Yay, I finished before 3am this time! I'm on a roll! :D Only 3 or 4 chapters left, y'all!
A massive amounts of thank you's to Alissiel, Evy201, Garideth, and NymphadoraLupin98 for such wonderful and continuous reviews! I couldn't crank out a chapter every day without you guys! So many thanks as well to all my readers and followers and favoriters! You all are the best!
Enjoy!
Chapter 24
Laurah POV:
The next few weeks my nightmares get worse each night. They're not visions, but they still scare me. Always, they're about my dad or my human mother. Most nights I start awake before I start crying or muttering in my sleep, but sometimes I don't, and then I have to reassure Nikki that I'm fine for at least a half an hour before I can get back to sleep. What scares me the most is that there was no trigger for these bad dreams. I guess I'm subconsciously worried about my human mom, but she was more than alright when I left.
I start getting moody as I get less and less sleep each night. Even the king learns to let me be when I get snappish. The ship slowly crawls closer to the Lone Islands, and time passes far too slowly for my patience. The sooner we get to the Lone Islands, the sooner we'll get to mainland Narnia, and the sooner I can go home to the sprites. My mother and Ainslie can help me get back to normal, I'm sure. And above all, it'll just be nice to be home. Everyone is kind to me on the Dawn Treader, but it's not home. And I miss my family.
One day while I'm sulking and sitting on the rail of the ship, the king joins me. Well, after glancing at my face to make sure I'm not in one of my bite-your-head-off-and-eat-it-for-dessert moods.
"Sometimes talking about it will help," he offers quietly, clearly treading carefully. Smart guy.
I keep my mouth pressed closed, my lips in a firm line.
King Caspian sighs and sinks against his forearms that lean against the rail next to me. He waits, I guess for me to speak up, but I never do.
"Laurah, please. I hate seeing you like this," he pleads softly, looking up at my mannequin-like face.
"Why do you care?" I grumble. Doesn't he have something better to do?
"You would not believe me, even if I told you." His smile is equal parts wry and sad, and it's a strange smile as a result.
I resist an urge to roll my eyes, but it's hard. My mouth opens the slightest bit. Quickly, I clamp it closed again, before anything slips out. I can deal with my own nightmares. They're just dreams anyway.
The king notices me absent-mindedly fiddling with my bracelet.
"You miss them."
"Of course I do. I haven't seen them in over a year." My next words slip out before I can stop them. "And I owe my mother a thank you." I pause, and then more words slip out. "She helped me, in Dark Island. Told me I didn't suffer alone, sang to me, got rid of the snake the first time it made an appearance. She helped a lot." I start missing my sprite mother almost too much to bear then, but I make sure my face betrays nothing.
"What happened to you there?" he asks, almost too softly to hear.
"A crap-load of mist showed me weird stuff. That's all."
"I knew as much."
My tone lowers in response to his doing so first. "Then why did you bother to ask?"
"I hoped you would trust me enough to tell me at least one specific thing. Forgive me, I apparently misjudged," he states bluntly, his hands curling into fists as his jaw hardens.
"There's nothing to tell! Shit happened, I got over it!" I try to keep from yelling, but my voice ends up being just shy of it.
"Why can you not let anyone in? You push everyone away, when all we wish to do is help you!" King Caspian's voice raises too, and he ends up yelling, but in a reserved, dangerously contained way.
"How will talking about it help?! I'm trying to forget it; the last thing I want to do is go over every little detail!" I yell, my eyes flashing in anger as I whip my head to look at him full-on.
"Talking about it is a release. It would help you let go, rather than simply hiding from it." He no longer yells, but his voice still rumbles with a low, angry undertone.
I've had just about enough. No, I've had enough, period. So I swing my legs over the rail, slide off the rail, and land on the deck with a thump. It's not late afternoon yet, but I still stomp over to the kitchen. I'm working in there even if Cook says otherwise. I need the distraction, before I scream out all my frustration at the whole ship. And that's the last thing I'd need. They already see me as weak; that'd do nothing to help my case.
When I toss open the kitchen door, I'm almost relieved to see Cook there.
"You're early, lass."
"I know, just please give me something to do." My fingers curl and uncurl impatiently, and I easily catch the apron Cook throws to me.
"Start dicin' these then." He beckons me over to the carrots he's just started cutting up, and shoves the knife into my hand.
I happily follow the order, and every other one he gives me. He hums quietly, but I don't join in this time. If I contribute at all, it's just by the pounding out a rough rhythm as I chop vegetables.
Nikki POV:
Once Laurah storms off, the red flag goes up. I didn't hear what those two were saying, but Cas looks just as mad as she was, and I'm taking it as my civic duty to smooth things over. At least, I'll see if I can calm Cas down. The poor thing's had more than a rough time lately.
As I walk up, I notice that he's been joined by Lilliandil, and I sigh in relief. If anyone can chill people's strong emotions out, it's that star. I approach quietly, flinching when Caspian slams his fist against the rail and smiling in relief when Lilli covers his fist with her glowing hand, and unclenches his hand. That girl's like the wise older sister he never had, I swear.
I come up and stand on his other side, and I'm very happy to see that he's not quite as angry as I thought. Lilli can work some magic, I tell ya.
"Does she shut you out too, Nikki?" Cas suddenly asks, sounding more sad than angry now.
I purse my lips and reply, "Sure, sometimes. Not often, but it happens. Good news is, she always comes around. That help?"
"Perhaps a little, yes. Thank you."
"Do not forget how far she has come already, Your Majesty. When you first found her, she would not even speak."
"But her preference for leaving me in the dark about the important things has not changed in the slightest," he retorts, a frown taking over his face.
"I think I must tell you something she told me a short time ago. It may help you understand her a little better."
"One would think I should understand her rather well by now," grumbles this very grumpy king.
"Cas?" I wait until he turns and looks at me before saying sternly, "Shut up and let Lilli fill you in."
He looks shocked, and understandably so. I reckon, being a king and all, he can count on one hand how many times anyone's told him to shut up. But hey, tough love, right? Just like the whap on the back of the head I gave him at Ramandu's Island. I nod to Lilli when I'm sure he'll keep his trap shut, and she proceeds.
"One morning I asked her why she closed herself off to everyone else. Her reply was surprisingly simple. She feels immensely guilty for being so, in her opinion, weak when the mist still occupied her mind. Laurah, in her own words, is used to being strong for others. In her eyes, she failed this time, to be strong. Her walled heart is her attempt at rectifying that 'weakness'."
Wow. Even I didn't know that. Lilli really needs to stick around; Laurah tells her more than even me! Which I don;t mind at all. Whatever works for her works for me.
"Well that makes a crap-load of sense," I mutter, looking to Cas to see his take on this newly divulged information. Luckily, he seems to take it rather well.
He nods once, as if acquiescing to this explanation of Laurah's behavior. His forehead loses its tension lines, and I can't resist the urge to chime in.
"There we go! The worry wrinkles are all gone!"
This earns me a small chuckle from Cas, and I do a little happy dance at my successful attempt at lightening his mood.
"Alright Cas, your turn."
He sobers enough to look at me in confusion, but I can see Lilli smiling in approval.
"Come on. We got inside Laurah's head. Your turn to spill what's going on in yours. Get deep, now. Like ice fishing! Fish deep, man. Talk feelings," I explain, gesturing in my sometimes over-the-top way to emphasize the 'fish deep' part.
The guy give me an amused look before sighing and nodding obediently. He's learned by now that arguing with me is essentially useless.
"I still love her. She infuriates me when she shuts me out, but I love her nonetheless. Though I must admit, it hurts more than I thought it would."
I press my lips together and nod sympathetically, and Lilliandil briefly puts a comforting hand on his arm. We both motion for him to continue, but he has to take a deep breath first.
"When she vanished three years ago, I thought I might die from the worry. By the time this voyage started, I resigned myself to her death or eternal absence."
Poor Cas hangs his head before continuing.
"Then we found her, and at first it was so much to take in that she was simply here, in Narnia. Alive. I suppose I was foolish in hoping for us to return to what we were before her disappearance. The closeness to her I enjoyed three years ago is no longer here, and it's painful, to have her back in some ways but not in others. She's no longer mine." Another pause, and then, "It hurts when I love her and try to be good to her, and all she can do is push me away. I cannot help but think that pushing away is all she knows how to do anymore."
"Cas, that was some awesome soul-searching, and I am eternally proud of you. Lilli, thoughts? You're much better at giving solid advice."
"There is not much that can be done. Laurah needs time, and perhaps you do as well, Your Highness. Time may not heal all wounds, but it can dull the pain that surrounds them."
Caspian stays still, with his head bowed and his arms stiff from holding him up against the railing, for a good minute or two before looking up and smiling.
"Thank you to both of you," he begins sincerely, but quickly switches gears into a more light-hearted tone. "I daresay you both are the wise elder sisters I never had."
"Aw, no problemo! Don't you worry Cas, she'll come around. Trust me, I've known the chica for over a decade," I reassure him. And she will come around, I know it. Even if I have to give her several vigorous shakes and konk her on the noggin a few times to get the point across. Tough love is important. After all, it's karma too. She shoved me toward MopMan the other day, for heaven's sake!
"I do hope you're right, Nikki." Caspian replies, but with a more hopeful face than before.
With any luck, these two might finally work things out. Maybe.
I'm distracted from my thoughts when I catch sight of MopMan swaggering across deck out of the corner of my eye. It almost looks like he's walking to the tune of a very upbeat song. Whatever he's doing, it's some mixture of strange and funny, so I giggle, excuse myself from Cas and Lilli, and waltz over to the crazy, curly-haired sailor.
"MopMan, what in tarnation are you doing?"
"I am dancing, my lady."
"To what, may I ask?" I let the 'my lady' slide.
"An old ditty," he replies with a grin, proceeding to hum the tune for me.
"You know, that's actually got an almost-jive beat to it. I might could make it work..." I start dancing the jive along with MopMan's humming, and to my great surprise, I can make the two work together.
"Alright MopMan, I'm teaching you the jive."
Laurah POV:
As I work, some of my anger wears off and I settle down into a steady rhythm. I've moved from chopping vegetables to cleaning as Cook prepares the food. He's still humming a few sailor's chanteys, and I'm humming along quietly.
When dinner's still a good hour away from being ready, Nikki comes in and volunteers to help too. At Cook's nod, she comes and joins me by the sink. I wait patiently for the reprimand I'm sure to get.
"Chica, you are a complete and utter idiot. You know that?"
"Now I do. Thanks for bringing it to my attention."
"You're welcome. Now, get your sorry little tushy over to Caspian. Yes, right now."
"Nikki, I have to help with din-"
"Why do you think I'm in here helping? Go!" She shoves at me, and swats my arm when I refuse to budge.
"He's probably still cooling down. I'll go and see the man after dinner, okay?"
I'm rewarded for my attempt at compromise with a rather vehement smack on the backside with a wooden spoon, to which I respond with an indignant shriek.
"Chica, if you don't get yourself out to Caspian this very instant, I swear I'll handcuff you two together until you kiss him!"
"Alright alright, I'm going." I know she'll make good on her threat. She's Nikki, and Nikki Stevens never goes back on a good threat, especially if it's a motivating one. But I think of a way to get her back, and it's too amusing to ignore. "But only if you give Sadrian a kiss and put the poor child out of his misery."
A resounding clatter and bang echoes in the kitchen as the pan Nikki was holding slips through her fingers and crashes to the counter.
"I beg your pardon? I haven't the pleasure of understanding you," she splutters, sounding very much like she just swallowed several lungfuls of seawater.
"You heard me. I go talk to Caspian, you lock lips with your MopMan. Deal?" I try very very hard not to bust out laughing at her expression of utter disbelief. "It's a one-time offer. Going once..."
"I swear by all the gods above and below, I'll get you for this!"
"Going twice..."
"Fine! Fine fine fine! But just you wait, I'll skin you alive for that!"
"Figuratively speaking, of course," I say with a rather triumphant smirk.
"Maybe. Go on now! Kiss and make up!" screeches Nikki, flapping the drying towel at my face insistently.
"I'll consent to the latter half of that only," I reply, taking cover behind the door as she throws a fork at me. Peeking back in, I see the silverware stuck in the wooden door by its tongs, and I allow myself a merry chuckle before closing the door behind me and making my way back on deck.
It's very tempting to just go to my favorite perch on the dragon's tongue, but I know Nikki might throw me overboard if I don't do as she ordered. I have to laugh again, shaking my head fondly as my best friend. I'll be thanking her later, I'm sure. And in the meantime, I still can't help but love her for her persistence and utter determination.
I catch sight of the king sitting on the steps that lead up to the poop deck, and I can't help my prayer that he doesn't notice me. If he does, he makes no outward sign of it. So thankfully, I've got at least a little time to mentally prepare. Though I'd really rather just avoid the man until I can cool down some more. But according to Nikki, that's really not an option. Not if I don't want to be handcuffed to him for the rest of the voyage, because I am not kissing him again.
Still, it's now or never. If I don't go up to him now, I'll procrastinate until I can escape to dinner, and then Nikki really will have my head on a platter. So I force myself to walk toward him, and it turns out to be even harder to not get angry again. He looks up the second he hears my footsteps, and he surprises me by smiling softly and patting the space next to him on the step. I hesitate, but I sit when Nikki's threat rings in my ears once more.
"Did she threaten to throw you off the ship?"
"No, actually. Though I have no doubt she'd have no qualms about doing so," I laugh, surprising myself and him with my ease. "And before I say anything else, I'm just gonna apologize and get it off my chest. So...I'm sorry. About snapping at you. I shouldn't have taken a few nightmares out on you." The apology spills out of my mouth before I even think about it, but I do feel better after saying it. I surprise myself by really and truly meaning it.
The king stills my fidgeting hands with his warm, steady ones. I peek over at him through my eyelashes, and relief floods me when he seems to be back to normal.
"It's alright."
That simple little acceptance of my apology relaxes me so much I make a note to smack myself out of it later.
"May I ask one thing?" The king's eyes sparkle as he lifts my chin with the tip of his index finger. He waits for my nod, and proceeds to catch my very off guard. "Promise to call me just Caspian?"
"Er...um...sure?" Of all the things I was prepared for, that wasn't one of them. I didn't think it mattered that much to him.
His grin almost makes me smile back, it's so happy.
"Try it out?"
"Okay. So, Caspian, what d'ya want to talk about?" I'll have to get used to calling him Caspian, without his title.
"Perhaps we could attempt our earlier conversation again?"
Fantastic.
"Fine. What's it you'd like to know? Home life or current dreams?" Actually, I'd prefer to blab about my human home. Oddly enough.
"Whichever you prefer." Kin- Caspian is back to his solicitous self, and I can't say I mind.
"Home life it is. But it's up to you to ask questions." I may have agreed to share a little bit about myself, but I'm not about to give it away freely.
"Very well." He sits and thinks for several moments before asking a pretty basic question. "Tell me about your human parents?"
"One's recently out of an abusive relationship and the other's cold in his grave," I rattle off rather unfeelingly.
Caspian flinches and starts to put an arm around me to comfort me, but I shrug indifferently.
"It's no biggie. I'm fine with it. He was a jackass anyway. Mom's better off without the lout."
"And you miss him still," Caspian murmurs. I hate that he's right, and I have to swallow my temper.
"I've been missing him since I was eight. I'm used to it by now."
"Did he..." Caspian looks uncomfortable, and he can't seem to get the word 'die' past his lips.
"Die when I was eight? No, he died maybe a month after I went back there from here."
Caspian looks at me, and he's trying so hard to keep his curiosity hidden from me. It's sweet that he's being so careful, but being blunt about everything helps me work past it.
"You don't have to worry about me on this. I'm not sensitive about it. It's been over a year; I'm okay." The last bit comes out more gently than I intended, but I don't really mind.
"I'm sorry, I only wished to be respectful."
"Don't worry about it. I'm just pretty...blunt about all this. Keeps it nice and numb, you know?"
Why am I even telling him that?
He nods his understanding, and silently motions for me to go on. At first, my answers remain short, clipped, and harshly apathetic. Then, somehow, I loosen up. I don't shrug away from Caspian's arm when it moves toward my shoulders a second time, and my eyes start to sting a little. As I tell the man sitting beside me more and more, I start feeling again. A few tears leak from my eyes from time to time as I tell Caspian everything about my dad and my human mom, right down to the last night my dad was alive, and he wipes them away with his thumb before I can swipe them away on my own.
"...And that is why I don't talk about that. I turn into a leaky faucet when I think about it too much," I grumble half-heartedly. Despite my complaint, I can't muster the will to be sorry about telling Caspian everything about my childhood and my human parents.
When I'm finally done, I let out a relieved little laugh.
"Well now that you know all about me, what about you?"
"You wish to hear my story?" Caspian sounds a little surprised, but not too averse to the idea.
"Fair's fair. Start with your earliest memory and go from there, if you like." In truth, I'm curious about him. I want to know more about this kind and gentle man who has more patience than a hundred me's.
And he then proceeds to tell me about his parents, especially his father. Neither are still living. He tells me about being raised by his Uncle Miraz, and how he was always fascinated by the old tales of Narnia, and how his uncle forbade his Professor, Professor Cornelius, from teaching him about any of the stories. He tells me of years of pressure and fear, and how it all came to fruition three years ago when his Professor woke him in the middle of the night to help him escape from his uncle's death warrant. His aunt had given birth to a son, and Miraz wanted Caspian out of the way. He tells me about finding the Narnians, leading them in a war to reclaim their homeland, and finally about their victory and the hard-fought peace that Narnia now enjoyed. The mist was the only disturbance of that peace.
By the time he's done telling me all about his history, I've warmed up to him so much that I willingly lace my fingers with his and kiss his cheek.
"Well ironically enough, both our childhoods really sucked. I guess we do have something in common after all," I comment, squeezing his hand to make sure he knows that it wasn't a biting remark.
"Yes, my lady, it seems we do. And there is something else as well..."
"What?"
"We have both missed dinner."
"Well dang. We've been talking that long?" I didn't even notice Cook banging the pot lids together.
"Are you sorry for it?"
I can tell he's not, and I can't be either.
"Nope. It was worth it."
He smiles widely at my declaration, and gives me a hesitant hug that I readily return.
That night, I do give him a goodnight kiss.
A few days later, we reach the Lone Islands. At last. Nikki notes with satisfaction my improved mood, and I can feel myself warming up again. My nightmares get worse each night, but I learn to dismiss them as soon as morning comes. Even the ones of Ainslie, my mom, Rhoslyn, Nikki, and even Lilliandil each being the sprite Caspian and I saw at the rocky island a little while ago. I don't mention those to anyone.
I never really got to know many of the Lone Islanders, so I hang back while they board the longboats. But Caspian motions for Nikki and me to come along too, so we do. It'll be nice to stretch our legs at least. And there'll be a lot of joy when these people come home, so that'll be nice to see.
A great cheer rises up as the long-absent Lone Islanders return to their families and homes, and they're all so grateful to Caspian and the Dawn Treader crew that it almost brings tears to my eyes. Nikki sniffles a bit too, and we laugh at each other. She then reminds me that I never told her what happened with Caspian and me a few days ago when she literally forced me to go talk to him. By the time I finish, she's wearing that smug 'I told you so' look and grinning like a fool. She even lets out a little shriek of joy when I tell her that yes, I did actually kiss and make up.
Just then, she whips me around and points at a young man helping an older lady in the distance. It takes me a moment, but I recognize the young man to be Caspian. My smile softens, and I feel something tugging at my heart.
"He's a good man, chica. And I approve." She leaves me with no clarification on that last bit, and simply smirks all-knowingly at me when I ask what she means.
But she is right. Caspian is a good man. And he's tugging at my heart.
Here we go, another chapter in a day! Now just a heads up: my weekend is going to be pretty busy, but I'll still try to have another chapter to you by the day after tomorrow. ;) So it'll be an extra day, but it's better than 4 months, right? XD
Let me know what you thought of this chapter!
Until next time :)