Kurt POV

I needed to call him again. No, wait, that would be clingy. Or maybe not. It was nearly 10 at night, and I needed at least 8 hours of sleep to keep my energy up and my complexion clear, so if I was going to call him, it had to be now. Usually, I had a one call limit, and if I didn't get a call back, then screw them, but this was a special circumstance. Not only was Finn my boyfriend, but he needed me. After all, I was the only one who had proven that he could trust me.

Ooh, a little full of ourselves aren't we? Maybe Finn needs you and maybe he doesn't, but you need him, too. You need to hear his voice, and to know that he's alright. Not just for his sake, but for yours, too. So call the boy again, but play it cool. If he asks, and he might, just tell him that you weren't sure if you needed to pick him up tomorrow for school.

That was good enough for me, and I dialed Finn for the third (alright, it was the fifth) time tonight. The phone rang and rang, just like before, but this time a familiar, sleepy voice answered. "Hey, Spider Monkey."

I never thought I would be so glad to him call me that. 'Hey. How are you doing?"

"Good." His voice was quiet, but stronger then it had been before. He would be alright.

Still, I couldn't help but ask. "Are you really?" He and I were at a point in our relationship where I felt like I could ask.

There was a long silence, broken only by his soft breathing in to the receiver. "Yeah. Maybe not good good, but better. Mom and I talked."

"What did she say? Did it make you feel better?" I was dying to know how Carol had justified it, but the most important thing now was Finn, not my insatiable curiosity.

"Um…yes and no, I guess. She said…you know, I don't really want to talk about it over the phone. Can we talk tomorrow?"

Did he really not understand that I would do anything for him, at any time? "Sure. You are coming to school, right?"

"Yeah. Mom has to work and I don't want to be stuck in the house alone all day. Plus, I've kinda missed a lot of school recently and I don't want to flunk the year. That would suck and it would make Mom cry."

If he was worried about making Carol cry, things between them must be better. "Alright, I'll be there at 7. I….I don't want to have to wait for you, because I have to meet Mercedes at 7:30." Once again, I had been about to tell him I loved him, and, once again, I wimped out.

"You sure you don't want to spend at least part of the day here? I've been practicing, and I can do this really cool trick with a Popsicle now."

Every possible scenario that could involve Finn Hudson and a Popsicle flew through my mind, leaving me stuttering and totally turned on. "W-what?"

"Yeah, I heard about it on the internet. You know, so you don't screw up your gag reflex or something, I don't know. So I took all of the orange popsicles out of the fridge and used them for practice. It's harder then it sounds."

That wasn't the only thing that was hard right now. "You seriously learned how to give a blow job to a Popsicle?"

"Uh-huh. Why, what would you have used?" Finn sounded completely innocent, but I knew that he was enjoying this. I also knew that he was trying to take his mind off of things by talking about sex. Still, there were worse things he could want to talk about, like football, or video games, or horror movies. "Are you proud of me?"

"Very." It was getting a little hard to think, considering that most of the blood flow in my body had been diverted away from my brain, and straight into my pants. "Maybe we could spend the morning at your place and-"

A sudden throat clearing made my blood freeze. Oh, please God, let that not be what I thought it was. I turned to the stairs, where my father stood, his face flaming. I guess I know where I got my tendency to blush from. "Finn, hang on a minute." I covered the receiver with one hand. "Yes, Dad?" Please God let him not have heard the words 'blow job' pass my lips.

"Tell Finn that you'll pick him up at the normal time and there will be absolutely nothing happening that involves a popsicle in any capacity, got it? Kurt, I will be calling the school tomorrow to see if you're there. Now, go to bed." Whatever his original reason for coming down here, he seemed to have forgotten it. He actually looked kind of shell-shocked when he spoke.

I just sat there, the phone dangling from my limp fingers. This was bad, almost as bad as if he had actually walked in on Finn and me. Tinny squawking finally alerted me to the fact that Finn was still there, and that he was getting increasingly worried. "Sorry, I'm back." I stopped there, still trying to process what had just happened.

"What's wrong?" All of the teasing had left Finn's voice. "You sound all sad and stuff."

"My father came downstairs and he heard us. Dad heard me use the term 'blow job'."

Finn's smirk was nearly audible through the phone. "Oh really? Wow, maybe you know how I felt when my mother talked to me about buying condoms. Sucks doesn't it?" I'm pretty sure that he was attempting to sound sympathetic, but by the end he was actually snickering.

"You are such an asshole." Ok, so he actually had a point, but I wasn't going to let him know that. "Anyway, he said that he's going to check to see if I'm in school tomorrow, so I'll have to see your Popsicle trick another time."

"Damn." He heaved a downright pitiful sigh. "Oh, yeah, I meant to ask you something. What are you doing after Glee today?"

Apparently not him. "Nothing. I think my Dad's going to be keeping a really close eye on me, though."

"Oh." He was quiet for a second, then said the rest of it in a rush. "Because I really, really wanted to go out to the cemetery and see my Dad, but if you can't take me, it's alright. Mom probably can when she gets home."

It was such a soft, heartfelt, request that I couldn't refuse to do it. "Of course I'll take you to the cemetery. Which one?"

"Glenwood, out by the highway. Do you know where it is?"

Of course I did. Glenwood was the same place that my mother was buried. "Yeah, my Mom's there, too."

Finn was quiet for a minute. "Oh. I guess it'll be a family reunion then."

Sometimes I forgot that, underneath it all, Finn sometimes has a very dark sense of humor. "I guess it will." Then something else occurred to me. "Wait, I thought your father was cremated? Isn't that what's in the urn on your mantle?"

"Yeah, but there's a grave, too. Mom wanted him cremated, but Grandma and Grandpa wanted him buried. She won, because she was his wife, and it was what he wanted in his will, but they bought a plot with a headstone and stuff anyway. There's nothing in it, but sometimes I go see it anyway."

There was a sudden pounding on the door at the top of the stairs. "Bed, Kurt. NOW!"

Ever since he had started dating Carol, Dad had suddenly become very interested in everything I did. Before, I pretty much ran wild and, as long as I checked in and was back for dinner, he didn't care what I did. Of course, Carol came along about the same time as Glee, and before Glee, I hadn't really had any friends to hang out with, so there wasn't much for me to do except come home and sit by myself. Now that I actually had a social life, I guessed it was natural for him to be more worried.

"Alright!" It might be natural for him to be concerned about me, but that didn't mean I had to like it. "I'm hanging up right now!"

I balanced the phone against my shoulder. "Finn, I have to go. My father's nagging."

He laughed. "Welcome to my world, dude. I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Bye, Cowboy." I hung up before he could say anything back. Finn was doing better, and I would get to see him tomorrow. Until then, I could still think about him and that Popsicle. Correction: Finn and that orange Popsicle. I wasn't sure why, but knowing the color made it sound so much naughtier.

Maybe it turned him on, too. Maybe he jerked off afterwards. Or during. Or both. Aren't you jealous of that Popsicle?

Galinda might be a complete hussy, but she was certainly providing me with some very interesting mental pictures. After all, it had been five entire days since I had done anything with Finn, which meant it had been five entire days since I had gotten off at all.

Why don't you call him and ask? Say: Finn, I want to know what you think about when you jerk off. Is it me?

Sometimes I thought she might have some control over my body after all, because I had dialed Finn before I knew what I was doing. He sounded surprised when he picked up "What's up, Spider Monkey?"

The more I heard that nickname, the more I liked it. Liking the nickname, though, didn't mean that it was easy to ask what I wanted. "Uh…well…."

He waited for about 20 seconds, which was an eternity in Finn-world, then tried again. "Do you need something? To talk? I can come over if you can promise your dad won't, like, kill me or something."

As tempting as that sounded, my father had been pretty irritated, and I wasn't sure what he would do if he caught Finn trying to sneak in through the basement window. Sighing to myself, I filed that fantasy away for another time, preferably when Dad wasn't home. "Better not. I think my father actually likes you, and I don't want to do anything to ruin that."

"Oh, alright." He sounded disappointed, so I must not be the only one who had thoughts about Finn Hudson crawling through my window. "How come you called, then?"

Screw this, I wasn't saying anything. It shouldn't be possible to be this embarrassed, considering that Finn had already seen everything there was to see, but, somehow saying the words was different.

Wuss. How can you expect to do anything if you can't even say the words?

She had a point. "If I ask you something, will you promise not to laugh?"

"Dude, you know I wouldn't laugh. Unless you have your tongue stuck in a mixer or something, that would be pretty funny."

"No, my tongue isn't stuck anywhere." I took a deep breath. "I was just…?

"Huh? Can you say that a little slower?"

"I was wondering, what you were thinking when you were practicing on that Popsicle." It took all of my strength not to rush through it again.

"Oh, well, mostly that the Popsicle was really cold, and that I hoped it wouldn't really be like that, but I figured that it wouldn't because your skin is warm and it's even warmer on your dick so I shouldn't worry."

Oh yeah, this was Finn I was talking to. If you weren't agonizingly specific with him, he wouldn't get what you were talking about. "No, not that. What I meant was…did you get turned on by it?"

His voice dropped. "Yeah."

"What did you think about?" My own voice had gotten low in a way that puberty had never done for me.

"Um…doing the same thing to you." He sounded a little embarrassed, but not enough that he wouldn't talk. "About doing other things, a little bit."

"Like…." I drew the word out as long as I could. There was no way that the two of us could talk about this face to face, but it seemed easier on the phone.

I could almost see him shrugging. "Like sex, I guess. I mean, we have to do that eventually, right?"

"We don't have to do anything that you don't want to." I had to keep emphasizing that, so Finn didn't totally flip out on me.

"I know that, but isn't that what people do when they're… together?"

I noticed the slight pause before the last word, and I wondered if he had intended to say 'when they're in love'. "I guess." Desperately, I tried to get this conversation back on track. "So, tell me more about what you were thinking with the Popsicle."

"I was thinking that one day after Glee; we could come over here, and practice on each other. Maybe more then once. That would be great."

Damn, I could get off forever just by replaying those words in my mind. "At your place, huh? Wouldn't we have more room to maneuver at my place?" I could barely move around in Finn's room, and the cramped furniture was probably where he kept getting all those bruises on his hips from.

"We would, but I want to do it here. We've done everything at your place. I want to be able to look at my room, and know the first time we did that, it was here."

It had never occurred to me that he would care about things like that. It was really kind of hot to think that he was that into me and what we did together. "Ok. How about the day after tomorrow?"

"I don't know, I might need some comforting after the cemetery. Why don't we play it by ear?" He chuckled a little. "So, why exactly did you call? Did you really just want to hear about me and the Popsicle?"

I might as well admit it. "Yeah."

"Oh!" He sounded way too interested by that. "Why did you want to know? So you could think about it when you jerked off?"

I would have been too embarrassed to say it like that, though I found his lack of shame more then a bit charming. "Yes."

"So why didn't you just say that? I can offer you a lot better then that if you want to jerk off."

"What!" Apparently I had entered some glorious alternate dimension where everything was perfect. Was Finn really offering to have phone sex with me?

He chuckled into phone. "Well, yeah. Unless your Dad can hear it, because then I'm hanging up."

That thought was beyond horrifying, but when I laid the phone down and listened as hard as I could, I still heard nothing. "I think he went to bed."

"Awesome. So what do you want me to tell you? Should I just start at the beginning?"

"The beginning." I still couldn't believe that this was happening.

"Well, first there was this porn movie, you know, they kind with two guys, and I was thinking that giving someone a blow job was probably harder then it looked. So I asked Britt how she learned to do it, and she said the hockey team, which isn't going to happen. So then she said to practice on a Popsicle so you don't start gagging, which would kind of ruin the mood, so I did."

He wasn't making this as sexy as I thought he would. "So, why an orange one?"

"Well, first I used the purple ones, then the red ones, but they kept melting."

Imagining Finn dripping with Popsicle juice was more like it. "Were you turned on?"

"Yeah, but mostly because I was thinking about doing it with you."

That struck me. Finn was turned on, not because he thought I would give him a blow job, but because he wanted to be able to give me one. "Really?"

"Uh-huh. I jerked off twice." He sounded particularly proud of that.

"Really?" My mouth was apparently stuck on repeat and I found myself sliding a hand into my pajama bottoms.

"Oh, yeah. You know what else? I was totally pretending that you were doing me." He was getting into it now, his voice low and husky. "It made things better."

His breathing was heavy, and I wondered if he was doing the same thing I was. "What are you doing, right now?" I was stroking softly now, wondering what Finn had done with that bottle of lube. Maybe he had taken it home with him.

"What do you think I'm doing?" That goofy grin was back in his voice.

"I think you're…touching yourself." God I hated the word masturbating, and I wasn't going to say it.

"You think right." He sighed contentedly, as if confirming it to me was some sort of release of tension. "You make me hot."

God I loved him. I loved him for saying that, and being brave enough to try something, and for his goofy nicknames and the way he would look at me when I was waxing on about fashion. It was a look that told me he thought I was crazy, but it was a good type of crazy, his type of crazy.

"Yeah, uh…" Apparently what they claimed was true. Men have two heads and only one of them gets any blood flow at a time. I should have been horrified about the fact that Finn Hudson now had a better vocabulary then I did, but there would be plenty of time for that later.

Finn must have taken my inarticulation as meaning that I wanted him to continue, which I certainly did. "Damn." It was a harsh half whisper half moan. Then he recovered and started talking again. "I wish you were here right now."

He had no idea how much I was wishing for the same thing. I tried to tell him that, but my mouth had shut down completely. I stroked harder, listening to his breathing and trying to figure out what he was doing by the changes in it.

Yeah, that isn't stalkerish at all. Plus, at least ask him where he got that lube.

"Because if you were here, then it would be your hand on me, and that would be-"He broke off there, his breathing speeding up. My own breath caught, though my hand didn't. At this point my father could have come downstairs and I would have still been compelled to finish.

That's just disgusting, Kurt.

Disgusting or not, it was true. Finn was quiet for a few seconds, then kept talking like he had never interrupted himself. "That would be, like, the greatest thing ever."

My free hand clenched in the covers, because I couldn't use it to touch him. "I want you. All of you."

"Yes." It was a hiss, and I wondered if he was actually agreeing to sex, or if he just wanted to be wanted right now. I had to keep in mind that he had been through a lot recently, and I couldn't push things.

Even though the bedroom was already dark, my vision dimmed. "Shit, Finn."

He gave me a breathy little chuckle, one that caught in the middle. "So, tomorrow I get to give you a blow job? Show you my new tricks?"

"God damn it crap fuck me holy shit" The words came out in a rushed blur as everything went way too bright. Something skittered up and down my spine, and I heard Finn gasp sharply into the phone, my orgasm triggering off his own.

When I finally came down of the high, I was too tired to move. Finn was still breathing hard, making those soft little kitten noises that he always seemed to make right after he came. Even though I knew how disgusting it was, I wiped my hands off on the comforter and made a mental promise to change the sheets tomorrow. The bathroom was just too far away right now.

I just laid there and listened to Finn breathe, wishing again that the boy was right there next to me, eyes sleepy and his arm across my chest. Another few minute passed, and I was nearly dozing when Finn spoke again. "So, it's just like I told you."

"What's just like you told me?" I was too sated to play games with him right now. Couldn't I just bask in the afterglow?

Another soft sigh. "You swear when you cum."

He's right you know. I counted four curse words, a couple of them used more then once. You dirty little minx.

"I guess you're right, Cowboy. I'll have to watch my mouth a little better." Not that I had a whole lot of (or apparently any) control over what came out, but I felt like I should say something.

"Nah, I like it. It makes me feel like I'm doing something, you know, right for once."

I wondered how many people had told Finn that he was a fuck-up, that he was stupid, that he couldn't do anything right. Carol certainly hadn't. She loved Finn exactly like a mother should, something that always made me jealous.

She would love you too, if you would let her. Just try with the woman, Kurt. She's not asking to replace your mother, just like your Dad isn't asking to be Finn's father. But it's not so bad to have someone else love you, exactly like you are, is it?

I filed that thought away for later. "You do almost everything right, at least when it comes to me."

He was quiet for a few minutes, his breathing so soft and steady that I thought he might have fallen asleep. I was about to shout into the phone, so I could wake him up and not have him waste his minutes, when he started talking again. "You're about the best thing that ever happened to me."

It never failed to leave me breathless when he talked like that. "Really?"

"Really. Better then football, better then basketball, better then Glee, even. You're the very best, I promise." I could almost imagine the soft smile on his face when he said that.

"You're the best thing that ever happened to me, too." I almost whispered it, afraid that if I spoke too loud, I would ruin whatever spell he and I were under.

What the hell is wrong with you, Kurt! You love the boy; you've loved the boy practically since you hit puberty, so why don't you tell him so? Isn't the afterglow the best time to hear something like that?

She was all but banging herself into sides of my brain in a frustrated attempt to free herself and force me to speak. I held back, though. When the time was right for me to tell Finn how much I loved him, I would know it, and this wasn't it.

"Listen, I'm crashing here. I'll see you tomorrow, ok?" He yawned a little into the phone.

"7:00 sharp. You and I need to get the work we missed yesterday." I was as tired as he was, but if I didn't remind him what time to be ready, he wouldn't even be dressed.

"Kurt?" He sounded a little bit more awake and suddenly shy.

"What?" I curled up on my side, letting my eyes fall half closed. It was getting harder and harder to stay awake.

"Ok, look. I know that Mercedes is, like, your best girlfriend and all that, and that you tell her everything. I even know that you told her about me and you, which is cool, I guess. But can you maybe not tell her about Dad? I mean, I accidentally told Puck, and that's bad enough." His voice softened. "Please, Kurt?"

I wouldn't have told anyone. "I won't, Finn, don't worry."

"Goodnight, Precious." His voice was a soft mumble.

"Goodnight, Cowboy."