Zeke POV
D is finally asleep. She was crying and crying, it didn't help that I was too, but I don't care. My son is dead, seven years. I only had seven years with him. I remember the day he first stood up, when he first walked. The say he first went to the bathroom all by himself and the day he first called me papa. I don't care if anyone sees me cry, my little boy is dead, all of my friends are in the hospital, and my wife feels like she's broken. I don't want to feel anything, but without me, D will crumble and I would rather die than see that happen. I kiss the top of her head and I just continue to cry. Everything is messed up and it's all one persons fault, I want to know who.
D POV (The Next Day)
Uriah woke up and last night everyone was discharged already. Apparently Erudite made this serum that could heal broken bones and heal open wounds. Everyone went home and rested, me, I didn't sleep at all. I couldn't, so I sat in Lucas' room hugging a picture of all of us. He was so happy; it was the day we took him to school because Zeke had to give a speech as a dauntless leader. All of his friends were amazed by Zeke and me. I went in his bed and hugged his sheets. Zeke was sleeping in our room, but I couldn't leave his. All of his stuff was still fresh and everything was the way he left it. Just the other night, I was tucking him in and giving him Chance. Kind of ironic seeing that he didn't get the chance to live. I don't know how long I was in there, but Zeke came in and saw me crying. He sat next to me and cried wit me. It took a lot for Zeke to cry, but it's a special occasion. Tomorrow or today, we have to throw his ashes in the chasm and make the toast in the pit. The idea of it made me cry even harder, because that is when I'm suppose to say goodbye and I don't want to say goodbye. I want hold on to the memory of my little boy. My sweet sweet little boy. He will never meet his brother or sister, he wont get the chance to do a lot of things. I feel so much pain, I no longer feel anger. My sister is in a wheel chair and will never walk again. She's factionless now; I don't know what I'm doing. Everything I do, it feels meaningless. I have no desire to go on. The only thing that is keeping me going is my friends and Zeke. I still feel broken.
-Six hours later-
Zeke and I wake up in Lucas' room. He was awake before me, he was stroking my hair and looked blankly at the wall.
"Hey gorgeous." He says as he smiles at me "We have to get up now."
"What time is it?"
"It's nine thirty."
"Okay…" I say and we get up and walk out of his room. We walk to our bathroom and get ready. We don't talk, we don't need to. I get dressed and put on my make up and he gets in the shower. I put on my shoes and he gets ready. I walk to the kitchen and make coffee. Zeke walks out wearing my dad's leather jacket. I always hoped after Zeke and I die, Lucas would wear the jackets with his wife. That's never going to happen now; I fight the tears and win. I'm pretty good at that, I've been doing it for three deaths now. Zeke grabs a cup and we drink in silence.
"Babe, should you be drinking this if you're pregnant?" He asks
"It's fine. I'm two months now." I say.
"That's great…" He says. I know he means it, but isn't showing it because of our current situation. "I don't want you under too much stress with your pregnancy; I want you to take it easy."
"When am I ever good at taking it easy?" I ask and he laughs. It was a short one, but a laugh nevertheless. "Will I ever do that again? Laugh?"
"Baby, we will get through this. We will do it the way you do everything. With grace and pride."
"How about with a little it of stubbornness?" I ask and we both chuckle a little. We lock the door and make our way to the pit. All of our friends are there, even Uriah. We walk over to them and sit down. They all stare at us with concerned eyes. "No, we will save the tears and questions for later. Lord knows that there will be plenty of that later." They all nod at me and continue to talk about the new leader. Apparently it was someone from Tris' initiate class, a guy named Peter. When everyone is done with breakfast, we all go our separate ways. Tris gives four a goodbye kiss as well as Christina and Marlene to their fiancé's. Marlene and Christina go to the fashion buildings of Dauntless as the rest of the guys go to the control room. The rest of us go to the offices, the elevator ride is long. We finally reach the 77th floor and the girls get out. Lane kisses Eric and I kiss Zeke and they are off, and so are we. The ambassador floor is really nice. It had the same view from my other office, but this one is bigger. The secondary ambassadors all have their own offices'. Tris' and Lane's are right next to mine, so we all go to the end of the hall. I have the corner office and it is huge, it's about the same size as two Dauntless leaders' offices. I unlock it and am immediately bombarded with boxes. I haven't really unpacked anything. I have a wall with a floor to ceiling bookshelves and a huge desk. I have a sitting area with two couches and a table. I have two chairs in front of my desk and I start to unpack. I put all of my files in alphabetical order and I organize all of my pictures. A lot of them are of my family and some with all of my friends. I am officially unpacked, and sit in my desk. I tap on my phone and call in my lower level ambassador, her name is Sarah. She was in the transfer group of my initiate class, I heard she was a bitch so I offered her a job. She rushes through my door in a panic.
"Hello Sarah." I said and signaled her to sit in the chair in front of my desk. "So, since I no longer have Penelope, you will have to learn everything I taught her. You will always follow me into my office in the morning and give me a status update on anything and everything in the factions. You will write everything down so you do not forget to tell me anything. If that happens a war will start do you want a war to start?" I ask and she shakes her head. "Good, third thing. You will notify me if someone is here to see me, you will make sure that they do not come in at any cost. Are we clear?" I ask and she nods her head. "The only people who are allowed to come in at any moment are the people on this list." I hand her the list and the names on it are; Eric, Lane, Tris, Four, Christina, Will, Uriah, Marlene, Zeke and Mark. "If they are not on that list, they do not come in without notification. Everything will be prepared when I walk in, which can be at any time I deem acceptable. One day it could be six and another, it will be twelve. All of the calls go through you. I always have my Bluetooth with me. If it is a leader, you patch them through immediately and if it is something urgent, if it is not either of those two, you will notify me." She is still nodding her head and taking notes. "And lastly, I am pregnant, so if I need something, you get it for me. No questions asked. You may go." She stands up and walks towards my door. "And Sarah…"
"Yes D…"
"You can ask me."
"Are you okay?"
"No, but I will be. Thank you." She nods and walks back to her desk. I look out at my view and Lucas would've loved it. The phone rings and I answer it.
"Yes Sarah?"
"It's the infirmary." She says.
"Patch them through." And she does. "This is D."
"Hello D. I'm just confirming that you are picking up the ashes today?"
"Yes Frank. I am picking up the ashes of my seven year old today. Thank you but I'm busy." I say and hang up the phone. I stand up and walk out of my office. I grab my bag and my Bluetooth. When I walk out Sarah sands up. "I have my Bluetooth. If it't not urgent take a message." She nods and I walk to Lane's office. "Let's go. Bring your phone if they need to reach you. Bring your stuff, we're not coming back." I tell Tris the same thing. We walk to the elevator and I press the 78th button. We go up and once I step out of the elevator, the room goes silent. I think Zeke, Eric, Mark and Ava saw me because they followed me. I walk to the office and there is a guy sitting in the desk who I assume is Peter.
"Hello." He says nervously. "What did I do?"
"Do you know who I am?"
"You're D. I'm sorry for your loss."
"If you who I am, you know who sat in that desk before you. My sister, Chelsea. If you are anything like her, I will cripple you too. I have a feeling that you two are a like. Not in the fact that you are a murderous bitch, but your punishment will be the same as hers if I find that you are doing your job wrong."
"I wouldn't be to sure about not being a murderous bitch." Tris says.
"Well, nevertheless, this is your one and only warning Peter. I learned my lesson once when I lost my son, I will not suffer the same consequences. Are we clear?" He nods quickly. "Good. Everyone get your stuff, we're doing something. Ava, stay here and keep an eye on him." She nods and I walk to the elevator.
Once the doors open the guys join us. I press the 53rd button and they understand where I am going, the infirmary. Once the doors open, we walk out and over to the front desk. When we are there, I see the nurse I blew up at on the phone. When she sees me, she quickly hangs up and looks at me.
"Hello again. I'm sorry for yelling at you the last time we met." I say sincerely.
"It's okay. I know why you're here. Go back to the elevator and go a level down. From there it's the fifth door from the left."
"Thank you."
"I'm so sorry."
"Thank you." I say as I hold back my tears and walk back to the elevator. "Why don't you guys go back to our apartment and wait for us there. Tell the guys in the control room I got some ambassadors to cover their shift."
"Okay D. Whatever you need, we're here." Lane says. I nod and once we get to the floor, Zeke and I get out. The doors close and we hold hands as we walk. We get to the door and I see the urn I picked out. It was black with a silver stripe. Zeke talks to the person, but all I can do is stare at the urn. The person finally gives it to me and I hug it, I don't care if look odd, it is one of the last times I will ever hold my son. Zeke hugs me as I let a tear slip. He leads me out of the room and to the elevator. From there, we walk to the apartment. It is one of the very few times we will walk as a family; Zeke, Lucas, unborn baby and I. I walk inside and everyone is just sitting in silence, something they rarely ever do. I notice that my brother isn't there, without saying a word I leave the apartment and I walk to his. I knock on the door three times. He finally opens and with just one look in my eyes, he pulls me into a hug. We walk back to my apartment and they all popped in a movie and were all gathered in the family room. Mark and I just wait in the kitchen. I told everyone six 'o' clock at the chasm, it's only three.
"how are you?" My brother asked breaking the silence. "Really?"
"How am I?" I ask beginning to cry. "I'm not okay. Everything hurts but at the same time I feel numb. I crawl in his bed and hug his sheets because it still smells like him. Everyone I ever loved leaves me or dies. He was seven. He was only seven years old!" I yell and there was no sound in the apartment. "Every time he laughed or smiled, I took it for granted. I didn't appreciate as much as I should have. Now I'll never see him again. He wont say anything else or cry every again. He wont ever jump on that damn train every again. He won't be able to chose at the choosing ceremony. He wont get to find his soul mate or ever get his heart broken,"
"I know how you feel." He says as he tries to hug me but I slap his hand
"No you don't! You have never felt this pain before. You have never had a child and I pray to God that you wont ever have to go through this. I hope you don't have to throw your child's ashes into the chasm and make that fucking speech in the pit about a seven year old that will never live again. I pray to God that you will never have to go through this pain. I wouldn't wish it for anyone, not even his killer." He finally pulls me into a hug and I just cry. I can't stop, this pain feels like it is never going to go away. He pulls me into a hug and then I feel Zeke's hands around me. I can't do this anymore, it hurts too much. To fell anything, it hurts. I can feel Zeke lie me down on my bed and I just cry. I know that they're all out there just waiting for me, but then I hear sobs from them too. I get up and walk out and the first person I see crying is Eric. I walk to him and hug him, even though he only got to know him for a few weeks, he loved him, they all did. Everyone was crying; Uriah, Marlene, Christina, Will, Tris, Four, Lane and Mark. They all cried for my little boy. My poor sweet innocent little boy. When I looked at the clock again, it was 5:49 PM. We have to go.
"Alright, let's go." I say, I grab the Urn and we walk to the chasm. A lot of people have gathered there. I look around and I see some his friends, I see Anova balling her eyes out and I see some other faction colors. Apparently, he didn't only make friends with Dauntless born. I saw Hannah, Zeke and Uriah's mom, she loved Lucas so much. The walkway was clear, I think it was meant for me and Zeke. Zeke and I walk out and I check my watch. 6:00 on the dot.
"I want to thank everyone for coming. I know Lucas touched a lot of hearts. As my friend Veronica Roth once said "I suppose a fire that bright is not meant to last."" Zeke started. He turned to me, knowing best for my impromptu speeches.
"This is the last time. The last time I will walk with my son and my husband. It is the last time I will see him, the last time I will hold him. It is the last time for all of you. The last time for you to say you're goodbyes. The last time Lucas will be among us. We may pass by here and think of him and for that brief moment, we will feel the sadness we feel today, but then we will move on. Say your last goodbye to Lucas Pendrad. A friend, a nephew, a brother and a son." After I am done crying, I threw his ashes into the chasm and I swear I could feel his spirit life up I feel a sense of relief, but at the same time sadness. I lost him, he's gone. People started to chant his name and I couldn't handle it. I cried on Zeke's shoulder as he lead us to the pit.
"My son Lucas, would've been an amazing person if he had lived. My wife is the one to give speeches, but it's my turn. It's my turn to say goodbye to my son. For you all who knew him, and for those of you who didn't get the chance, drink in honor of Lucas, the pure."
Zeke's speech was short and wonderful. People began to chant his name again, but this time, I cried on Mark's shoulder. After I ate, I got up and started towards the door, Zeke pulled me back.
"Babe, I just want to go home." I say.
"We need to meet someone." He says. He pulls me to where Mark was standing with a white girl with blonde hair, she was pretty. "Honey, this is Jamie, Mark's girlfriend."
"Nice to meet you, I'm sorry if I'm not that presentable."
"Don't worry." Jamie said "I wouldn't be either if I was in your shoes. I just want to offer my condolences. I only Lucas once, but I could tell he would've been great."
"Thank you." I said, I shook her hand and Zeke took me home. We went straight to bed. We cried at least an hour before we both fell asleep. I hope this pain goes away soon. Lucas may be gone, but I can feel him somehow. Zeke and I are broken, but we are rebuilding our lives one stone at a time.