Merry christmas guys! here's a little prezzie for youse...
Chaptr 25
The Slighter Man
"SIRIUS! REMUS? Confound it all…" a shrill female voice cursed in frustration, growing muffled as withdrew her head slightly from the flames in the darkened sitting room. "Where are those boys? Anybody would think I was trying to contact them on a mere whim! SIRIUS…?"
Sirius trumped through the enormous entrance hall, tossing his head erratically about his shoulders, trying to rid himself of the sharp buzzing that nibbled the edges of his mind.
He thought back to Remus' hurt face with stubborn glee and pride. Finally, Sirius felt that he was getting through to the man - getting Remus to confront his nature and accept that he was destined to live but a half life - to embrace the wolf with all its tribulations.
A slight sound caught his ear and Sirius turned brusquely towards it. Cocking his head, he strode for the parlour door, flinging it open and striding inside. "SNAPE?"
The fire flared in the sudden draught and hissed loudly in the otherwise silent reply. Sirius grunted and threw himself into a stiff armchair, massaging his temples as a deluded ringing and the throbbing of heightened senses tormented him. A wave of lucidity ensnared him, and he realised with a sinking horror what madness it had been to reach for that potion…
"ARGH!"
Sirius leapt to his feet at this sudden roar from the fireplace. His head swam with noise as the flames swelled, and the crumpled form of his Godson was cast out onto the hearth-rug at his feet.
"Harry?" Sirius exclaimed, blinking incredulously.
"Sirius!" Harry scrambled eagerly to his feet, readjusting his glasses, and found himself drawn into a fierce hug.
"Harry! -What are you doing here! You're supposed to be…"
"- I had to see you. Is…Snape here?"
Sirius paused, frowning into his Godson's wide, imploring eyes. "Harry, - this is serious- how did you find me here?"
"I followed Professor McGonagal into her office, under my cloak - she didn't know - she's been trying to contact you for the past hour, Sirius! She can't leave Hogwart's with the Headmaster in London, but…Pomfrey said something to McGonagal 'bout Snape earlier, in the hospital wing and McGonagal rushed straight off to contact you; she was worried off her head!"
Harry panted hard to stay standing after this outburst, and raised his eyes desperately.
"So he is here, isn't he?" Harry demanded, "Is he here?"
Sirius narrowed his gaze. Damn that woman. Nothing stayed a secret for long in that bloody school. He'd have to have a severe word with Minnie about her discretion. He rolled his eyes angrily - what was he thinking - she'd probably lead the boy to them on purpose…
"What is it that you want?" Sirius asked curtly, crossing his arms in an unmistakeably cold gesture. Harry looked at him in slight surprise, and continued, his enthusiasm failing.
"I…really need to tell you something…err – I mean, I need to talk to Snape… but I wanted speak to you first…"
"What is it?" Sirius asked intently, his eyes fixed on Harry, who shuffled in discomfort and enquired awkwardly again,
"Is Snape here?"
"I can't tell you where he is."
"Have you seen… h- how he's been behaving?"
"He has his reasons." Sirius retorted, defensively.
Harry stared at him for a moment, fazed by his aggressive attitude, before recovering with a start, "Y- yes, I know he does – but Sirius I… I'm partly responsible. I-"
" –What!"
"… - I can't stop thinking about what we did – I can't believe I was so stupid…"
"Harry, what did you – "
"I didn't know he was hurt or anything! – It was just a joke; a bad prank…"
"WHAT DID YOU DO?" Sirius bellowed impatiently, suddenly livid at his Godson's pathetic moping. He could feel his face turning white with anger at the prospect of Harry being responsible for the shell-like remains of Snape.
Harry backed away from his Godfather, uncertainly.
"It was an accident," he insisted quietly. "Me and…some others broke into his quarters - we just wanted to make a fool of him… to take a photograph…" His voice faded numbly. " We chained him to a wall but, he was hurt… He woke and just started… screaming - he couldn't recognise us, he…he thought… Merlin, I don't know what he thought. But it was enough to drive him crazy."
Harry's head was in his hands. He did not see that every muscle in his Godfather's bloodless face was taught; a blue vein in Sirius' temple pulsed violently, and his rigid body trembled with rage.
Harry mumbled, "I can't believe I had any part in it - knowing what I do about his importance to the order and the sacrifices he's made, I just… I figured you're the only one who could possibly understand…"
Sirius' fist hit him fast in the jawbone and Harry fell hard against the wall, dazed.
"Severus?"
"Remus." Snape nodded quietly as the werewolf entered the room.
"I'm glad to have found you."
Severus looked silently up at him, his dark eyes serious and inquisitive.
Remus shook his head futilely. "It's nothing, I… I just…" He sighed. " I was worried that Sirius might have got to you first."
Severus rose slowly from his seat in mute alarm, still watching Remus' face.
"No, no… don't be - I mean, it was most likely he was just angry with me for…"
Severus raised an eyebrow as Remus failed to think of an excuse.
"…something."
There was a silence.
"Remus. What has he said?"
Remus raised his head quickly, catching Severus' dark eyes, before immediately lowering his gaze. He gave a shake of denial. "Nothing… I just… I ran into him in the corridor and he seemed, edgy and… aggressive. It's not like him to be cruel without provocation."
Snape's eyes flickered and dulled. "Oh, really? You've never seen him do any such thing?"
Remus' expression melted into regret, and Severus closed his eyes firmly. "Uh – that's not…. Severus, I'm sorry. I know how he's behaved towards you, but… this was different, I mean… he and I…"
Severus raised a hand apologetically, ending the awkward struggle. "No, Remus, I am well aware of your close acquaintance. If you believe the man is acting out of character I'm hardly in a position to contradict you."
Remus nodded grimly; his brow creased. "I admit to being more than a little concerned. I mean, I know Sirius was angry this morning – he has a deep temper - but it's quick to reconcile…" Remus raised his head, studying Severus discreetly, "You haven't seen him since - "
"No, not once; I thought you would have returned to him, but… you say this was your only encounter?"
Remus confirmed his fears, gravely.
Severus frowned. "Where the devil has he been..? Unless…" His eyes sputtered and lost their focus as he gazed from within his thoughts. "No. Surely not, not after I… Oh, Black, you fool."
Visions of the door which could not be opened against its will swam into Severus' mind as he recalled Black's fascination with it. That room could explain everything… if Black had been lured inside.
Severus turned to look back at Remus. – "In which corridor did you collide with him?"
Remus frowned. "First floor, almost opposite the panelled library."
Severus shut his eyes in despair, "Damn you Black, you moron."
As Remus made to move towards him, the dark orbs snapped back to reality. "We must find him. For all we know he's a danger to himself, hurry Remus…"
Harry whimpered and gasped as Sirius' continual blows pounded him down and back into the wall.
Harry struggled feebly to defend himself with his arms, but the pain just kept coming and he was still dizzy from the initial impact against his temple.
Harry breathed hoarsely in relief as Sirius relented for a moment to yank him to his feet by the front of his robes.
"You little shit!" Sirius hissed, his voice cracking with emotion. "My one chance to help Snape - to get his forgiveness – and I find you, my accursed Godson, hurt 'im in the first place 'cause you're too selfish and stupid to listen to the Order when we tell you he's OUR BLOODY SPY!"
There was a loud crack as he punched Harry in the head once more, utterly shattering the mangled frame of his glasses. Harry's impaired, bloody vision swam over Sirius' shoulder, and he saw darkness slip in through the door.
Sirius drew back his fist once more, but within seconds found thin fingers clawing at his arms like spiked vices, wrenching him backwards away from Harry…
"NO! NO, BLACK, YOU CANNOT!" Severus pulled at Sirius' shoulders with a might born of desperation. "Not here, not in this house…You are not yourself -you love this wretched boy… don't do this! It's the Manor; you're possessed-"
Sirius turned suddenly, grasping Snape's thin wrists and twisting them viciously, Snape flinched and gasped involuntarily. "Stop this! Release me at once…" Sirius did not answer but smiled at the irony, as he realised that the only way to help Snape… was to hurt him. "Do'nt touch me! Black… Sirius - let go of me!"
Severus writhed and thrashed compulsively, but Sirius did not relinquish his biting grip, nor did he lose his smile. "Snape, when will you learn that not every touch is intended to hurt you? Not all physical contact is dangerous or terrifying. You must learn to accept help from other men. Lupin and I are here to help you…"
Severus bucked in fear. "Don't-"
"You are ill, Severus. You must harden yourself. Learn to fight against your instinctive reflexes, to react will reason and logic."
Severus struggled to breathe in his panic, and his thoughts raced with adrenaline, seeking some route to escape. "Yes…Black, you're right. You're right, of course you're right. You know I respect reason and logic above all else. If you would only release me, we could talk…gha!" Severus winced in pain and horror as his arms were forced behind his back and he was drawn so close to Sirius that he had to fight to stop their chests from touching.
"My dear Severus…" Black murmured, to a perversely intimate effect. "There are some situations…in which I know and understand your behaviour all too well. And too often have you deceived me with your…manipulations." Sirius leaned closer.
"No, please, Sirius!" A glimmer of Severus' panic now seeped into his voice tainting its quality… "Black, listen to me, you understand my circumstances – I cannot be forced! I will conquer this but… I need time to… overcome memory. You cannot help me and I do not want your efforts – release me!"
Black shook his head slowly, his cruel clench tightening around Snape's wrists, causing the slighter man to cringe in pain.
"You are wrong, Severus. I can help you. You should not be afraid…"
"Your Godson!" Severus exclaimed suddenly, staring over Sirius' shoulder, still shaking at Sirius' forced closeness.
Sirius glanced behind him, and in that moment, seizing the unique opportunity, Snape head-butted Sirius wildly in the temple, and fled towards the door, flinging it open and rushing into the hall, as Sirius' grip weakened fleetingly.
"LUPIN!" Severus roared, his voice guttural and raw with dread as it echoed through the entrance hall, resounding in the upper corridors. Severus hesitated in despair, pleading internally with every inch of his being for a reply.
Hearing none, he attempted to bolt for the entrance doors, but was stopped abruptly by a fist in his hair, which snapped his head backwards as he tried to run.
"No Severus, do not call for aid. How can I be expected to help rid you of this bloody phobia if you attack me every time I try?"
"Sirius…"
Snape was hurled violently through the opposite door, and crashed into a large, heavily decrepit storeroom, sprawling gracelessly through the dust to fall against one of the huge shrouded objects. He moaned in pain, "Please, Sirius!"
"Shut up, Snape! I will force you to overcome this."
Sirius swept down upon Severus' cowering form, and wrenched him upwards, thrusting his frail body sharply against the wall and pinning him there, grinding Severus' body into the wall with his weight. Sirius then slowly and maliciously ran his hands over Severus' face, neck and collar bones, as Severus trembled in shame as he lost control of himself, and overwhelmed by fear, descended into frenzied, pleading whimpers.
Sirius leered as Severus stammered; barely able to form words, so extreme was his state of terror at Sirius' forceful, invasive caresses. "S-top this, Sirius…you're ins-sane… don't realise what you're doing..?"
"I'm helping you! Do you not understand that?"
"Gods, please stop, Sirius – this is beyond cruelty…never have I grieved you enough to warrant this…" Severus' voice deteriorated into whispered pleas.
"It is what you need to recover-"
"It was the means of my destruction! Do not lower yourself to this… there can be no return, Sirius!"
Sirius smiled, shaking his head at his captive's foolishness. Severus shuddered with agonised compulsion, and gagged, unable to breathe, as Sirius tore at his robes, ripping a slash across Severus' delicate collar bone and sliding his calloused hand beneath the fabric.
Lupin walked the third floor corridor deep in thought. This was in fact unexplored territory; Severus had avoided the higher floors since their arrival, and so Sirius and Remus had followed his example out of respect, however Remus felt that given Sirius current attitude, such considerations would be beyond him.
His eyes raked the dark depressions of the corridor with detached scrutiny; his mind could think only of the hollow that Sirius' words had gouged inside his chest. As he passed a particularly grim painting of a chained Thestral, he wondered whether, to some lucky innocent, the canvas would appear empty…
Remus wondered at what age Severus had first been able to see the writhing beast.
Suddenly he tensed, listening intently; Remus thought he had heard his name being called faintly. He waited, but the call did not sound again, his eyes still on the painting, he began to retreat his steps back to the first floor.
"Severus?" Remus felt a little unnerved as he called softly down the corridors; this house really was far too large for just the three of them, it was simply becoming impractical.
Remus tried to convince himself that he had imagined that voice…
He slowly descended the main staircase into the entrance hall, lingering uncomfortably at the bottom. The great antechamber was empty, but Remus could sense something was amiss, his instincts were screaming with the wrongness of this situation. A shiver of disgust ran down his spine; Sirius' remarks rushed back to the core of Remus' thoughts. He was an animal.
As he surveyed the darkened edges of the hall, he realised that the living room door on his right was slightly ajar. He moved to it, and entered cautiously. "Severus?"
A moan flickered from the darkness behind the bright, blinding firelight, and Remus retreated in shock as a figure hauled itself up the wall and slumped against the mantelpiece.
"H-help..m…"
"Harry?" Remus exclaimed in disbelief, as another pained sound from the boy brought Remus to his side, "My God, Harry," the boy's nose was bleeding profusely and his face was swelling gruesomely in anticipation of extensive bruising.
Harry clutched at his gut grasping Remus' arm with his other hand, clearly winded.
"I'll find, Sirius," Remus assured Harry, imagining how distressed the man would be to find his Godson so brutally beaten.
"NO!"
Remus stopped in surprise, staring at Harry, who swallowed gingerly, "H-he did this to me." Harry's grip on Remus' arm intensified, tightening painfully. "Snape stopped him, but S-Sirius went after him…You must help him…I don't know what Sirius'll do…"
Remus stared at Harry, wide-eyed with incomprehension, but believing the urgency in Harry's eyes. "Where did they go?"
Harry shook his head in pain and despair. "P-please…"
Remus nodded quickly. "Will you be alr-?"
"-I'll be fine, please..!" Harry pushed Remus towards the door, and staggered sideways against an armchair.
Remus turned and ran back into the hall, where he hesitated, flailing in circles as his eyes scanned all the surrounding doorways in mounting panic. Severus could have fled in any direction…
As Remus made for the nearest room, a dull crash thudded through a door across the hall, and he twisted on the spot starting towards it.
Remus burst through the door to see Sirius deliver a brutal punch to Severus' abdomen, before catching him in a savage kiss and crushing him backwards against a sheeted object. Remus stood, horrified, not believing what he was seeing.
As Sirius snatched again at Snape's robes, tearing them further across his bruised chest, Severus' body spasmed violently and he began to retch uncontrollably.
"SIRIUS!" Remus launched forward frantically, seizing his friend's shoulder and wrenching him away from Snape's contorted form, screaming at Sirius to stop.
Remus staggered backwards as Sirius elbowed him in the jaw. Sirius ensnared Severus' emaciated waist and dragged him to his feet with little resistance, weak as Snape was with fear.
As he pinned Severus' body back against the object with his hips, Remus realised he had to take more drastic action.
Sirius was already forcing himself single-mindedly upon Severus' trembling form as Remus snatched the brass table-leg of a broken stand from the ground and steeled himself to hit Sirius with it.
Remus lunged forward to strike Sirius' head, but Severus' fingers had been grasping desperately at the sheeted object behind, twisting in the material, and at the most inopportune moment, the sheet slipped from its quarry, revealing the object for what it truly was.
A mirror.
Remus froze; his face twisted in horror as his eyes met Sirius' in the reflecting glass, and he realised that Snape had inadvertently exposed his position.
Sirius' eyes turned cold with resolve.
Remus panicked and attempted to finish his original attack with a cry, but the animagus was too fast for him, turning, catching Remus' arm and twisting it viciously to release the brass rod into his outstretched hand. Remus tensed fearfully, his eyes on the raised weapon. "Sirius-" he pleaded.
The bigger man swung powerfully at him and Remus ducked, shielding his head desperately. "Sirius! It's me! It's Remus-" but his protests were cut short as Sirius re-established his aim and this time hit his target.
Remus was smashed to the ground, reeling in horror as he watched Sirius raise the brass bar again. Sirius sneered.
"I know well who you are, Moony. Glad to see that you're keeping control of the wolf as you claimed to be! Attacking your friends? Nice touch. I swear, you make me sick, you disgusting animal…" The candlestick crashed down upon Remus' unprotected head again.
Darkness swam before Remus' eyes and he gasped, choking, unable to lift his head from the floor. "Please..." His head rolled helplessly to one side and in his blurred vision, Remus watched a black shadow advancing upon Sirius from the left.
"You know, Remus," Sirius' ponderous voice turned unexpectedly soft, "in all the years I have known you, I have never felt this way before – it's as though being in this house has suddenly opened my eyes!"
Remus closed his eyes bitterly against tears, "Yes, Sirius, that's exactly what it's done. Even in your state of delusion you have realised it- "
"Then I must've finally grown as a person!" Sirius leered aggressively, his tone converting to its former roughness, "After your prolonged pleading for me to be more mature in my dealings with Snape! Well, when I'm done with him, we'll see what happens – I'll force him to overcome this; he can't escape me now." Sirius tilted his head in mock compassion, swinging the bar above his head, "Sadly, Moony, you'll not be here to see how it ends. "
"NO!" - Sirius was shoved from Remus' line of sight as a darker man careered into the frame, throwing himself wilfully against the burly shoulders. The force threw both of them to the ground, where they rolled frantically over and over one another, the table leg disguarded in the fray. As they hit the wall, by some happy twist of fate, Severus emerged on top, gripped in a sudden seizure of passion.
As Sirius snarled, reaching for Severus' throat, Severus sank his fist into his temple with all his might, gripping the front of Sirius' robes to steady himself with a desperate fervour.
"I hate you!" Severus spat blindly, his voice cracking with emotional hysteria; his fist crashing blow after blow into Sirius' face. "It has been so long since I could possibly have caused you the slightest of offences and still you seek to wreak nothing but havoc and cruelty upon my existence!" His tear stricken face was disfigured with loathing, and as Sirius lost all consciousness, Severus took to frantically shaking him by his robes, pitiful in his own distress. "I wish you were dead, you bastard, I wish you had died, I wish I had not been so utterly terrified of you as to kill when I had the chance!"
Severus wiped his face with one hand, forcing himself to take deep, laboured breaths.
"But you can't touch me now, father."
He struck at Sirius' chest with one final, feeble, needed blow.
"You won't ever touch me again."
Silence descended into the dust of the lofty room. Exhaustion overcame Severus, and he collapsed onto Sirius' chest, closing his eyes in this last release, and burying his face in the shoulder of the man his father had effectively pitted him against.
Remus watched from where he lay on the stone floor.
A feeling of closure overcame him and he breathed with a sudden emptiness; a weight missing from the depths of his heart. He almost smiled slightly at the sight of his friends' prone forms, as Severus' breathing calmed at last, and his chest began to rise in perfect harmony with Sirius'.
A moan escaped from the back of Remus' throat as he attempted to get to his feet, and Severus' head rose from its nested position in the cusp of Sirius' neck, and he opened his eyes. In moments he was standing over Remus, having gathered his torn robes around himself, and under the pressure of Remus' deep brown eyes he did something unprecedented.
Severus offered Remus his hand.
Remus took it without hesitation, and Severus pulled him gently to his feet. Their eyes locked, and in a shared moment, made somehow more powerful by the dizzy pounding of blood in Remus' ears, they recognised the significance of such an action.
Neither of them broke the contact, and to Remus' amazement, a rarer occurrence followed. Severus smiled at him.
END OF CHAPTER
- PLEASE FEEDBACK WITH ANY IDEAS ABOUT HOW YOU'D LIKE THIS FIC TO END AND SPECIFIC STUFF/ REMINDERS OF WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE RESOLVED! THANKYOU xxx
Incidently, anybody who maintains that the events of the HBP proves that Severus has returned to Voldemort is either a fool, or did not read the HBP. No offense. ;-)
Not only did Hagrid tell Harry of a conversation between Snape and Dumbledore in which he overheard Snape telling Dumbledore that his latest request demanded too much of him and that he could not bring himself to go through with it (Dumbledore replied that Snape had promised to do it – to complete Malfoy's assignment through the Unbreakable curse that Snape had taken to prove his loyalty to Bellatrix, a favourite of the Dark Lord - and therefore had no choice). But it also makes SO MUCH SENSE as a tactical move.
-Dumbledore was going to be killed by Voldemort in one way or another, even if he could have gained a little more time, it would have meant Voldemort killing Malfoy, and I believe that Dumbledore truly wanted to save Malfoy from having to commit murder, and thus falling inescapably into the footprints of his father
- It was the ultimate way in which to prove snape's loyalty to Voldemort, thus strengthening his position as a spy (I believe that in later books, snape will pass information anonymously to the order until he regains their trust)
- If malfoy's assignment had not been completed with snape's help, snape would have been murdered under the terms of the Unbreakable curse, and the order would have lost their only spy – their most powerful weapon against voldemort.
And when snape initially took the unbreakable curse he was bluffing about knowing the true nature of Malfoy's mission, and simply trying to consolidate the trust of his fellow death eater's in his loyalty to their cause.
cough cough , sorry, bit of a rant just happened! I just feel very strongly about these things :-)
Oh and also, didn't everybody think that the description of where snape was living in spinner's end was SO SAAAAAD and endearing? Poor guy. I love him!
-I WILL UPDATE MY OTHER STORY V. SOON, PLAEASE CHECK OVER THE NEXT FEW DAYS. I MAY ALSO POST A FEW SHORT SEV SKETCHES / ANGSTY INTERACTIONS...
THANKYOU!