Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight :)

Yes, it was that sort of night.

The kind of unearthly night that is made for the fairytale love that is not of the earth either,

the seed of it carried upon that wind that blows where it listeth

and you cannot tell whence it comes or whither it goes,

or why it should scatter the seed in those two hearts and not in others,

or why the flowering of the seed should be so perfect a thing

that man and woman are ready to fling away all that they have to enjoy it for only a day and a night.

- Elizabeth Goudge, Green Dolphin Country -

Unchangeable

Cool fingers were caressing the sides of my face.

The touch made me shiver, but the coolness of Carlisle's skin had little to do with it. I kept my eyes closed, once again unable to tell when I had closed them in the first place, and just breathed in the sensation of his touch. My hands were still gripping the front of his coat, as if to keep myself from crumbling to the floor. It was very quiet; there was only the sound of our breathing and the steady thrumming of my heart. It was still lingering in the kiss, reliving it, insistently refusing to leave the past moments behind. Thu-thump, thu-thump, it kept saying. But who could blame it, anyway? One could accuse their hearts of many things, but this wasn't one of them.

The cool touch drifted down from my face to my neck. I wondered if he could feel the rush of my pulse knocking at my skin, how my heart seemed to be in a hurry to make my blood run faster. The touch stopped at the curve of my neck, and that's where it lingered, close to the spot where my pulse was throbbing wildly.

Then something ended the silence. A single word, a name, left Carlisle's lips. It rolled off his tongue as a hushed whisper. It was my name.

"Bella..."

The way he said it... no one had ever spoken my name like that.

That realization made me open my eyes. For a long while, he just looked at me, and I stared right back. The gold of his eyes was still dark, still rich, still darkened by some intense, unspoken feeling. A shudder went through me at the sight.

The tips of Carlisle's cool fingers brushed against my cheek as he tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear. "Are you cold?" he asked quietly, apparently misinterpreting the reason for the shivers running up and down my skin.

Releasing my grip on his coat and grasping his hand, I brought it to my cheek and held it there. "Do I feel like I'm cold?" I asked, just as quietly. The skin of my cheek was burning hot under his cool palm.

He shook his head, a small smile pulling at his mouth. He withdrew his hand from my cheek to brush the tips of his fingers against my lower lip, almost as if in perplexed contemplation of what had happened just now.

That feeling of bewilderment was something I shared with him. I felt like I should to pinch myself, but I didn't want to. If this wasn't reality... then I never wanted to come out of this.

"Is this a dream?" I heard myself ask nonetheless. "Am I going to wake up and realize that none of this is real?"

There was a spark in Carlisle's eyes I had never seen before. It was something between amusement and curiosity. "Are you saying that your dreams often center around these kind of themes?" he asked, his voice hushed.

At the question, my mind was filled with the images of the blue moonlight, of the waves crashing against the shore, of the cool, gentle embrace... How many times had that particular dream repeated itself during these months gone by? How many times had I awoken to the restless beating of my heart?

I realized I had been silent a moment too long. There was a peculiar expression on Carlisle's face now; it was something between amused and incredulous as he searched my expression. "Bella," he said, evidently realizing what my silence had meant. A soft sound, something like a surprised laugh, left his lips. "Why haven't you – ?" He shook his head, seeming to be at a loss of words.

" – said anything?" I finished for him. My fingers began to play with the collars of his coat. "Why haven't you?"

"How could I have known?"

"How could I have known?" I asked back, now beginning to feel amused as well. "At times you're like a closed book. What comes to me... I'm sure I'm a lot easier to read than you are."

He shook his head. "That is not true."

I held his gaze. "Carlisle...You only have to be in the same room with me to read me. Or are you saying," I asked, taking his hand again and pressing it against my chest above my heart, "that you never noticed this?" Under his flat palm, my heart kept leaping like it wanted to spring from my chest.

He withdrew his hand from my chest and touched the blush on my face. "Or this?" he supplied. "Of course I noticed. How could I not? But I was never sure if... I couldn't be certain – " He let out a breath, shaking his head. A vampire stumbling over his words was a strange thing to witness, but it was even more baffling to see Carlisle's normally solid composure waver. It made me feel a little smug, knowing I was behind that sudden inability to form complete sentences.

He remained silent for a while. "Perhaps it wasn't about not noticing the signs," he mused eventually. "Perhaps it was about choosing to see them and accepting them as they were. About believing what they meant."

"And... you didn't believe them?" I asked, not sure how to interpret his confession.

There was a gentle brush of cool fingers along my jawline. "Not at first," he admitted quietly.

I searched his eyes. "Why not?" I queried. "Didn't you want to?"

He shook his head in bewilderment. A smile was pulling at his lips again; apparently he thought my words to be absurd. "It wasn't the question of wanting to believe something," he explained with a quiet voice, nearly whispering. His hands settled on my forearms, his thumbs tracing idle pattern on the skin there. "Let me assure you, I did want to. Perhaps it was the question of daring to believe or... the question of daring to take the risk. "

"And... what made you take that risk?" I asked. "What made you believe?"

A small frown furrowed his brow, his gaze falling somewhere over my shoulder as he mulled over my question. "It wasn't any particular thing," he responded, glancing my way. "I'm not sure if I could even name a particular moment if I had to. I don't think it's supposed to happen that way. I don't think you're supposed to be able to look back and define the exact time and place when – " He fell silent, shaking his head again in a bewildered manner.

"When what?" I asked, barely daring to breathe.

Carlisle met my gaze again. This time, he didn't look away. "When it dawns on you that someone has stolen their way into your heart."

I could actually feel myself melting into a puddle. It was a moment before I could speak. "How rude. She should have announced herself, that someone," I murmured. My voice sounded breathless. "So that you wouldn't have been caught off guard like that."

Another smile curved his lips. "But she didn't announce herself. I wonder why."

I tore my eyes away from his, suddenly self-conscious. "Like I said," I began, shrugging. "At times you're a challenging person to read. Not all the time. But sometimes." I raised my gaze again to meet his. "And... something kept holding me back ― I don't know what exactly. And at times, I had a feeling that there was something holding you back as well."

There was a pondering expression on his face as he mulled over my words. "It was never my intention to seem remote," he mused. "But there were times when I... when I felt like I should try to keep my distance," he admitted.

I nodded idly, remembering the time from several weeks back when I hadn't caught a single glimpse of him for days. Already then I'd sensed that there was something going on with him, something I had only guessed at.

"So much has happened during these past weeks," he continued softly, drawing my attention back to him. "And I knew you had a lot of things on your mind. There seemed to be enough confusion in your life as it was. I didn't want to add to that burden."

"By... telling me how you felt?"

There was a tender look in Carlisle's eyes. "More than once I considered that I should keep my feelings to myself. More than once I came to the decision of not acting on them. And more than once I changed my mind about that decision. About letting you know what I had come to feel for you."

"But you never did let me know," I pointed out. "Not until today, I mean. What changed?"

A guarded expression came over his face. He brushed my cheekbone with the tips of his fingers, almost as if in deep thought.

I began to have a feeling that there was a lot more to it than he was ready to tell me. The thought that occurred to me next bothered me a bit; I'd have rather pushed it aside for a while longer. But I couldn't help but wonder if Edward had anything to do with his hesitation. I searched Carlisle's face; there was still that rich, dark hue in his eyes. It made my spine prickle.

"Well," I said softly, resting my palms on his shoulders. "Whatever made you change your mind about not letting me know, I'm glad that it happened."

Carlisle's eyes grew very soft. "You are?"

I nodded, my hands sliding their way from his shoulders to his chest. "Yes."

A smile was tugging at the corner of his lips again. The tips of his cool fingers traced the line of my jaw, hovering above the spot where my heart was still pounding wildly; it didn't seem to know how to calm down. I had a feeling that in many ways, my heart would never be the same again. Its rhythm had changed irrevocably.

"How glad?" he asked quietly.

I pursed my lips in mock contemplation; it made him chuckle. Then I rose to my tiptoes, winding my hands around his neck and tangling my fingers in his golden hair. When my lips touched his, the flames climbed high again. They were beating against my skin like a tidal wave crashing against the rocks.

And then I was adrift again, no longer in control of where I went and how fast. But if nothing else, I was still aware. Very aware. Not of my surroundings, perhaps, but of other things. Like Carlisle's hands as they settled on my waist. Or his lips, as they softly brushed mine. Or the way his body seemed to quiver as I trailed my hands from his neck, across his broad shoulders and down the slope of his chest.

This kiss was different from the first one we'd shared before. It was slower this time, more tentative, more thorough. Nonetheless, this one left me breathless, too, and out of balance. When we pulled apart at last, once again I felt like I had to stay still for a moment and just be. What was it about him that made me lose my breath?

When I felt like I could form words again, I asked with a whisper, "Did that answer your question?"

Carlisle's eyes were slightly unfocused. His voice was deeper than I had ever heard it; it made my stomach knot it a very pleasant way. "I believe so."

His answer made me laugh softly. I took a step back from his tall frame, even though my whole body seemed to make resistance, and gave his arm a gentle tug. "Let's get out of here," I said to him. "We have a lot to talk about."

He had no protests.

That night, Carlisle and I talked long and late. Hours seemed to tick away like seconds; there seemed to be so much to say, so much to talk about. This seemed almost bizarre since we had seen each other on a nearly daily basis during the past months, and therefore one might think that we would've run out of things to talk about by now. But no – that evening, we were like two old acquaintances who hadn't seen each other in years. It was like all those words we hadn't been able to say to each other before were suddenly bursting their way to the surface. We were unaware of the darkness falling outside, unaware of the snow falling against the window... It seemed that we were only aware of each other, and the rest of the world outside my apartment simply faded away.

But inside... there was just us, and our words and the short silences in between.

And then there were the kisses. Slow, sweet, take-your-breath-away kind of kisses. They made the rest of the world slip even farther away. They made my blood run faster, warmer, and all of my senses sharpen. It was like all of my nerve endings were suddenly sparking, coming alive one by one.

The living room was dim; there was only the small table light to cast a warm glow into the room. I was curled up on the couch by Carlisle's side, and I couldn't help but enjoy the instant ease that had seemed to be there between us right away. There was no awkwardness, no uncomfortable silences. Maybe it was because we were already so familiar and comfortable with each other to begin with, but I had a feeling there was something more to it than that.

Outside, the snow was coming down in large flakes; I saw them hitting the window every now and then. It would be March in a few days, and I'd always considered it a spring month. Now I had to question that belief, and I thought idly that there was some truth in what Renée had said to me a few days ago; Buffalo wasn't an easy place to live if you happened to detest snow and cold. Luckily, that wasn't the case with me anymore. It was strange how the passing years could change people even in simple matters like this.

Carlisle's cool arm tightened around my shoulders slightly. "What's on your mind?" he asked quietly, apparently wondering why I had fallen silent.

I gave him a quick smile. "Just thinking about people and how time sometimes changes them. Or do people really change? Deep down, I mean."

A pondering expression came over his face. "I suppose it depends. Some people stay the same throughout their entire lives. It doesn't mean that they aren't capable of development, though. I believe someone once said that even though you essentially stay the same, you can always become a better version of yourself." He gave a small shrug, still mulling over my question. "I suppose humans have an advantage in that. It's not always so simple with vampires."

"What do you mean?" I asked, shifting myself and curling my legs beneath me ."Aren't vampires capable of change?"

"Not in the same way humans are. Changes are more... challenging for us. They take more time. It's partly because our memory is infallible, as I have once told you. But it's also because a vampire's personality is permanently petrified. Unchangeable. Only very few things can have a permanent effect on our psyche."

"Like what?" .

Carlisle held my gaze, reaching out to stroke his finger along my lower lip. "Strong emotional states, for instance. Like... falling in love."

I didn't know if it was what he said and the manner he said it in, or the way he was looking at me, or the feel of his cool touch on my skin ― or maybe it was all those things combined ― but I felt my body go limp at his words, like all my bones had melted away. At the same time, though, I felt like a string that was pulled taut, quivering and trembling at the smallest of touches. It was a sweet conflict of feelings.

"Well," I said quietly, seeking a light tone but failing miserably; there was a small tremor in my voice. "Humans and vampires seem to have something in common, then."

There was a small smile playing on his lips, but his eyes were suddenly serious. Earnest. "Oh?" he asked quietly.

I nodded slowly. "It tends to have a certain impact on us, too, you know." I continued. "Falling in love, I mean. I don't know about vampires," I gave him a playful glance at this point, "but I might even go as far as to say that some never recover from that feeling. It steals its way into your heart and doesn't always declare itself. And then..."

His eyes were smiling; so were his lips. But there was still that earnestness in his gaze, an air of seriousness and sincerety about him I had never sensed before. "Then... what?" he prodded, whispering.

"And then you suddenly realize that it has come to stay, that feeling," I finished. "That there's no going back from it."

Carlisle's fingers were playing idly with a strand of my hair. "It sounds like... you're talking from experience."

"That's because I am," I answered, speaking quietly. "And you? Do you not know that feeling?"

He touched the angle of my jaw with his fingers. My skin prickled and tingled again. His touch seemed to have a direct link to every part of my body.

"I do know it," he responded softly. "I know that feeling very well."

It was silent, then. There was no need for more words, no need for further explanations. Because we both knew what it felt like, this feeling. I felt like my heart was coming alive with emotion and passion I never knew was in me. Until that moment, I hadn't completely understood the strength and depth of my feelings. It caught me off guard, realizing this, and suddenly I was overwhelmed. Not in a startling, unsettling way, though.

The tips of Carlisle's fingers were tracing the outlines of my face. There was a serious look look in his eyes again, as if he was deep in thought. As if he, too, had discovered something momentous about himself just now. Maybe he had.

I closed my eyes at his touch, leaning my temple against his shoulder.

"Are you tired?" he asked with a whisper.

I shook my head.

I felt his chin press against the top of my head. "I should take my leave," I heard him suggest half-heartedly. I didn't know how he managed to sound considerate and reluctant at the same time.

"What's the hurry?" I asked, whispering. I raised my head from his shoulder and opened my eyes.

"It's getting late."

"It's not that late," I claimed, refusing to let go as I felt him begin to pull back.

He chuckled. "It's almost midnight."

"So?"

"You should sleep. I'm keeping you awake."

"You'll keep me awake, anyway. It doesn't matter whether or not you're here."

He chuckled softly again. "You flatter me, Bella."

"I don't need to flatter you. I'm just being very honest." I shifted myself, leaning in to press a kiss on his mouth ― would I ever get used to kissing him? Probably not.

He hummed quietly against my lips – the sound was so intriguing that I'd have done practically anything to hear it again. And again. And again.

His nose brushed against mine as he pulled away. A cool, wavering breath brushed against my skin. "I really should go and let you get some rest," he said softly.

"What, is your watch over?" I asked teasingly. "Is it Alice's turn to look after me or something? Or Jasper's?"

He shook his head, smiling. He knew I wasn't being serious, but answered anyway. "Actually, Alice is supposed to watch over you tomorrow. Or well, today," he corrected himself after glancing at the clock. "She's supposed to arrive before you leave for the bookstore."

"I can't wait," I said dryly, rolling my eyes. I could only imagine what she'd say once she saw me in the morning. I knew that even now, wherever she was, she had a smug, knowing smile on her face.

Carlisle gave a soft laugh. "She was actually supposed to keep you company tonight, but she insisted that I do it instead. She was quite adamant about it, and it confused me. But now I know why she was being so insistent."

"That sneaky little thing."

"Is that a complaint?" he asked, quirking his brow in a playful manner.

"No complaints from me," I assured, raising my palms in a gesture of peace. "I just keep wondering how long she's known about what's going to happen between us."

Carlisle shook his head. "I'm as uninformed as you are."

"She should have told us. Think about all this time we've wasted." I played idly with the collars of his shirt.

"Perhaps you're right," he agreed. "But if I've learned anything about Alice over the decades, it's that if she decides to stay quiet about something for once, there is usually a very good reason for it."

"Hm." I thought about his words for a while before shrugging mentally. Then I ran my fingers along his jawline. His cool skin was smooth under my fingertips, both soft and firm at the same time. It was a strange contradiction.

When my fingers trailed from his jaw to trace the shape of his lips, he shivered. It pleased me immensely to receive such a reaction from him.

"I really should go," he said again, but closed his eyes as my fingers continued their dance on his skin.

"Say it like you mean it." I couldn't help myself – the temptation to tease him was too great.

Carlisle's mouth was twitched faintly with the beginnings of laughter. "That is too much to ask, I'm afraid." He gently grabbed my hand and pulled it away from his skin, efficiently putting a stop to my caress. He pressed a soft kiss on my knuckles before rising from the couch.

"I'll be just outside," he assured. That made me wonder if he knew me better than I'd thought. It's like he knew that if he remained in the living room, I couldn't resist sneaking back here during the night.

"Stay," I pleaded, holding onto his hand. "It's cold outside."

He smiled. "You know very well it doesn't bother me."

"But it's lonely out there," I tried to convince him. "Doesn't that bother you? Loneliness?"

Carlisle was still smiling. "It's a torment," he admitted. "But I will see you in a few hours, and that will have to be enough for me. You need to sleep. And besides," he added, leaning in to press a kiss on the corner of my mouth, "if I spend too much time here, you might grow tired of me."

"That could never happen."

My words seemed to please him. He reached out to take his coat that was hanging over the back of a chair. I knew I behaved like a pathetic, love-wrecked being, but I couldn't help but get up and go to him. I didn't kiss him, though. I only framed his face with my hands, rising to my tiptoes to brush my lips lightly against his jaw.

My actions had a desired effect. I heard him inhale deeply, as if he was taking in my scent, and I wondered about it. Did the scent of my blood have any effect on him? I knew Carlisle's restraint was incomparable, and I remembered that he had once told me that he barely noticed the scent of human blood anymore. Most of the time it was so easy to forget his real nature. I knew it wasn't very fair, but I had once thought that for some reason Carlisle resemebled a human more than the rest of the Cullens. In fact, it was sometimes way too easy to forget that he wasn't a human. Not that it wasn't easy to forget that with the rest of them as well, but sometimes there was the occasional growl or hiss that reminded me of that more predatory part that resided in all of them. It made me remember Jasper's snarl when I'd cut my finger on the night of my eighteenth birthday; it made me remember Edward in his protective crouch in front of me; it made me remember Carlisle's calm but authorative voice, how he had been the only one who'd stayed calm in that situation. Let me by, Edward.

Edward. I closed my eyes as I felt something heavy settle in the pit of my stomach.

Carlisle had been tracing idle circles on my upper arms, but now he stopped.

"What is it?" he asked, evidently sensing the change in my mood that been light only a moment ago.

I sighed, pulling away from him. "I was just thinking about Edward." I glanced upwards to see his reaction. A pensive expression came over his face. "He's going to skin us alive when he finds out, isn't he?"

Carlisle let out a sigh. "I imagine that accepting this situation is not going to be easy for him." He looked my way. "But you should know that he's not exactly uninformed about my feelings for you. Edward and I... we have no secrets from each other. Even if he couldn't read my mind, this is something I could've never imagined keeping from him."

So... he already knew. I wasn't really that surprised. "That is why he left, isn't it?" I asked, suddenly realizing that maybe on some level I had known the reason behind his sudden departure all along. "When he came to see me last Friday, he said something about him wanting me to be happy – and that he was trying to ensure it by leaving."

"Really?" Carlisle asked, suddenly frowning. "Did he say anything else? If you don't mind me asking."

His question made me wonder if Edward had left without telling Carlisle about it at all. "Not much else. I asked if he had come to say a goodbye, and... he said that it wasn't a goodbye if I didn't want it to be. Now when I think about it, I should have paid more attention to him and tried to get him to open up, but... I was so nervous about my mom's visit. It was all I could think about at that moment." I was silent for a beat. "Maybe that's why he chose to come to me then. Maybe he knew I wasn't in the mood to interrogate him any further like I normally would have."

"Did he tell you where he was going?"

"He wasn't sure. He mentioned Alaska, as did Alice when I asked her about it." I studied Carlisle's expression; there was concern in his eyes, and something like deep, hopeless regret. I took his hand in my own; it made him look up at me.

"Did you two argue because of me?" I asked, unable to figure out any other reason for the expression on his face.

He gave a sigh. "It wasn't an argument, per se."

"Then what?" I asked. "Does Edward resent you because he knows how you feel about me?"

Carlisle unfolded his coat, leisurely putting it on as he searched for words. "I've known Edward for a very long time. We've always managed to respect each other despite our occasional differences and disagreements. Our paths have diverged in the past, but they have always come to cross again sooner or later. As to answer your question... I know Edward doesn't want to resent me. Of that I'm certain."

"I just don't like this," I murmured, shaking my head. "I never meant to cause this rift between you two."

Carlisle gently laid hin fingers under my chin and made me look up at him. "Are you saying you regret what happened between you and me?"

"No," I assured. "I could never regret this. But I regret the fact that you and Edward are on bad terms because of it. I know how much he means to you – and how much you mean to him."

Carlisle's voice was quiet. "It will take time for Edward to accept all this. We can only hope he will come around eventually." Suddenly he seemed pensive. "Like I told you a moment ago, changes aren't always easy for vampires. I wouldn't say that we are as frozen mentally as we are physically, but..."

I nodded. "You said that only strong emotional states can have an impact on your kind. Like falling in love."

He took my hands in his own, seeming to be deep in thought as he did that. "Yes. Falling in love... and losing that love." He gave me a searching glance, but then his gaze fixed somewhere over my shoulder as he searched for words. "To be accurate, any type of love, whether it is romantic or friendly, can have a great effect on a vampire. Larger covens are rarely founded on those things, as you know. In that sense, us and the Denalis are a rare exception to that rule. We've been able to form family-like bonds because our existence isn't based on competing for human blood. It's very different when it comes to other vampires. A coven doesn't even have to be that large to become unstable and have constant internal violence. The competitive drive for human blood is so strong. Only a deep, meaningful relationship or the bond between mates is strong enough to survive it."

I nodded, mulling over his words. "When you say that love is one of those things that can have a great effect on a vampire, do you mean that falling in love, for instance, is a permanent state? Are you saying that Edward's feelings for me remain unchangeable for the rest of his existence?" As soon as I had asked this question, though, my thoughts went to Esme, and how things had seemed to work out between her and Carlisle. Or had they worked out only because Esme had found her mate?

Carlisle was silent for a minute. "When Edward met you all those years ago in Forks... you changed him, irrevocably. There's no point to deny that. Love always has a deep impact on a vampire, no matter what the situation," he explained. "And while being in love can be a permanent state for some ― you only have to look at Rosalie and Emmett to confirm that ― it can sometimes transform into something else. Like friendship, or some other form of affection." He paused. "But it depends a lot on the situation – and on the vampire. As for Edward... like I said, this will be hard for him. You mean a great deal to him, Bella. You always have. That kind of affection doesn't go away just like that. I don't think it's supposed to. " A strange expression came over his face. Again, it was something like regret, or grief for something he could no longer change.

"You feel guilty," I stated softly. "You regret the fact that your feelings for me have caused this conflict between you and him."

Carlisle turned to look my way. "I could never regret feeling what I feel for you," he assured. "But I only wish – " A quiet breath breath left his lips.

"You only wish that Edward wouldn't be the one to suffer because of all this," I finished for him. I took his hand in my own again. "I understand that. I feel the same way."

We were silent for a while, and just watched the snow beating against the window. "What did he say?" I asked, suddenly urgent to know. "When he found out about your feelings for me?"

Carlisle sighed again. "He didn't have much to say, to be honest."

I observed him; he still had a reflective expression on his face.

"When did this happen?" I asked. "Since when has he known about this?"

Carlisle's eyes came into focus again and he met my gaze. "Ever since the morning of Esme's and Miguel's wedding."

I nodded, the realization hitting me. I remembered that cold morning with perfect clarity; how Edward had arrived earlier for the wedding than expected, how he had searched for Carlisle because he had wanted his opinion on something... how I had seen them talking in the tree alley leading to my apartment...

"I didn't even try to conceal my thoughts from him when he came to me that morning," Carlisle admitted softly. "I was tempted to, at first, but... for some reason I felt like I owed it to him. Like hiding these things from him would have been disrespectful since I knew how he felt for you." He reached out to cup my cheek. "I've never felt so torn than in that moment... because at the same time I thought that it was you who should have been the first to know."

"I know now," I said to him softly. "That's what matters. And besides, it's not like it was an option to keep Edward in the dark. He has his way of finding things out, as you know." I watched him closely, noting the pensive expression coming over his face again. "Was he very upset? When he found out?"

"I know he wanted to... understand," Carlisle answered eventually after staying silent for a beat. "And I know that even now, wherever he is, he does his best to step out of himself in order to see the whole picture. "

"I think he really is trying," I agreed. "That's why he left, after all. Maybe he knew that if he had stayed, he would have ended up saying something that couldn't be taken back. Maybe he was being sincere when he said that he had to leave to ensure my happiness. " I looked Carlisle's way. "And to ensure your happiness as well, even though he didn't tell that to you face to face."

Carlisle looked down at the floor. "Perhaps." The expression on his face made me comprehend how much it would have meant to him if Edward had gone to see him as well before he had left.

"Do you think... it would have been worse if something had already happened between you and me before you had the chance to talk to him about this?" I asked.

A small frown crinkled his brow. "It's possible."

"That's why you kept being so prudent around me," I guessed. "You wanted to clear things out with Edward before – "

Carlisle shook his head in a pondering manner, and I fell silent. "I wasn't intentionally trying to stay away from you just because I didn't have Edward's approval," he mused softly. "I did want him to know how I had begun to feel about you, of course. I felt that keeping it from him would have been wrong... but there was more to it than that. Like I told you tonight, it took me a while to comprehend what it was that I had come to feel for you. And remember that I didn't know if you even felt the same way. How could I even begin to venture guessing your feelings when I was having difficulties understanding my own? But after realizing what I felt... it took time to process it, to accept it. And even after that, I hesitated."

"Why?"

"Because the last thing I wanted was to make you feel uncomfortable. Our friendship was something I valued more than taking the risk of losing it. I was willing to keep everything as it was if it meant that I'd spare you from discomfort. You were my friend, and I'd decided that it had to be enough."

"What changed, then?" I asked, remembering that I'd asked something similar at the bookstore, but I'd gotten the feeling that he hadn't been ready to give me the answer. "What made you take the risk and decide to find out about my feelings?"

A veiled expression came over Carlisle's face, and he hesitated before speaking. "There was something Edward said a few days ago. I don't think he was exactly trying say that he was ready to give his approval, but... After Esme's and Miguel's wedding, he said something about regrets. He said that it was hard, regretting a decision that was once made, but... how it was sometimes even worse to regret a decision that was never made."

I bit my lip, pondering. "Sounds like he's talking from experience."

"Perhaps he is." Carlisle was silent for a while, and then he gave me a look that was something like sheepish. It caught my attention.

"What?" I asked.

He hesitated. "You asked me what changed – what made me take the risk and decide to find out about your feelings. Edward's words weren't the only thing to change my mind about that. Something else happened during last weekend that had an impact on it as well."

"Oh?"

"When your mother was visiting you, Alice and I took turns watching over you," he began. Suddenly I knew what was coming. "We did our best to give you two privacy and stay within a reasonable distance at the same time should anything unexpected occur. I had just arrived to relieve Alice from her watch – she was supposed to leave for a hunting trip with Tanya and Kate – and a while after she had left, you began to make your way home from the bookstore with your mother. And..." He searched for words.

"Oh, come on. Tell me. Do you have someone?"

"You heard what we discussed," I finished for him.

"I know that look! Isabella Marie, tell me who it is!"

He looked apologetic. "Parts of it," he admitted. "I left for a while to give you two privacy and kept some distance. But when I came back, you were still on the same topic."

"It's not what you think. He's a... friend."

"Okay. Friendship is good."

I gave an embarrassed laugh, blushing slightly. "Well, my mom wouldn't let it go that easily. She was stubborn."

Carlisle gave me an apologetic smile. "Please know that it wasn't my intention to intrude. I'm sorry."

I shook my head. "I know that. Don't worry about it."

"Bella, if I've learned anything about life and living, it's that taking a risk isn't always invariably followed by sorrow and heartache. Sometimes you have to make a difficult choice inspite of the consequences. And sometimes making that choice and taking that certain risk is the only way to keep going. The only way to move on. The only way to know what is right for you. Remember that."

Renée's words from a couple of days back came back to me. For the first time in hours, I felt a stab of sorrow piercing through the cloud of happiness that had floated around me for these past hours. Renée's words seemed bittersweet in that moment. There seemed to be a whole new meaning to them now.

There was a soft, cool touch on my chin. I looked up to see Carlisle watching me closely.

"What is it?" he asked.

I shook my head, beginning to explain in a hushed voice. "I was just thinking about something my mom said last weekend. She said something about taking risks and making a difficult choice despite the consequences. It kind of resembles what Edward said to you about regrets. That it's sometimes worse to regret a decision that was never made." I paused, meeting Carlisle's gaze. "My mom practically told me to take the risk, even if it meant that our friendship might never be the same," I continued. "Apparently she thought that it would be more foolish not to take any action at all. She was always more brave, more daredevil than I ever was when it came to these matters. But on the other hand, she also reminded me that not every risk is followed by sorrow and heartache. I suppose she knew better than me."

"Your mother is very wise," Carlisle said quietly. He was drawing idle patterns on my upper arms with his thumbs again. "Was it worth it, then?" he asked, a soft smile playing on his lips. "Taking that risk?"

I stepped closer to him until I was practically in his embrace. "Do you even have to ask?"

He smiled as a response. "I wonder what she'd say, though, if she knew what kind of company you're really keeping. And let us not forget the age difference, either." His voice was light, and there was a smile pulling at his lips, but I could see that there was some real hesitation behind that smile.

"She doesn't care much about age differences. She herself is actually several years older than Phil. I'm not saying that it's the same thing as me being over three hundred years younger than you, but..." I gave him a playful grin, but it fell away quickly as I thought of Renée again. "You know, she'd be so cool about this. I know it. She wouldn't care how much older or younger you were – and the whole thing about you and I being different species would probably just sound beyond exciting to her," I jested, rolling my eyes and receiving a chuckle from Carlisle. "She'd just want me to be happy. It breaks my heart that I can never tell her about this. About you."

Carlisle brought his hand to caress my cheek. "I know," he whispered. "I wish everything was different."

I shook my head. "I don't. I wouldn't change everything. I'd keep you the same."

He smiled, giving a soft, surprised laugh. "You would?" He tapped my chin with his finger; there was something very endearing about the gesture. There was a flicker of hesitation in his eyes again. "I take it it doesn't bother you, then? The age difference, among other things?"

"I find every aspect of you beyond intriguing, Carlisle," I assured him. "And besides... I've always been told that I'm an old soul. So that kind of evens things out, doesn't it? And I've also been told that I don't get people. That settles the species-matter as well. Therefore we are a good match. Wouldn't you agree?"

A smile had slowly made its way to Carlisle's lips while I had been talking, and now his hands came to frame my face. My skin began to tingle under his cool touch. "I would," he granted. There was amusement in his eyes as he said that, but also something that was deep and earnest.

My whole body seemed to know what was coming. My heart began its escape from the ribcage again. The blood in my veins was racing around my body, almost like his touch had the power to make it move faster. My eyes closed on their own accord again, almost like having a visual connection to the rest of the world was unnecessary.

And when his lips met mine, it was. Very few things seemed necessary every time he kissed me. Sight was one of them. The need to breathe was another. Sense of balance was something I didn't have to begin with, therefore losing it at the touch of his lips wasn't such a loss. Now when I thought about it, I could live without hearing, too...

Just leave me touch, and I'll be fine.

Carlisle's thumbs were tracing along my cheekbones while his lips caressed mine. I'd noticed he did that every time as he kissed me, framed the sides of my face with his hands, his touch light and gentle as if I were made of something brittle. His kisses were like that, too; tender, soft, unhurried. And whenever the kiss was nearing the edge of something more deep, more ardent, he always pulled away before slipping over that edge. It reminded me that he was from a different time, after all.

He pulled away this time, too, and his gentlemanly ways both frustrated and pleased me. As he leaned his forehead against mine, his breathing was forcibly slow, as if he was struggling to keep it even.

I sighed as he drew away and touched my chin with his thumb. "Sleep well," he said. Then he made his way to the door and turned to me once more. His lips turned up in a private smile.

As I watched him disappear through the door into the night, I was quite certain that the memory of his smile would be enough to keep me awake for hours on end.

AN: Hello dear readers! I'm astonished about the feedback I've received after posting chapter 24. Wow, just wow. I never expected such a response. Thank you so much. I put a lot of pressure on myself while writing the kissing scene - I suppose when the tension between two people has been building up so long and so slowly, nothing I wrote seemed satisfying enough. That's why your reviews blew my mind, and I wanted to thank you for your kind words. Your reviews really mean the world to me. It wasn't supposed to take so long for B&C to get to this point, but certain things needed to happen first before they could admit what they felt for each other. I've always been a fan of slow burns, but that's not the only reason why it took so long for the story to get to this point. I wanted the rest of the Cullens to be back before anything happened between Bella and Carlisle, and their return was supposed to happen way earlier in the story than it eventually did. It was also important for Edward to show up and then leave again. This will play an important factor later in the story, but that's all I'm going to say for now. You'll see :)

Some of you have wondered about the mating factor in the story. When I posted the first couple of chapters (I one day realized that it was like three years ago, whoa! Time flies!), I mentioned then that I wanted to make the bond between mates more significant than it is in the canon Twilight universe, and I kind of wanted it to resemble werewolf imprinting. Therefore some vampires in my story are mates and some are not. I remember reading an interview where Stephenie Meyer mentioned that the love between some vampire couples, or the strength of their love, more likely, varies (I searched for that interview one day, but I can no longer find it for the life of me. If someone knows where to find it, please hint!). For instance, the love Victoria felt for James was different than what she felt for Riley (if she loved him at all, that is), and the way Irina and Laurent felt for each other was different than what Alice and Jasper feel for each other, etc. I believe that it proves that not all vampire couples are mates in the Twilight universe. Another example: I never understood why Laurent was considered to be Irina's mate in the canon universe. In New Moon, he had left the Denalis (temporarily or otherwise) and since Bella noticed that his eyes were red instead of golden, he had obviously abanoned the vegetarian lifestyle he had been trying out. And it's not as if he "slipped" once or twice, but he actually admitted that he was cheating when it came to vegetarian lifestyle. If he had been Irina's mate and therefore truly devoted to her, I don't think he would have acted that way.

Things regarding the mating factor will come up later in the story in one way or another (the next chapter, for instance, will deal a little bit with this topic), but just to clarify; in my story, Esme and Miguel are mates, and so are Eleazar and Carmen and Alice and Jasper. Rosalie and Emmet are "just" in love, and so are Irina and Laurent. But like it's been mentioned in the story before, being "just" in love doesn't mean that the feelings are somehow weaker.

Before I forget, the following are quotes from the book New Moon: Let me by, Edward. and His lips turned up in a private smile.

I'm currently working on chapters 26-28 and I'll post the next one as soon as it's presentable. I hope you enjoyed the chapter (it turned out a little fluffy but who can blame me?). I also wish you all Peaceful And Happy Holidays! :)