AN: Thank you all for bearing with me! I'm so sorry, the updates have gotten slower, February's been pretty busy! I hope to get back into some kind of a rhythm :) Special thanks to Bumblebee's Girl, 1sunfun, FlowerChild23, CrazyRedmanelion, and angel897 for reviewing and to everyone else who has favorited and followed! I look forward to hearing from you what you think, your reviews do keep me motivated! :)
twenty-four
Kíli
Bag End, Hobbiton
4 January 2959
When Kíli woke, Tauriel was sitting by the window. She curled in on herself slightly, head nearly brushing the low ceiling. Kíli wondered how uncomfortable she was, knowing that she'd never say anything. He loved that about her; Tauriel never backed down from a challenge and never complained. If there was something to be done then, she did it. There had been a lot of challenges too. Adjusting to life as royalty had been difficult for Kíli. Tauriel, however, had left everything that she knew for him. He could only imagine how much more difficult things had been for her. She was an outsider- she'd had to fight for acceptance, he had been given it: hailed as the Prince Savior of Erebor.
In spite of her cramped position, Tauriel looked radiant in Kíli's opinion. The sun filtered in through the round window, turning her long red locks into a fiery halo. Tauriel's attention was focused on Bilba's garden and the rolling green hills beyond. He knew that she liked to spend hours watching nature. It brought her peace. That was why, when he had built them a home in Erebor, he'd insisted on including a wall of windows. The dwarrow helping with the construction had been aghast, but he'd settle for no less. Tauriel struggled to live in the Mountain. It was true that Thranduil's halls were partially underground, but they felt more open to her. It was also why he'd raise the ceilings in their quarters and insisted they be adorned to mimic a night sky. At least in their home, he wanted her to feel comfortable. If that included bringing in undeniably elvish qualities then he would do it. No questions— she was his everything.
"Did you sleep?" he asked, stretching against the luxuriously soft pillows.
"Of course not," she smiled, looking over at him. She rarely slept but at least, after the attack, she had agreed to remain inside. Otherwise, he was aware of her habit of wandering or lying out under the stars in reflection.
"What did you do?" he asked but she simply smiled, and he knew that she wouldn't answer him.
He smiled back at her, acknowledging her proclivity for keeping her secrets. At one point in their relationship her secrecy had bothered him. They were learning, however; gradually becoming more comfortable with their differences. After all, they were Bonded as only true Ones could ever be. When she was close, he sensed her presence and vice versa. Sometimes, when he concentrated, he could sense her emotions as well. Apparently, she always could sense him; his presence and emotions. He thought it was part of her elvish magic, as he called her preternatural abilities. Kíli owed his life directly to her healing abilities, not once but twice. How many times she'd come to his rescue after sensing his distress he didn't know.
Focusing on Tauriel, Kíli extended his senses, feeling for her through their bond. He smiled as he registered her contentment. He was still working on their bond, but he hoped that one day he'd be able to help her as much as she helped him. Looking up, their gazes met and he read the amusement in her bright eyes. Clearly, she had sensed his efforts. He crawled from their bed, going over to her and setting a gentle hand on her belly. She could sense the child within, but Kíli had yet to sense the product of their union. She covered his hand with her own, smiling softly. She had only told him recently. Since then, however, he couldn't stop staring at her— as though watching her would make their child visible.
"Are you hungry? I can go and fetch you something," he blurted and she laughed quietly.
"We'll go together," she insisted, "anyways, I am dressed and you are not. Perhaps, I should be the one to bring you breakfast," she teased while he glared balefully at her.
"Stay put," he warned her, hurrying for his clothing while she laughed.
Care of an expectant mother was just as important as guarding children in Kíli's culture. As the father, he was supposed to care for Tauriel and their babe in any and every way possible. If he failed it reflected badly on him in the eyes of every dwarrow because he would not be a responsible father. Even if Tauriel sometimes chafed at his attentions, he refused to have it any other way. After all, Kíli knew how much attention was paid to other expectant mothers. He had no wish for Tauriel to see it and feel like their child was treated as lesser for its elvish heritage.
When Kíli emerged from the room, alone, he headed straight for the kitchens. Already, the hearty scents of bacon, sausages and fried eggs were filling the hallway. Kíli nodded good morning to Bombur while he began assembling two plates.
"Save some for the others, Kíli!" he turned to see Bilba entering, eyeing the plates pied high.
"It's not for me!" Kíli protested without thinking.
"And Tauriel eats all that?" Bilba surveyed the plates. "Elves almost never even eat meat," she frowned.
"She's hungry," Kíli edged away with his plates, not liking the way that Bilba's brow furrowed in thought. The hobbit was keen of mind— sometimes too much so.
"Enough to eat for two?" Kíli's jaw dropped as his mind reeled. How had she gotten it so quickly?
"Please, she'll kill me if I tell—" Kíli begged, his eyes going wide while Bilba regarded him with grim amusement.
"That she will, but you have to be more subtle." Bilba agreed disapprovingly. "Off you go before the others arrive, and tell her congratulations, won't you?" Bilba winked at him, letting him know she wasn't too upset.
"You won't tell, will you?" Kíli pleaded as he back out of the room, but Bilba merely smiled. Feeling doomed, Kíli trudged back to the room, plates in hand.
"What happened?" Tauriel had already exited the room, her expression concerned. No doubt, she had sensed his distress as she took a plate from him.
"Bilba was in the kitchen," Kíli admitted, shepherding Tauriel back into their room.
"And?" Tauriel asked while Kíli shot her a miserable look. His elf frowned compassionately, but refused to put him out of his misery.
"She knows, and says congratulations." Kíli spat the words out, deciding that it was better said and gotten over.
"She knows, does she?" Tauriel looked down at him, her voice cold and Kíli set his plate on the bed.
"Melamin," he murmured, taking her plate and setting both breakfasts aside. He stepped forward, and took her hands in his. "I didn't mean it! I didn't say anything, but she caught me! Bilba was going to make me put it back if it was just for me, so I just said it was for you, I promise, that's all I said!" he implored, though her expression remained the same.
"And you have no idea how she came to her conclusion?" she asked sternly.
"Why would your eating habits mean you were with child?" Kíli returned. "You're a warrior the same as Fíli or Dwalin! I've even seen Uncle eat twice as much!" he protested. Suddenly, like a dam breaking, Tauriel burst out in laughter and Kíli found himself pouting in protest. Why did no one explain these things, he groaned mentally.
"Well, it could have been worse," Tauriel finally conceded as Kíli leaned against her. "Im gohena." (I forgive) Tauriel murmured and Kíli beamed at her. This was how things always worked with them. One of them would inevitably blunder but, the other would always be forgiving. Typically, it was Kíli messing up. On occasion, however, Tauriel's unfamiliarity with dwarrow culture led her astray.
When Dís had first come to the mountain, she and Tauriel had fought over cultural differences. Dís wanted a partner for Kíli who would support him as he navigated through the reconstruction of Erebor. Tauriel knew nothing about his expected duties as a prince. Therefore, while he assumed his proper role, she had been able to do little to lighten his burden. Tauriel had always supported him as Kíli, but she remained lost when it came to dwarrow expectations. Furthermore, Tauriel was not royalty. Her experiences and responsibilities in the halls of Thranduil were all-but incomparable. As a Captain of the Guard she earned Dís's respect for her combat prowess. Her training, however, hardly made her into ideal princess material.
Given the pregnancy, Kíli imagined that his One and his mother would need further moderation. Children weren't a common occurrence and, as a member of the line of Durin, there would be rituals to go through. He knew from previous experience that Tauriel dismissed many dwarrow traditions. Elves focused on their connection to each other and the earth. They did not, apparently, pray to their creators. The dwarrow's prayers to their Maker to bless the restoration of Erebor was entirely new. Tauriel had politely abstained, and though academically curious, remained disinterested in participating herself. Her skepticism amused Kíli because he recognized Tauriel's spiritualism. However, Dís had little patience for her repeated dismissals. She saw them as blatant disrespect for their culture. In her mind, it was Tauriel's duty was to accept Kíli's traditions and to support him just as Víli had supported her.
Privately, Kíli wondered how Bilba and Raven would do with the changes to their lives. Bilba had always gone above and beyond on behalf of the Company. Still, becoming Queen and adhering to Ereborian expectations was a lot to handle. Raven too was used to a much freer lifestyle; when she got to Erebor that would inevitably change. Kíli remembered how much he'd hated those first few months. He had needed Tauriel to keep him from lashing out. Hopefully, he reflected, Bilba and Raven will have it easier. We can all help them, he knew.
"Melamin?" Tauriel gently brought him back to the present.
"When will we tell people?" Kíli asked suddenly. There were still many difficulties that lay ahead of their pregnancy and he wanted Oín to examine her.
"Not for some time, I imagine, elves carry for twenty-four months," Tauriel replied and Kíli's jaw dropped. "I take it then dwarrow are different?" she asked.
"We carry for seventeen." Kíli felt a tingle of pride for having remembered that fact.
"Humans, I believe, carry nine months. I assume that hobbits carry even less, given their plentiful population." Tauriel said and Kíli frowned, making a note to ask Bilba about both hobbits and how long she'd carried Raven for.
The lass was a fair mix of both her heritages; likely to be a short dwarf, with the feet and ears of a hobbit. She was stronger though than her mother's kin, and her hair was enviable by dwarrow standards. Not for the first time, Kíli tried to imagine what his child would look like. He hoped that it would be a girl. Of course daughters were prized amongst all dwarrow. His desire to see Tauriel's features replicated was no secret. He had not asked Tauriel yet about her wishes. They had not spoken much about the baby— afraid of being overheard.
"What do you want it to be?" he turned to her and read the surprise in her fair features.
"The babe?" she inquired, a hand drifting almost unconsciously to her flat stomach.
"Of course," Kíli nodded eagerly.
"I have not given it much thought, all children are a blessing to the Eldar," Tauriel dismissed.
"We have wise healers who specialize in foretelling if a babe will be a boy or a girl. Back in Erebor, Amad will want us to visit one. There will likely be a ceremony and celebration. Dwarrow babies though are almost always boys." Kíli explained, having heard the implied question in Tauriel's answer.
"And are you personally interested in visiting these wise healers?" Tauriel queried, fixing him with her steely gaze.
"Alone I would not pressure you to do it, but babes are prized to my people. After so much hardship, it would be good to give them a cause to celebrate our union." Kíli replied carefully. "The blood of Durin will flow strongly in our child so, likely we will have a son. If by some miracle we have a daughter, the dwarrow will rejoice at the birth of a Princess. They feasted for weeks after my Amad was born."
"Among the Eldar there are an equal number of births. However, more of our womenfolk have taken the ship to the West. We appear then to have more boys than girls." Tauriel shared, and Kíli listened attentively. Tauriel had always been reluctant to share her past with him. Kíli knew that Thranduil had fostered her, but she refused to talk more about her own family.
"Is that where-"
"No." she interrupted him sharply, and Kíli fell silent. As the silence stretched he sighed.
"Tauriel," he implored in simultaneous quiet apology and query. He had tried time and time again before to ask her, never to any success.
"My father wanted my mother to take the ship, to raise me in the West, where I'd be safe and have companions my age. Almost no elves here dare to have a family. It's simply too dangerous and our childhood is long. My mother refused because my father was not ready to sail West. He was an adviser to the King who was still grieving his Queen's loss. My mother refused to leave him. He insisted, however, that it would be too dangerous to stay, that she had to leave and he would join us.
"In the end, he was right. My mother hated being confined inside the fortress. She had family who lived a short distance away and she craved the freedom to see the sky. After I was born, she insisted on being able to visit with her family. We were escorted there, but the guards were needed elsewhere. Even then, the darkness was growing. My father also had to return to the palace while my mother stayed the season with our kin. It worried him to no end, and rightly so. The spiders were becoming more bold, they were attacking Elvin settlements.
"He was in the fortress, serving the King when he heard of the attack. He left immediately, not waiting for guards. My father was no warrior. His desperation sped his travel. He arrived at the end of the attack from what I've been told. He did not survive long.
"I was the only survivor. Everyone there fought to protect me. I was hidden from the spiders, though they almost killed me when the guards arrived. Thranduil took me in out of pity for my circumstances. He raised me, and I became a warrior. I was determined to rid the forest of the same monsters who took my family. The world here is a dangerous place. I would that our child could be raised in safety, but you cannot come West with me. So, we will defend them with our lives. We will make sure that our child is loved. I care not for trivial matters such as having a son or a daughter. I care about ensuring that our child is happy, that they are loved and protected."
Kíli moved towards Tauriel, taking her hands in his. "Melamin," he murmured softly. He had known that her childhood was difficult, but her prolonged agony struck him. "We won't leave our children, and we can have more than one, they can be like Fí and I, brothers and best friends." he promised, feeling a pang of guilt for how he had become separate from his family.
Seeing, and especially teasing, Bilba and Thorin each day was slowly melting Kíli's anger away bit by bit. Naturally, he was still upset at Thorin's weakness. Still, he knew that he and the other members of the Company had also been unaffected by the gold sickness. After all, why hadn't any of them argued? Why hadn't he jumped in? Kíli straightened suddenly, and Tauriel jerked back surprised by his movement.
"What-" Tauriel began.
"I need to speak to my Uncle." Kíli replied. "You're right, family is our strength, and I have wronged mine. My uncle never gave up on his father, but I have cast my family aside for a wrong that has already been forgiven." he explained, reaching up, drawing Tauriel down to kiss. "I won't let my mistake hang over our family." he vowed as she smiled approvingly at him. He dashed from the room— seeking his uncle.
Kíli found Thorin in the living room, watching out the front window along with most of the Company.
"What's going on?" Kíli asked, his curiosity distracting him as he shouldered in beside Thorin. His uncle registered his presence, then answered slowly when no one else replied.
"Fíli's asked to speak with the young healer." his uncle rumbled in quiet approval.
"Sórin?" Kíli asked in surprise.
"Yes, that's the one! The lad looked like a dwarf on a mission too!" Bofur waggled his eyebrows suggestively. Kíli eagerly peered around Thorin, catching a glimpse of his brother as he turned to face the young healer.
Kíli observed his older brother, recognizing the nerves playing across his brother's face. Another pang of guilt shot through him. When he'd turned on Thorin his decision had also cost Kíli his relationship with his brother. It wasn't that Fíli had picked Thorin over Kíli, but he'd had to step into his role as the Crown Prince. As such, he'd put his personal differences aside to be able to work with Thorin. That work had caused them to drift apart and now it was Tauriel who Kíli turned to— not Fíli. That, no doubt, was why he was hearing about this second hand.
"Can I talk to you, Uncle?" Kíli asked quietly, though given the room's sharp attention, of course heads turned.
"Of course," Thorin replied, though there was clear suspicion in his voice.
They exited the room, heading into Bilba's office. Once there, Kíli closed the door. Turning back to Thorin, Kíli was surprised to realize that his uncle was worried.
"Uncle-"
"Kíli-" they interrupted each other. Thorin nodded at Kíli, however, and the younger dwarf gathered his nerves and continued.
"When we first realized that Bilba was alive and had a daughter I demanded your hair in retribution. I punished you for what had happened to them. I should have realized that what transpired was not your fault. We were all affected by the Gold Sickness, it was simply you who suffered the most. I could not see that truth for myself. Instead, I shamed you. I took your hair." Kíli reached into his pocket. His fingers closed around the braid that he had taken from his uncle. "I offer you back your braid as token of a debt repaid. I was wrong to ever accept, let alone demand it from you in the first place." Kíli knelt and proffered the braid to his uncle. Thorin hesitated for only a second before he stepped forward and took it from his nephew.
"You acted in defense of our family. You reminded me of what I had done wrong and what was at stake and required. I will never ask you to apologize for defending our family, especially my One and my daughter." Thorin replied smoothly, and Kíli stole a hopeful look at his uncle. Thorin didn't sound like his uncle, but his king. What Kíli wanted, was to have his uncle back. As though he sensed his desire, Thorin reached out and grasped Kíli's forearm, tugging him to his feet. Kíli rose and Thorin grasped the back of his neck, pulling him forward to tap their foreheads together. Kíli found himself smiling as he leaned into his uncle's embrace. This was the Thorin he remembered. This was the Uncle he'd followed into battle. This was the sense of family that he had lost to the Gold Sickness.
They emerged from the office a short while later to rejoin the group. The peaceful candor between them speaking louder than any words. Dwalin caught Kíli's eye from across the room and he shrugged. Dwalin had been his stalwart ally; refusing to let Thorin forget his mistake. Now, their actions felt childish to Kíli. He let his gaze drift back to Thorin as Raven appeared, attaching herself to her father's side. That more than anything spoke to why Kíli had forgiven Thorin. If Bilba and Raven can forgive Thorin for his transgressions then, why should I hold out? Why should I hold a grudge that had already torn their family apart?
Dwalin raised an eyebrow in silent question. Raven continued to distract Thorin, chattering away about making pies with Bilba. Kíli responded with a mild shrug. Dwalin sighed in response, crossing his arms across his chest. Kíli watched as he sank into deep thought, presumably about his own actions. Despite his anger, Dwalin's resolution to die for his king if necessary never wavered. It was instead their friendship that had suffered. Dwalin had never quite forgiven himself for betraying Bilba either. It was a guilt that neither he nor Kíli voiced, but a pain that they had shared and pushed on to Thorin. Kíli hoped that Dwalin would also find forgiveness and a renewed friendship possible.
All the attention in the room shifted as the door opened and Fíli entered. Immediately, Kíli bounded over to his brother, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. Fíli flushed crimson, and Kíli took it as encouragement, tackling his brother. Fíli gave a cry of surprise, causing Sórin to dash into the hobbit hole while Kíli and the others roared with laughter. Sórin flushed red and while Kíli's attention was also on the other dwarf, Fíli attacked. As his elder brother jumped on him and wrestled him to the ground, Kíli let out his own cry of surprise. Then, he eagerly returned the attack. They rolled about on the floor in an altogether un-princely manner.
When they parted, both dwarrow were breathing heavily as they looked at each other. They had tussled before, but both sensed that something had changed. Kíli took Fíli's hand and tugged him outside. The cool winter air felt refreshing as both brothers turned to face each other again.
"So, Sórin," Kíli said and Fíli nodded once, almost stiffly. "Well, are you courting yet?" Kíli demanded impatiently.
"We're talking, that's all," Fíli replied begrudgingly.
"And that's all you're going to tell me Fí?" Kíli whined and Fíli shoot him a suspicious glance. Kíli fought a pang of disappointment. Fíli used to trust him implicitly. Now, the gap between them was even more apparent. Kíli didn't quite know what had happened, but he hated the distance between them.
"Trade?" Kíli offered impulsively. Surely, Tauriel wouldn't mind if he told Fíli.
"What's been happening with you and Tauriel?" Fíli asked immediately and, for an instant, Kíli feigned innocence.
"What do you mean?"
"You've been squirreled away. You're always talking in whispers, sharing secret smiles-" Fíli abruptly cut himself off. His brother's eyes went wide in dawning comprehension. "You wouldn't happen to be expanding our family, would you?" Kíli scowled. It wasn't that he didn't want Fíli to know, he'd been about to tell his brother, but had he really been that transparent? "Kí?" Fíli asked quietly, his face falling in trepidation.
"It was that easy to guess?" Kíli pouted and Fíli's face broke into a wide grin of relief.
"You're my Kí." he replied simply.
"I've missed you," Kíli blurted and Fíli smiled.
"I know, me too."
"So, now you know about me. What about you?" Kíli pressed.
"I think he's my One. I haven't really talked to him much so I didn't register the draw. Not until the funeral," Fíli said with a little shrug.
"And Sórin?" Kíli asked, feeling hope rise in his beast as he thought about his big brother finally being happy.
"He admitted something similar. He's felt it for longer, I think. He was worried though about mentioning anything given the difference in our stations." Fíli's voice remained reserved, however, there was an undeniable glimmer of excitement in his gaze.
"And?" Kíli demanded.
"I've asked to court him." Fíli replied. "I'll start on a gift soon to make the offer formal." Fíli replied.
Kíli grinned, "I'm happy for you, Fí! So, what are you going to make for him?"
They were still discussing options for Fíli's gift when the door to Bag End opened and Bilba emerged. Her face was pale and expression worried.
"What's wrong?" Kíli frowned. Immediately, he extended his senses through his bond with Tauriel. It felt distant, like she was shielding herself from him. Worry coursed through him, had something happened to her or the baby?
"Nothing, not at the moment," Bilba replied, though Kíli exchanged a worried look with Fíli.
"Bilba," Fíli pressed gently, "what's going on?"
"I thought you should know, Tauriel left in a hurry. She said that she sensed Legolas," Bilba finally admitted and Kíli felt a mix of relief and new worry. At least she wasn't shieldin herself from him, she was simply further than he anticipated. At the same time, however, she had left without him noticing through the bond. He had to work on his senses, he told himself. Not to mention, who knew the kind of danger she might be in if she was alone.
"Where did she go? How long ago? Why did you let her leave?" he demanded impatiently.
"She just left, Kíli. She can take care of herself too. She thinks it's important too," Bilba replied. Her tone took on a defensive edge that made Kíli feel both annoyed at her nonchalance and rebuffed like a child.
He was speaking before he had the chance to contemplate his words. "But she's-" he cut himself off. Both Bilba and Fíli now knew about Tauriel's condition but, it felt strange discussing it without her there.
"She'll be fine, Kí, Bilba's right. Tauriel can handle herself." Fíli cut in, and Kíli shot his brother a reproachful glare.
"But what if it's a trap," Kíli fought a pout while Fíli watched him in growing curiosity.
"Kíli, I think you're overreacting. Of course you should be worried and protective, but I'll freely admit Tauriel's one of the best warriors I know. She wouldn't walk into a trap, not unless you were in danger and she knew you were here. You're worrying over nothing, little brother, she'll be fine. They both will." Fíli insisted.
"They both?" a sharp voice cut in, and Kíli cursed silently as he turned towards his Amad. It wasn't that he didn't want her to know, but he and Tauriel had yet to think of a way to break the news. Also, considering the early stage of the pregnancy they'd wanted to wait to make the announcement.
"Amad-" Kíli began to hedge.
She narrowed her eyes. "Don't you dare." she warned.
"Please, can we do this after we've found and spoken with Tauriel?" Kíli begged and Dís set her hands on her hips.
"She only just left, she promised she'd be right back, but I thought you'd want to know." Bilba interjected, looking between them with a mixture of determination and insecurity. Kíli remembered that same expression many a time during the quest. It was a reason why she'd endeared herself to so many of the Company. Whatever Bilba did, there was no denying her well-meaning intentions.
"So, we'll go after her." Dís decided and Kíli found himself nodding in agreement with his Amad. "Kíli," she prompted. He realized a belated moment later that she meant for him to use his connection with his One to track her. He closed his eyes and concentrated. When he found Tauriel, his eyes popped open in surprise.
The elf in question appeared, Legolas and the ranger, Aragorn, beside her. She smiled in Kíli's direction while he fixed his gaze on the elvin prince. Tauriel had told him how Legolas had fancied her and even admitted that a long time ago it had been flattering. A pang of jealousy shot through Kíli, and Tauriel moved to his side, leaning down and kissing him.
"Melamin," she murmured and he fought a blush. Apparently, she'd sensed his jealousy. In the background, he was vaguely aware of Bilba greeting the two newcomers with smiles. He might never get along well with the elvin prince, but he, Aragorn, and Bilba shared a genuine friendship.
"Prince Legolas," Dís greeted politely, if cooly.
"Princess Dís," he replied with a bowed acknowledgment that Dís returned stiffly.
"What brings you here?" she demanded without further ado.
"I'm afraid we bear ill tidings." Aragorn replied, "we've found traces of a camp. It is an armed contingent of dwarrow headed in this direction. We came at once to notify you."
"How do you know that they are a threat?" Dís glared warily at him.
"They said some less-than-complimentary things about Erebor's leadership," Legolas interjected. "We may have had history between our families, Princess Dís, however, I hold no continued hostility. I consider Bilba and Raven to be my friends. I won't jeopardize either our friendship nor their safety because of past wrongdoings." Legolas spoke eloquently, and Kíli caught Tauriel's gaze. Was the prince sincere? he asked her through his gaze. She smiled her reply: apparently, the princeling was being truthful. Kíli regarded his mother. Dís was famed for her temper and ability to hold a grudge. For the sake of their family, Kíli prayed that she would make no such fuss.
"You better come in, Thorin will want to hear about this directly." Dís finally said.