDN'T DO IT AGAIN! I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT YOU DID!"
"I love him," I repeated as I shut my eyes.
Oliver was calming down know. His shoulders slumped and he breathed in and out deeply. He buried his head in his hands and I just sat there.
Oliver just had a breakdown.
I let his words sink into my brain.
He didn't understand. How many times had I told myself self?
"You don't understand." I whispered to him. He wearily pulled his head out of his hands.
"I don't understand? I don't understand? Did you forget that Lydia left me for someone else? Did you forget that the only girls I've ever loved have left me for someone else? First you, then Lydia, and even Lilly. Do you know how many years I've lied awake all night feeling exactly what you're feeling? Do you? Well I'll tell you, I laid awake for six years feeling that pain for you. Then, when I was so close to having you finally, Jake Ryan comes in the picture and steals you away from me just like he did three other times before that! Just as I was finally falling deep in love with Lydia and getting over you, she runs off with that guy! Then, when I realized that all this time Lilly's been the one, she tells me Jackson still has her heart. And now I'm standing here so confused not knowing what the hell is wrong with me! So don't you dare tell me I don't understand, because I'm the expert on this feeling."
"You don't understand." I struggled out again. He didn't. There is no way he knew what this felt like.
"Yes I do!" He exclaimed as he grabbed me by the shoulders, "I do! What will it take to make you realize that I have! It feels like your numb and can't do anything! It feels like you're dead on your feet! Each breath and step you take hurts like getting stabbed. Except, I've felt it three times."
I was scared. For once in my life, I was scared of Oliver. He looked SO upset and pissed. He loved me? He had loved me for so long? That was news. And what was this about Lilly finally picking someone?
"It's different," I found myself pointing out, "you got over me and Lydia and Lilly. But I still love Jake, Oliver. I love him."
He stared at me.
"I…I have to go. I can't just stay here with you and watch you destroy yourself! I love you too much to watch that! I've tried to talk sense into you, but I can't do this to myself anymore!"
And before I knew what exactly was going on, he got Emily and he was gone.
"This ends our breakup song marathon! I hope you've reached some closure and once again, this is Johnny J living it up on J-Mix. Here's Hannah's new single. How about that life she's living now, huh?"
"Yea," I whispered to myself, "how about it?"
Cole cried from upstairs and I shook it all off before going to comfort the only person who wasn't walking out on me.