Clare's POV
I finally got to go home (grandfather's house) instead of staying in that nasty hospital it was about time. Eli was feeling much better too but he was still keeping his distance from me. It was like we were close but then again not like before he had heard about the pregnancy scare. I wanted to ask him what's going on in his head but I think he just needed time more than anything. I was lying down on the bed watching television when Eli entered the room. You would swear we lived together. He took off his jacket and I didn't bother to ask where he was coming from. I didn't want to suffocate him. I turned my head to the tv trying to focus. That's when he stepped over to it and shut it off. That was his way of saying I needed to get some rest because tomorrow would be a long day.
"Eli, I love you! Okay." He turned to look at me with a confused look on his face. He shook his head.
"I already know this Clare, why are you saying it." That hurt and I think I showed in my face. I didn't know what to say to that. I just turned around and thought to myself. I really do need to be a stronger person. I'm tired of people hurting me.
NEXT DAY: At school
I was really tired. I didn't get a good night sleep at all and Eli, it's like he's there but not there at the same time. I was soooo frustrated. I had my head down in class and I never did that before. I was dreading for this bell to ring to signal the end of the day. I was going to be the first person out of there today. I felt sleep getting the best of me. The worse part of all of this was that class just started 2 minutes ago. UGH! I saw Eli in front of me and I couldn't help but stare at the back of his head. I saw Adam was very much into the lesson. I didn't know what happened but I felt sleep get the best of me. Before I knew it I was in the Dream State.
{Excerpt from Clare's Bleeding Heart}
"You stupid Bitch." He yelled to me. I couldn't help but cry. I knew this had seriously pissed him off but he dragged me towards him and I tried kicking as hard as possible but it was no use. Before I knew it he was on top of me. I constantly moved but he punched me in the face until I stopped moving. I knew I wasn't unconscious but I felt numb in the face and then he moved lower beating me even more then before I knew it my whole body was numb. He stayed on top of me the whole time and I knew what was coming next. He spoke
"You know I knew u was gonna do that. That's why I protected my self or at least tried. Your hit was much more forceful than I expected. But don't worry I'll be easy with you at first, since I'll be your first." A small smile crept on his face and I cried harder as he started to remove my shirt. I knew I was crying but I couldn't feel the tears. I was beaten so badly that the pain was seeping in already. He then proceeded to remove my pants. I was shaking even more and I tried to speak.
"Fitz, please… don't. Please." I cried I couldn't help it. He came face to face with me and said
"I already have. I'll use protection though. " He smiled knowing that victory was near. Where was my mother, she was supposed to be here with me? I saw him pull his pants down and I was scared out of my mind. I couldn't do anything. I was sore. I couldn't move and if I did I would get beaten up even more. I had to take that chance. I used all the power I had to throw a punch at him. He was shocked but he immediately knocked me back down. I hit the ground hard. I tasted blood. I guess he was use to this kind of thing. I kept fidgeting. He slapped me and told me I wouldn't be alive after if finished with me if I did. At that point I didn't know what was more important, my life or my virginity. That was when I saw a punch connect with my eye. I couldn't help but let out a whimper. I felt that. He forced open my legs as I tried hard to close them back. He punched me right in the stomach this time and I felt like I was about to fall unconscious.
I moved my head left and right, that's when I felt everything. He forced his way into me and I screamed as loud as I could muster. It wasn't very loud my throat was dry from all the crying and my body was beaten badly. I screamed repeatedly trying to get louder and he didn't even seem to care anymore. He just pushed and pushed himself further and further into me and I started to feel nothing. I felt empty and I stopped my screaming. He just did whatever he wanted to, his hands roaming my now impure body. My once sacred area was hurting; I didn't feel any pleasure at all. This was nothing like what people told me it would feel like. All I felt was dirty. He finally finished his business and I continued to cry even though I was relieved he was done. He got up and pulled his pants up. He looked down at me.
"Tell anyone about this and I swear I will flip the script and say you was asking for it. I will tell everyone that you said you liked it rough and that you were one of those weird people who found pleasure out of creepy shyt like being beaten up. Plus I'll be back for more; you're the best there is. You tell and all of this will be done again, Got it?" He waited for a reply. I didn't answer I just cried. He came closer to my face and asked again.
"Got it?" I decided to nod just so this bastard would get out of my face. He came in and kissed me on the cheek. I moved as far as I could before his nasty lips hit my face. But it did.
"Good Girl, now go clean yourself up."
I awoke from my dream in a panic state. I jumped up so hard I almost fell over in my chair and knocked over my desk. I tried to gasp for air. I could barely breathe. I was hot and sweating profusely and crying at the same time. I hoped no one could tell the difference but I'm sure my blue eyes watering would give it away. I knew how I must of looked, scared out of my mind. I saw the whole class looking at me. I quickly gathered my stuff and left ignoring Ms. Dawe's question. I glanced at Eli before I left I knew he would probably be following me behind but I tried to get away as far as possible so I ran. I knew I would probably get in trouble for my acts later but I didn't care.
I made my way down the back halls of Degrassi hoping that I didn't see anyone I knew. I drew my books to my chest as I walked. I had slowed down pretty sure that Eli wouldn't find me here. I also took time to catch my breath. I continued to walk and think to myself. I then bumped right into someone. I looked up to find Jenna standing before me. "Great!" I thought to myself. She glared at me. I knew where this was going.
"Wow Clare really?" I looked at her like she was the bimbo everyone made her out to be.
"What are you talking about?" She gave me one of those looks that said "You know exactly what I'm talking about". I was having a hard day as it is. I didn't need her bothering me right now. I shifted my position waiting for her to talk.
"You know, you trying to steal back KC. I see things Clare, people tell me everything I know what you're trying to do. It's not going to work, but I will tell you this KC is mines now so don't be a fool." I couldn't help but laugh at her. This must have been some kind of joke. It's always funny how karma and pay back is a bitch. I took a moment to stop laughing and spoke
"Jenna oh please, If I wanted KC believe me when I saw I could have him back like this." I snapped my fingers. I wasn't usually this bitchy to people but her assumption got the best of me. I continued. "You should really think about things before you say them out loud. Also you should think about the kind of person I am. I would never stoop to your levels and steal someone's boyfriend. I'm a classy girl Jenna, you on the other hand…. I don't know your just not. Plus to make things even worse and more clear for you. I have a boyfriend and OHHHH YEA! You're pregnant with KC's baby. You should probably stop being so insecure. I'm pretty sure it's not your hormones acting up." She was looking at me dumbfounded. She shook her head and still made a smart ass comment.
" Well whatever Clare just stay away from KC or you will regret it. I mean it. You're like a bad omen. Only bad things happen to people around you." She spat those words at me like fire. I got angry. I decided to burn her back like she burned me.
"Maybe you should tell KC that since he is always looking for me and not you. I'm pretty sure he tries to avoid you." With that she slapped me. It didn't hurt not one bit but it probably would make my face a little red. I smirked at the thought. I have been hit with harder unfortunately. I was about to hit her back but I remembered she's pregnant. My hand stopped in mid air and I think that was enough to scare her off because she went scurrying down the hall in the direction I had just come from. I turned around to look at her. I smiled at the irony of what had just happened. I was having one of the worse days of my life and it was about to get worse.
I saw Fitz coming in my direction. I felt fear run over me, but I wouldn't allow it this time. I pushed those fears I had to the back of my mind knowing that I couldn't get rid of them just yet. I didn't run in the other direction. I simply turned around and started to walk in the other direction hoping that he would either stop or just ignore me. HA! Boy was I naïve. He caught up to me before I could even make 5 steps. He grabbed my shoulder and threw me into the wall. I hit the locker hard and I couldn't help but feel those images come back into my head with every heartbeat. He placed his hands on the wall locking me in. This felt all too familiar and I saw another image from that night. I wasn't going to keep doing this to myself. I closed my eyes. I was trying to make this all end and if it took all of me to do it, I was going to make it happen.
"Oh my Clare! How I miss you. Did you know that I think about you everyday. I can't stop thinking about you. I remember everything that happened that night you know. It was magical, but the best part is how you look now. I am hoping I never have to make you look like that every again." I felt his hand touch my cheek. I slapped his hand away and I kneed him for the second time in my life. It felt good to do it. But it was never enough to get me out of his reach. Before I could make it out of his reach his fist connected with the right side of my jaw and I hit the wall behind me HARD. I fell to the floor gripping my head. I was in so much pain and so was he. This felt like a repeat of all the things that happened to me. Then I remembered what Jenna said about me being a "bad omen". I was living a horrible life right now but I had one good thing that I would never let go of. Eli, no matter how distant we were being right now is my rock. I couldn't be so weak. Even if I lost I still needed to fight back with everything I had. I tried to regain my balance. My head was spinning. I don't think I had a concussion or anything like that but I was hurting badly.
"Fitz fuck you." I barely understood the words that came out of my own mouth but I got up using the wall as my balance. I saw that he was still laying down on the door and instead of beating him like I should have done I started to walk away but I felt his hand grab my foot. It was a strong grip but not one that would throw me on the floor. I held my ground. I wasn't going to cringe in fear anymore.
"Clare I love you, you can't do this to me." I wanted to cry all over again. I stood there shocked for a minute then I shook my leg free of his grip.
"How dare you! How dare you say you love me. After EVERYTHING you did to me. How can you love me and do THOSE kinds of things to me. Your sick Fitz." I took a minute to calm myself down before I lost control. I calmed myself down and said pitifully. "I could never love you not now not ever. Not after this." I started to walk away again. I didn't run. I figured that if I started to do that now I would have not made any progress.
But I regretted not running when I felt a shoulder on my arm again. I guess I had been too caught up in thinking. I reacted this time though. I swung my fist out with as much might as I could. I punched him right in the forehead. He grabbed my neck and was choking the life out of me. I started to choke him back. He was hitting my head against the wall. It hurt but I wasn't going to lose this time. Or was I? I would not let go. I don't care how much pain I felt. I couldn't let go. That was the plan. I would try a low blow again but he took the initiative to step on feet. I tried to move them but they wouldn't budge. I guess he weighed more than I thought. I felt it too now that I was thinking about it. But that's when I felt my self start to fade. He had the upper hand in placing his hold around my neck first. I made my hold tighter. He looked like he would lose it any minute now too but I knew I would be first. I felt him punch me in the stomach and that made it worse. I couldn't breathe out. It was like hitting a dead end.
That's when I saw Fitz get knocked out. I was more than relived the say the least. I held my neck where his hand once use to be. I heard someone but I couldn't quite see who yet. I heard the voice and I knew it was Eli. I heard punches being thrown and I heard him say
"You couldn't just leave her alone could you. Why. Don't. You. Fucking. Learn. You should know better than to mess with my girl and think I won't find you." I couldn't wait any longer. I had a feeling that Fitz was the one getting beaten up and no matter how much I wanted to let him do it. I couldn't. I saw a bit better than a while ago. I could make out the figure on the floor, so I stumbled over to Eli and grabbed his arm in attempt to make him get off of Fitz. It took me a while but I eventually started to see clearly. I pulled harder on Eli's arm and told him that we needed to go. He got up and held me around my waist. I wasn't feeling too bad. Just had a small headache is all. We made our way outside to Morty and Eli stopped me to examine me. He took my chin in his hands and started to move my head side to side. I moved his hands. I looked away.
"Eli, I'm fine I don't need you saving me all the time." He squinted at me
"I know that Clare and I'm sorry for everything okay, You have to understand all of this happened because of me. I can never forgive myself for that." I looked in his eyes and saw that he was telling the truth but he still hurt me. I wasn't going to let it go that easily.
"You know Eli, I understand you're in pain and all but you hurt me too. I said I love you and for the second time you didn't say it back. You're the only person I have and for you to hurt me like that it makes me want to give up. But I'm not going to because I am not weak." I started to walk to the passenger side of Morty. I suddenly stopped and turned back to face him, He looked at me. "Oh and you better find a way to forgive yourself for what happened because I don't blame you. You and me will not be together unless you do." I continued walking to the passenger side and I opened the door when I saw him smile and say.
" Hmm. Love you too Clare." Sarcastically. I smiled back and said
"Glad to know." I sent back. I really wanted to see if he would get over this. I guess it was time to find out. He went to the driver's door and we both got in.
OMG! Will Eli get over it? We'll find out on the next Saints and Sinners don't mix. Lol! REVIEWS PLZ!