Chapter 25: The Heart Won't Lie

It was already late when the Bellas decided to call it a night. They laid down in the decided pairs on the new made beds. Beca hadn't said anything to anyone when she had returned from practice. Now she laid down, her back turned to Chloe and she didn't wish her or anyone goodnight like she always did. Chloe stared at her bare neck as she had put her hair up in a bun with a band she had had on her wrist. She sighed and didn't know what she had to do. Should she try and talk to her or should she let her sleep and wait until tomorrow?

Wake her and she'll hate you the voice in her head said. Everyone does already another voice said. Stop, please stop, not now she thought. Why should we stop? the voice continued. Why should we stop when such a worthless piece of shit is talking to us? She closed her eyes and tried to focus her thought on something happy. She thought how she and Beca had studied one afternoon. Well, she had been studying, Beca was working with her headphones on on her laptop.

She opened her eyes. We're still here she heard. You'll never get rid of us. Why are you so worthless? Why are you still here? She put her hands over her ears, but suddenly she heard Beca's voice.

"Chloe?" Beca was laying with her face towards her. "Why are you here?"

"Beca what do you mean? There is something wrong with me I-..."

Don't tell her you worthless piece of trash.

"I asked you a question, Chloe."

You're just a waste of air.

Chloe hesitated and didn't answer.

She will never love you.

"Why are you here Chloe?" Beca sounded angry now.

She hates you.

"I ASKED WHY ARE YOU HERE? YOU RUINED MY LIFE CHLOE."

She's gonna kill you.

"WHY DIDN'T YOU DIE LIKE THE REST OF THEM?"

She jumped up and shot towards Chloe, her mouth opening was far larger than was natural for a human being, covering her whole face.

"WHY DON'T YOU DIE?" she yelled as the opening of her mouth surrounded her face and Beca swallowed her head. She felt Beca's teeth scratch the top of her head and her cheeks as she had her whole head inside her mouth. There was a loud beep in her head. She heard her skull crack as Beca chewed on her with her jaws. She felt her eyes pop out of her sockets as Beca crushed her skull. She choked on the blood coming out of her head filling her mouth. She wanted to scream, but there was no sound coming out of her.

Then, nothing but black. The beep had stopped and she didn't saw anything. Her head felt like it had just exploded. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. one deep voice kept repeating after the beep had stopped. You should have died Chloe. she heard Beca's voice again, coming from somewhere distant. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. the deep voice continued. I'm happy you died. she heard Aubrey's voice talk to her, coming from the same distance as Beca's voice, but from another direction. Darkness. I wish you had died sooner. A white light. She saw a light in the distance. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. The light was coming closer as she kept staring at it. It was coming closer and closer as the voices of Aubrey and Beca kept saying things to her which she couldn't comprehend. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. The voices went louder as the light came closer and closer, faster and faster. Chloe wanted to run away as the light was approaching her incredibly fast and with a ear piercing noise, but she couldn't escape. She heard a cry of which she wasn't sure it was hers when the light struck her and she was blown away.

Chloe shot up, panting and covered with sweat. She looked around her to look where she was. What happened to me? she thought. She shivered and stood up quickly. Beca was laying in the same position she was as when they went asleep. You should have died. she heard Beca's voice again. She ran away from the camp until she wasn't able to see the fire anymore. She ran to the river, dropped to her knees and threw up. I'm going to kill you. She heard Stacie's voice behind her. There was no one there however. She threw up again. I'm gonna kill you the same voice sang mockingly to her. She threw her body forwards so she fell into the water and stuck her head below the surface, trying to drown out the voices. Laughter. There was laughter everywhere. Her lungs screamed for air but she only put her head deeper in the water, somewhat mumbling the sound in her head. The laughter still continued mocking her. Her lungs were burning. Her mouth was filled with water as her body gasped for air. She choked on it and tried to breath but there still was water everywhere. Laughter sounded louder again. Her consciousness was fading. But then she felt someone grabbing her shoulders and pulling her out of the water. She was released and she fell with a thud on the stones, facing upwards. She coughed and choked on the water she had swallowed.

"What the fuck Chloe?!" Stacie angrily said.

Chloe still coughed, but managed to speak. "Keep it down!" she whispered.

"What the fuck were you doing?"

"I didn't feel well and I felt like I had to throw up, but I didn't want to wake the others."

"Really?! Is that why you tried to drown yourself?!"

"Stacie it was nothing like that!"

"What was it like then?" she asked angrily.

Chloe didn't respond and thought for a moment.

"You're hearing them again, aren't you?" Stacie asked, now sounding more concerned. "The voices."

Chloe shrugged and looked at the ground. Her hand fumbled with the buttons on her plaid blouse.

"Chloe, we talked about this!"

She still didn't respond. Stacie grabbed her wrist. Chloe looked at her with eyes wide and tears welling up.

"Let me go." her voice was shaky.

When Stacie saw the fear in her eyes and noticed her trembling body she pulled the still soaked girl in her arms and hugged her.

"I'm so sorry." Stacie whispered in her ear as she stroked her hair. "I'm so sorry for everything that's happening to you."

A while later, they were laying on their beds again. She had still convinced Stacie not to tell the others, as they had other stuff to worry about. And of course she had to promise her that she would go to her when she heard them again or had a nightmare. The last thing was an easy thing to promise as she barely slept. She didn't actually sleep at all. This is insomnia, she thought. All night your thoughts are on the air. All night long are you thinking, am I asleep? Have I slept? Is this a dream? The edge between being asleep and being away turns into a dark grey area of not being fully aware of everything happening around you. You see dark shadows moving in the corners of your eyes. You hear footsteps behind you, formed miraculously by the wind. "I thought you were dead." Beca had said one morning when she opened her eyes. "Yes," she had replied, "me too."

She opened her eyes when she felt someone tugging on her shoulder. She groaned as she got up.

"What's wrong?"

Aubrey was sitting on her knees next to her.

"Can we talk?"

"So, what's it you wanted to talk about?"

Chloe and Aubrey had walked away from the Cave, into the forest until the Cave wasn't visible anymore. Not too far away, because in the dark they would never be able to find the way back on their own. They'd made sure that no-one was able to hear them, due to the way Aubrey had asked Chloe to come with her. It was something serious, what she wanted to discuss, but Chloe had no clue what it was about.

When they were in their desired place, a open place with a few trees surrounding them. Chloe sat down onto a big stone. Aubrey lowered herself on the soft grass instead of sitting next to her. She wanted to look Chloe in the eyes when she talked to her.

Here goes nothing.

"Chlo' how did you… I mean… Have you ever wondered…"

She just couldn't do it. She couldn't face the fact that after this, everything between her and Chloe would change. It was not that it would change her and Chloe's lives in a bad way. Probably their friendship would even grow stronger, if that even were possible. But telling what was on her mind, was like signing a contract that she was really thinking that. There would be no turning back after that, even if she changed her mind. But she couldn't back out now.

"How did you know that you were a lesbian?"

Chloe's mind was blown. She felt like she was slapped in the face by surprise. It really sounded like an innocent question, but Chloe knew better. She knew that this wasn't a question. This was a confession, wrapped in a question, she had done the same thing with Aubrey when she had come out.

"What would you do when one of your best friends came out?"

It was just a normal Friday night and Chloe had invited Aubrey over to watch a movie together. Eventually, they wouldn't watch the movie because they didn't feel like it and they would lie on Chloe's bed, just talking and staring at the ceiling, or painting their toenails, like Aubrey was doing that specific Friday night. Chloe was just laying on bed, looking at the ceiling, avoiding Aubrey's eyes when she asked.

The tiny pencil with red nail polish was for a brief moment stuck to one of the toes as Aubrey froze when she asked. Then, she looked up, towards the wall on the other side of the room, but not moving the little pencil. She took a few seconds to think about her answer. This made Chloe somewhat nervous. Why couldn't she answer like it was a normal question?

Aubrey knew this was a confession. First, she never thought of Chloe as a lesbian, but the last 6 months, she had suspected things. Chloe would talk about gays or lesbians who'd come out at Barden and more than once she said how cute a specific girl looked when she saw one. But Aubrey never dared to ask Chloe. What if she was gay? What if she actually said yes, what was she supposed to do? Aubrey was raised a strict catholic and she'd always heard from her dad and from the pastor that being gay was a sin. Once a month on Sunday, they would pray in Church that all the gays would be cured from their disease. She did believe in the word of God, but she, even when she were little, couldn't imagine God hating someone. God loved all people; the gays, the infidels, the Muslims and the trans genders. Everyone her church and above all her father warned her for.

So she answered, knowing that if she would ask Chloe directly now, she would scare her away. She would play along.

"I don't know, I'd be okay with it. It's not really a big deal or something."

After that, just as she expected, the story came, Chloe's story, about her feelings she hid for everyone, afraid that they'd push her away. That she was afraid that everyone would hate her. That she would be evicted from the Bellas. It was a downpour of words and eventually tears.

Aubrey had put the nail polish away and pulled Chloe into a hug.

"Even if you wanted to, I'll never leave you. You'll never get rid of me."

She had only come out to her, not to anybody else. She wanted to wait to tell her parents or her friends. Aubrey was totally fine with that and they had only grown closer to each other. She wasn't telling the old Bellas from back then. Being gay was so not accepted in their little feminine group. They both remembered how one girl with an amazing voice wasn't accepted into the Bellas when the former team captains found out she had a girlfriend. So she had decided to keep it between them for now. Chloe never really thought Aubrey as a lesbian, but, to be honest, she didn't really think of Aubrey to be able to have a relationship at all.

"I knew since I first kissed a girl." she answered

Aubrey looked to the ground, afraid her face would show what she really meant, but it was already too late.

"But I know that look. That's not what this is about, is it?"

The silence was thick and uncomfortable. Aubrey didn't say a word, knowing that if she did that she would break down in tears. Chloe stood up from the rock she was sitting on and sat down on her knees in front of Aubrey, mere inches away from her. She wanted to see her, but the forest was almost pitch black. Aubrey looked pretty today. She always did actually. Especially when she was fully prepared for ICCA's finals, with makeup and her hair tightly bound back. But she liked her most, when she was about to fall asleep after a late sleepover, hair messy, without makeup and that faint but satisfied smile on her face.

"Are you- Do you think you are gay?"

She spoke each word with caution, like they were about to break when they were spoken too loud.

"I'm not gay," Aubrey whispered, barely able to catch her breath.

"Aubrey, I don't mind, you should know that."

"I don't either, I'm just not gay. Don't you even dare to suggest it." Aubrey stood up and moved away from Chloe, turning her back towards her. "Imagine what my parents would say. My father would disown me, which is probably the best thing that could happen. But this is irrelevant because I'm not gay."

Considerations were running through her head.

"Bree, talk to me."

"I just told you."

"No, would you truly talk to me."

Chloe now appeared to be right behind her. Aubrey let out a sob, before taking a deep breath.

"I don't know. Honestly, I don't know, I'm so confused right now."

"Hey come here," she pulled Aubrey close. "There's nothing to be ashamed of."

"I actually feel something for someone, and I just don't know how to deal with it. I just don't want to go to her and confess my feelings, before actually knowing if I'm really gay or not."

Chloe pulled her into another bear hug.

"Who is it? Wait, if you don't want to tell me, that's okay, but the most important thing now is, how do you want to find out?"

"I don't know, that's why I asked you."

"Are you planning on kissing someone?"

"Maybe."

"But we need to find a suitable person for you, for your first girl kiss. But it has to be someone who doesn't tell the whole school about it. Preferably someone you know, so you could explain them. Well I think she has to be gay as well, because otherwise it would be weird."

Aubrey looked into her eyes.

"Someone who you can trust."

They still looked at each other, their eyes wandering over the other's face.

"Someone who knows you."

But Aubrey's eyes always returned to the amazingly deep blue eyes in front of her.

"Someone who will love you no matter what happens."

How could eyes be so impossibly blue?

"Someone who…"

Chloe was cut off as Aubrey leaned in and kissed her gently on her lips. She didn't know what she was doing. She didn't think. She just let it happen. Chloe let out a sigh when she felt Aubrey deepening the kiss and moved her hand to cup her cheek. She placed her hand on the back of her head and caressed the blond hair she had braided so many times. She pulled her even closer, their bodies touching. She felt how Aubrey smiled into the kiss and kissed her again.

She pulled away when she saw something starting to glow behind her eyelids. When they both looked around them, they saw thousands, maybe millions of fireflies around them, lighting up the forest. Chloe grabbed Aubrey's hands as she looked around her. She didn't notice the only thing Aubrey had eyes for, was for her. She had a green glow spread over her face. There were a few small scratches on her face and a small cut on her left cheek. Dark bags were visible below her wandering eyes. There was beauty in every single flaw.

"Isn't it beautiful?"

"Yes, it is." Aubrey answered, not taking her eyes of her.

Chloe smiled widely as she looked around her in excitement. She turned to Aubrey again.

"Merry Christmas, Aubrey."

"Merry Christmas, Little Flame."

A/N Merry Christmas everyone! Thank you for reading and supporting me and this story!

~April