No surprise that I tossed and turned all night. Even though I seemed steady as a rock with Jax last night my insides were shaking. I'm not sure he realized the severity of the situation. His wife had framed his mother for manslaughter. Who the hell does that? Gemma's always been twisted but making her out to be the murderer of her unborn grandchild was extreme. I seen the pain in Jax's eyes last night and I knew that it had to be tearing him apart. I think in his heart he knew something was going on with Tara but because of the love he has for her; he can't admit it. Am I that delusional? Do I love Jax that much that he does no wrong in my eyes? No I see his faults, I just don't believe he is the monster that both Tara and himself say he is. He has changed in certain ways. He has a harder edge to him but by no means is he a monster. Deep down that carefree guy is still in there. I just know it. He's still the man that captured my heart all of those years ago, only now he has a lot more responsibilities. I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts and get back to the subject at hand. Tara has never done any wrong in his eyes whatsoever. Yes skipping off from Charming had hurt him but he even forgave her for that. And yet he won't forgive me for it. I love him but I know he's imperfect. That's not the same thing is it? I meant what I said to him last night. He's my Tara. The one person that I love more than anything, minus our child that is. I am not proud of some of the decisions I have made since coming back to Charming. I've never been the 'other woman' type. Its all me or none of me as always been my motto. Honestly sleeping with another woman's husband would never have happened, if it wasn't Jax. God I really am lame. I should have tried harder to find someone in Oregon. Its just hard to have a dating life when you work and have classes, not to mention an adorable three year old with an attitude. There just wasn't enough time in the day to get every thing I had to do plus be a mother and try to find a good man. I made the right decision, I came to the conclusion. Time with my daughter was worth any type of loneliness i felt. At the end of the day, its always been her and me and thats okay with me. I turned onto my back and looked up at my ceiling. I'm glad i have physically been able to distance myself from Jax in that way.I deserved much more than being a quick lay whenever he felt like it. I couldn't do the meaningless sex even if it was from the love of my life. I deserved more and quite frankly so did he.
I couldn't shake this feeling that something extremely bad was coming. If Tara was willing to either a. fake a pregnancy and set up a miscarriage caused by Gemma. Or b. she was actually pregnant and caused the death of her flesh and blood to hurt Gemma. I had a strong feeling it had to do with operation: get the hell away from Jax and Charming. So what was the end game here? When she left, where would she go? Her hand was still in a cast. What life can she provide for her and the boys without Jax's funds? Almost like a little light bulb, the information I was looking for hit me. She had set Gem up so if it came down to it and she did do prison time, there was no way in hell Gemma would get the boys. Tara wanted them away from Charming and Samcro. Obviously she was trying to guarantee that Gemma could never get custody but the big question was : where did that leave Jax? Was she going to rat on him to ensure that he never got his sons either? I rolled back over and faced our daughter. And where would Tara's decisions leave her? Now that she's met her father, it seems like she's going to lose him. Whether it be jail or death, the road all of this mess was leading to was going to be deadly.
The little sleep I did get, I woke up in a cold sweat. At around five, I realized i should just give up. Sleep obviously wasn't coming easy for me so I just got up. I might as well go start some coffee I was going to need it. I was surprised to find Rat sitting on my couch. He was fully dressed thankfully but the point remains that he was on my couch watching tv at five am. I guess that answers my question as to what time he usually shows up in the morning. I nervously tugged my pajama shorts down in attempt to cover up some of my thigh. I wished I had put more clothes on as I was in a snug white ribbed tank top and some very short pajama shorts. I quickly tried to round the corner into the kitchen before he got a chance to fully grasp the little I had on and the fact that I wasn't wearing a bra. I breathed a sigh of relief. I don't think he gave me a second glance. Seriously five a.m. was much too early to have to sit at someone's house. Honestly, i assumed the night guy stayed until at least seven. Jax and I were going to have to talk over this, 'babysitting' thing he was having his friends do. I smiled to myself. That's exactly how I would explain it to him. Like, "uh hey Jax, Rat seen me in some barely there clothes. That should get him to lighten up on the protection. I mean its been two weeks, if someone was really a threat to us wouldn't they have made a move by now? I would imagine they would have. I ran the pot under the water and filled it almost to the top. With the way I slept last night, I was definitely going to be relying on Mr. Coffee today. Hopefully I could shuffle past Rat and no damage would have been done. Much to my dismay when I looked up from starting the coffee pot, he was leaned up against the kitchen doorframe. His eyes trailed down my body and I instantly felt weird about the whole situation.
"I uh started a whole pot. You look like you're going to need some too.I'm sorry for the lack of clothes, I didn't know anyone would be in here I always thought you came in later." He nodded but his eyes didn't meet mine, instead they were on my chest. He seemed to notice that I had picked up on him gawking at me and he quickly moved his eyes up and cleared his throat
"Yeah Montez just left so I just got here." I walked up to him, attempting to get around him but he didn't move right away. I cleared my throat and he stepped to the side. I felt his eyes on my butt and my legs. I rolled my eyes.
"Rat, I understand that I am barely covered but if you don't stop looking at me like you're going to eat me; I will cut your heart out. Or maybe Jax will. You know he caught Juice flirting with me and he beat the hell out of him. This is your warning." I started walking back to my room when I heard him muttering under his breath. If the house wasn't dead silent I wouldn't have heard it.
"He's married. It doesn't hurt to look." I rolled my eyes again and closed my bedroom door rather loudly just to make sure he got the point. I flinched when I saw Eve moving around in her bed. She reached over and grabbed her bear that fell off of the bed, snuggled back up to it, and then passed back out. I let out a sigh of relief. There's no way I could deal with today if I had to deal with my toddler before eight a.m.
I went straight to my dresser and found a pair of heavy sweat pants. I wanted to be as covered as possible to avoid feeling like a piece of meat.I quickly changed my pants and felt snuggly and cozy in my sweats. I dug around until I found a shirt that didn't have a v-neck to it. Geeze I really need to go back to our apartment and get the rest of our clothes because I really didn't have much here. I walked back out into the living room and I could see the disappointment all over Rat's face when I walked by. Sorry buddy you're not getting your rocks off on me.
Despite the weirdness with Rat this morning, the rest of the day went by pretty well. I made some cheesy chicken and broccoli for dinner. I got my student loan paperwork from the school and I even managed to get set up to make a trip back home to get the rest of my stuff. Ope said that we could make the trip and be back by the next day. Life was going good. It was after eight and I had already put Eve to bed for the night. Mom was in the shower. I wasn't planning on company, was just going to try out some of this wine that mom had. The knock at the door was loud and disturbed my peace and quiet. I got up and answered it. Thankfully I left my wine on the table. When I opened the door my best friend was standing on the other side. I had talked to him on the phone earlier and he made no mentions of stopping by. As soon as I seen it was Ope, I squealed and jumped on him. He laughed and walked in with me still hanging around his neck. He shut the door quietly and eased me onto my feet. I brushed the hair behind my ear and I couldn't contain my smile.
"Damn I didn't realize I was going to get that kind of welcome." I lightly chuckled and made my way back to the couch.
"Are you kidding? I haven't seen another male except for Rat in two weeks. You should be lucky I'm not humping your leg." His face hardened and I laughed. " I'm kidding Ope, I'm just thrilled you're here."
"He's not giving you trouble is he?" I sighed and set down my wine glass. The concern on Opie's face caused me to smile. He was always worried about me, no matter what was going on.
"Other than raping me with his eyes this morning? Nah he's been pretty decent." Ope raised an eyebrow at my statement and then gave me a serious look.
"You need me to handle it?" I shook my head and picked up my wine glass. I took a small sip. As much as I love hard liquor, this red wine was really good. The sweet taste of it buzzed on my tongue
"I think I took care of it. I didn't know he came by so early in the morning and the night guy normally stays outside. I came out in less clothes than I should have but I think he got the point. So tell me, my giant friend, what brings you by?" He rubbed a hand down his face and sighed. When he looked up at me, his eyes were clouded. Whatever it was, i could tell ot was bothering him a lot.
"Shit with Lyla is nuts right now and all the shit going on with the club...I was going to see if you minded if I crashed on your couch." I threw my arm over his shoulder and leaned in against him.
"Ope, no matter where I am; you've always got a place with me. You sure this is whar you want though? I mean you don't want to be at home with Lyla trying to work it out?" He leaned his head down on top of mine. I relaxed in an instant. I'm glad my best friend was here with me.
"Thanks Kandie, that's what I needed to hear. And no, I think some distance for tonight will be good .We got into it pretty bad earlier and I think its best for some space." We sat like that for a few minutes, just enjoying each other's company. That's why he's my best friend. When our lives were a mess we could count on each other. I deeply regretted not reaching out to him after I left Charming. If anyone understood how I felt about Jax, it was Ope. He never got in the middle of our shit but I knew he came to my defense often; Donna and I used to gossip a lot. My heart still hurts when I think about what happened to her but I quickly shook of the tears fhat were sure to follow. Ope was happy and remarried thats what counted.
"So what's going on with Lyla that brings you here?" He pulled his head away from mine and picked up my bottle of wine. He gave me the, 'really' look and I shrugged. "Don't knock it until you've tried it; its not bad." He accepted that answer and put it back on the table.
"I feel like the more I try to make shit work, the more she goes in the opposite direction. We talked about having more kids and I found birth control in her drawer at work. I wanted her to quit all together and she won't. I make more than enough with the club to provide for all of us but that doesn't matter. I guess it boils down to the fact that she's not Donna." I leaned against his arm again and just breathed in his scent. Ope always smelled like axel grease and some woodsy scented cologne that Donna started buying him forever ago. It was always a comfort to me.
"Well Ope, all I can tell you is that if you want it to work it will. You guys have to compromise and figure out if what you have is worth saving. I know you love her bub because if you didn't you wouldn't have married her." He nodded and pulled off his beanie. He ran his hands through his hair and stared at his boots.
"Thanks, I needed that. Shit I wanted to vent to Jax but he's got his own shit going on." I nodded and sat up to drink some more of my wine.
"Yeah I know, I seen him yesterday. He's a mess." With Ope, I could always be upfront and honest. I knew he wasn't happy about me getting back in bed so to speak with Jax, but he had my back no matter what. He gave me that face that told me he was displeased that I had seen Jax yesterday. I quickly shook my head no. I was trying to tell him, without words that I hadn't slept with him.
"Thought you ended that." I shrugged and downed the rest of my glass. I had ended it and I felt a lot healthier for it too, doesn't mean I didn't miss the hell out of him.
"I did, no sex since before I told him about Tara. He said he was driving around and ended up here . We talked about Gemma and Tara's hospital incident." Ope nodded and picked up my bottle of wine and took a gulp. He pulled it back and looked at it again, then shrugged.
"Yeah well shit hit the fan today. Jax and Nero went to blows because I guess Nero confronted Tara on what happened. Tara told Jax that Nero said she was a manipulative bitch..." I cut him off.
"Well if the shoe fits..." He laughed and placed a hand on my shoulder.
"You gotta let that shit go. Its going to eat you up." My shoulders slumped and I looked at my feet.
"I try Ope, but at the end of the day, I can't get past that I'll never be good enough for him." He pulled me into a half hug.
"You should be glad. Shit with him and Tara ain't what it used to be. Ever since they guys got out, Jax was trying to get shit straight but it was never good enough. And now...now things are shit. He's trying to get us out of guns but the irish want us to help break Clay out. I know that's fucking with his head, all of his decisions in the last few months have been to kill Clay. Even without a mayhem vote." That's one of my favorite things about Ope, he didn't bullshit with me. He knew I could handle the truth and it wouldn't go anywhere. I reached over and patted his hand.
"You realize that i have been gone awhile. Why does Jax want to kill Clay?"
"Well Clay killed dad, turns put he was behind J.T's crash and he tried to kill Tara. Not to mention he beat the shit out of Gemma. Shits been hell for awhile now." I nodded and leaned into his shoulder. No wonder Jax was so twisted. Shit had indeed hit the fan.
a\n: so finally a new chapter! I enjoy her little friendship witb Opie so much! I feel he never got a fair shot. Life was always raining shit on him. I tried to put as much information as to what was going on as possible even with it being almost a filler chapter. As always review and let me know what you think!