Chapter 25

Faith ran. She didn't stop. She just… she just needed to get away… her chest felt constricted. She couldn't breathe. Her eyes burned and she felt something wet her cheeks.

God, everything…I-I

She couldn't think. Thousands of images were dancing in front of her eyes. She couldn't hear any sound surrounding her; not the sound of the honking car that almost collided with her; not the sound of drunken teenagers stumbling through the streets. She just heard her heartbeat and the pounding of her feet on the asphalt. She heard voices, cries, shouting, yelling, weeping… Her past was tormenting her.

God, everything feels so…

She ran and ran. She didn't know where she was going. She let her feet take her whatever they wanted… she just needed to get away.

She couldn't stop feeling the blood in her hands…

Buffy went back home.

She made sure everybody was okay.

She found Willow on the bathroom floor crying and no sign of Tara. She knocked on her sister's bedroom door and once the girl opened it, she sat with her and Dawn told her what had happened.

"Are you gonna be alright?" Buffy asked Dawn.

"I think so…Are you? I mean, with everything-"

"Shhh. I'm okay."

"… what about… Faith?"

Buffy sighed. "We'll be okay. Get some sleep." Buffy leaned down and placed a kiss on her sister's temple before getting up going to her room and changing her dirty clothes to some nice jeans and a black comfy cotton sweater over a black tank top before leaving the house.

A few blocks away she met with Spike, who was back to his normal self, wearing his usual clothes.

She sighed. "Not now Spike." She said with venom in her voice.

Spike opened his mouth to say something but then closed it again nodding.

"Stay with Dawn. Make sure she's okay." She said before leaving again.

Buffy sighed once she was out of Spike's sight.

She stopped a few feet away from the cemetery where she had been buried.

She always avoided walking past her tomb during patrol.

Now, she needed to see it.

Because Buffy Summers might still be buried in there.

Her mind was going into a huge overload as well as her feelings.

She remembered clawing her way out of the coffin; how her lungs burned; how constricted her chest was, how loud everything was and how her eyes burned like hell.

She had tried to get past it. And you could say she had. But now… everything was back. Everything assaulted her brain, her senses at the same time. She felt dizzy… she felt dead…

Back to square one….

She sat on the grass and closed her eyes.

There was… something pulling at her… something calling her… something familiar…a flame.

She tried to banish everything that had happened to her. She tried to put it behind. But she still could see everything so clearly. Like it had just happened only minutes ago. Everything bad that happened to her felt like it had happened at the same time.

She took a deep breath and tried to relax.

She did some exercises Tara had taught her to meditate.

She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. She repeated it for a while.

Then, she focused on the ground beneath her fingers; the sounds of the night; the feel of the wind against her skin.

Buffy tried to organize her thoughts and emotions.

She took a last deep breath before a sob escaped her mouth.

Buffy sat there on her grave and sobbed like she hadn't done in a while. She wept for her mother; her sister; for her friends; for her. And it felt liberating.

She felt a weight lifted from her shoulders. Her chest no longer felt so constricted, so…heavy.

She cried before she started to laugh uncontrollably.

She probably looked like an insane person but she didn't care and she didn't stop.

After a while, she chuckled, regained her composure and stood up.

Ah…That felt good.

"Hey." Buffy said.

"Hey." Faith softly replied without turning to look at her.

Buffy found the brunette slayers standing in the alley were a human had been staked in the heart by a slayer.

It was the first time she visited the alley since the accident happened.

The brunette was staring at the place where the deputy mayor's body sagged and slumped when Allan Finch took his last breath.

After a while Faith spoke turning to look at the blonde slayer briefly. "Lemme guess…Willow?"

Buffy nodded. "Yeah… pretty much."

Faith sighed. "Everything feels so…resent. So vivid."

Buffy nodded and took a step closer to the dark slayer."I know…" Buffy looked down and saw Faith's bloodied knuckles. She took Faith's hand. "Your hand."

Faith looked down at their hands before she pointed with the other at a damaged brick wall. "I blame it. It started it." Faith looked at her smiling weakly.

Buffy smiled briefly before letting go of Faith's hand. "Let's get that clean and nicely bandaged."

Faith looked back to where she had been staring for the past hour and a half. "It won't go away…" She said in a quiet voice.

Buffy barely heard her even though she was standing next to her and had an enhanced hearing.

"What won't go away?"

Faith raised her hands and stared at her broken knuckles. "It. It never goes away. It'll never go away."

Buffy looked at her confused. "Faith, what are you talking about?"

"The blood. It'll never wash away. My hands are forever tainted with it."

Buffy didn't know what to say, so she didn't even bother.

Five minutes later Buffy heard the brunette slayer sigh. "C'mon B. Let's go." She said taking Buffy's hand. "No point in reliving the past if you can't change it."

Buffy let herself be guided through the alleys and streets.

Faith stopped after a few minutes had passed. "Uhm…where are we going?"

Buffy snorted. "I don't know. I've been following you."

Faith looked at her weirdly. "Uhm no. I been following you. You pulled me right and I turned. So that means I've been following you."

"Well three blocks away you turned left and I followed you. Plus," She raised their joined hands. "You took my hand and have been pulling me all along."

Faith narrowed her eyes thoughtfully. "No I haven't." She sighed. "Okay, so we've been following each other around without knowing where we are going."

Buffy shrugged before gently letting go of Faith's hand. "So… we are we going?"

"I dunno. Where are we?" She looked around.

Faith smiled when she spotted 'The Place' a few blocks away.

"C'mon girlfriend. I know where we're going." She said walking away.

Buffy rolled her eyes and followed.

After greeting the owner and his son, Faith ordered something and then went to wash the blood off her knuckles.

Faith sat down putting down to cold beers on the table where the blonde slayer sat. "I ordered some Caesar salad, you want some?"

Buffy raised a single eyebrow. "Salad? You ordered a salad…" She said dubiously.

"Yeah, what's wrong?" She said a little defensive.

Buffy raised her hands showing her palms. "Nothing, I just thought you would order something else."

"Whatever. It's big enough for two. It's really nice. Plus you were the one that said I was spoiling you and wanted to get you fat."

"Contributing to my diet?" Buffy asked rolling her eyes when Faith nodded and shrugged. "So, how come this place is open? I mean is Sunday night. In two hours is midnight."

"Edward closes on Tuesdays and sometimes on Mondays. Rest of the week is open."

Buffy nodded. "I see…"

Faith took a swig of beer. "Gotta tell you something B… I'm not too fond of Willow right now."

Buffy sighed nodding. "Yeah… me neither. She was only trying to help…"

"…yeah…"

"Tara told her yesterday to go without using magic for week. She barely lasted five hours, would be my guess."

"I guess now she's gonna stay off of it right?"

Buffy shook her head. "I wouldn't be so sure… Let's hope she does."

After a while Buffy asked. "How did you know you're name was Faith?"

Faith shrugged before taking out the VIP card and passing it to Buffy.

Buffy took it and rolled her eyes smiling a little. "Figures… It could have been somebody else though."

Faith shrugged. "I figured since I was the one carrying it, then it had to be for me. If it wasn't, it didn't matter." She thanked the waiter when she brought the salad. "So B, why Joan?"

Buffy shrugged. "I don't know. I like that name I guess."

"Like Joan of Arc."

"What would you have named me?"

"Bambi."

Buffy's eyes widened. "Bambi?" She turned bright red when some people turned their heads toward her.

Faith laughed. "I'm kidding. I don't know. Why?"

Buffy shrugged. "You- you said something. You said I didn't feel like a Joan."

"I don't know. It's like I knew your name but didn't. Like even though the spell messed up with my memory I still knew you… or something like that."

Buffy scrunched up her brow. "Out of all of us, you seemed to be the one that had at least an idea about what was going on. You recognized the vamps…Spike did too… and you said you thought we knew monsters were real."

"I don't know I just felt we knew that stuff. Maybe it was because I was farther away from the rest of you."

"Huh… well I did too. I guess it's like I knew Dawn was my sister or something. I did felt protective of her."

Faith started digging into the salad, placing it in the center of the table offering Buffy a fork so she could eat too.

Faith snickered. "You should've seen Giles and Anya back at the Magic box."

"Why?"

"Okay so I knock on the door and Giles opens it. The first thing a notice is a bunch of bunnies. Then I see Anya standing on top of the table with a book, desperately chanting and making more bunnies appear."

Buffy smiled. "She does hate them."

"Yeah. So I ask Giles if they're gonna be okay there and he says that he doubts bunnies are gonna harm them, then Anya turns around and starts moving her arms around wildly while claiming bunnies are evil."

Buffy swallowed the salad in her mouth and then chuckled lightly. "How about 'Randy Giles'?"

Faith laughed. "That was awesome. The way Giles and Spike started bickering was priceless."

"Yes. Remember before we left when Giles asked Spike to get closer so they could hug before leaving?"

"Man we should've filmed it or something. I loved when Giles told Spike. 'You do inspire a sense of familiarity and…disappointment.'" Faith said mimicking Giles' accent doing pretty well.

Buffy laughed. "Hey wait, I just remember something. You totally flirted with Xander."

Faith's eyes widened a fraction. "No I didn't."

"Yes you totally did!"

"Whatever."

"You find him attractive."

Faith sighed. "Whatever blondie. I admit Xander does have a nice sex appeal, but that's about it."

"Aha." Buffy said smiling and pointing at her with her fork. "Busted."

"Anyway, Willow and Tara were totally gay. Giving each other looks and stuff."

"Yep. I also liked Giles and Anya. You know, thinking they were engaged. It was pretty funny."

It was pretty obvious both were avoiding talking about the incident in the alley.

"Messed up day. At least we got some fun out of it."

Buffy nodded and took a sip of her beer. "Okay, something just occurred to me… You got your memory back, right."

"Aha, just like the rest of you."

"Then, did you get your Dawn memory?"

Faith frowned and focused on everything Dawn. "Mmm… no, I don't think I did…" Buffy slumped a little. "Can I ask you something?" Buffy nodded. "Why is it so important to you that I remember her?"

"It's…it's not to me. It's to Dawn. You were a big part of her life and stuff so… It would hurt her to know you don't remember her. It would only remind her of what she used to be."

"Well we'll have to ask Giles. I still feel some familiarity to her I just can't tell why or what. Well I know why now."

"Giles right. Forgot. I told you to remind me to ask him about it."

"I guess I forgot too."

"So B, how you doing?"

Buffy turned to look at Faith who was hopping tombstone after tombstone.

"Uhm, okay…? Why?"

"Well you know, with the whole memory deal… and everything coming back at once and feeling so 'fresh'… so… I guess I just wanna know if you're okay."

"I'm okay I guess. I've been dealing with it and getting over it for a while now, so it wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be. So, I'm okay."

"You let it out." Faith guessed.

Buffy sighed. "I did, I think I needed it. I'm not gonna lie to you, it did hurt like hell getting all of those memories back… specially… well, yunno. But it's getting better. It's gotten better so…yeah."

"Well, that's good then right?"

"Yep… Uhm Faith, er…"

"Yeah B? What is it?"

"Can I ask you… You didn't… When I-you-… forget it."

"What is it B?"

"Nothing, just, forget it."

"Okay… you know you can… well, this whole thing between us is new, I'm mean like, well you know, I thought it would be different… so, if- if you wanna like, talk or whatever you can like well you know…" Faith trailed off awkwardly looking away. "I thought you woulda locked me in a cage by now or shipped me somewhere overseas or something."

"Don't tempt me."

"Kinky B."

"Perv. I just well I don't wanna deal with any more drama…"

"So what you're basically telling me is that you're giving me a break."

"You could say so."

"Well I'm here for you or whatever…"

"Aw aren't you the softy? See I told you, underneath all that bravado and badass attitude of yours there's a big puddle of mush."

Faith glared at her. "Whatever. Just trying to be nice."

"Aw, don't get mad, I was only joking. You are a total badass." Buffy said rolling her eyes.

"Don't you forget it. Trying to ruin my rep B?"

"Me? Nah. What makes you say that?"

They started walking again through graveyards and inspecting a few crypts dusting a few unlucky vampires.

"Xander's gained weight." Faith supplied after a brief silence.

"What?" Buffy asked turning around.

"Xander's gained weight."

"Xander's gained- okay, yes, he has… are we talking about weight now?"

"No, was just making conversation. I just noticed he's gained weight, that's all."

Buffy smirked shaking her head. "Okay, how about Willow?"

"Has she gained weight? Mmm… I don't know, I don't think so."

"How about me then?"

"You seriously think I'm gonna answer that?"

"So, what? Are you saying I've gained weight?"

"What? No, I just know whatever answer I give you I'm gonna get punched. So I figured I better don't give you an answer."

Buffy narrowed her eyes. "You still gonna get punched anyway." Then, hating herself for it, she stared down at her own body running her hands up and down checking for body fat. "I'm not fat."

"Never said you were."

"So that means I have lost weight… and that means you thought I was fat back then!"

"What? No, Ow!" Faith rubbed her bruised arm. "What? No B, I mean c'mon look at you! You are not fat at all."

"Then why are you being so mean?"

"I'm not, B… to tell you the truth you're still the same. No body fat, nothing. Okay, yeah, maybe you've lost a little weight… but, well you were dead so…"

"So what, are you calling me a skeleton?"

"No *sigh* No, B. Look you are perfect. But now that I think about it, you need to eat more often. I'm not saying you are anorexic or anything; just need to have a healthy diet."

Buffy glared at her. Faith was right she wasn't eating enough nor at the right times, skipping meals and eating a lot or merely something. She sighed. "It's that why you've been 'feeding' me?"

Faith chuckled. "No B, that was me being nice. Get use to it."

"Whatever. You're one to talk, healthy diet? Burgers, ribs, beer and whatnot doesn't sound like a healthy diet to me."

"True, but it's not like I eat that stuff all the time. I eat healthy stuff too. Lots of fruit and veggies."

"Okay, Miss Nutritionist…"

"Seriously. Just wait until I get a place and then I'll introduce you to my refrigerator."

Buffy smiled. "'kay… if you say so. So, have you checked any apartments yet?"

"Nope." Faith said twirling her stake. " Say, would you like to come with me and check some? Really don't wanna do that alone, that has to be extreeemly boring."

"Do I get to pick your place?" Buffy asked excitedly.

"No, you get to help me find a nice place. Plus you know Sunnydale better than I do, so… what do you say?"

"Okay, I'll help you. We could ask Giles or Tara to help us. They both looked for a place before, so they'll know."

"Sure, thanks."

They patrol for another hour before calling it a night.

"Okay, I'm beat so…" Buffy says.

"Yeah, so see ya tomorrow?"

"Yeah, just call me around- oh wait, I uh, have a thing tomorrow in Dawn's school so, Tuesday okay for you?"

"Sure B, no problem. Gimme Tara's number and I'll call her to narrow it down for us."

"Sure. Call her around 10 o'clock she has a free period at that time. Call me tomorrow?" Buffy asks already walking down the street.

"Sure. Thanks, see ya later." Faith watches her leave before turning on her heels.

A good meters away, Buffy halts.

"Faith?" Buffy calls softly.

Faith stops not sure if she actually heard the blonde calling her name.

"Yeah?"

"How do I feel?" The blonde slayer has her head down avoiding eye contact and her voice barely audible.

Faith turns to face her fully and ponders for a while, unsure about what to say. "Cold."

Buffy nods and looks up the moon. "Figures."

"But it's getting better. It's gotten better. You feel… warmer… and- and right." The brunette slayer looks uncomfortable for a while. "Good…" She finishes off nervously.

Buffy looks at her with a small smile. "Goodnight Faith." She says turning away.

"G'night B."

Faith sighs after standing there for a while before turning on her heels again and going to the motel.