Break and Bind
"If I am given wings, I would fly for you / Even if all of this earth sinks into the water / If I am given a sword, I would stand and fight for you / Even if all of this sky was shot through by your light."
Chapter 25: Ichirin no Hana
She opened her eyes a crack, but the searing pain in her torso — she felt like it was split almost vertically in half, the pain was unbearable… Let it end…
The crushing pull of gravity — She was falling…. Falling into oblivion…
Darkness blurred her eyes as her gaze on Aizen and her own allies shuffled in and out of focus.
She screamed louder, a ripping agony shooting through the middle of her chest. I don't want to die! She felt like she was being slashed completely in two…
Fuck…just let the pain stop…
Anza closed her eyes and gave into the dark threatening to overtake her.
"ANZA!" bellowed Grimmjow. Not thinking, he tried to shoot himself after her, catch her in his arms before she fell… Dammit, Anza, you gotta still be alive…!
You are no one else but yourself
There's no other replacement for you
A firm hand closed on his upper arm and yanked him back. He struggled against it, pulling his restrainer a few steps forward before being dragged back further. But he wouldn't let them hold him back — he would get to Anza before she hit the ground — he mentally shook out the image of her already-battered body, practically completely drained of reiatsu, slamming to the ground and shattering — No matter what it took, he'd catch her…!
So please don't wilt,
My single flower
"Stop, Grimmjow."
Ulquiorra's voice made him freeze for a moment, then double his struggle to get to Anza. Ulquiorra just gripped and pulled him harder.
"Fuck, let go, Ulquiorra!" Grimmjow growled over his shoulder. He frantically tried to twist around, trying a punch, but Ulquiorra just grabbed his wrist and held it behind him. "Ulquiorra," he hissed threateningly, but his wide eyes searched out Anza. His pulse beat wildly against his chest and he started to panic. Each second she got closer to breaking into a million pieces, so why the fuck did Ulquiorra have to get stubborn now? Why the hell couldn't he free himself? He could match against Ulquiorra easily! The edges of his Hollow hole decided to twinge painfully at that moment. Shit, not that too! He'd probably been grazed by something earlier. He twisted, clawed, elbowed, did everything he could think of to escape.
"Struggling is meaningless, Grimmjow," Ulquiorra told him monotonously.
"Shut the fuck up and let me go!"
"No."
"You fuckin' —"
Ulquiorra suddenly whipped him around so they were face-to-face, even though he gripped one hand tightly on Grimmjow's collar. "Listen to me, Grimmjow." Reluctantly, Grimmjow tore his eyes away from Anza's broken body to glare at those sickeningly empty green eyes.
"What?" he snarled.
"Leave her. Aizen-sama will destroy you if you go after her."
But Grimmjow was shaking now. Anger, burning, poisonous rage coursed through him, furious hatred at the man, the Shinigami, who'd made himself a god above Hollows. The man who'd made Grimmjow's existence as an Arrancar all the more meaningless. The man who'd promised him so many things — power, greatness, to be a master, a lord over everyone else in Hueco Mundo — But how come Grimmjow never felt fulfilled with any of that? Because of him. Aizen Sousuke. No matter how much he tried to deceive his "precious" Espada that they were equals, it was a lie. Shinigami always thought they were superior to Hollows. There'd never be any kind of peace between them.
He looked down and for the first time he could remember, he cursed his hypersensitive eyesight. He could accurately see the unbearable pain — His Hollow hole burned again — matching the expression etched on Anza's sweat- and blood-streaked face.
Having taken root at a place you couldn't have wished for,
You're unable to move
You should spill your feelings that almost closed up
Then there was her. Anza. Maybe not exactly the light in Hueco Mundo, but she'd definitely done something to make living in Las Noches less…less damn depressing. The only woman to be able to give him a real challenge in a fight and in bed. One of the few he'd ever fought who'd actually beaten him — and that just made him go back for more. But even when he'd lost every fight against her, she'd never looked down on him. She treated him like her equal, always, even when he was being an asshole and didn't deserve it. Hell, he didn't deserve her, but there was no fucking way he was gonna give her up.
I'll accept your pain, bitterness, and everything, so please don't cry, but laugh, my single flower
Even as you seem to wilt now, I want to see your innocent figure once more
Shit. She was like a burst of color to the endless white hallways of Las Noches. A precious flower blooming in the most heartless of deserts.
So please don't wilt,
My single flower
He'd felt like he'd died again when she left Hueco Mundo, left a hollow shell of himself, and had dimly wondered at the time whether he'd undergo the Hollow transformation process again, dimly wondering if that meant he'd gain more power, though it took him a while until he'd cared again about power, fighting, any of that. He fought with anyone who looked at him the wrong way — even more than he had before she'd left — and anyone who even mentioned — or hinted — Anza was obliterated.
And I want to become your strength
Because even when I make enemies out of all people besides you, I'll still protect you to the end
And now she was gone again.
For good.
YOU SHOULD NOTICE THAT THERE IS NO OTHER
YOU SHOULD NOTICE THAT THERE IS NO NEXT TIME
He shut his eyes tightly, unable to watch as her fragile-looking body dropped the last few feet. Even if Ulquiorra let go of him now, there'd be no way he'd be able to reach her, not from this distance. A growl rumbled in his chest, but there was no way it would be able to convey the agony that was exploding within him. He felt like he was splitting in two — Just like her — from his head to his Hollow hole, which seared like the edges were being held to a flame.
You are no one else but yourself,
Even up to now and from this point on
He fell to one knee and felt Ulquiorra's hand slip off his collar. He didn't care anymore. His breath came out in short gasps and he was shaking worse than ever. His mind filled with images of Anza, memories that were now like hot irons pressed against him, searing him with her memory… The painfully-sharp feeling of holding her in his arms, the scent of passion fruit encircling him when he leaned down to kiss her neck, her jaw, to brush his nose against hers when he'd trace his lips against hers… He almost groaned out loud. Those lips…
He clenched his claws into fists.
Because even when I make enemies out of all people besides you,
I'll still protect you to the end
And now he'd never touch his lips to hers…unless hers were cold and still and would never respond to his again… He thought he'd had her back for good.
So please don't lose,
My single flower
A snarl escaped his lips and he leapt up and shot himself at Aizen with only one thing on his mind: murder. Behind him, he heard Ulquiorra's monotone voice call after him, heard Kurosaki yelling, asking what the hell he thought he was doing. Grimmjow didn't know himself what he was doing, he was just reacting the only way he knew how: with destruction.
He knew Aizen would easily catch his claw in his hand. Grimmjow was ready and pulled away at the last second. He sonido'd behind Aizen, having a full view of the Shinigami's unprotected neck… Grimmjow's clawed hand shot out to the base of Aizen's skull. If he could just shoot his claw through Aizen's neck, rip that head from its neck…
This time, Aizen's hand closed upon Grimmjow's wrist, without having turned his back to face him. "You were never one to obey, Grimmjow," he stated calmly, as if Grimmjow hadn't just attacked him. His voice held mild disappointment, but no danger. That meant Grimmjow was in some deep shit now.
"Yeah, well, what was I supposed to do?" he retorted, yanking his wrist free. Aizen slowly turned to face him. "Sit on my fuckin' ass and pretend it didn't happen?"
Aizen's mouth curved into a cruel smile. "You did so when I informed you that she had defected on her own accord from the Espada" — A sharp intake of breath from behind — "and that she would have the status of a traitor as far as we were concerned. You should know this as well, Grimmjow, that traitors are not to be tolerated. And so, I spared any of the Espada from having to handle her, if she had decided to re-enter Hueco Mundo. I know that seeing her again might cause even the most loyal Arrancar" — his gaze drifted briefly to Ulquiorra — "to hesitate in carrying out my orders."
Grimmjow felt Ulquiorra's reiatsu flare for a second, like he suddenly got really pissed off, before regaining complete control. Maybe the fucker's got some emotions after all, he thought dully but not really caring much.
"Wait, what the hell's going on?" yelled Kurosaki, flash-stepping to stand across from Grimmjow and Aizen.
Wouldn't we all like to know, Grimmjow thought bitterly.
Aizen's smile widened. Usually when Aizen smiled like that it meant someone was either gonna get killed or they'd be mentally scarred enough to wish they'd been killed.
"I take it Anza never shared her history with you, Kurosaki Ichigo."
And Aizen started to narrate a short version of Anza's life story. Grimmjow couldn't pay attention because every time he tried to picture her, images of her bloodied body, broken beyond all possible repair, swam in front of him.
It was all because of this man.
Blood roared in his ears as the beast within him, the truly Hollow part of him, stirred. Fuck any morality —!
He threw himself at Aizen again, not caring that Kurosaki was standing right there too. He launched himself and attacked with everything he had. He couldn't feel the strength behind Aizen's blocks, couldn't hear Kurosaki yelling for him to stop — He pushed the boy roughly out of the way when he tried to interfere — Grimmjow roared and lashed out with strikes, kicks, Ceros, punches…
Aizen hadn't even drawn his zanpakuto but blocked them all.
Snarling curses, Grimmjow shot back and raised his claws high in the air, ready to rake them through the air. He could imagine his Desgarrón shredding Aizen to a million fuckin' pieces —
He gasped. He couldn't breathe; an arm wrapped tight against his windpipe. Another hand restrained his wrists. A sword then pointed at his chest. That one, he saw, raising his eyes, belonged to Ichimaru Gin. Then that meant… Scanning behind him with Pesquísa, he confirmed his suspicions. Tousen.
"Get your fuckin' hands off me," he growled, though it came out more like a gasp.
Tousen's grasp tightened, pressing dangerously against his windpipe now. Furiously, rage freely rushing through him, he couldn't do a damn thing.
Aizen's smile lingered for a few moments while his gaze remained on Grimmjow's incapacitation, before he turned to the others.
"Now that has been taken care of," he drawled — Grimmjow wished he could do more than just scowl and mentally curse — "I will be taking my Espada back to Hueco Mundo."
Once again, sorry for any confusion with changing my user name: I was anime-randomizrXIV, briefly changed to lavalier23, but I'm now Livia-Sobriquet.
Disclaimer: I do not own Ichirin no Hana by High and Mighty Color, the song featured in this chapter (I used an English translation of the original Japanese)