I really do want to get back into this story and get back into the fun writing style I had before, I really enjoyed the voice I found for Emily and hopefully I can find that again! So this chapter is basically just nonsense, I just wanted to start writing again.
It's only been a week, but it already feels like things are back to how they were. Only not. Like a new normal, but a good new normal. Like, Paily 2.0 plus one. I'd thought at times that maybe getting a puppy was a bad idea, but it's really helped bring us closer and made Paige happier than she has been in too long. Obviously that in turn makes me happier too, so it's just a win-win situation all round, really. Somehow Luca has become a more frequent visitor at our house after we got the puppy, I honestly have no idea why. But I can't say I'm unhappy about it, although it does make me nervous that she'll start putting ideas in Paige's head again and I'm mildly happy when we usher her out the door and into Caleb's waiting arms.
"So, how're things?" Aria asks in the car, she said she'd come with me to get puppy's shots done, because truthfully I couldn't do it on my own.
"Really good, actually. I haven't abandoned anyone in a good week, so I guess that's improvement." I joke, trying to make light of what was a horrible situation.
"Well, I'm glad you're taking all the right steps. You'll be ready to be reintroduced to society in no time!" Aria laughs. "How did Paige take it all?" She smoothes down the puppy's ears while he dozes in her lap. "Was she as confused as I was?"
"Look, I don't understand how no-one understood my logic, it was perfectly reasonable to me, ok?" I try to defend myself, even though I can see her point. "But yeah, she was really confused. She took it all really well though, you know Paige."
"True, wouldn't expect any less of her, she's always pretty calm and collected, but then again, suppose one of you has to be." I give her a quick death stare then resume watching the road, shaking my head a little as I go. The vet we're going to is on the other side of town, the nicer side. Not that we don't live in a nice area, this side is just nicer. The streets are all lined with perfectly pruned trees housed behind tiny little fences, the houses all have big yards and neat boarders with brightly coloured flowers. They're that kind of perfect family home you see in movies, the kind of place I imagine Paige sees in her head when she thinks of our future. Like if I just prised open her dreams and took a peek I'd probably see this exact street. Which is kind of cute, really. I smile just thinking about it, because maybe this is what I want, too. "Have you still not named him?" She asks, bringing me back to the present.
"Nope, I'm trying to let Paige take the lead and she's pretty indecisive. Could you even imagine if she had to name a kid? We'd end up changing their name by deed poll every two weeks." I honestly dread to think what she'd be like if we had to name a living, breathing, parasitic human. She'd be beyond help.
"How did she take that? You guys not having kids for a while?"
"As well as she could have, we both came to the conclusion that we want to be with each other more than that is worth fighting over. We both know it'll happen eventually, but I guess this is just the universe's was of telling us it's not the right time." She'd taken it so well that I was in shock; she didn't really bring it up again, only to tell me she was sorry if I'd felt pressured by her, which I didn't. Then she let it go, saying she's ready when I'm ready. So I guess it's just a waiting game, like maybe I'll just know one day. Maybe when it's time to say goodbye to Luca and I feel a bit saddened, or when I see a pregnant lady and get a bit jealous, or when I watch a new mother pushing a pram and start to get that feeling in the pit of my stomach. That longing for something more, a yearning that nothing else could sooth, maybe then I'll know.
"That's really good of her. I didn't think she'd take it so well, we all saw how excited she was at the prospect of having a baby." Out of the corner of my eye I see her looking at me, "I'm happy for you, Em. I'm glad you worked it all out." She smiles, gives my leg a little squeeze and goes back to staring out the passenger window.
"He's just going to feel a sharp scratch, it doesn't hurt, he'll be fine and it's better we just get it over with to avoid him being stressed for longer." This vet doesn't know what he's talking about. He doesn't speak dog, how can he be telling me it doesn't hurt when I know it will and that the puppy doesn't understand that it needs to be done. He'll just think we're cruel and hate us forever. His little puppy eyes are wide and darting from me to the vet to Aria and back again, he looks terrified, much the same as when we get the vacuum out.
So, this is the though process that leads me to be crying in the waiting room of the vet as Aria is in the room with the puppy while he gets his shots, because I was too 'emotional' (the vets words, not mine), to be in the room. Admittedly I did start crying early on, but rightly so, someone was about to stick a needle into my dog and he didn't know why. Once I'd started thinking about how we can't communicate with dogs as well as I'd like I couldn't stop. We can't tell them they need the shots and that it's for their own good, or that when we leave them we are coming back. We can't let them know how sorry we are when we accidentally stand on their little tail, or that we want to share our human food with them but some of if is bad for them. It just seems really unnecessarily harsh to me.
My phone starts to vibrate; I wipe the snot from my nose, sniffle and then answer. It's Paige.
"Hey, how'd it go?" There's a pause where she hears a fresh round of tears erupt from me, "Why are you crying? What's happened?" There is alarm in her tone that I can't manage to tell her is unwarranted, because I'm currently unable to form words and everyone else is staring at me, even all the animals have come to a pause to start at me, confused and wary.
"It's just so sad that we can't tell him he needs the shots done, you know?"
"Em, what are you talking about?" She seems to have calmed down now, sensing this isn't a serious issue, although to me it really is. "Is this about the puppy getting his shots? Did Aria go with you?"
"Yes, she's in there with him now." I cry, "I got kicked out." I've just about got my sobbing under control now, until I hear a little yap and a whine come from the room that he's in and I start to bawl again, sinking lower into the uncomfortable green plastic. "I can hear him crying."
"He can probably hear you, too. I'm sure he's fine. It's probably already all over by now." She's trying to sooth me and I can hear that she's trying not to laugh, which does make me see how ridiculous I'm being. Kind of, I mean, I still have some valid points.
"Probably. I'm going to get him some new toys and lots of treats for being a good boy. He's such a good boy isn't he?" I say adamantly, well aware that I'm getting some funny looks from everyone in here. They probably assume I'm some crazy dog mom and hey, guess I am now, who'd have guessed it.
"He is the goodest boy. I was just calling to check in, make sure everything went smoothly. I'm going to try and leave early tonight. Is there anything you want me to pick up for dinner?"
"Nothing I can think of." I say, finally calming myself down. "I'd better go now, I've made myself look like a right Radley case." We say our goodbyes and just as I put the phone down the door opens to the room opposite me. Aria walks out holding puppy, who looks delighted to see me, probably thinking I'd left him for dead with a strange lady and a psycho with a needle. I hold in a fresh wave of tears seeing him try to wriggle out of Aria's arms as I rush over to grab him.
"What a good boy!" I gush, "You're going to get so many treats and lots of cuddles. Yes, you are!"
"I genuinely think your brain has turned to mush, I don't even know who you are as a person anymore." Aria says, no hint of joking.
"Yeah well, let me stick you with a great big needle and see how you like it." I bite back, keeping my voice high pitched and a big grin on my face so that puppy continues to wag his tail.
"No thanks," She grimaces at me, grabs my bag from the floor and makes for the door, "I'll wait in the car while you pay."
"Sorry about that,"
"Oh, are you back to normal now?" Aria feigns shock as she takes the puppy from me as I get in the car. "I feared we'd lost you forever there."
"Yeah, me too. I don't know what came over me. I guess I just needed a good cry. You know? Sometimes you just need it."
"I mean, usually I do it in the privacy of my own home, but, each to their own." She shrugs, rolling her eyes at me. "Where now?"
"Puppy treats." I say, starting up the car and turning to look out the back window as I reverse. Puppy perks up, he knows no other words, or commands, but treats, he knows. Go figure. "Maybe I'll get you a treat, too. If you're good." I joke.
"I'm always good." Aria huffs, slumping down in the seat, letting puppy nibble on her fingers.
"How're you anyway?" I ask cautiously.
"Good. Better." She says genuinely. "I spoke to Ezra. He's helping me get through all of this. It really has helped, I have less bad days and even when I do I know how to cope with them." She smiles over at me.
"Good. That's really good! You know I'm always here for you, even if you just want to come over and cuddle my puppy." She laughs.
"Yeah, might be seeing me more often now, he is really cute" He nips a little too hard on her finger with his sharp needle like teeth, making her recoil, only to smile again and give him back her finger to nibble.
"Funny, we seem to see everyone more now… Does make me wonder, who are you really coming over to see?"
"In terms of reasons we're visiting? Puppy, Paige then you." She says seriously. "Sometimes Paige, puppy, you."
"Excuse me?" I'm honestly shocked and I don't think she's even joking. "Hold on, so my own friends rank my wife above me. I can get over the puppy, believe me, I'd rank him above anyone I've ever met." What's so wrong with me? "Glad you told me, I'll know to lock the door from now on." I roll my eyes and mutter to myself, what a joke, if my own friends don't even like me best who does? Pretty sure even the puppy likes Paige more.
Aria laughs, "Face it, Em, Paige is just more…" She seems to be thinking of the right word, "Ok, look, it's everything about her, she's an all rounder, you know? Hate to break it to you." She shrugs, like sorry not sorry.
"Fantastic. Good to know. You're all such assholes." I mutter, shaking my head, turning into the pet store parking lot. "You know I've got a history with parking lots. Don't make me abandon you here." I say, mostly joking.
"I take it back, you're the best. We love you most."
"So you can pick her up at around 6:30 on Friday and we'll come get her on Saturday?" Hanna says down the phone when we talk that evening.
"I love how we're just your babysitters now." I joke,
"Oh hush, it's a good situation for all of us. Luca is probably putting Paige off kids, you can thank me later." I roll my eyes because I honestly think it's the complete opposite.
"True." I say, despite myself, "Maybe us having her will give Caleb a change to propose…" I say, because if she can make jokes then so can I. I'd be lying if I said I was surprised he hadn't done it yet already. It's not as if he's waiting to make sure this is what he wants, they've been together long enough, it's not as if Hanna can get any more difficult. If he's still with her even though he saw her in labour I'm pretty sure he's not going anywhere anytime soon. Maybe us having Luca will give him an inning to do so and make Hanna shut up for all of two minutes, before she starts in on wedding planning. On second thought, maybe it's best he doesn't propose; I really couldn't cope with Hanna planning a wedding. Not after how extravagant Luca's party was the other month. I hope they've already started saving. Who am I kidding? Hanna definitely has wedding savings; I don't doubt Caleb will have to stop her spending Luca's college fund.
"Is he going to?" Hanna all but screams down the phone, "Because I really need to know before hand so I can get my nails done. Would hate to think I had to take a photo of my ring on a finger that desperately needed infills."
"Right, I'll be sure to let him know he has to book you in to get your nails and hair done before he proposes."
"Good, at least the heads up will give me enough time to practice my surprised, overjoyed face." All I can do is close my eyes and take a deep breath, remind myself that she's my best friend and I made that choice.
"Ok, so I'll tell Paige to pick her up after work on Friday." I say, changing the subject, although I think I've set Hanna's mind off. She replies absentmindedly, probably already trying to decide which table she'd seat her great aunt Harriet at to avoid the most drama.
"How was Aria today?" She asks, finally coming back to herself.
"Good, I had a breakdown but what else is new?"
"OK, go." This is Hanna's way of telling me she's ready for my drama. It's all I need to here before I start to tell her all about my day and how someone really needs to invent a machine to help us communicate better with dogs. "You genuinely have lost it. I'm impressed. Here I was thinking I was the crazy one of the group, but," I can hear her do a slow clap, "I'll gladly step aside. Welcome. How does it feel? Do you feel powerful? I like that it makes us kind of unpredictable. Like keeps 'em on their toes?"
"I suppose so." I say, confused how she's being so supportive of my incredibly erratic behaviour, but then again, this is Hanna.
"Should be touch on why you're acting like this?" She says, with a hint of Spencer to her tone that I don't really like.
"No, lets go back to you telling me how great it is." I say, because I have a feeling I know where she's trying to take this conversation.
"Did you take that test?"
"Ok, bye. See you Saturday!" I sing enthusiastically just before I hear a strangled 'Emily!' as I hang up. I don't have time for her nonsense today, not when it's still quite hurtful. My phone buzzes in my hand with a text from her saying 'Take the test you little bitch x'. Naturally I roll my eyes and ignore it. Maybe Caleb should propose just to give her something else to focus on, other than the imaginary pregnancy she thinks I'm having.
(First off, just tell me what to name that damn dog lol) Ok ok, what even is this chapter lol it's so bad. Emily is just going completely mental, and guys, I feel like you already know, but I can't cope with writing Aria. At all. I just don't get a good vibe there, you know? I'm still trying to think up some new ideas for chapters, I have a few big events that I want to work in, but I still want to keep it fun. Still no idea on what to call their dog, don't know why I'm finding that more difficult than anything else. Thanks again for all your continued support!