Chapter 25
During lunch the following Wednesday, Ryuichi stood in line for the small store in the foyer, hoping they still had curry bread. Each time a student in front of him purchased a deep fried, curry-filled, panko-encrusted pocket of happiness, he would squint hard at that student and attempt to telepathically wish them the misfortune of getting a strong urge to sneeze and losing it shortly after. His concentration broke when the two snooty girls in line behind him giggled like idiots.
"Right? What's her deal?"
"And that hair! Did a four-year-old cut it?"
"Yeah! Haha!"
Ryuichi would have loved to send the annoying girls flying with a Garula from Ajax, but dismissed them instead. As he let himself go back to fantasizing about his malicious curses, a girl with short, pale green hair came down the stairs and sidled through the line of hungry students. A yelp behind Ryuichi made him turn to see the girl with green hair face-down on the floor. The two girls cackled, one of them retracting her extended foot.
"Are you all right?" Ryuichi stepped out of the line and knelt to help the girl up.
She rubbed a red spot on her forehead as she blinked back tears. "Oh, um, yes! Thank you," she blubbered, taking his hand. She quickly bowed and hurried away, keeping her head down.
"What a loser," one of the nasty girls snickered.
Ryuichi shot a look of contempt at the two girls. They both squeaked and sped off, still giggling and glancing back at Ryuichi. When he had a chance to look around, he saw that he had forfeited his spot in line to help the girl. There was no way he was going to waste more of his lunchtime standing in line again.
"Can it, Stupei!"
"Come on! It was just a joke!"
"It wasn't funny!"
"I'm sorry, okay?"
Yukari slipped through the line of students and headed down the hall, trailed by Junpei and Minato. Just then, Akihiko came zipping through the foyer and dashed up the stairs while a gaggle of his female fans gave chase. Ryuichi amused himself by thinking that Mitsuru might show up next, only for him to recall that she was having lunch with some of the girls on the fencing team.
He hung his head. It looked like he really had nothing better to do than to stand in line again. By the time he made it to the store's counter, all that was left was melon bread and TaP soda. Sighing, he bought one of each, then went in search of a place where he could eat.
He couldn't go back to his classroom, since a group of boys took over his desk and the surrounding ones so they could play a card game. The light rain drove some of the sports teams indoors for practice, filling the gym with sharp tweets from whistles and yells and shouts from students, making it impossible for Ryuichi to relax. He considered sneaking into the music room, but aside from food being prohibited there, he was certain that his lack of attendance for orchestra club meant he wasn't welcome there anymore.
He ended up spending his entire lunch break walking around, sipping his soda and nibbling on his bread. At times, he paused by the windows to catch a glimpse of the gray world outside, the light rain progressing to a delightful shower. He caught himself staring a little longer than he should have, but having no regret in doing so.
After school, the rain continued to fall. Ryuichi overheard some of his classmates complain that their sport's practice was cancelled due to the rain.
"They told us to just study instead!" griped a whiny guy. "It's not even exam week!"
"You could use the extra time to study," a girl scolded him. "At the rate you're going, you'll have to take summer classes."
"Aw, crap! Yoko-chan, you gotta help me!"
"I've got my own studies to worry about!"
"Please?"
Another group behind Ryuichi laughed. He could hear Shiori telling her friends a funny story about her little brother. He listened in, borrowing some of their warmth as the simple tale made his lip curl.
"Shall we go?" Mitsuru asked just then.
Ryuichi looked up, almost leaping from his chair until he saw Mitsuru leave the classroom with some members of the Student Council. His shoulders deflated as he watched her go. She didn't even bother to invite him this time, something she always did even when his answer remained unchanged.
"Guess I'll just go study," he muttered to himself. He gathered his things and headed to the library.
Every table in the school library was taken, including those with only a single occupant. The lone students marked their territory by spreading all their notes and books across the entire table, warding off anyone who might be looking to sit. Ryuichi scowled at those students, but also admired them for their gall.
It took a bit of stalking for him to finally spot a group getting up to leave. Just before the last guy pushed his chair in, Ryuichi swooped in and took over the table. He quickly spread every book and notebook he had all over the table, carefully arranging everything to maximize his coverage. When he was sure that no one would join him, he silently thanked the lone table dwellers for their wisdom.
He opened his calculus book and stared at the page. In that instant, his brain decided to shut down. He had no drive to study for the moment, not even sure why he bothered to try. He just sat there with his pencil in hand and poised to write, the ideal illusion of one who wanted to look diligent with minimal effort to remain unperturbed.
A familiar figure in red approached his table. Ryuichi looked up to see Akihiko standing over him, his Gekkoukan blazer over his shoulder and school bag in hand.
"No fan club today?" Ryuichi inquired in a light voice.
Without an invitation, Akihiko quickly took a seat across from Ryuichi. "I hope not," he grunted, scowling. "They were trying to share their umbrellas with me, so I'm stuck here until they're gone."
Ryuichi scanned the library, seeing a lot of bowed heads but no girls eyeing Akihiko. "Huh. They didn't follow you?"
"They were too busy squabbling. I don't even think they noticed I was gone."
Grateful for the company, Ryuichi put away his extra books to give Akihiko some space. As his new companion began put his own books on the table, another familiar face came up to them.
"May I join you both?" Mitsuru asked.
Ryuichi gestured to the remaining empty chairs. "Take your pick," he replied, and she chose the chair next to him.
With Mitsuru's presence, Ryuichi felt obligated to focus on his studies while she tutored them. As she worked with Akihiko on English, Ryuichi twisted his torso around, wringing out the tension in his back and feeling a semi-satisfying release with every pop of his spine. He stared out the window to see the rain still showering outside, thinking that he would love to just play piano with the gentle timbre of rain for accompaniment.
But for now, he found contentment with his two fellow seniors to keep him company. He didn't bother to ask Mitsuru about the brief Student Council meeting, nor did he wonder why Akihiko decided to duck into the library to hide from his fans. For just a short while, he could pretend that he still had a life outside of work, school, and family.
When the library made the announcement that it was closing time, everyone began to pack their things to leave. Akihiko left ahead of the others, pausing just inside the library doors to look up and down the hallway before hurrying away.
"Fans," Ryuichi told Mitsuru. She nodded in understanding.
The two stopped by the restrooms on their way out. Ryuichi finished first, and when he came out of the boys' restroom, he spotted a girl with short, dark hair hiding around the corner, staring so hard at the girls' restroom that she didn't seem to notice him.
"—What if she forgot her umbrella?" he heard the girl hiss to herself. "I could offer to share mine with her! This could be my chance!"
When Ryuichi heard Mitsuru's heels click on the tiles, the girl gasped and fled. Amused, Ryuichi watched her almost run into another student before hurrying away.
"Shall we?" Mitsuru asked him. She didn't seem to notice the girl at all.
They both crossed the foyer to the shoe lockers, where they separated for a few moments to change their shoes. They met up again at the front doors, and when they both took out their umbrellas, Ryuichi was certain he heard the sound of a heart shattering. He didn't dare to look behind them.
"Did you know you have a little admirer?" he asked Mitsuru on their way to the station.
"An admirer?"
"You know, like a fan. Not like Akihiko's, but—"
He realized that the girl he just saw might be a different sort of fan.
"Well, she's definitely unique, to say the least," he murmured.
That got Mitsuru chuckling. "I'm sure that our classmates would prefer to be called 'unique' in a positive light," she said, looking both amused and slightly defensive over whoever the student was.
They returned to an unusually silent dorm. Ryuichi prepared tea and took out the lemon bars he made the previous night, taking everything upstairs to Mitsuru's room.
"By the way, Ryuichi," she said when he was about to leave, "I've been sensing another large Shadow these past few nights, but I can't seem to locate it. It's been growing stronger each night for the past week."
He turned back, growing concerned. "Another one? Is it like the one we fought before?"
"I'm not sure. For now, don't tell the others. I don't want to compromise their studies over this."
He chuckled. "But what about my studies?" he whined jokingly.
Mitsuru smiled. "I'm confident you'll do just fine," was all she said.
Ryuichi headed back downstairs to his room. He changed out of his uniform and into jeans and a T-shirt, wondering if he should wear sweat pants instead. Seated at his desk, he took out his calculus book once again but didn't open it. He just sat quietly, thinking about his day at school and how strange it felt. The falling rain steadily hammered his realization into him:
He was lonely.
It was pathetic, he knew, considering that he spent the first fourteen years of his life mostly as a loner. In just the past few years since moving into the dormitory, he grew to be more social, more outgoing, felt the joy of being accepted by his peers instead of ignored or bullied. He got to live a normal high school student's life, save for the nightly battles against Shadows.
But, things were different now. He had to accept that.
Pushing the thought away, he opened his desk drawer to take out the CD he finally finished for Mitsuru. It was thanks to their days off during Golden Week that he finally had all the time he needed to complete the present. He had decorated the cheap case with just a simple "Happy 18th Birthday!" he printed out, and on the other side of the printout he listed the tracks on the disc. He handwrote the same birthday greeting on the CD itself, and while he considered making a card instead of just buying one from the store, he couldn't find any words that wished her a happy birthday better than what he could buy.
"She's gonna hate it," he sighed, putting the CD back into the drawer.
After listening to the songs hundreds of times, he knew exactly where each mistake was in each song. Despite his right hand improving drastically from all the practice, it still wasn't perfect. He had hoped to cover up most of the bad notes or wrong rhythms by singing or playing his saxophone, even adding an extra layer of harmony, but he could still hear the song sour in his ears.
He had to get better. He rolled his chair over to his keyboard to practice some more, his calculus book forgotten.
The next day, it rained again. Even though he had kendo practice that day, his mother urgently asked him to come to the house to help out with Shizue. He had to put Kenta in charge of practice and took the bus to his parents' house, expecting the worst that might have happened between his sister and mother.
When he arrived at the house, he found the two women having a pleasant chat over tea. Something had to be wrong, he concluded, considering how mellow they were while in the same room together. If they were both on some kind of sedative, he hoped that they had some for him, too.
"Hey, Ryu-chan!" Shizue called cheerfully when he entered the living room. "We didn't hear you come in! What're you doing here?"
His saw the warning look in their mother's eyes. "Uh, I just thought I'd come by and see how you guys are doing," he said warily. "I took the bus today due to the rain. That's probably why you didn't hear me."
"Good! You should take the bus from now on instead of that motorcycle," Ayumi told him, looking agreeable with his reasoning. "Just yesterday there was news of someone crashing his motorcycle."
"That's because it was raining and one of those Apathy Syndrome people stepped out in front of him," Shizue pointed out.
Their mother flared her nostrils. "Apathy Syndrome—it's just an excuse for them to be lazy," she hissed, rolling her eyes.
"It sure seems that way," Shizue agreed. "Even I was more productive when I was at my worst."
Ryuichi still didn't quite understand why he was asked to come. He was about to leave when Ayumi announced that she needed to get some groceries. She asked Ryuichi to walk her to the bus stop, to which Shizue's smile brightened. Ryuichi could tell that the time she could spend away from their mother was time she treasured dearly.
Mother and son huddled beneath their umbrellas as the rain fell all around them. Ryuichi expected his mother to go on the offensive with more complaints about Shizue that she needed to release. He braced himself for it, so focused on which automatic responses he should use that he almost lost sight of the neighborhood in front of him.
"So, Ryuichi, how's school?"
He had to think for a second, stunned that she was asking about him. "Oh, uh, school's okay, I guess."
She asked about life in the dorm, work, kendo, and when the next competition would be—all things that she used to ask him when Shizue was still away at college. She smiled when he told her about their dorm mates eating the snacks he prepares for Mitsuru.
"You truly are your father's son!" she laughed. "Whenever he cooked something for our friends, he was always left with a clean plate!"
He flashed her an agonized smile. "Only because they don't cook," he said through a clenched jaw.
One of their neighbors passed by with a bag of groceries in her hand. She looked pleasantly surprised to see Ryuichi, smiling like a delighted aunt as she remarked how tall and handsome he had become. His pained smile became bashful as he tried to deflect her compliments, but when she asked him how he was doing and if he was in any clubs or sports, she praised him some more for his accomplishments in kendo. Before she left them, the sweet little lady told Ayumi that she did a fine job raising him.
Ryuichi and Ayumi continued onward to the bus stop. He took notice of how weary his mother was after the brief encounter, realizing how stiff she was during the exchange and how she seemed to relax once their neighbor left.
"Everything okay?" he asked, getting worried.
Ayumi sighed. "The other day, one of our neighbors asked about the baby," she said to her son. "She said there was talk among our other neighbors about the baby not having a father."
Ryuichi gently pulled his mother out of a puddle's way. "Well, they're not wrong."
"No, but with talk like that going around, I'm concerned about your sister. Do you remember what her old friends said about her?"
"I was there, Mom. And those guys were definitely not friends."
"I don't know why she decided to keep the baby," Ayumi murmured bitterly. "This wouldn't have happened if she hadn't been so stupid! We sent her to college and we don't even get a degree in return!"
It became clear to him that this was what his mother really wanted to talk about. Not only did he have to pay attention to her, he had to steer her away from puddles and people on bicycles.
She turned to him now, glowering at him. "You're planning to go to college after high school, aren't you? If you get a girl pregnant, I'll—"
"Whoa! Mom! I don't even have a girlfriend yet!" he blurted out, realizing too late just how pathetic he sounded.
"That didn't stop your sister!"
He saw no point in trying to argue when his mother was livid. There wasn't much that he could do except let her vent it all out.
"You already see how hard it is for your sister right now, so don't try to make things more difficult for us or for anyone else," she warned.
Ryuichi gripped his umbrella tighter, his arm shaking with anger. "If we need help, then maybe we should consider hiring a nanny," he said stiffly.
Ayumi wrinkled her nose. "We don't have the money for that."
"I'll pay for one."
"That's not the point," she stabbed. "We can't keep relying on someone else to deal with our problems."
"We're not relying on anyone to fix our problems," he argued, fighting to stay calm. "We're trying to get help for problems that are becoming too much for us! The nanny won't mind because that's her job!"
"That's not what I'm concerned about."
Ayumi lowered her voice as they stopped at a street corner. "I'm worried that your sister might run from her responsibilities again. Remember how she was before? She couldn't even take care of herself. I'm concerned that, once she has the baby, she'll do the same thing again, and then it'll be up to us to take care of the baby.
"She's scared, Ryuichi. She'll never admit it, but she's terrified of having this baby by herself. I'm sure that's the only reason why she agreed to come home."
They arrived at the bus stop. Neither bothered to sit on the wet bench, both roiled by Shizue in one way or another. Ryuichi was already annoyed that he was called away from practice for something that could've waited, but to be treated as if he got a girl pregnant and then told that they might have to raise the baby themselves made him want to stop helping his family altogether. If his sister didn't have to care, then why should they?
After his mother got on the bus, he went back to the house, taking his time dragging his feet over the damp asphalt to mollify his anger towards his sister. He managed to calm down enough to where he could somewhat dismiss the things their mother said, but when he returned to the house and saw Shizue, all he wanted to do was leave.
"Welcome back, Little Bro!" Shizue greeted upon his arrival. "Hey, could you read to Megumi today? She seems to like it most when you read."
He hid his anger with a warm smile. "Sure thing."
He survived the evening with his family, barely holding himself together with the email he received from Mitsuru, saying that everyone wanted to go to Tartarus that night. They had already reached the highest point open to them, which was barricaded by a fence that none of their attacks could break down. Though they couldn't advance any higher than that, everyone agreed that they should keep training anyway. Drained as he was after his day with his mother and sister, Ryuichi looked forward to venting out his frustrations by beating some Shadows' heads in.
That night, it was Ryuichi who got thrashed. He ended up on defense more than offense, tackling Junpei out of harm's way a few times and sending Ajax to guard Yukari from some Shadows that struck her from behind. When Minato was cornered by two Shadows, he switched Personas and lashed out with a powerful ice spell that hurled them off their feet. Unfortunately for Ryuichi, he was in their way and was knocked out from the impact. The worst of his injuries, however, was a poorly-aimed arrow from Yukari that now protruded out from his right buttock.
"Good thing you had Rakukaja on you," Akihiko remarked. The agonized look he wore was full of pity for Ryuichi, whose face burned so hotly with every monkey-like cackle from Junpei.
"It's not funny!" Yukari spat at Junpei. She was just as red as Ryuichi, clearly embarrassed that it was her archery skills that inflicted the wound.
Mitsuru finished strapping down the transceiver to her motorcycle and looked to Ryuichi. "Will you be okay during the ride? I can have a car pick us up."
He had already raised the kickstand and gingerly swung his leg over his motorcycle. "It's fine," he grunted, wondering why he couldn't have a less humiliating injury.
Mitsuru accompanied Ryuichi to the hospital, but arranged for a car to come pick them up to take them back to the dorm. Ryuichi had to angle the way he sat down to minimize the pain, but a few inevitable bumps in the road left him wincing.
The next day at school was just as bad. Hard plastic chairs and one tender backside made it clear to his teachers and classmates that something wasn't right. He lied and said he pulled a hamstring, but it was obvious to him that most of his teachers were skeptical about his injury.
During lunchtime, the guys on the kendo team wanted to know why he had to bail on practice yesterday. Before he could answer, some of them started scolding him for not taking better care of his body while working out, lecturing him on bad techniques that could lead to pulled hamstrings. When they found out where his injury was located, the snickers and smirks loomed over Ryuichi, and the jokes began. Ryuichi could only smile through the pain and embarrassment, lacking the will to ask them to stop.
Everything hurt. He welcomed the pain with a smile.