Soon enough a destination that was over an hour long drive was underway and mostly through. Peridot beside her, they had borrowed the van from Steven thankfully. Lapis was noticing few things the closer they got such as her heart sky rocketing. Death tracing steps back and forth through her head making the road ahead hard to watch. Little bumps in the road caused massive spikes of fear in her as if losing control.
They were losing buildings to greenery and losing people as well. It went from their town of a decent amount of people to the town, overly full of people. Now they were surrounded by farms of corn and out stretched areas of nothingness. More bumps were lifting the van up than before with pot holes left and right, causing a harsher grip on the wheel.
A night of constant sitting up and of dreams that were about to come real. Vivid images of the moon laid in her mind while her eyes felt like lead. Light techno music was being played and at the request of keeping it low it was barely audible in Lapis' current state. A white noise that fell behind her just like the scenery, unnoticed.
"Lapis!" The blonde beside her yelled out causing Lapis to quickly turn and look over before shifting back to the road. Just a quick flash of the green eyes were all her attention was drawn to.
"Yeah, what is it?" Lapis said back in a frantic voice more so than anything else. Both hands on wheel and constantly looking through the rear view mirror as no one else was around them.
"I feel like you haven't been listening to me for miles…" Peridot sullenly said, her voice was low and Lapis sure as hell wasn't going to look over at her once again. "The only thing I feel you hear is when I tell you to turn right or something like that…"
"Sorry, I'm really freaking out right now…" Lapis said trying to showcase her concern in her low voice.
"I know…" Peridot mimed the blue haired girls tone as well. "Well it's going to be a right at the end of this road then we'll be there…" Like that the words dropped and the road stopped with only the path on the right to continue. Small bumps as rocks were trampled by the vans wheels.
At the end of the road was an older looking house, it looked as if the building was half shed and half house. One story tall without a garage but just a small white car sitting out front. The windows along the front of the house all had their blinds closed and the gravel road went all the way to the door step.
Running along the other small car they parked and Lapis was full on heaving in air at the sight of the dark brown door. It matched the trees except it felt like it had a dash of burgundy running along the grains of it. One side of the car opened up and that was the passenger.
Lapis was heavily breathing and her hands were still gripped on the hard plastic around the steering wheel. It was as if leaving a mark so deep that eventually the plastic would engulf her hands and keep her there. A shockwave ran through the car as Peridot closed her side, Lapis felt the rigid movement swaying her body ever so slightly.
Closing her eyes and trying to maintain few deep breaths caused her chest to hitch several times a breath. Shadows were crawling along the side of her vision as she tried to open her eyes to focus on the steering wheel but instead just caught the noise of a new person. The door opening and it showing a lanky lady which quickly drew Lapis to close her eyes once more.
You only have a few seconds to calm the fuck down come on! Dragging her hands off the wheel at last until they could plummet into her hair as if to try and pull every strand out at once. Her hands felt a slight bit of pressure along them as she dragged her eyes up to see her blonde girl worringly watching over her.
Soft hands that ran along her arm released the tension in her shoulders and the soft eyes showing concern helped halt her scattered breath. She was still mentally rattled but she needed to stand, she needed to move and not go into a full blown panic attack. I can't show weakness, she cannot know how much of my life has been ruined by her.
Her mother wasn't getting closer but instead just waiting outside the door, which gave Lapis some time. Unbuckling her seatbelt she turned to the blonde and wrapped her in a tight hug. Every instinct of hers told her to squeeze as hard as she could but her mind could only think of how scared she was to crush the tiny girl.
"It's alright," small words that found their way into Lapis' ears and she didn't know how long they were hugging each other but eventually they let go. Her breath was a little steadier and her heavy eyes weren't being engulfed by the ever hungry shadows.
"Thanks you," Lapis softly said as she closed the door behind her. Together they approached the front door holding hands, a snug tight grip. The girl they were approaching was slender and wore a long dark blue dress with a black thin jacket that seemed to just cling to her arms. The lines in her eyes were new but the rest seemed oddly familiar such as the jet black hair.
Age hadn't been bad on her with the glisten of her dark silky hair still evident. Few lines along her face bothered Lapis though, they reminded her of angry times. Rare gusts of wind would fling around the tail end bottom of her dress which reminded Lapis of what she was wearing.
Looking beside her Peridot was actually wearing slacks and a button up white shirt, when did she even get those… It looked nice and it was probably thanks to how freaked out she was about meeting her as well. She must be uncomfortable, I've never heard her mention wearing nice clothes…
Lapis wasn't wearing too nice of clothes but just her blue dress, well at least she didn't see it as nice but more so fitting. The last outfit that was ruined by the woman in front of her, the woman that was waving frantically with a huge smile pressed along her face.
"Welcome, welcome I'm so glad to have you two, you both look lovely," The woman began to open up the door. As they closed the distance she began holding out her hand towards Peridot. "I'm Acai Lazuli it's truly a pleasure to meet you," Peridot let go to grab Acai's hand and ended up being dragged into a hug.
"Nice to meet you… I'm Peridot…" She was clearly rattled and Lapis' eyes were wide in concern over her girlfriend being dragged away. Also concerned in the giant lie that placed itself in front of them.
"Lapis, I'm so glad to see you," quickly Lapis was engulfed in the group hug causing spikes of anxiety to her mind. Quickly pushing herself to separate them to just see a smile and a hand welcoming them inside.
A well-kept place with the living room on the right, a dark grey engulfed the room, Lapis was glad that it wasn't the same house she lived in but the same furniture gave her chills. Grey carpets that seemed to run up the long couch facing the television. They kept walking though and soon enough a kitchen was on display.
Completely clean, aside from the few dishes in a drying rack. The pure white plastic floors along with white cupboards had all her childhood creations on display. Little creatures she made in art in Elementary School littered left and right. Her first thanks giving card board creation, no idea how that survived but she attempted to brush it off.
"So…" Lapis let out as she stood there with her arms along her side and one rubbing the side of her head. It'll be okay just don't think of then, just now.
"I have macaroni in the oven, I know how you love that," Acai said stepping away from them to head towards the oven. "Seven more minutes."
"Alright…" Lapis responded looking over at Peridot and she saw something different… A smile, an actual smile was on her girlfriends face and she actually didn't look all that nervous.
"How about some tea?" Acai asked already pacing over to the kettle to turn it on.
"I'll just have some water…" Lapis said drawing over to one of the chairs at the table. Old grainy wood chairs that had pillars along the back you could easily feel pressing into you.
"And you Peridot?"
"Can I have some water as well?"
"Of course," Acai responded and they were promptly brought water. Lapis watched the whole process of it coming from the sink and the two ice cubes that she put in each of them. The water that flung into the air still stained her mind but she cautiously drank the water.
It tasted like water, nothing really stuck out just regular water to her. Her mind was still on full alert, this whole thing felt fishy like a dream.
"So how did you two meet, I never did end up hearing about that. I didn't even know you liked women dear," Acai's voice was genuine and Lapis just didn't seem to understand why.
"Well uh Steven introduced us, I'm sure you remember him…" Lapis said back quite hesitant to even reveal anything more. "I needed a roommate and so did she, so she ended up moving in and then from there it's just kind of is…" Lapis said nervously grabbing her arm and having her eyes circle around the room in search for a distraction.
Little wooden decorations from little bird homes to sculptures littered the edges of where the floor met the wall. Dark colors usually with tones that could easily hide themselves unless the eye was specifically looking for them. A beep from the kitchen drew the conversation away as her mother began to stand and bring out a large pan of homemade macaroni.
Plates and everything else was already set along the table with a dull red clothe laid over the table. The smell of cheddar cheese was wafted into the air from the new center piece, it smelt good.
"Here, feel free to dish yourselves up," Acai said cradling her face between her two hands. Her eyes were tearing into Lapis' peripherals causing a bit of discomfort.
"I wanted to wash my hands real quick, where's the restroom?" Lapis asked still keeping her eyes along the beige walls with plenty of paintings of nature.
"Oh if you just walk a bit further then first door on your left," Lapis got the gist and quickly excused herself. Not giving a glance to Peridot but hoping that she at least looked slightly bothered, this was nothing of what she had mentions. "So Peridot what do you do for a living."
"Oh I help," Lapis had stopped paying attention to the conversation and began just focusing on her frantic vision. Soon enough the bathroom was within sight, it wasn't nearly as pretty as the rest of the house. It held several stains along the floor and walls and the soap had residue underneath it.
With a quick crank of the nozzle cold water poured out and was quickly lapped up by Lazuli's hands and thrown on her face. A deep red towel soon enough replaced the water and began taking the wetness away from her. One more deep breath things are alright… Things are better than alright…
"Yeah I was really surprised when Lapis called me, late that night but definitely was a pleasant surprise." Lapis heard those words coming through loud and clear through her mother's vibrant voice.
She couldn't hear Peridot's response, her voice was only loud enough to signal something was said but not loud enough to process with the distance.
"Well I mean it wasn't too late when she called but by the end of it, it was definitely dark outside." Lapis began to force herself out of the bathroom once again into the other room. Hands balled at her side, squeezing them as if that would stop the heavy beating she felt in each step. "Welcome back dearie, ready for some food?" Her words left as if the previous conversation was nothing at all and all that was important was that she was back in the room.
"Yeah Lapis have some food," Peridots voice held an edge to it and that freaked out Lapis as well. As if the entire room was out to get her just within one small break.
"I'm not too hungry," if she was hungry all her bound up nerves and fear definitely were coming first and pushing the thought away of human needs.
"Just try a bite at least," Acai said as she dug a huge spoon full up and dropped it along Lapis' plate. Grabbing her spoon that was left alongside each of the plates she began pushing it around as if she was still a five year old patiently waiting for deserts.
"Lapis it really is good, I see where you got your ability to cook from," Peridot said and looking over she saw the blonde taking a large bite of food. She never really had shown that great of table side manners.
"Oh no, no not at all. I never did cook for Lapis, if anyone did that would have been her father…" The roomed filled with silence at the comment and Lapis indulged in it with only staring at her plate of food and not looking up to see any of their faces. Definitely cheese was also shredded along the top as it showed several strands connecting the macaroni pieces.
"Well, it is um good," Peridot awkwardly said, willingly breaking the silence. Looking over with a half glare half confused face to the blonde to only receive wide eyes back.
"You said Lapis cooks for you?" Acai questioned back and it was in that instance that Lapis saw it. She saw those fucking eyes in a curious half glare for a split second, Peridot may not have noticed but she did. Grinding her teeth together slightly she felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand straight up. Soon enough though, nothing came from it, no attack, and no verbal assault. Just a happy conversation between two people.
"She really makes the most wonderful meals, well I mean Rose does as well but hers are good. Also really healthy, she ends up making stir fries the most." Peridot excitingly said as if she was a little kid and this brought a smile to Lazuli's lips. Lapis felt the dents in her own smile, she was tainted, she was no longer pure and that smile only was the edges of her lips.
"Well maybe next time I can come over instead and you can cook for me," Acai happily said drawing Lapis eyes back to look at her mother.
"That sounds fun right Lazuli?" Both eyes were on her, stress…
"Aw you call her Lazuli?" Acai's face lit up at the sound of that.
"Well yeah… I mean sometimes. Lazuli is an odd last name though," Peridot said clearly slightly embarrassed by her pet name for Lapis.
"Yeah, she was named after her grandmother on her father's side, she really does bare a lot of resemblance to her." Bittersweet words that sounded as if they had been searching for a kind ear to listen for years. Lapis wasn't even exactly sure where her name came from.
"Really?" Peridot asked, Lapis wanted to know these answers as well but courage wasn't on her side just like most things today.
"Oh yes, when they were born they both had the same eyes and everything. A nice head of hair, she really was a beautiful baby. It's a shame her grandmother had passed away before she was born though, through a heart attack." Once again that god awful silence began.
"I'm sorry…" Peridot said in a low voice.
"It's alright, she was a nice person but her husband was abusive, growing up as well. Okay enough sad things, are you two happy living together?" Acai asked curiously.
"Yes." Lapis responded to which both people had a sharp inhale as if to show that the lack of an answer was a little bothersome.
"It's been great, she's a lot better at taking care of it then me though. She cleans often and really just kind of takes care of me in general, we're happy together." Peridot genuinely said and Lapis looked over, and her eyes wanted to water after hearing that. She was so glad that her girlfriend was happy.
"Lapis are you alright?" Acai seemed to ignore Peridots answer slightly giving full attention to Lapis.
"Yeah I'm fine." Lapis quickly responded once again. Which got a little bit of a stern look from her mother which translated into a worried look from Peridot.
"She's just a little bit nervous is all," Peridot said with her hands raised slight as if to try and calm everyone.
"She was quiet when we were on the phone but not this quiet." Acai said now with more worry in her voice than sternness.
"I think it's because you're not like what she was expecting." Peridot threw that out there and instantly Acai's face shifted over to confusion. Furrowed eyes drawn together with a slightly open mouth.
"What do you mean like she was expecting?" Acai's placement of her elbows on the table became more prominent as she began to hold her hands together. Expecting, you were awful to me, why are you like this? This is a fucking lie.
"Well…" Before Peridot could awkwardly continue Lapis finally interjected.
"I don't know? mean like you are," Lapis wanted to shout this but instead held it at a dull roar.
"Mean?" Dear I don't understand?" That was the last straw, the concern on her mother's face was a lie and she knew it even if Peridot didn't.
"Yeah, we came here because you still haunt my freaking nightmares!" Lapis said hitting her elbows into the table causing a brief shake to every one's dinner.
"Oh your still having those dreams honey, I'm so sorry." Acai said without changing a beat in her voice.
"Dreams? They are freaking memories of what you used to do to me!" Lapis actually shouted this, pushing the chair away with enough force for it to fall over. All she got in return was a pitiful look from her mother and a slowly shaking head.
"Lapis I never laid a hand on you… Are you really still telling people I did those horrible things to you…" Looking over to Peridot to reaffirm her feelings and she just saw the blondes face, it horrified her. It seemed as if all the words passed around were drawing up confusion.
"Yeah you did! That's why I moved out and I can't believe you're lying about it now." Lapis said eyeing the door her only escape.
"Lapis… the only person that hurt you after your dad passed away was yourself. That's why the only scars people notice are on your wrists and your legs." Lapis wanted to yell, she wanted to screech as loud as she could but instead her breath just shook her body with each attempt to bring life into it.
"No you just didn't leave any scars." Lapis said once more wide eyed with a fury she hadn't held in a while. Like a torch was burning behind her eyelids at the stacks of trauma.
"Lapis calm down, that's in the past we're trying to work past that." Peridot calmly said placing a hand on her elbow. The soft grasp was infuriating that she wasn't taking her side, how dare she not support her side. Drawing her hands away from the soft caress so that she could feel the open air cling to her skin and nothing else.
"I'm done!" With that Lapis began stomping towards the door with only rage fueling each step. That fucking liar. She could hear a few words though coming from behind her, not directed at her though.
"It was really her father that was abusive, when he finally died she just couldn't handle it and already had enough proof of child abuse by then. It's really a shame that she seems to think it was me and not her father," Acai said and those words pierced the air. Lapis wanted to turn around and run at the older lady and hit her but instead slammed the door.
Walking by and kicking gravel with each step watching it fling as she approached the van. Pulling away the metal keys from her pocket and jamming them in. By the time she was fully strapped in and had her head on the steering wheel, Peridot was finally leaving the house.
The blonde had Acai following close behind and they were still talking briefly. Does she look embarrassed by me? I introduce her to my mother and this is how she acts? The two by the house gave each other a brief wave before Acai brought her in for a hug once again. Acai followed Peridot as they got closer to the car.
"Honey please contact me again soon, I really do want to talk and be here for you now. I know I was a depressed mess when your dad passed away but I'm better now." Acai said but all Lapis saw was lying straight through her teeth. She saw the shadows that weren't dust but the shape of a human with a variety of house hold things slamming them down.
She saw the red eyes that blared past with a slowly opening mouth of disappointed words. They still stung and they were still there, this woman couldn't fool her. Turning on the car ready to drive until she noticed the passenger seat still void of anything.
Soon enough the door opened and Peridot slowly buckled herself up.
"Are we really leaving so abruptly Lapis?" Traitorous words, Lapis thought and put the car in gear quickly driving away.
"Yeah didn't you hear her? She fucking lied about the whole thing and it's like you were believing her." Lapis wasn't in a good place, her mind wasn't working properly. Shadows were starting to engulf her vision, mixing in with tears and pure anger.
"Lapis… Slow down… You're driving a bit fast," Peridot said those words low as if she was aware of the danger she faced. Lapis gazed down and slowed down the car a bit till it stopped alongside the road, desperate to get ahold of herself.
A light touch was felt going by her hand as if to alert her she wasn't alone. Quickly and angrily she pulled herself away.
"Who do you trust?" Lapis asked wide eyed looking over. Rage was pushing her anxiety away, she didn't feel scared, which felt like she needed to push herself forward with it. Figure out whose side the other girl was on.
"What do you mean?" Peridot questioned, she was obviously bothered from the fact that she looked around.
"Do you think my mom is actually a nice person or do you think that… Thing in there is a lie?" Lapis questioned, being parked she could look straight into her eyes. Green ones that wavered and didn't want to hold direct contact. As if to emphasize that she would be lying.
"Lapis, of course I trust you. That's not something you really lie about… But maybe she has changed," Peridot tried to finish but Lapis wasn't going to allow that.
"She hasn't, I saw with my own eyes she was just waiting. She was going to do something, you didn't eat that much of the food right?" Lapis shot those words out of her mouth quickly, seemed Peridot was taking a moment to process each word and then another to decide what to say.
"Lapis calm down, it's going to be alright. We can discuss this tomorrow, it's just important that you even came here today."
"But… But…" Peridot was right and apparently trying to not start anything. She was actually pretty good at defusing negative tension, at least Lapis'. Taking in a large breath, Lapis tried to calm herself as well.
"How about we sit here for a moment and just listen to music, then when you feel up to it we can go home?" Peridot asked with a small smile.
"Alright…" Lapis agreed shifting on the radio. First was a country song that neither of them cared about and was quickly shifted over to some older rock.
Focusing purely on her breath she looked out the window to the bright blue sky. Her phone had been buzzing constantly with messages but none of those were important. The green eyes staring back and the palm rested on her cheek that was important.
The seat wasn't very comfortable and the speakers made some odd noises due to age occasionally. She didn't have to pay for this vehicle though, so that was nice.
"I think I'm ready to go home now." Lapis said quite genuinely. Looking over a frail smile was all that she was met with.
"Me to."