Hi guys! This one isn't a lizzington fic... sorry. I understand if you don't want to read it but I really wish that you would take the time and do so.

This is Elizabeth Keen to Thomas Keen, but it is not a couple romantic relationship but a reflection.

It is also a poetry type thingy... so I know some of you don't like this style either.

I do really like this, and would love to hear your thoughts on it negative or positive. ALL REVIEWS ARE AMAZING!

I always forget to post this... THE BLACKLIST ISNT MINE!

And now if you made it through all that here is the actual chapter...

Falling

I am falling.

Slowly falling and shattering into a thousand trillions irreparable pieces.

I saw and did things.

Things that if you didn't see the bigger picture you couldn't have put the puzzle together.

People look past you because you surround yourself in a facade of happiness and light.

People look past you because you aren't directly affected in their eyes.

But I am.

I was different before.

Or at least I thought I was different.

You saved me.

More than once, more than twice, more than three times.

You may not have known that and maybe if you did things would be different.

Or so I'd like to think.

This crazy roller coaster ride, the ups and the downs and the twists and the turns

It's all too much.

I can't hold on.

I just can't.

But I can't let go.

I can't stop holding on to the shattering pieces of myself.

There are pieces of myself that can no longer be found.

No matter how hard one looked.

Pieces created and snapped in a blink of an eye.

Whether you knew it or not, you still did it.

The anger hasn't come.

It might never come.

Because you were a friend.

Or so I thought.

So I can't get mad and I haven't gotten mad.

I have felt betrayed.

Because you taught me things.

Things that make me, me.

So when you, the one who taught me these things turn away and become bad.

Does that change what makes me, me?

Does that change how I should feel?

Because you changed does that change me?

Now that the fog that once covered the glass is gone, are you happy with what you have done?

Are you happy that you dramatically changed me?

I was so naive and stupid to think there are good people.

No one is ever truly good, I guess.

My favorite things in life.

I can't enjoy the same way.

Some I can continue to enjoy.

Others have fallen into a deep dark abyss.

My emotions and thoughts about life have changed dramatically.

And so I have cried.

Wasted tears and sleep over you.

We don't keep secrets from each other.

Especially ones that are as big as these.

I have laughed, too.

Because of the good memories I can remember.

Because when I think of you and

All of those crazy beautiful moments we had together.

When life was fun and effortless

And I still remembered how to laugh without force or thought.

I can't help but allow a laugh to slip through my lips.

You tarnished all those when you turned your back on me.

I was myself around you.

I felt safe to cry or laugh like an idiot.

I felt safe to show off my true colors.

Did you think about me when you did these things?

The moment I found out.

The moment it came out.

Is the moment my legs collapsed and the shattering process started.

The moment I lost a part of myself.

Is the moment I lost you.

This is a lot.

This is too much for me to handle.

So I break.

The pieces of me scattered on the floor.

I hide behind my armor.

I pretend that I am the same.

But there will always be pieces of me missing.

I am trying, to make it look like I am fine.

I am trying my walls up but they are falling to the ground.

I don't find joy in the things that I used to love.

Or so I thought I loved.

I am falling.

Trying to hold a grip on the side before I am consumed entirely by the deep dark abyss.

The only thing I can do is slide on my mask and pretend my life is in the palm of my hand.