A/N: I can't say thank you enough for those of you who have stuck with this story despite the epic lapses in updating. To write effectively, enjoyably, I have to have an entire day off with no interruptions. For a new mother who works full time, this means a random day off from work and a sitter, while I bunker in some internet café away from my home and baby. It's not easy to do, and that's why this update took months. I hope this is worth the wait. Two months from now I have nine weeks off from work. I'm usually able to get a chapter or two out during that time. My goal is to wrap up the story and give everyone their HEA. We'll see if I can meet my own goal. Happy reading! Drop me a line if you're able.
Chapter 25: Proddings and Prevarications
EPOV
I rolled over to get comfortable and dimly registered the remnants of an unpleasant dream.
Or is it a memory?
It's an unpleasant memory and you're dreaming about it – feeling regret for an argument you couldn't control then and still can't fix now.
Oh. Okay.
Switching positions again, I sighed and slipped back into a soporous state.
"God, Edward! Again? We just had sex ten minutes ago. What is it with you and that thing?"
"Thing, Jessica? You make me sound like the swamp creature or something."
"I'm not trying to be rude, Edward. I just don't understand why we can't just lie here and talk without you poking me in the back."
We were lying in the dark in my bedroom. The lamps were turned off, but the street light sent a faint glow of yellow light into the room. I shifted my body so that we were no longer cuddling, and I was no longer pressing up against her.
"And, I'm not trying to poke you, Jessica. It's a natural human function. It doesn't mean we have to have sex again. I just have an intense hormonal drive and find you attractive. You can't see it as a compliment, at all?"
"Frankly, Edward – no. I feel, like, totally objectified – insulted - like you only view me as a sex object. I can't satisfy you. I'm not enough for you. This is so frustrating. I'm just going to go to sleep. Try not to touch me, okay?"
"How many times do I have to reassure you? You are enough! It should be obvious by now that I don't objectify women sexually. I've never been anything but respectful of you, Jess." I sighed, feeling that trying to reason with her was futile. "Whatever. I'll sleep in the other room. I wouldn't want to accidentally touch you."
She and I both knew that I wasn't going to sleep. I went to the closet to grab my running shoes and a shirt from the closet, quietly closing the sliding door. The latch on the bedroom door mechanism clicked softly as I left - feeling both angry and rejected.
Suddenly the door swung open. Jessica was standing there, hair a mess, in only a rumpled t-shirt. The sight of those long, smooth legs gave me involuntary wood again. Her eyes swung down to my tented running shorts before rolling in the sockets and then landing on my face.
"You're leaving again? What the fuck, Edward? Why do you even ask me over? I don't get you!"
Did she actually just smack her forehead in frustration? My God! It's a dick – it gets hard. It's not that big of a deal.
Rather than voice something vulgar and rude, I stared down at the grains in the hardwood floor. It felt as though my temper was at its boiling point.
"You don't even try to get me, Jessica. Why would I tell you anything more about my situation? You're tired of hearing about it. I'm not a masochist, you know. If you don't want me, then I'll remove my offending presence, Princess." I was sneering at her. My attempts to be polite or a gentleman about the whole situation had fled now that she was deliberately picking a fight.
She gasped in outrage. Her hand swung up to slap me, but my reflexes were faster than hers. Her wrist was clutched in my left hand when I enunciated my advice slowly. "I think you need to go home and stay there. This isn't working for anyone. We're done. Leave the key on the table. You can clear out in the morning or leave now. I don't really care what you do anymore. Just don't take anything that's not yours."
I was already dressed and half way to the front of the apartment when she called out, "But Edward! Let's talk about…"
I slammed the door with force, effectively cutting off her whiney recapitulation. Stepping into my well-worn cross trainers, I tightened the laces and jogged down the path of the apartment complex.
"Hey, Mister Red Oak! You're stiff as a board, and not in a good way!" I felt the gentle pressure of smooth, cool fingers running up and down the tense muscles of my neck.
Bella. Not Jessica. Bella. Salvation. Sweetness. My Bella.
Some of the tension seeped out of my tightly held spinal column. I heaved a giant sigh before opening my eyes and turning my head to assess the situation.
"What was I doing?" I must have looked apprehensive because she slithered down in bed next to me.
"I don't know how I knew that something was off. You were rolling around a lot, and I got a look at your face. A grimace of disgust was covering your normally pleasant expression. So what were you thinking about? Global Warming? Al Gore in a bathing suit?"
A puff of shocked laughter escaped my lips, and the last of my stress exited the cabin.
"I wish. It was a horrible dream of the final argument with one of the ex-girlfriends."
"Which dipshit was it? I can call her a dipshit, right?" She had an irreverent, almost cocky grin on her face which was surrounded by her silky brown hair. I reached up to guide a tendril of it behind her ear. She had settled on my chest with her chin resting on her steepled hands.
"It was dipshit number one – Jessica," I responded.
"Does that make her Queen of the Dipshits? I could get her one of those pageant sashes with the title in glittery ink."
I laughed in response to the visual image. Pretending to consider an important point I commented, "She really didn't enjoy reading much. I doubt she would have noticed the lettering on your sash. The shiny satin would have been too distracting to her vain streak."
"Wow, she sounds like a real winner." A scoffing burst of disgust accompanied her words. "She was really critical of you, inordinately vain, and she let you go. Yep - that makes her a total loser. I'll wager she wouldn't eat cereal in her pjs or watch cartoons, either."
I thought back, trying to mentally catalogue what Jessica and I had done for fun.
Shopping…for things she wanted. Going to concerts for feminist-power girl-bands. Spending time with her friends – friends who were all as vapid and aimless as she was.
"Staying with her for more than a few months was a testament to my extreme patience."
"Why didn't you end things sooner if she had qualities that were unappealing?"
I found myself chuckling again. I laughed quite a bit before her eyebrows raised in inquiry let me know she wanted in on the joke. I answered her non-verbal request.
"You. You're utterly nuts. One minute you label her Queen of the Dipshits; two minutes later she's described as 'Having unappealing qualities'." I tried to affect a stuffy tone of voice.
She shook her head in a quick back and forth movement. "We've already established my nutti-ness. Please tell me why you stayed with her more than a week. I'm really curious."
"Well, she was my first grown-up relationship." I shuddered, reliving so many disappointing moments. "She didn't know it, but my first time having sex was with her."
"I think that explains a few things. How many people had she been with?"
"I never knew for certain. She always dodged the answer to that question. She often went off on a feminist rant about society's view of women. I found myself tuning her out frequently. I wasn't trying to judge her against an impossible ideal; I just wanted to know my girlfriend."
"Please refer to her as dipshit number one. I own the title to girlfriend, thank you very much."
"You'll own many more important titles in due time," I whispered against her forehead.
"I don't…titles of books? Boxing titles? You know I don't box – well, that is. I don't box very well. There's the heavyweight wrestling title. Do you think I could body-slam the dipshit if I ever meet her? I mean, would you mind?"
She had hopped out of bed when the rambling about boxing began. By the time her questions were finished, the last query was delivered from the doorway with toothpaste and toothbrush in hand.
Is she being deliberately obtuse? I wasn't referring to books or men in spandex. Marriage, Bella. I want to marry you. The title of wife is what I'm thinking.
She's totally avoiding you. That was bogus. She's almost finished with a degree focused on analyzing ambiguous statements. Your statement wasn't all that unclear. That was deliberate. She just played dumb, or clueless. However you want to label it. She just avoided a conversation about the future.
Reaching for the lounging pants from the floor, I slipped them on and padded over to lean against the door frame.
Push, or let it go? Force the issue, or give her time?
This is delicate, Edward. You don't know exactly why she's playing the evasion game.
She was brushing her teeth quickly now. In between bouts to spit in the sink or resume brushing, she would lean up to present a big toothy grin in the mirror - the reflection revealing her expression.
That's a fake, panicked grin – if I ever saw one.
Let it go for now. You've only been in Big Bear for a day. There's time to talk about this. Besides, isn't this supposed to be the sex-a-thon? Go seduce her, and let the commitment talk simmer on the back burner.
She was done brushing her teeth. Pulling her long hair over one shoulder, she began to brush the tangles out of the ends of her hair. I pressed a soft, gentle kiss to her exposed shoulder. My hands slid down from her upper arms to rest of the curve of her waist.
"Ad interim, Bella," I pronounced slowly.
Her eyes flashed up to mine while a look of puzzlement crossed her features. She was already pressing her body back against mine. She sighed, sounding content again.
"In time? Is that what that one means? It's Latin, right?"
I continued pressing kisses to her shoulder, working my way toward her neck. The silence sunk into the room. She broke the silence to mutter aloud.
"In time, on time. Time to go!" she twittered in a nervous giggle. I caught her by the hand before she was able to wiggle out of the room.
"Bella, calm down. I was trying to be romantic, woman. That one means, 'For the meantime'. I don't want to pressure you. We can talk about this later if you'd like."
The nervousness shed from her like water from a duck.
"Thank you, Edward. I'm not ready to talk about that yet." She was following the curve of my shoulder with her fingertips.
"I can see that. When your voice gets shrill and you start rambling like a crazy woman, I'm pretty sure that means you're not ready."
"I'm sorry Edward." She pressed her forehead against my chest.
"Don't worry about it, love."
I turned her in my arms to give her a kiss on the forehead. Leaning down, I whispered this phrase right into her ear.
"Sors beatus meus primoris nixus"
She melted right into me. "Mmmmmm, Edward."
I couldn't resist the cocky grin at the speed with which my efforts were received. She burrowed her face into my armpit. I could feel the heat of her skin.
"Bella? Why are you embarrassed?"
"Five words, Edward. It took five words for you to get me all wet and achy again." Her entire answer was delivered into the skin of my shoulder. She'd had the sense to take her face out of its concealed location. "Are you going to tell me what that one means?"
"I'll definitely tell you, Bella."
"When!"
"When you're ready to talk about the future."
"Oh."
"Yeah, oh - motivation, love. I'm thinking I'll use your curiosity against you. Start working through whatever is turning you into a panicky mess. Talk to me. Sharing your feelings will get you your translation."
"No fair, Edward."
"Playing dumb isn't fair either, Bella. Didn't we say no more dodging? I've spilled my guts to you so many times it's not even funny."
"Can't we just have a shower and then more sex, instead?"
"Of course we can, Bella. But keeping a secret from me will cause you undue stress – which will simply lead to more therapeutic sex. I'm totally okay with that."
She put her index finger next to her chin.
"It works for me. Let's get to it." I couldn't resist the lascivious grin that had spread across my face or the firmness that was swelling in my groin. Bella wiggled closer and tightened her arms around my waist.
"I have an idea, sugar lips," she broached carefully.
"What's the idea?"
Go ahead and tell me. I love your ideas.
"Can we…? Well, that's not really therapy. Would there be a stopwatch? Fuck. I can't think straight!" She sunk her forehead against my chest in defeat.
"Slow down. Breathe and begin again." I lifted her chin and looked her in the eye, hoping to impart confidence.
"What if we used the squeeze method to prolong sex for you – the goal being to…" Her voice trailed off and her head dipped back down again. I bent my knees to get back at eye level with her.
"The goal is to…? You stopped talking, Bella! Finish your sex thought. You're killing me here."
"I stopped because it sounds really selfish. I don't mean it to be. It's just the multi-orgasmic thing."
Stopwatch. Multiple orgasms. She wants the therapy-style sex, but not necessarily for me…? AH! She wants the therapy sex to hold me off so that she can come many times. What if I lose it though? I don't know if squeezing would hold me off when she's gasping and moaning and losing it.
"Prolonged therapy sex with multiple orgasms for you?
"Yes!"
"If more than one is becoming standard for you, how is that selfish? Let's consider it essential. As a matter of fact, go ahead and be selfish. If you ever go too far, I'll invoke the sexual satisfaction contract."
"So we can have wild, kinky stopwatch sex – right now!" She was giddy with excitement, wiggling even.
I love this woman.
"I think that's the plan, yeah. Did you need to do something first?"
She was chewing on that bottom lip again. I kissed her to free the tortured lip. She kissed me back, smackingly.
"Can you just give me like eight minutes to do something?"
"Go. You have seven minutes and fifty seconds left." Her eyebrows shot up and she fled the bathroom.
"Get out! Get out! I have to do this alone." She was yelling from what sounded like the closet. "Go talk to those damn voyeuristic bumblebees or something."
"Okay, okay, I will. I guess I'll be on the back deck."
"I'll come get you in seven minutes." She stuck her torso out of the closet. She was already naked and was holding her breasts in her hands. She took one hand off her boob to gesture to the door. "Go!"
You expect me to go when there are raspberry nipples dead ahead? Totally nuts.
I must have taken a step forward with glazed eyes because she was shouting. "No, Edward! Eyes up here. Back. Deck. Now!"
Shit. Better go.
I smacked my hands over my eyes and back-walked out of the cabin's bedroom. "I'm going now! One seriously aroused and sexually obsessed male with an impressive hard-on is walking away from the bedroom, Bella. You're a madwoman."
"I know, Edward, but you'll love this, I swear!"
"Why can't I watch you and love it first hand?" I muttered from several feet away. I was already at the hallway leading to the stairwell. It was ten steps down the stairs and a few more feet through the kitchen and out the glass door. The back patio had a sprinkling of leaves and pine cones littering the deck.
You are truly pathetic if fewer than ten minutes away from her turns you into a grumbling mess.
I'm not pathetic. She's just naked and alone – getting ready for me to be naked and alone with her. Is it a crime if I want to put my dick back in her and move it around a lot?
No, it's not a crime.
I wonder exactly what she's doing.
I was facing the open forest when I heard the distinctive sliding sound of the glass door moving on its track. I swung around, immediately.
Motherfucking Lord of all that's holy.
She was standing in the open door frame. My eyes traveled from her long hair that was swirling around her nipples to the curves of her breasts that were nicely framing the stopwatch that rested between them. Rounding out the outfit was a pair of long gym socks in green and white stripes that covered her all the way up to her knees.
Slim thighs. Bare pussy. Rounded hips. Belly button. Breasts again.
I released a puff of air I didn't realize I'd been holding.
Say something. She's looking down – possibly losing her confidence.
"How many are we going for, Coach?" My voice had grown husky. I was walking toward her slowly. I was only arm's length away now.
Her head shot up, a big grin stealing over her features.
"How many can you give me, Masen?" She was backing up now, heading back for the stairs.
"I would like to push for four, Coach Swan." She smirked at me.
She fucking smirked at you about how many orgasms you can give her before you cave in. Game. On.
"Isn't that a bit ambitious, Masen? You've only begun your training for the big race. We wouldn't want you to seize up. Muscle strain, you know…"
"It really depends on how much time you give me, Coach. If we have an extended practice, I could exceed four – easily."
"Eh, eh….exceed four? That's a lot of laps, trainee."
Her knees must have gotten weak because she had stopped only halfway up the staircase and she was gripping the railing tightly.
"Do you need some assistance, Coach?" The rough texture of my chest hair was pressing into her as I crowded her in the cramped space. I couldn't resist sliding my clothed thigh up against her bare heat.
"Drop and give me one, Masen – and I don't mean pushups."
"Yes, coach."
I got quickly to work, positioning her on the edge of the stair tread. Her hands were gripping the walls next to us when I dove in. Her swollen pussy lips were already coated with her arousal and the smell of her musk was driving me insane. I drank of her liberally, licking and sucking every available inch of sensitive flesh. I was gently sucking on her clit when a thumping sound distracted me briefly from my task.
Bella was pounding the wall with her fist; a look of agonized pleasure had overtaken her features. I stopped for a moment.
"Everything okay, Coach?" I positioned one of her hands onto the safety rail and pressed her other hand over the edge of the stair tread. When she was positioned safely, I thrust two fingers in and up, pressing against the raised ridges of flesh on her inner wall. I was rewarded with a gasp and a long, low moan. Knowing this was the right spot, I began gently rubbing back and forth with the pads of my fingers.
Her thighs jerked open with another gasping moan and then clenched shut around my forearm.
"Unnnnnnh, unnnnnh, uhhhhh, ohhh kay. OKkkkay here."
Nearly unintelligible. She's about to come. YES!
Keeping up the steady rubbing, I angled down to suck on her clit simultaneously.
No way can she withstand that. She'll be losing it in three, two, one….
"Edward! Edward! God yes, right there. Fuck!"
And we have a winner. One down. Three to go.
I gave her one last lick before lifting my head to take in her flushed cheeks and contracting chest muscles as she dragged air into her lungs. I slowly removed my fingers before putting my hands around her waist and lifting. She instinctively wrapped her legs around me. Those sexy ankles clad in gym socks clasped behind my back. A few steps and we were back in the bedroom.
I set her on the bed and had my lounge pants off in seconds. She was still dazed from her first orgasm.
"Mmmmmm, Edward. I feel so good right now."
"Satisfied-good, or achy – I could come again – good?"
"I dunno. Just good I guess." Her eyes were still closed but her hands were running up and down my back. I slid on top of her and positioned her legs back around my waist. Adjusting the skin on my penis, I pressed inside her drenched folds.
"Oh my, Edward! Achy good. Fuck I could come again. Fingers – good. Dick…so big, so good. Mmmmmmf."
"Click that stopwatch, love. I want to beat my last time." Her fingers went to press the counter and my mouth opened and latched onto the nipple not hidden by her hair.
"Is this hard enough?" I asked of the pressure I was giving with my mouth. Her hand went to the other breast to work on that nipple. She moaned in response.
She's touching herself and you're inside her while she's moaning. How long do you honestly think you're going to last with that visual stimulation? You'll be gasping and making the retarded orgasm face in about two seconds.
Shut the fuck up. She loves my orgasm face, and I've been told by her that it's not retarded. Either way – it doesn't matter.
Ask her to squeeze, Edward.
I can distract myself. Leave off.
Ask her to squeeze, Edward. It's urgent.
Uh….. dirty toilets. Ron Jeremy in a tank top. No, no, Ron Jeremy shirtless. Good God – that should work.
"Oh, Edward, you're so hot and hard. Keep going! Don't stop."
The wet fist of her aroused body clasped around me quickly once in a precursor of her impending orgasm.
"Oh, fuck – Bella. Squeeze! I'm about to come. God, no…"
Her eyes popped open immediately and her small hand wiggled to find space between us. I leaned up to give her room. Her journeying fingers found the base of my erection and pressed, hard. I could tell she was counting. My flesh didn't fully soften, but the pressure of impending orgasm was held off for the moment. Rolling, I turned so that she was on top.
Her knees dug into the mattress and she fought to find a balanced footing on top of me.
"Can I move now?"
"Yeah. We're good. Ride me, baby." I was grinning like an idiot again.
Why're you all Smiley McDickerson?
Because I'm doing my woman right now. Shut up.
She laughed at the 'Ride me, baby' comment and began rhythmically shifting her hips first up, almost all the way off, before slamming down and grinding her wet body against mine. She lifted back off to saw up and down rapidly several times before grinding the hell out of me again.
She was gasping, mewling in a timed pattern. I gripped her by the softness of her ass and slammed her back down again. She gasped and levered her hands against my chest to rise all the way off of me again. The suction of her body released me with reluctance. She got her balance on her knees this time before reaching down with her small hand to rub the swollen head of my penis all over her rosy folds.
"You still good, love?"
"Yeah. I'm okay."
"What's wrong?"
"I'm right on the edge, but I can't…"
She pressed the head of my penis back down at an angle and slid on me again. We both groaned.
"It's fucking good, and you're in me and you're all hard, but I can't…"
I gripped her hips and stopped all movement, staring up into her eyes, forcing her to finish her damn sentence.
"You can't what?"
"I can't fuck myself silly like you can Edward. I need you to do that thing where you screw my brains out."
I was sure a baffled look had overtaken my features.
"I have a thing? That I do? I thought I screwed your brains out every time, Bella."
"No, you're much more subtle than that, Edward. Every time it's different. There was one time where you did these shallow thrusts, like four or five of them, and then a hard slam. Can you do that? I really liked that."
She wasn't as wet as she was before. I reached over to the bedside table and grabbed a small tube.
"Close your eyes and give me your right hand, love."
She did as I asked and I smeared some gel onto her fingers before setting her hand back on her clit. I had her rubbing in circles around her still protruding flesh when I began thrusting those shallow thrust like she'd requested.
I was counting in my head to keep focus. The rhythm, her fingers on her clit, and her closed eyes all seemed to help her focus and get back in the game. Before long, she was gasp-moaning again.
Not bad, Edward. Well done.
Fuck you very much.
It was right at the moment when I would have to slam into her with force.
Not too hard.
No, fucking give it to her, she asked for it.
The length of my penis slammed into her rippling past sensitive tissues in one fast stroke. Her eyes flashed open.
"Oh God! Just like that! Oh, my…"
We were sawing back and forth again with these little shallow thrusts – five or six of them. I slammed up and into her willing body.
"Do you want it a little harder?"
"Fuck, yes. Edward. Fuck me hard!"
I pulled my hips back in preparation and shoved into her again with everything I had. Pulling back to the shallow rhythm again, I realized why she liked this so much.
The shallow thrusts are rubbing against her g-spot and the harder thrust compresses on her clit.
But she's not coming right now. I feel like she could let me do this all day.
She probably could.
I can't hold off that long.
My balls are already tightening. Fuck I haven't even come once.
All at once, I stopped, shocked.
"Hey! Don't stop! I didn't say you could…."
The excited look in my eyes must have communicated something to her. Because she cut herself off in mid-protest and asked, "What?"
"Fuck, Bella. I totally forgot about the stopwatch. How long have we been…?"
"Fucking like bunnies, Edward?"
"Yeah. How long?"
She lifted the stopwatch, which had fallen back over her shoulder into her hair. "We've been bunny-fucking for twelve minutes, Edward."
"Wait," I said, sliding back inside her again in a shallow thrust. "Isn't it minxes that have the prolonged sex and bunnies that just do it all the time?"
"You're asking me that now?" She said, grunting on another thrust.
"Yep, I am," I said, sliding home again. I reached down to roll one of her nipples gently again my teeth. "Keep circling your fingers, Bella. You're lagging, here."
"Woops!" She closed her eyes and the joint pressure made her stiffen all over as her nerves responded. I felt her legs jerk around my waist and her back actually arched off the bed.
"Oh my God, Edward. Oh, my! Oh! Oh! Oh!"
Her body was rhythmically clenching around my more than swollen length at this point.
Don't come. Don't come. Whatever you do – you're not allowed to come yet.
"Edward, it's okay. Edward, you can come if you want to – don't torture yourself, love."
I must have tightened my eyebrows because she was smoothing them out.
"Don't even try to talk me out of this, Bella. I said four, you're getting four."
"Whew! You do not give up. Aren't you painfully aroused at this point? Like, ready to explode?"
"God, Bella – yes! You're not making it easier with all this talk of exploding. Keep talking like that and I'll explode all over your tits."
"Fuck. That's hot. Could you do that?"
"My God. You want me to!"
"Fuck yes. Right now. Do it for me. I'd rather have that than a fourth orgasm – as long as I get to watch you." She was licking her lips as she spoke to me about defiling her breasts with my come.
Where did this woman come from?
"You are such a dirty girl, Bella Swan" I said in a gravelly voice.
"Stroke your cock, Edward. I want to watch." Her words were breathy with anticipation.
I repositioned myself between her spread thighs. She slid up the bed into a half sitting, half reclining position. I gripped my cock with my right hand, feeling her eyes on me.
This is a little bit weird.
Shut up. She's totally getting off on this.
I opened my eyes. She had one hand on her breast and the other hand was playing between her legs again.
I had held out for so long. The image of her lust-filled gaze while she fingered herself to sexual arousal again was enough to send me over the edge.
"Fuck! Bella… I'm about to…"
Her hands reached down to rub up and over my thighs. My balls tightened up against my body before a spurt of release erupted up and out of me in several quick arcs before my hot come was sliding over the pearly skin of her breasts. After a few shocked minutes, I felt the pulse in my cock slowly recede to a more manageable rhythm.
She had a cocky grin on her gorgeous face as she dipped a finger in the moisture covering her chest. Suddenly, she chuckled.
"What?" I asked, wondering what on earth she was thinking.
"You have excellent aim. Not a drop in my hair or on my face. Your coach is very proud, Edward."
I rolled my eyes at her crazy antics. I collapsed onto the bed next to her, catching my breath. We lay there, just breathing for a few minutes.
"Much as I loved that ridiculously hot porno moment there, I'm a little bit sticky. We should hit the shower, trainee."
"So that was hot? You're not skeeved out by that?" I asked as I handed her a t-shirt from the floor. She wiped off her chest with a matter-of-fact expression.
"Well, it was a little bit caveman, but I liked it." She threw the shirt onto the small pile of clothing in the closet. She waltzed out of the room and into the bathroom. "You joining me?" She asked, turning briefly.
I followed her into the shower enclosure. She was adjusting the water to the right temperature. I stepped in behind her, my dick already disobedient and hard again. She giggled and rubbed her ass back against me as the hot water rained down.
"I think I'm pretty much shot in the whole feline department, but I love the sentiment. I don't think I could ever make you feel like you need to apologize for wanting me."
Feline Department…Cat – kitty- pussy….Oh!
"Are you okay? Was it too much?" I rubbed my hands up and down her upper arms
"It was just right. My whole body is literally thrumming with pleasure. I've never felt this happy in my life," she affirmed softly. "I will probably be sore soon, though. We're going to have to figure out some non-sex activities to give the girl parts a rest." Her head tilted down when she said this and I chuckled.
I squeezed out some shower gel and quickly worked the material into lather. My soapy hands worked over her back and around to her flat stomach. Her hands gripped mine and pulled them up to cup her breasts.
"So, Edward. How does it feel to be a fifteen minute man?" She leaned her head back on my shoulder and twisted her head to try to see my face. I circled my fingers over her taut nipples before answering.
"It feels a hell of a lot better than being a forty-five second man."
I couldn't restrain the rueful laughter that bubbled out of me. Now that I wasn't such a hopeless wreck, I could laugh about it- at least with Bella I could laugh about it.
"Edward! Don't be so mean to yourself. You were never that fast with me."
"I've never tried harder with a woman than with you. You make me forget the selfish part of myself. I just want to please you so much that I end up focusing on something other than how good I feel. I get to experience how good you feel. In some ways, that does it for me. I love watching you come, knowing I am responsible for making that happen."
She turned around in the shower, an excited expression stealing over her face.
"There! That right there is how I feel too!"
She may have bounced up and down on her toes. I steadied her knowing a header in the shower would be bad.
"You like denying the selfish part of yourself? What?"
I ducked down so she could shampoo my head and do the scratchy-thing to my scalp that I always loved.
"No, knucklehead. I get as much enjoyment watching you feel good – orgasming, whatever. I feel just as good whether it is after ten minutes or two. See? You have to know what I mean because you said essentially the same thing."
I leaned over to rinse the suds out of my hair. I thought about what she'd said. I pushed the dripping strands back away from my face.
Her simple acceptance and affection for messed-up me is why I cannot imagine myself happy with any other person on planet earth. She will be mine eventually – she's just not ready right at this moment.
"Bella, when you say things like that…"
My voice trailed off as I went about washing her hair. Awkwardly, I struggled to contain all of the slippery strands. She rinsed the soap out of her hair as I struggled also to organize my thoughts. She went about quickly conditioning her hair.
Don't rush her. You agreed to leave this alone.
"When I say what?" There was genuine curiosity in her voice. She looked at me gain before leaning under the spray to rinse. She also sounded a little cold. Her teeth were chattering.
"I think the hot water is running out. Let's get towels and dry off," I offered as a distraction.
She was tenacious and would not be dissuaded.
"When I say what, what happens, Edward?"
I pulled an obscenely thick white robe over her shoulders, carefully leading her arms into the sleeves. She wound her hair into a turban while I wrapped a towel around my waist.
"When you say how much you like giving and receiving pleasure with me, it makes me feel like I'm on a 'How to Be a Better Lover DVD." I chuckled at my own ridiculous comparison.
She got a frustrated look on her face. She was rearranging her features so that a smile could not form. Finally, she gained command of her features and put her hands on her hips.
"I call bullshit. That totally was not what you were going to say."
"Wouldn't you like to know? I call free pass. I don't have to tell you unless you give something up."
"Masen, I've already given up everything and then some. You sex-tutored me back into being a fully functioning woman. We live together. I'm probably going to end up having your baby snots eventually. What more do you…?"
I'm sure a self-satisfied grin was stealing over my triumphant face. She sputtered for just a minute before throwing her hands up in the air and dramatically storming out of the bedroom. I started laughing like a crazy man.
She may not be ready to let me propose to her, but she definitely sees my invading avengers impregnating her one day. Awesome! She totally wants to be with me forever; she just can't say it out loud yet.
I found her in the small kitchen pouring a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios. There was a pouty expression on her face as she poured milk, not fat free, into her cereal.
She's going to have to dump that out. There's no way she can gulp down 2% milk without gagging.
She was four bites in to her post-sex snack before I realized she was scarfing down the cereal like there was no tomorrow.
You might want to intersperse the sex with more calories. Poor love was hungry. I wonder what that milk transformation means. She never would drink anything other than fat free any time I've seen her. It's like she doesn't even notice.
I poured my own bowl of cereal and joined her at the kitchen table. I didn't say anything. I didn't need to. This was a waiting game. There was no way she would be able to out-quiet me on this one. I finally looked up. She was staring at me, spoon held aloft –milk dripping back into her bowl, most likely hoping I would be the first one to speak.
Say something innocuous.
"I'm personally more a fan of 'Cookie Crisp'. This is far too healthy for the likes of me," I announced before taking a giant spoonful of wholegrain goodness.
Her spoon was still hanging there. She finished bringing it to her mouth, realized it was empty, and dropped the spoon into the bowl with a loud clang. I started refilling her bowl, knowing she was likely still hungry.
"Don't." Her voice was clipped, short. I set the box back on the table, but she gestured with her hand to go ahead and fill the bowl. I resumed shaking the box until it was half full again.
"Don't talk about Cookie Crisp. I know you want to talk about….about…"
"Just say it Bella. 'The future.' It's not that hard. The future will get here even if you do nothing. We're both going to be finished with school soon. Then what?"
She left the last portion of Cheerios in the bowl and got up from the table. She pushed her chair in, slowly. I had never pulled myself in towards the table. She filled the gap by straddling my lap and hugging me tightly.
"Can't we just be together forever, have whatever you want – rugrats, puppies, but not get married?"
My back stiffened involuntarily.
So she will live with me, sleep with me, have kids with me if I want to, but she won't take my name, my ring? What the fuck?
I was suddenly restraining anger. I took several deep breaths before speaking.
She said she needed time.
I don't think she needs time. I think she's allowing some kind of irrational fear to take over.
"What are you afraid of, Bella?" I struggled to keep my voice even. Regardless of how rejected I felt that she didn't like the idea of marrying me.
"I'm not afraid of anything! You don't know what you're talking about." Her voice was belligerent and deceitful. She was fucking terrified. She couldn't even look me in the eye.
I repeated the question.
"What is it, Bella? Why are you so scared of the next logical step for us?"
"Because!"
"That's not an answer. Spit. It. Out."
"Marriage is a trick, Edward. It gives you a false sense of security. It's fragile. It breaks, and then you're all alone. I can live with us choosing to be together every day. I can live with being there for you. What I can't live with? Promising everything with you, and then watching while it all falls apart."
She's afraid of failure – just like you are. Give her some confidence.
I tilted her chin up until we had eye contact again.
"Do you want two kids or three?" My voice left no room for argument.
Her mouth fell open.
"I don't…"
"Don't think! Just answer."
"Fine, then. I want three."
Success. Finally some truth.
I gripped her ass and brought her firmly onto my burgeoning erection. I was still wearing only a towel. She was naked under the robe. She wiggled to get more comfortable and I groaned. I lifted my head and began speaking again. My tone of voice was ordinary, matter-of-fact.
"Who do you want to have sex with other than me?"
"What the fuck? I don't want to get naked with anyone else you dork!"
Thank God. That was not a fun question.
"If I go ahead and build our dream house. You know, the one with the wrap around porch and the balcony off the master bedroom…Would you be okay if I found another woman, married her, and moved her into our house?"
I squeezed her hips, watching as she digested the question. She got that fierce look on her small face. It was comical to me, but I held myself back from chuckling.
"Who the fuck is she, Edward! I'll fucking cut the bitch!"
I was suddenly laughing again. I buried my face in the cleavage gaping from her robe.
Crazy woman.
"I have a few more questions. Don't answer, love. Just think."
She pursed her lips but refrained from speaking.
"Who makes you feel like the best version of yourself?"
She gazed straight into my face and then rolled her eyes at me. The answer was obvious to both of us.
"Who can you see yourself growing old with?"
She reached up a hand and pushed my damp, unruly hair off my forehead. She ran a hand down my cheek to my neck and then stopped.
"You'd still be handsome, you jerk. I'll get all wrinkly, and you'll be all older-man soap-opera cute."
I raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to get quiet again. I kissed the side of her neck and she grew still.
"Who do you belong with, Bella?" I whispered this one softly into her ear.
She wrapped her arms around me and whispered back.
"You."
A/N: I have no personal problems with feminism, so please don't get angry with my characterization of Jessica. I really don't see her as some kind of negative stereotype. She is just one of those people who likes to pontificate – about anything. I just had to choose something that might be abrasive to Edward in the wrong dosage.