Chapter 25

Broken

Edward

It had only been six weeks, but it still feels like everything happened yesterday. The memories still fresh in my head.

Henry had asked me once, on our second or third meeting, if I had been mad at Billy for trying to kill my little girl. The answer not only surprised him, but me as well.

"I heard that you and Billy had been friends, almost thirteen years ago." Henry said, as I took a seat across from him.

"We were," I nodded. "We've known each other since elementary school—almost forty years now."

"How long had you two been friends?"

"Thirty-nine years." I answered. "We were best friends. Hell, we even went to college together, and got married within months of each other, both of us in each one. We worked in the same city, living within a few miles of each other, in Chicago. A few months after his youngest, Jacob, was born, and just three weeks after Renesmee, Bella and I moved to Seattle to start our residency at Swedish, which at the time, had just opened up. Five years later, we found out that Billy and Sarah had moved to Seattle, and we came out to visit them. The kids hit it off pretty well, and we were all happy to see each other." I smiled slightly at the memories, thinking of the great times I had had with Billy.

"I understand that the friendship had unofficially ended, almost thirteen years ago?"

I nodded.

"Why?"

"Two weeks after they moved to Seattle, Sarah and Jacob were part of a horrible three-car pileup, caused by someone who had been driving drunk, who had also died hours later. The people that came in that day were so banged up that they were labeled as 'Jane Does' and 'John Does', until we could get someone to name them. My attending, Dr. Hunt, and I were put on Sarah's case, and at first, I didn't recognize her. She had put her head through the windshield, and suffered major brain damage. She went under cardiac arrest twice, before slipping into a coma. Dr. Hunt had pronounced her brain dead and we had to unplug her."

"How did you find out it was Sarah?"

"After surgery, when we were hooking her up to life support. I had a nurse call Billy, and went to find Bella. She was looking for a mother who was also in the car accident, who was missing her five-year old son. That's when she found out that the little boy was Jacob."

"How did Billy react?"

"He was beyond upset. His oldest were as well. We all were, really. Bella lost her best friend that day, and to extent, I did as well. Billy sued for medical malpractice, thinking that myself or Dr. Hunt hadn't done everything we could have. The case didn't make it to court, and that's when he cutoff contact with us. I didn't see him until he pointed a gun at me."

"Now, I also understand that his son, Jacob, and your daughter are dating, yes?"

I smiled. "Yes, they are. Jacob's a good young man. I wouldn't be surprised if he became my son-in-law in five or so years."

"I understand that Jacob and Renesmee went to the homecoming dance together, yes?"

I nodded.

"You didn't think that anything was going to happen?"

"I didn't have reason too."

"At 10:30 that night, you and your wife got paged to the hospital, correct?"

I looked down. "Yes."

"Why?"

I furrowed my brows, "Renesmee had been shot."

"What was your reaction?" Henry sat up. "How did you feel when you saw her?"

"I have seen GSWs like hers before. She had been shot in the abdomen, and if you looked in the wound, you could see how bad the damage was. Her stomach was shredded, her pancreas was the same. The people I've seen with those wounds always died, no matter how hard we tried to keep them here."

"That didn't answer my question, Dr. Cullen," Henry said. "How did you feel? What were your thoughts?"

"I didn't think she was going to live through the next few hours." I said quietly.

"Do you know who shot her?"

I nodded, "Billy."

"When you found out, how did you react?"

"At first, I was angry," I said. "Then, I was surprised. I had assumed that some kid had brought in a gun to the dance, but it turned out that my best friend had. I didn't really know what to think. I wasn't angry, really. Just confused. I didn't know why he would."

"Dr. Cullen,"

"Please, call me Edward,"

"Edward, then," Henry nodded. "You weren't angry?"

"I guess I wasn't." I said, surprised. "I think that after Sarah died, the shock of it was too much for him to handle, and he basically checked out of reality. He wasn't the same man that night, as he was thirteen years ago. He was still a good man, though. You could tell, just by looking in his eyes. That day for him was just a mistake."

"How did you feel when he held the gun at you, aiming at your chest?"

"I felt the same." I said. "I tried to talk him out of shooting me. I told him that I was only human, and like all humans, I am flawed. I told him that today had been a mistake for him, and that he still was a good man. And for a few seconds, I thought I was in the clear. Then, Dr. Kepner ran onto the catwalk, and didn't see him. She yelled for me, I turned to her, and turned back, when Billy shot me." I finished quietly.

"Mr. Black committed suicide, about an hour or so after shooting you. How do you feel about this?"

"It hurts." I admitted. "In reality, I had lost him years ago. But now, I've literally lost my best friend. I understand why he did it, but at the same time, I don't. He took the coward's way out. I believe that he should have taken responsibility for killing all of those doctors, and for trying to kill my daughter and myself, instead of shooting himself. But, at the same time, I miss him. He was my closest friend."

I find myself here, almost seven weeks later, in the same position. I was thankful that my daughter was okay, that she would be okay. I was thankful for my own life—but I still wish that Billy hadn't taken his. He had been my friend, even if he had decided that I was no longer his.

"Edward," Bella brought me out of my thoughts. I turned my head, and looked at her.

"Yes?"

"Can you please help me?" She crossed her arms.

"Yeah, of course." I got up from the couch, and rubbed my hand together. "What do you need help with?"

"Everything!" Bella raised her hands, and walked down into the kitchen. I followed.

"Renesmee's coming home tomorrow, and I want the house clean." She started scrubbing down an already clean counter.

There were only a few times when Bella felt the need to clean the house when it was already clean. Once, in the week before she told me that she was pregnant, in the days leading up to Renesmee was born…during the race for chief resident, she cleaned anything she got her hands on, no matter how clean it was.

Something was up.

"Bella, love," I asked, walking up to her. "are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Bella said, still facing away from me. "why wouldn't I be?"

"The house is completely clean."

"No, it isn't." Bella said stubbornly.

"Bella, there's something you're not telling me."

"Are you calling me a liar?" Bella turned, and crossed her arms.

"I'm not calling you anything," I said. "I just know that when something's wrong, you become extremely OCD."

"There's nothing wrong," Bella said. "I'm fine. You're fine. Nessie's fine. We're all fine."

"Really?" I asked. "Because a lot of things happened that we never talked about."

"Because we don't need to." Bella turned back to the counter, and started scrubbing.

"Bella, we need to talk." I crossed my arms, and rested against the counter top.

"No, we don't."

"Now, Bella." I took the cloth out of her hand, and turned her, so that she was facing me. "A lot of things happened after Nessie's surgery that we need to talk about."

"I do not need to talk about the miscarriage, Edward. It's done. It's over. I'm fine. There's nothing to discuss."

"Really, Bella?" I asked. "Because you've been scrubbing this house spotless and working hours on end for the last six weeks. You've been avoiding me ever since you told me. We need to talk."

"Edward, I'm fine!" Bella yelled.

"No, Bella, you aren't!"

"Well, what about you?" Bella asked. "You got shot Edward, and you don't seem to be talking about it!"

"I've dealt with it," I said. "and this has nothing to do with me."

"You never told me about it."

"Because you're never home!" I growled, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"Maybe because I'm trying to get that asshole to clear me!"

"Then stop pretending like everything's fine!" I yelled.

"Why?" Bella asked. "He's clearing everyone else, who is just as fine as I am."

"You need to stop worrying..."

"Just leave it alone, Edward," Bella said. "you spent one night in jail over driving too fast. Leave it alone."

"That was five weeks ago!" I said. "You need to let it go, stop worrying about everything."

"Don't worry about it?" Bella asked, tears forming at her eyes. "All I do is worry! I'm worried that one day, I'm going to get a phone call, saying that you've wrapped yourself around a tree, or I'm going to wake up from this dream, and find both you and Renesmee dead. That's why I left you in jail, so that for one moment, I could know that you were safe. So that I would have one less thing to worry about."

"You want Henry to clear you?" I asked. "You need to stop pretending, and tell him everything you just told me. You need to talk about what happened, instead of saying that you're fine. Because you aren't."

I left the kitchen, and headed into our room. I slammed the door behind me, and slid down, sitting on the ground, resting my back against the door. I rested my elbows on my knees, and placed my head in my hands.

I lifted my head, and wiped a hand across my face. I got up, and looked around the room. Bella and I had never had a fight this bad. We should be happy. Nessie's alright, and coming back home tomorrow. And yet, we stand here and fight.

I spotted an old scrapbook on Bella's nightstand. I take a closer look at its opened page. Pictures of our wedding fill the page. I'd never forget how beautiful Bella looked that day. I smiled to myself, taking the book in my hands. Pictures of Billy and Sarah's wedding filled next pages. I study each picture, trying to think of why Billy would think I would try to kill his wife, my friend. We had been such good friends. Where did it all go wrong?

The next pages held pictures of Bella, while she was pregnant. After Renesmee's birth, we never really discussed having another child. We were busy enough as it was, and Renesmee wasn't even planned. We just thought that if she ever got pregnant again, then we would have another baby. But it never happened, until now. Then we lost him, before I even knew she had been pregnant. I was heartbroken to hear that she was pregnant and had a miscarriage. What father wouldn't? I never really thought of it, but I did want another. I loved being able to watch Bella grow, and know that it was my child she held.

We had all been so happy. Even losing a best friend didn't change that. We just needed to push through the pain, until we've healed ourselves from the shock.

I walked out of the room, and find Bella in crumpled disarray. Her hands were buried in her hands. I sat down next to her, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"Nobody said it would this hard," She said, lifting her head up. She wiped her face.

"Nobody said it was going to be easy." I whisper.

"But it shouldn't have to be this hard." Bella sobbed. "Renesmee's okay. She survived something she should have died from. You survived. You're alive. I still have my family. I should be happy, right?" Bella started to cry again.

"Life goes on, right? Life moves on. I shouldn't be crying anymore. I shouldn't be scared, and I shouldn't be worrying. So why am I?"

I took her face in my hands; her eyes searched my face.

"I love you so much."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Bella asked.

I stood up, and turned on the radio.

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry. You don't know how lovely you are. I had to find you, tell you I need you. Tell you I set you apart.

I took Bella's hand, and stood her up.

"I don't…" She started, shaking her head.

"Bella," I smiled. "shut up."

I wrapped my other arm around her waist, and lead her in a small dance. We danced in small circles, staying in the same spot.

Nobody said it was easy. It's such a shame for us to part. Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be this hard. Oh, take me back to the start.

I was just guessing at numbers and figures, pulling your puzzles apart. Questions of science; science and progress. Do not speak as loud as my heart.

Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me. Oh, and I rush back to the start. Running in circles, chasing our tails, coming back as we are…

Bella rested her head on my shoulder.

"I was four weeks late," Bella said delicately. "I took a pregnancy test that morning, and it came out positive. I couldn't believe that I was pregnant. I mean, here I am, forty-five years old. I shouldn't be able to get pregnant at my age. But I was so happy. I couldn't wait to tell you and Renesmee. With everything going on already, I decided to wait, and tell you two the next day. But then Renesmee came in with a gunshot to her stomach, and then you got shot…" Bella's voice quavered, but she continued.

"After I found out that you were going to be okay, I walked back into the scrub room, and told Anya that we were going to visit Jacob. That's when I lost him," Bella finished quietly. She buried her head in my shoulder.

"I just don't understand why the universe would decide to let us have a baby one last time, but then take him away. I mean, what's the point? Did I do something wrong? If I hadn't put myself in front of the gun, would I still be pregnant? Or would you be dead?"

"You didn't do anything wrong, Bella." I whispered into her hair.

"Then why does it feel like I did?" She sobbed. She lifted her head, and looked into my eyes.

"Why does it feel like I did something wrong?"

Instead of answering her, I gave her a kiss. She was surprised at first, but soon, her mouth melted into mine.

"We're going to be okay," I said, just as the song ended. "You and I?" I looked into Bella's tear-stained face. I wiped away some at the corner of her eye with my thumb.

"We're a team. We're going to pull through this. We will be okay,"

"Okay," Bella placed her head back on my shoulder. "Okay."