Hi, so here is another chapter again this is massive one and I tried to keep it in Maya's character. There are six more chapters in the Season 14 arc so therefore there is always more to come. Coming of the back of this chapter is another one as well so I hope you all enjoy that one as well as this.

Also on a side note-while i love Teddy i didn't like her in this episode nor did I like the way she Megan and Evelyn went after Amelia. So keep that in mind when reading this and the next chapter.

Disclaimer-Nothing is mine just Maya.

Please Read and Review.

As always with this story there are some trigger warnings for eating disorders.

Weight Of What Was

Chapter 25-Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.

The first of Season 14 and the final arc of this story. Megan Hunt returns, Teddy Altman is hot on her heels. Meredith finds herself the doctor of her boyfriends old lost and battered love, Owen is in pieces, Amelia feels out of place, Nathan is trying to find his daughter, Maya is in a daze and Megan has a secret that could change everything.

Episodes Covered-14x01

Now the day bleeds, into nightfall. And your not here, to get me through it all. I let my guard down. And then you pulled the rug. I was getting kinda use to be someone you loved (Lewis Capaldi-Someone You Loved)

Maya's first instinct was to lock herself in the bathroom and throw up. She didn't get a chance however. Meredith had jumped in a cab and had somehow managed to make it to her apartment before she had finished the four eggs she had made in some kind of daze. Meredith had swept into the room with the key that Maya hadn't realised that she had and had turned off the eggs on the stove threw them in the bin and then had pulled Maya to the couch and wrapped both arms around her until the groaning noise that Maya hadn't been able to realise was her had subsided.

"It's ok sweetheart. It's ok" Meredith had crooned as if she was as young as Ellis and Maya had been Meredith's daughter. "It's ok, I promise you it's all going to be ok"

But it wasn't was it? Because her mother was alive.

There had been times when Maya would have walked on nails for this. This opportunity, the chance to see her mother for one more time…now of course…now….now she wanted nothing to do with her.

Therapy and rehab had taught her that carrying that secret around had been like a cancerous tumour that had been on her back since the very first day. She had buried her mother, had put the ghost of her to bed and had found a way, hard as it had been to move on. The fact that she had been denied that path at the very last minute made her want to scream. She had accepted Meredith, had grown to love Meredith, had wanted nothing more to do but to have some sort of friendship with Meredith and now Megan had come back.

And Maya wanted to die. Because she didn't want to feel like this anymore.

How long she stayed there in Meredith's arms she wasn't sure but she was aware that the sunlight was streaming in her eyes and she was on her couch sleeping wrapped under a blanket. She opened them and saw Meredith coffee in hand watching the news as if it was a normal morning.

"Meredith" she said simply and the older woman turned to her. Maya tried to speak but wasn't sure what it was that she could say something that would actually form words. There was a pause where she took it in and then she felt like burying her head into the pillow again.

"Is she coming" she said finally. It wasn't a question.

"Yes" Meredith said simply. "Owen texted me. Your mother is awake and alert and seems to have her faculty intact. There is some injuries but she seems to be ok for a medical transport and she will be flying in from Germany arriving this afternoon depending on how fast the flight are."

Maya nodded.

"Meredith" she said quietly. "I really want to be sick"

"I know" Meredith said simply "But Maya if you do that then all of your hard work goes down the drain. If you do this then…it means that all of those demons inside of your head have won. It means your mother has won"

Maya snorted.

"I wish she'd stayed dead" she muttered. If Meredith overheard her she did a damn good job of ignoring it of which Maya was eternally grateful for.

"What do you want to do now?"

Maya opened her mouth to say what came into her head but she realised nothing did. She didn't have a clue what to do next. It made her feel slightly sick.

"I don't want to see her" she said truthfully. "I don't know why but I don't want to see her. Not yet. Not until I've spoken to my father"

The not until I know where things lie between the two of them was left unspoken.

But it hovered there in the air.

Meredith however didn't say anything, she just nodded and sipped her coffee as if this happened every day.

Seeing Megan again was…jarring. Actually that was not the word but Nathan's head was mostly jumbled up in a mixture of panic and love and relief, a bone crushing relief that had knocked him almost to the side careening into the wall. He was so unsure of what he was feeling that he didn't want to acknowledge it. When the crash of emotion hit him he didn't want to be in public.

And then there was Maya. Megan after pointing out the gaping sepsis coated hole in her stomach had asked for their daughter. Nathan felt something horrible pool in his stomach and he was aware that both Owen and Amelia were looking at him with the same expressions. Megan had not picked up on the somewhat stilted silence but had in fact looked at him like he had Maya behind the door waiting to make her grand entrance.

"She's back in the States" he said finally. "She knows your alive but until I saw you I didn't want to bring her with me." that was the gist of it after all. Had he managed to see his daughter before he had ran for the airport thinking only of himself (which made the guilt in his stomach twinge again) then he would have thought that perhaps Maya deserved better but if he was being honest his daughter had worked so hard to overcome her past that he wasn't sure how to bring up the fact that her mother of whom a lot of this had stemmed from was alive and well and looking as if she didn't remember the past.

Nathan knew his daughter well. He would have to get to her before she got to her mother. A gaping wound in Meg's stomach was not going to stop Maya from speaking her mind.

And then there was Meredith.

"I need to talk to her first but I'm sure she's going to want to see you" he finished lamely and Owen sensing what was on his mind changed the topic to their mother and that distracted Megan for five minutes while he got a hold of himself. Amelia nodded towards the door and they both made their excuses under the guise of making sure the transport that would take Megan back from Germany was ready.

"Your going to have to tell her about the whole eating disorder thing. And Meredith you know" Amelia said leaning against the wall. "She's missed a lot, Maya's gonna go one of two ways with this and considering that all of Maya's control issues stem from her mother I don't think the lovely reunion is going to last all that long do you?"

Nathan knew she had a point but he didn't want to admit it.

"Maya can control her emotions you know. She's not gonna go into the room and have her first conversation with her mother since she was seven be full of violence and anger and pain"

"Yes" Amelia said her lip curling and her tone mocking as if Nathan had missed a point that was painfully obvious to all but the very stupid. "We all know how Maya responds to controlling her emotions don't we?"

Nathan could have shouted at her but before he could do anything the door opened and Owen stuck his head through the door looking at the two of them with an expression that Nathan took to understand that Owen knew exactly what they were talking about and wasn't impressed by it. Nathan understood his friend well, as far as he was concerned if Maya was going to upset Megan then Maya could stay away. Nathan couldn't hate him for it. He understood it well. For Owen his little sister was back and there was nothing more important than that. For him it was a completely different story and by far a messier one.

"She wants to see a picture of Maya."

Nathan nodded. That was simple enough to do.

"I'm going to speak to Maya and see how she wants to proceed. The bulimia is her business and under her control and I won't take that away from her. It's Maya's choice to tell Megan. As for Meredith, well…look Megan will understand that she's been as classified as good as dead for a long time but I won't tell her about Meredith until I know where the relationship stands ok?"

"Well hopefully she'll do it once we've gotten the hole in her stomach fixed" Owen said sardonically. Nathan was about to open his mouth and speak but Amelia cut across the two of them. "We don't have time for a domestic boys. Look Nathan go back in there and show Megan her daughter, Owen go and call your mother and make sure she meets us at the hospital—if John cannot give her a lift call Richard and see if an intern can because I don't think after receiving this news she should be driving. I will go and see if the transport is ready to take Megan back to the States"

Nathan nodded reaching again for his phone. The screenshot was Maya—a healthy looking Maya as well and carefully he didn't think about Meredith or the fact that deep down he knew that he didn't want to end his relationship, his first real one in a long time with the brilliant woman who had given him support in some of his darkest moments…the woman that he…

But no…he couldn't think about that right now.

Maya was sat in Amelia's Nuro room when the door opened. She knew who it was the second that she saw the door opened. Meredith knew she was here and nobody else but Meredith knew that she wanted to see only one person. Meredith would only send one person to her when she knew that she was in this mood.

"Mae" her Dad said sitting down next to her and using the old childhood nickname that had long since been reconciled to the past where happier times had been—or so Maya had thought. Now she didn't know what to think.

There was a moment where they sat there. Maya was watching the brain scans on the wall. Nobody had come in to turn them off and so she stared without seeing at the thing that made a person who they were and what they would become.

"She wants to see you" her Dad said finally. "I haven't told her that I know about the affair that she asked you to keep hidden. I haven't told her about the eating disorder. I haven't told her about Meredith. I thought you should be the one to tell her but I should tell you—she's—she's injured, she got caught in a blast and it's ripped a hole in her stomach and it's bad, it's an ugly scarred mess and I don't know what the hell we are going to do to fix it but Meredith's got something of a plan—"

"Wait—Meredith is the surgeon?" she interrupted and before she stop herself she was giggling at the irony. "Bet that's fun" she said trying to stop the bubbles of emotion that were rising up inside of her.

"Well…look I just want you to be prepared. Everyone is there. Teddy came back too—you remember Teddy from Germany Owen's friend the one who used to get you all that German chocolate?"

"Dad" Maya said still smiling though it felt like a grimace and there was no mirth whatsoever in it. "You do not want to talk to me about food right now"

"Oh…alright…look I know this a lot to take in, I know this puts you in a place you never thought you'd be again and I understand that I do but Maya…it's your mom and she's waiting to see you. So…can you just go in there and see her and let her see you in the flesh, she's in a lot of pain though she's hiding it right now—"

"Are you and her getting back together?" Maya cut across him feeling her teeth gnash together. She really didn't want to hear about Megan and her pain right now. She was too angry. Twice now she had built up a life of scraps and twice now Megan had come and destroyed in only now it was in the living flesh rather than in memory.

"Does she move in and we play at Happy Families again like we did last time?"

"Maya…we've…we've not talked about that so far. She knows things have changed for both of us. She knows…things aren't the same, for me, for you and for her. I don't expect her to suddenly declare her undying love for me and she doesn't expect the same for her. I love her, I probably always will but I don't know if I'm still IN love with her. If that makes sense"

And to Maya it did. It was the one thing in this fucked up situation that did make sense to her.

"No" she said finally. "I don't want to see her. If I see her I'll make myself sick afterwards. I don't want to see her. I don't want to here her excuses or how much she missed me or how much she loves me. If she loved me she wouldn't never have done what she did. I've worked to hard to go backwards. If I want to see her I will but right now I want to go and speak to my therapist"

Her Dad gave a long sigh and Maya knew what he was thinking. It wasn't the outcome he wanted that was for sure. But Maya knew that he was also thinking ahead, she was asking for help this time. And that had to be step forwards in the right direction for her.

"Ok. Would you…would you like me to get someone to drive you? Or I could of course?"

Maya shook her head closing her eyes. "Go back to Megan" she said standing up. "Go back and pay homage" she said bitterly. "I'll walk"

She looked at him then and pity took over. She bent down and hugged him. Her father really didn't deserve this. This had to be hard on him hard without her making it harder.

"I love you Dad"

"Love you to kiddo, so much. If you need a lift back to the hospital or to the house let me know ok?"

Maya nodded. She doubted she could speak anyway.

Meredith was rechecking some charts half listening to Amelia bitch about Jackson refusing to help with her surgery (she could understand both of their perspectives and she had to admit part of her thought that Amelia was right about pain destroying this kids life over the fact that the surgery would be a bit difficult for Jackson to do) when she turned and saw Maya leaning against the desk her eyes on what was left of the welcoming sign.

"Jesus. You nearly gave me a heart attack"

Maya grinned though it was a tad bitter. She smiled at Amelia and then folded her arms, so she was leaning against the desk.

"How was therapy?" Meredith asked delicately.

"It was therapy" Maya said finally. "Glad we had something to get into. She wants me to come back tomorrow. I'm going from weekly therapy to daily therapy so that's going to be great." She shook her head her hair falling over her shoulders.

"How is she?" she asked and there was no doubt that who she was talking about.

"Awake, alert, were going to see if we can fix the abscess with surgery, enough natural tissue and all that. She doesn't want a colostomy bag for the rest of her life. Have you…err…have you spoken to her? Because I think she has some stuff she wants to tell you"

Maya snorted. "I have several things that I want to say to her but I just had therapy to avoid it" she said bitterly. "I have to think of myself for once, my own health, mental and physical. I don't have time to think about the woman who set me on a path that led to all of this"

"Ouch" Amelia said sniggering. "Your about as lethal as I used to be. Coldness like that's only gonna drag you down. Anyone would think you'd have wanted her to stay dead"

Maya didn't say anything. She seemed to be thinking very hard about something. Amelia caught Meredith's eye and she shrugged.

There was another long pause and then someone else hit the table where they were standing.

"Meredith…Maya…"

Meredith knew that voice. She turned to see Teddy standing there. Her eyes were on Maya with something like surprise in them. Meredith supposed that since the last time Teddy had seen Maya and vice versa there had been many changes. Maya for the most part had her eyes closed for a second as if she was gripping what was left of her control and then she forced her eyes open and her body to turn around.

"Teddy"

"Maya…my God look at you, you've gotten so grown up. It's been what?"

"Ten years" Maya said flatly. "You took my Uncle's side remember?"

There was a very stilted pause. Amelia shot Meredith a look of glee that Meredith couldn't place but she had to admit it was nice watching Maya turn on that fabulously blank tone and stare on someone other than her.

"Yeah…listen…Meredith I need to talk to you and then if you want Maya I can take you to your mother, you know in case you don't know what room it is"

There was a quiet rebuke somewhere in there and Maya turned to stare at Teddy for a long second and then with a quiet politeness that was obviously forced there was no way that Teddy could avoid it. Meredith saw the blonde woman stiffen somewhat but confusion was still evident in her face. And that was when Meredith realised. Teddy didn't know, about the eating disorders and the affairs and the lies that had destroyed Maya's life. Teddy had absolutely no idea what was happening here and because of that Meredith felt compelled even to get in front of the situation before the pan of emotions inside Maya that had been slowly simmering away exploded all over them.

"You wanted to see me Teddy?"

Meredith had a very good idea what this was about and she was prepared to face it. Actually had it been someone she had known and loved she'd had probably done the same thing. Instead she bit her bottom lip and waited to hear out the coming storm that Teddy so clearly wanted to say and Meredith clearly had to listen to—she prayed both Amelia and Maya could keep their tempers to themselves. After all, it wasn't Teddy's fault she hadn't been forewarned about the shit she was stepping into.

"It's not appropriate for you to be Megan Hunt's surgeon while your sleeping with Nathan"

Amelia's head rose up but Meredith shot her hand out behind her and grabbed her wrist. The last thing anyone needed was the Shepherd temper right now. Maya didn't say anything but there was a smile playing on her mouth that Meredith couldn't understand. Then again teenagers were hard to understand and Maya had never been a particularly easy teenager to read.

"I mean the levels of inappropriateness…I thought he'd tell her but…you need to either tell her or get off her case because your compromised…"

"Don't talk to her that way"

That was Amelia at the same time that Maya asked…

"Does she even know?"

Teddy looked between the three of them and then answered Maya's question.

"No she doesn't."

"Then why the hell does it matter? What she doesn't know won't kill her. Hell nothing seems to kill her"

The bitterness was back. Teddy looked at Maya and then back at Meredith who tried to tell Teddy with a look that it was better to back off and leave it well enough alone. Teddy either didn't get it or didn't care because she ploughed on nonetheless.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Your mother is back and you don't seem to care. Go and see her, go and talk to her. You get how lucky you are right now don't you? You get how painful it is for her not to see you? You get how selfish it is for you hide away after having some kind of strop…"

But Teddy never got to finish that sentence and it wasn't because Amelia had shouted. "Listen here!"

It had been because Maya's had come back and she had smacked Teddy with all the strength she had.

The hallway went dead silent. But unlike the last time Maya did not shout, she did not scream or throw past accusations into Teddy's stunned and rapidly reddening face, she stared at her for a second looking more like a girl than she had ever done before and then when she spoke it was in a deadly whisper that spoke of such hurt it was hard to listen to. Amelia shot Meredith a look with raised eyebrows and then directed her glare to a couple of nurses that had clearly stopped to listen.

"Don't you dare call me selfish. Don't you dare pretend to know me, you were gone for ten years, you took Owen's side hoping desperately that he would notice you in his hour of grief. Don't pretend that you care, I don't want to see her Teddy, and you know go back and ask her before she's put under the knife about those last few days before she shipped out and what she was doing…or who she was doing and what she asked me to do before you come back and judge me"

And with that she swept off past Meredith who was surprised to see that her face was full of tears. Maya did not show emotion. That was one of the better things about her. Amelia turned as they watched and she spoke thinking obviously what Maya was going to do.

"Maya…"

"Oh for the love of…I need a moment" came the reply.

Amelia raised an eyebrow and then muttered something about her patient leaving Meredith to deal with Teddy and an explanation that she wasn't sure she should give.

Talking to Megan about her and Nathan was almost cathartic. She mentioned Derek only once. The flippant way that Megan had dismissed Derek as someone she'd never known was too hard for Meredith to think about. Even overseas you heard of Derek Shepherd.

But it was good to get it out in the open she supposed. She didn't love Nathan not in that way but she enjoyed the companionship, she enjoyed the man and the father and she wasn't planning on giving that up because in her mind she had worked too hard for that. If Nathan wanted to go then she wouldn't fight for him but she wasn't going to tell him to go back to Megan. Nathan was a man not a parcel to be passed between the two of them.

The little boy Megan had adopted in Iraq was a complication that Meredith knew would hurt Maya. But she couldn't talk about Maya with this woman. She had remained professional for years (bar you know fudging the clinical trial and sleeping with her boss in the car and in the on-call rooms and…well you know) and she wasn't going to spread Maya's confidence around. She had worked too hard to gain it. So instead she listened and tried not to let what she was thinking show on her face.

The problem was if the situation hadn't been as messy as it was then she probably would have liked Megan Hunt. It was clear from the way she spoke about her daughter that she did love Maya. The problem was that Meredith wasn't sure if Maya had it in her to go back to a relationship that she had always perceived as toxic.

Mothers and daughters. It was not an easy relationship and Meredith knew it well.

"Do you think she'll come and see me after surgery?

The hope was almost crushing. But Meredith couldn't lie.

"I don't know" was all she said. "Perhaps"

And with that she took Megan into surgery. At least there was one mess that she could fix.

It was Richard who had found her crying in the corner of the stairwell, Richard who had taken her very firmly by the arm and had taken her to the Attending's Lounge gotten her a glass of water and told her that it was quiet all right to cry.

Once she was done she drank her water and washed her face. Richard had stayed with her dispatching his intern to tell him when the surgery was done and Maya was relieved beyond words that she wasn't alone. Richard didn't ask questions instead he left her in comfortable silence to sort out her thoughts. Actually he did his charts and Maya watched as he pointed out what the difference between an inflamed bowl and an inflamed intestines.

Actually it was quite interesting. For one she had something to distract her and it was doing a wonderful job until the out of breath intern arrived.

Then reality came crashing down.

Megan was crying. Teddy couldn't blame her. She had kept it together long enough until Riggs, Owen and Evelyn had left in the guise of finding Maya, Amelia and John and Teddy sat down quite alone with Megan who suddenly burst into tears again. It was the shock wearing off she suspected and the adrenaline of a surgery and a rescue all in one week and the knowledge that she was no closer to be reunited with either one of her children.

"I'm sorry" she said finally as Teddy stroked her hand. "It's just I needed this to work. I need to go back to Iraq. I need to be with my son. He's my child I need to be with him. I have to go back to Iraq, Teddy, I have to be with him. I need him."

"I know" Teddy said quietly but she didn't get to say anything else because at that moment they both became aware someone was standing in the doorway.

"Your What!?" came the shout. Teddy closed her eyes in despair as Megan looked up wiping her eyes. It was perhaps the worst person at the worst time humanly possible. Everything seemed to go very still and very silent.

It was Maya standing in the doorway her face as white as milk and her expression one of shock. She had overheard everything. She had of course been just outside the door.

And there you are, I hope you all enjoyed it. Next chapter should be following on from this.

Next Chapter-Maya comes face to face with her mother for the first time since she was seven. Home truths are shouted back and forth as both Megan and Maya learn the secrets that the other has been hiding and Megan goes back into surgery as Nathan makes an admission to Meredith.

And there you are, I hope you all enjoy this chapter.