Chapter 25

Derek Morgan's apartment

Washington DC

Spencer

When Morgan came in from what turned out to be a slightly less than pleasant evening he found Spencer on the couch, his arm covering his eyes from the admittedly dim light. "Hey, how was your date?" Morgan asked hm.

"Great. I had a good time." Spencer's voice was flat, heavy. "How was yours?"

"It would have been better if she was having it with me and not her cell phone." Morgan pulled off his jacket and looked down at his friend. "Yeah, you sound like you had a good time. Want to tell me about it?"

"Not really?"

"So when are you two going out again?"

Spencer had yet to actually move. "We're not."

Morgan had been hanging up said jacket, now he came back around to give this problem his full attention. "Excuse me? What happened, did she break up with you?"

"No. I just…" Even with his arm in the way Morgan could see Spencer's face screwing up. "I like her, all right. She's…perfect and I think… I don't…she deserves someone better. There's no point in dragging this on any further."

Well, this was more serious than he had thought. Morgan got himself a beer and sat in the chair near to the couch. "She deserves someone better. You think you're not good enough for her?"

"I'm not!' Morgan forced himself to stay still as Spencer got up and started yelling. "She smart, she's funny, she's beautiful, and she's devoted her life to helping others. She deserves someone as good as she is!"

This is anger, Morgan realized, I don't know what he's angry at, but it's better than a flat nothing. "And what do you think you are?"

"A human computer who has to buy his emotions in a bottle! A freak and an addict who's probably going to be locked in an asylum for the rest of his life!"

Morgan kept himself calm, cool, even though he had a deep desire to go rip down some walls somewhere. "When you look at yourself is that what you see?"

"That's the part that matters."

Morgan took another sip of his beer and got up. He went to his bag and pulled out his laptop, bringing it over to the coffee table. "Have you looked up C-PTSD yet?"

Spencer looked at the laptop as if it might bite. "No. What does that have to do with this?"

"Look it up, Doctor. I have." With that he moved to the kitchen to let Clooney in and get something to eat.

For the next few moments Morgan took his time making coffee, puttering, getting things ready for the next call out. He heard the sound of typing, quiet, more typing, pacing, more typing, more pacing. Eventually he heard the utterly familiar sound of someone attempting to shove their fist through a wall. "Ow!"

Morgan chuckled as he heard Spencer reciting curses in what sounded like German. He came back in the living room with his beer and some overly sweet coffee to find his wall barely smudged and Spencer cradling his knuckles. "If you're going to try to take out a wall, try a non-load bearing interior wall first."

Spencer stood there, shaking his head. No, just shaking. "This is not fair." He said, far too quietly.

Morgan was quiet. "No, it's not." I have to agree with him, he thought, none of this is fair.

"I don't know what to do. Intellectually I can see that you're right, I'm displaying over 90% of the symptoms, but I don't know what to do."

Now we might be getting somewhere, Morgan thought. "Ask yourself one question, do you want them to win?"

"Do I want who to win?"

"Any of them. All of them. Everyone from your dad to those high school bastards to Hankle. Or Strauss. Man, you're not even thirty yet, you have a lot of life left to go, do you want them to win for the rest of it?" One step man, Morgan thought, come on, you know this.

"I…I d…" Morgan watched as Spencer literally dug that kind of deep to find it, but find it he did. "No."

"All right then." Morgan handed Spencer his coffee and lifted his beer in a toast to mark the occasion.

"So now what do I do?" Spencer asked, once the coffee had been sampled.

"I don't know." Morgan said, then caught himself when he saw his friend's face all. "I know where I would start, but I don't know if it would work for you."

"Whatever it is, it's probably worth a try."

"Okay. Did your doctor clear you to return to full duty?"

"Which one?" Spencer asked.

"The one for you knee."

"Yeah, why?"

"'Cause tomorrow we're going to get up and go running."

"What?"

"Man, you told Seaver that you got wavers for everything physical in the Acadamy. Is that true?"

"I can't do that sort of thing. I'm not that…physically capable."

"Did you try?"

"No. I…I can't do that sort of thing. You know that. Everyone knows that."

"I don't know that." Morgan took a sip of his beer. "I've watched you in extreme conditions for a good six years now, I think you'd be perfectly capable of passing every Academy test. All you need is some training."

"No, Morgan." Spencer's eyes widened in disbelief. "Everyone knows I can't do that."

"Everyone knows, huh? Who told you that?"

"Everyone." Morgan waited, patiently for Spencer to clarify. "My dad, my mom, the kids and teachers at school. There's no point in trying."

Morgan gestured to the laptop. "Do I need to look up the definition of 'learned helplessness' for you?"

For a long moment Morgan could see the wheels turning in Spencer's head as his intellect finally hooked back up with his emotions, even if only at one small point. Eventually he looked back down at his coffee. "So, what time are we going?" he asked.

"Early. And then you're going to make two phone calls. First you're going to call that girl and make your next date."

He watched Spencer start to crumble. "Morgan, I…"

"Hey. Stop that. That's not your call to make. All you have to do is tell her the absolute truth, no worse, no better. After that it's her call. And do not tell me you don't want to see her again."

Morgan watched a small smile finally appear on his friend's face. "Yes, I want to see her again."

"Good. Besides, "Morgan grinned, hoping this would at least get Spencer to crack a smile. "Remember what Julio said. Maybe God is setting you two up so she can help you beat the Devil." Morgan had hoped for a smile but not the falling over belly laugh he got. "What."

"She's a priest."

Surely he had not heard that right. "What?"

"She's a priest. Anglican. She's the rector over at St. Martin's in Woodley Park."

It took a few for Morgan's head to wrap around that. "Oh, you are not serious." At Spencer's nod he finally had to accept that. Maybe this match was made in heaven. "Well, all right. You know you're not going to live this one down."

"I guessed that. What's the other call?"

This was going to be the tough one. Mentally Morgan crossed his fingers. "Call Dr. Messer and make an appointment."

He was right, that was clearly not something the kid wanted to face yet. "I don't know. I don't want this to…I don't want the Bureau to be involved."

Morgan shook his head. "Stop that. Start telling the truth about what you're thinking. Now what were you going to say?"

"I don't want Strauss to know." Spencer sighed. "I don't want my failings to be an excuse to go after you or Hotch."

"First off, you're not failing. This is an old injury that never got treated, all right, and that's how we're going to keep looking at it. Now, you're right, it's not Strauss' business. But I don't think Dr. Messer is the kind to let that slip, she impressed Garcia and that is not easy to do."

Morgan watched Spencer a long moment. He could almost see the wheels turning up there, watched him wrap his arms around his middle, a classic self nurturing gesture. "I still don't know. She asked a lot of questions last time, and…"

Nope, Morgan thought, that's one step too far. "All right. But start thinking about it at least." When Spencer nodded his agreement he got up. "Now get to sleep, I'm going to be getting you up early."

"After a cup of coffee?"

Morgan grinned at him. "It's decaf."

BAU Headquarters

Quantico, VA

Emily stopped and stared as Morgan and Spencer came into the office the next morning. Morgan looked happy and glowing, as he did after one of his morning workouts. Spencer, on the other hand…"Hey, what happened to him?"

"I took him running this morning." Morgan said, turning to watch Spencer slowly creep through the lobby.

"I didn't know he could run." Emily commented.

"Neither did he. I think his body is still in shock." Morgan turned to Spencer, who was clearly still trying to process the sensations, noted the color in his face, the clarity in his eyes. "This is how it feels when you run your body on oxygen like the rest of humanity, instead of coffee and sugar."

"This actually feels strangely good." Spencer said. "I think my head is working faster."

"Well go sit down and let it pass Mr. Wizard." Morgan had to tease him. "Then you can finish your master plan to take over the world."