Summary
: Having rounded up all the most heinous criminals in New York, Bobby Goren was bored and so decided to tackle a fan fiction challenge issued by Apocrypha, the law & order zine. The challenge was to fashion a short story lacking the letter e. (Au note: The letter e is by all accounts the most common letter in the English language.) Dissatisfied with his efforts and not wanting his colleagues to find his submission, Bobby burned it. However his secretary secretly rescued the cover letter from his wastepaper basket and posted it in the ladies' room.This experience only proves that after 2000 words the author is scraping the bottom of the barrel as it were, for ideas.
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NYPD
Major Cas* Squad
On* Polic* Plaza, 11th Floor
N*w York, N*w York
March 27, 2003
Sir or Madam,
In trying to avoid a particular non-consonant that is not a, i, o or u, I had a plan but it was sadly shot to h*ll prior to its actual initiation. I loath admitting this but
Though my mind is a chaotic mosaic
Of idioms familiar and archaic
I don't harbor an ability
In my linguistic agility
To confound you by writing Aramaic.
Should I scrawl in Palaic
That would look damn prosaic
And though its words sound idyllic
I lack skill with Cyrillic
Too bad calculus is so formulaic.
If only I was with SVU or my papa was a Munch, I might try a submission anyway.
Yours truly,
Bobby Gor*n
BG/daf9