Many of you seemed to enjoy chapters 17 and 24's little storyline - Pervstrid and her crazy medieval-version of sexting. Some requested Stoick finding out about this and, well... here we are!

Hope you enjoy!

Summary: Hiccup's in for a bit of a nasty surprise with his father, thanks to Astrid's crazy little messaging game.

Indiscrete Letters

"Hey dad, I was looking for you! I have to – uh, dad?" Hiccup stopped dead in his tracks. The piercing gaze of his father brushed him up and down – suddenly Hiccup felt like he was 14 again, and it was as if he'd manage to set the Great Hall on fire. Something was terribly wrong. Gobber stood by Stoick's side, trying to maintain a serious face when, clearly, all he wanted to do was burst out laughing.

The two of them looked as different as night and day.

Hiccup cleared his throat. "S- something wrong?" He looked between his father and his mentor, their stiff shoulders and squinting eyes indicating that he'd clearly interrupted something important. "Guess I'll, uh… just come back later, y'know."

He didn't even manage a step backwards when his father's low, menacing voice pinned him in place. "You're not going anywhere. Sit." One huge hand pointed at a chair near their dining table. Seeing that Hiccup didn't comply, Stoick opened his other hand to reveal a small paper, folded in a very specific way… Hiccup felt his heart jump to his throat. "We need to talk about this. Sit."

This time Hiccup complied, sinking down on the chair with wide eyes and restless legs. Gobber shrugged apologetically, and that's when Hiccup knew how his father had come across the dirty little evidence. "Thanks a lot," he spat at his betraying mentor.

"This isn't Gobber's doing, son." Stoick moved over to him, like a dragon about to pounce on its prey. "It's your doing. And Astrid's."

There was no escaping. Hiccup didn't even want to read the paper; knowing Astrid, he didn't doubt how explicit the contents of the tiny letter were. All he wanted was a hole to crawl into and hide out. Maybe within a decade they'd forget he ever even existed and he'd be able to come out in public again. But for now, all he could do was feel his ears burn miserably.

Hiccup shifted uncomfortably, his legs dancing nervously in front of him, as his father took a seat on the huge armchair. Stoick leaned forward over the table, inspecting his son with pursed lips and furrowed brows.

Even Gobber's breathing hitched.

Then, Stoick exhaled so hard that the little folded paper jumped and flitted about on the table. Hiccup wished he could burn it. The temperature of his ears probably would.

"Are ye usin' protection?" Suddenly, Stoick looked just about as uncomfortable as Hiccup felt.

"Uh." Hiccup blinked, his eyebrows arched. He focused his gaze on a particularly interesting hole in the wall. "Yep." His throat was as dry as it could get.

Stoick nodded, the creases around his eyes easing somewhat. "Good, good. Er… what kind?"

Hiccup cleared his itching throat. "The herbs." For whatever reason he felt like he needed to add, "and sometimes we know we can't, uh… go all… the way." His voice cracked. At least, he noted with some sick sense of satisfaction, his father's ears were as red as his own.

Stoick merely nodded again; a wide movement of his head and shoulders, like he was rocking on the armchair. Very much like his son, he drummed his fingers on the surface of the table. "Alright then." His eyes lingered on the little paper, still sitting there in all its apparent innocence. "Well, it… seems like she's enjoyin' it, eh?"

Unable to reply, Hiccup merely shrugged. Then he nodded, much in the same way as Stoick.

Gobber was red in the face, but not for the same reasons as the other two men. He looked as if he wasn't capable of holding in his laughter in for much longer.

The Chief smacked his lips and wrinkled his nose. "When did ye start?"

"Dad. Please. No." Hiccup tried protesting, but his father's gaze wouldn't break. He sighed. "Over a year ago."

"You're marryin' this girl, right?" It wasn't a question.

Even so, Hiccup stammered. "Ssssssomeday… Yeah."

"An' if those herbs don't work, an' somethin' happens…"

Hiccup threw his hands in the air, baring his palms. "Straight away."

"Before the belly pops out, eh?" Gobber piped in, the most ridiculous smirk on his face.

"We don't want any problems now, do we?" Stoick sniffed, looking a little more pleased.

"Nope. No problems. None at all!"

"Glad we got that settled. Oh… and another thing," Stoick's face twisted into a scowl. He remembered how awkward this very conversation had been with his father, decades ago. "If ye need to talk about…ye know… manly… things… an' women…"

Hiccup groaned painfully, his foot shuffling on the floorboard as he made to stand up. "No! No. I mean… I'm fine. I don't… er… Can I go now?"

Stoick's booming laughter echoed with a strong vibration. He stood and walked over to his son, slapping a hammer-like hand on the boy's shoulder. "Go on, then!"

Gobber had never seen Hiccup run away with as much dedication as he did now. "The pride of Berk, eh, Stoick?" He teased, lurching over to the little paper on the table and carefully unfolding it again. "We sure got him right. Told ye I thought somethin' was up."

Stoick chortled despite himself. "My boy's a man now, Gobber. It's time we celebrate. To the Mead Hall!"

Astrid's handwriting, perfect and pretty and feminine, formed the following words:

.:: Thanks for the saddle enhancements, babe! I'll repay you with kisses. Love you. ::.

END

Oops. Someone got bamboozled! Let's just hope Stoick doesn't embarrass anyone during dinner time... *wink wink*