"What?" Odette shook her head, as if to straighten her thoughts, "come with you?"
He was holding her by the back of the neck, "we can leave," John said.
She was still shocked by his presence, and his words weren't what she had expected.
"John, I can't do that. You know I can't," Odette said softly.
He looked at her confused, pinching his eyebrows together. "What? I thought you..." he trailed off.
She reached up and gently removed the guard's cap that cast a shadow over his eyes.
"I needed to see you," she said, dropping the hat on the floor behind them. "I couldn't let that be goodbye."
John stepped back from her, leaving her feeling empty and cold.
"You wanted me to come here to say goodbye?" he asked, "so, what? you're just going to live here? stay married?" A thought flashed behind his eyes and his gaze flicked to the bed behind her. "You're married," he repeated, as if he needed to say it aloud to understand it, "you didn't..."
"No!" she nearly jumped forward, "no, no. I stay in this room. He stays in his." She waited a beat, "I wouldn't do that."
His shoulders relaxed and he ran a hand through his hair.
This isn't how she'd expected it to go.
"This isn't fair to me, you know," he said flatly.
"I know," was all she could say. He was right. It wasn't fair to him. "I can't justify it. I just... couldn't let you go like that."
This was going to hurt.
"So leave with me," he shrugged, smiling slightly, as if it was a simple request. He was trying to be cute and it was working.
She stepped toward him again, needing to be closer after so much time apart.
"We have nowhere to go," she explained. "You're safe here."
He took her face in his hands. "I always survive, okay?" he reminded her, his anger and disappointment subsiding.
"I know you will," she said, feeling the burn of tears in the back of her eyes.
He frowned, understanding her meaning. He would survive, without her.
After a moment, John nodded and kissed her. There was something solemn about this kiss, something lingering and sad.
He pulled away. "Don't think I'm giving up that easily."
She gave him a disapproving look, but couldn't hold it. She fought a smile.
"Why did you do that for me?" he asked quietly, "you chose to gave away your whole life, just to free me?"
She shook her head, "there was never a choice, you idiot. This was the only way."
This time when he kissed her it was hungry. She wrapped her arms around him while he pushed against her, body to body. Together, they moved toward her bed, falling into the pillows as if falling into a dream.
John had left early the next morning, before the house began to wake. They had hardly slept, stealing any moment of the night they could. Just as the sky began to turn to the early morning blue, John kissed her hard on the mouth, before standing to dress. She lay in bed watching him.
It was strange to see him in the City Guard uniform: odd in an unwelcome way. She liked him in his Arkadian gear, all dark and dusty, just as he was when she first saw him.
"I'll come back tonight," he told her as he pulled his shirt over his head.
"The more you do it, the more dangerous it is, John," she reminded.
"I'll come back tonight," he repeated, ignoring her comment.
Fully dressed, he came to her side for one last kiss before slipping out of her room undetected.
Isaac summoned her to the study sometime after lunch. She'd been studying the City's last agricultural expansion, five years prior, preparing for an upcoming briefing on the next expansion.
He wasn't alone.
When she entered, Isaac was at his desk, flanked by Bellamy, Clarke and his Uncle, Basil.
"Ah, thank you for joining us, Odette," Isaac greeted cheerfully, as if he hadn't recently blackmailed her into marriage.
"Of course," she said, twisting her wedding band around her finger awkwardly, unsure of the situation.
"We have somewhat of an announcement," he explained, continuing to sit. He never spoke to her from behind the Governor's desk. "I'm going to visit Arkadia. We've decided it's the best way to ensure a peaceful transition. It's been brought to my attention that the citizens of the City are quite wary of the Sky people, and it sounds they are equally wary of us."
Bellamy nodded in affirmation.
"It's a show of good faith," Isaac finished, nearly sounding excited.
Odette frowned. "You know how dangerous it is right?" she asked flatly.
Uncle Basil answered for him, "of course he does. Bellamy and Clarke will lead him there, along with the finest Estate Guards. I will hand pick them myself. Numerous recent exhibitions have been successful with far less," he concluded.
"This is a bad idea." She shook he head, remembering her first visit across the wood and how naive she'd been before. It'd made her a killer.
"I'll be fine, Odette," he assured her.
In the back of her mind, part of her was screaming to let him go, to let him die. He deserves it, she thought, but she shook it away. Perhaps he does deserve it, but the City still needs its Governor, she reminded herself.
Bellamy stepped forward, all strength and crossed arms. "We will have his back the whole time," he said.
Clarke nodded beside him, "we will make it to Arkadia unharmed - all of us."
She said it so matter-of-factly Odette nearly believed her more than Bellamy.
Odette sighed, "Well, it isn't really my decision, is it? It's your life that would be in danger."
Isaac frowned, "your Governess, Odette, and my wife, of course I want your opinion."
"And my opinion is, it's your life, so it's your call. Not mine." She wasn't going to make this choice for him, too much was at stake. If he died, she'd be free, but the Isaac she grew up with would be gone. She couldn't live with either outcome on her shoulders.
"Well I've decided," he said flatly, "and I'm going."
His uncle nodded, "the Governor must make sacrifices for his City. I'll begin assembling the guards."
Odette nearly laughed out loud. What a sacrifice.
"And Odette, I called you in here for something else, as well." Isaac stood from his seat behind his desk. "As you are now the Governess, and joint ruler here, I think it'd only be fit for you to act as Protector while I'm away. You'll have the final word on things while I'm away."
"Isaac," his uncle said instantly, "that's not as we discussed."
"I know, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense for her to rule and for you to advise, Uncle. This will be a good learning opportunity for her."
Uncle Basil was fuming, but he swallowed his anger.
Isaac must have originally offered him the role of Acting Protector, Odette thought.
"Perhaps we should discuss this later," Basil suggested.
"Perhaps not," Isaac said firmly, sitting back down, "Odette will be Acting Protector of the City of Light while I'm away, and that's final."
When John came to her that night, her head was still spinning. Acting Procter? She'd just become the Governess a week ago? Of course she'd been schooled in the ways of politics, but she wasn't ready to lead on her own.
"Isaac is going to Arkadia?" John reaffirmed almost too eagerly as they lay under the sheets that night. It was a full moon and the room was aglow in a soft, white haze. She lay with her head on his bare chest, feeling his slow breathing.
"It's idiotic, I know, "she sighed, tracing circles on his arm.
"Almost as idiotic as it was for you," he teased. She hit him playfully on the shoulder.
"I don't know what's gotten into him. Yesterday, he nearly laughed at the prospect, then today he's lacing up his boots."
She could feel him go tense under her. Perhaps talking about Isaac wasn't the best idea. But John was the only one she wanted to talk to about anything.
"Well, someone convinced him," he said, " Bellamy, or Clarke or the uncle."
"But why would Bellamy or Clarke convince him? Why would they want him to go to Arkadia?" she asked, raising her head to look at him.
He shrugged, "the two of them are always hatching schemes. They probably don't trust him yet."
"And this will make them trust him?"
John adjusted his back, more uncomfortable with the conversation than his position. "Look, I don't know. We were bombed,and we still don't know by who. Of course they are going to be suspicious. That's what they do." His voice was tense, agitated even.
She nodded and lay her head back down, snuggling closer. "Whatever the reason, it doesn't matter right now," she said, "at least we will be alone for a few weeks."
"Yeah," he said quietly, "it will give us time to figure something out."
She wanted to believe him, but instead her heart just broke a little more.