Like a light into my life
I never thought that it would feel so bright
All I wanna do is hold you tight
And I'll be with you through troubled nights
Sometimes life it drags you down
And plays you like a fool
Makes you feel so empty sometimes
It can be so cruel
So follow me home
You'll never be lost
We'll weather the storm
Whatever the cost
I won't walk away
I'll stand by your side
I'm here for you
The rest of our lives
(Sugababes / Follow Me Home)
A/N: The story continues! Thanks for waiting and staying with me! I will try to update rather regularly again from now on, but maybe I might reduce the chapter length to be able to do so. I'm really sorry for letting everybody think I let this story die before finishing it or even that I stopped writing altogether. I guess without the moaning and whining of my favourite aka my most troublesome reader I would never have finished this chapter. So, little one, this chapter is for you, as well as all the following ones you can make me write. I love you!
On to the story:
He ran his shaking hands over Draco's head and face, his heart aching at how Draco flinched and pressed his eyes shut. His right hand came to rest on Draco's belly, a still rounded belly as Harry immediately realised. His relieved laughter resounded in the room, but soon it was choked with tears. Now that all the tension was gone, he could not help the tears which he had dammed up for such a long time. He burrowed his face into Draco's chest and cried, clinging to the one he had thought lost forever.
He could not help but think of how he had failed Draco, how he had betrayed him in so many ways when he was supposed to save him, to bring him back. He had done nothing to help the one he loved, instead he had betrayed his trust in the worst possible way. He wanted so badly to tell Draco one million times how sorry he was and how much he loved him and had missed him, but the violent sobs shaking his body made all attempts at speech impossible.
Harry did not know how much time he had spent shedding tears of happiness and guilt when he felt a hand caressing his hair and Draco's soft voice floated through the chilly air.
"I'm home."
oooooo Chapter 25 oooooo
Haunted Eyes
Monday, February 12, 1997
The almost imperceptible sound of Draco's breaths was like soft, heavenly music to Harry's ears, enchanting him, freezing him in place as he sat beside Draco on the bed and watched over his sleeping husband. It was long after midnight, but his body seemed unable to feel fatigue since the one he loved had come back to him. The candlelight painted the blond hair, he had caressed so often, in shining gold, making his husband look like the most precious being existing all around the world. Carefully he pushed a strand of gold, which had fallen into Draco's face, to the side, feeling his heart speed up at the sensation of soft skin and silken hair under his fingertips.
Harry sighed softly, vowing once again to himself that now that he had Draco back he would never let go of him. There was no way Voldemort or anybody else would be able to separate them again. His smile turned into a small frown as he thought about what Draco might have suffered at the hands of the Dark Lord. Since they had come to Grimmauld Place this morning, Draco had hardly spoken a word. Never before had he seen such a docile side to the Slytherin. Draco only moved if told, ate if told and talked if asked to.
Harry couldn't help the disturbing feeling of suddenly being married to a frightened child. He longed for nothing more than to feel his love's embrace, his lips on his lips, his voice whispering oaths of love into his ear, but he was even denied a smile, which would surely have brought back the light into those haunted eyes. Guilt arose in his soul at his selfish thoughts, as he remembered how Draco had obviously tried to please him, watching his every move and hanging on his every word while fear was glistening in his eyes.
Only when Snape had arrived together with Poppy and the midwife Harry had realised that his touch was the only one Draco was shying away from. Draco feared only him. The realisation had been like a stab with a poisoned knife to his heart and the treacherous poison had spread fast through his body, making him shake with suppressed anger and disappointment. Never had anything felt more difficult to him than keeping the brave smile on his face, which he had put on for Draco.
The guilt, constantly gnawing at the frayed borders of his soul, had reached new heights when he had become aware of the relief he had felt when Draco's eyes had closed after Poppy had given him a sleeping draught. At least when Draco was asleep Harry was able to keep up the imagination that everything was alright. It was just like in those nights, back in the Slytherin dorm. Slowly he let his hand wander over soft, white skin, enjoying the delicious shivers which ran through his body and pooled in his groin.
Harry pressed a tender kiss onto Draco's forehead, breathing in his unique scent. With bated breath he watched the blonde mumbling and shifting in his sleep before he settled again with a small moan. A sly smile played on his lips as they softly met the slightly opened lips of his husband and stole a chaste kiss. With a surprised gasp Harry backed off when Draco opened his eyes with a hoarse cry and looked around in confusion.
"Noooo," Draco moaned desparately as he started to fight against Harry's attempt to comfort him. "Please, the snakes...don't leave me here...alone with them...they..."
"You had a nightmare, Draco."
"...they are everywhere...moving over my body...watching me...
"Nobody is here, only the two of us."
"...no...no...you are just...just like the Dark Lord...hurting me...just like him...you swore never to leave me alone...i hate you..."
"Shut UP!"
For a staggering moment Harry had to fight the urge to hit Draco, make the hysterical boy shut up by any means, as fury swept over him like a dark cloud and blinded his heart. He could feel his magic pulsing through his veins, faster and faster, fed by the darkness residing in him, until he became aware of the screaming silence which replaced the whimpers which had filled his head. Confused he looked into large silver eyes filled with tears. Like in trance he watched a tear clinging to long eyelashes, before finally, too heavy with sorrow to be kept back, it made its way down a pale cheek.
Draco was staring up at him with fear in his eyes, his body tense under his hard grip. Only now did Harry realise that his hands were wrapped tightly around his love's upper arms, tight enough to cause bruises. With a mumbled apology he let go of the much too thin limbs and wrapped his arms around the trembling boy.
Harry's voice was shaking as he, shocked by his unconscious use of magic, whispered miserably:
"Please, Draco, don't say that! I'm not like him. I love you! I would never hurt you. I love you so much-"
With a faint caress of his fingers over trembling lips Harry released the Silencing Spell he had put on Draco. Tentatively he moved closer, entranced by the beckoning sweetness his husband's lips portrayed. Harry froze when, before their lips could touch, Draco turned his head to the side. The silent protest hurt as much as if the blonde had punched him in the face. No, if he was honest with himself, the tears welling up in his eyes left no doubt that there could be no physical pain as dreadful as the feeling of your heart slowly being crushed in your chest. Blinking back the traitorous tears Harry forced an apologetic smile onto his face before he let himself sink onto the large bed beside his husband.
"Let's sleep, Draco, we are both tired."
Pulling the tense boy back into his arms Harry closed his eyes, trying to pretend that there was no fear in Draco's eyes. Both boys were lying beside the one they loved, trying to keep their breath even and their bodies motionless, uncomfortable with the close contact, yet craving it. It was when the flickering light of the single candle on the bedside table died down that Harry felt Draco finally snuggling closer.
ooooooo
Though full of confidence the Death Eater couldn't help but swallow nervously under the scrutinizing gaze of cruel eyes burning with the fires of hell.
"I bring good news, my Lord, news of the whereabouts of the bearer of your heir. The light sight is hiding him in the forsaken Black residence at Grimmauld Place."
The ensuing laughter escaping the lipless mouth of the Dark Lord seemed to send rays of ice through the air.
"Nobody can save my little run-away bitch from his destiny. Nobody!", he hissed quietly, staring into space as if his hateful gaze was able to penetrate wood and stone until his eyes came to lay on a blond boy lulled into a false sense of security, before intent eyes snapped back onto the slightly trembling Death Eater.
"Do they still believe you on their side?"
"Yes, my Lord, they do!"
"Trusting fools!"
Sovereign contempt distorted the snake-like face, before a twisted smile lit up the cruel features.
"Let them have a taste of what will never be theirs. I want you to bring the boy to me when his time has come. With the birth of my son the Light side will fall!"
ooooooo
Draco awoke to the sound of loud voices penetrating the usually oppressive silence lying over the old house. He pulled the warm blanket closer around himself, trying to fight the tremors which started to cramp his stomach muscles and seized his whole body within seconds. Nervously he listened for sounds indicating a fight. The voices were floating to him like the tides of the sea, drowning him with their heated intensity before they retreated only to come back louder than before.
It was the realisation that one of the voices was Harry's which made Draco hesitantly throw back the covers and get up. The cold floor under his naked feet seemed hostile, just as the peeling wallpaper and the grimy windows which were rattling in a strong gust of wind. With a whimper he pulled back his outstretched hand and stepped back when he realised that the door knob was resembling a snake. A desperate feeling of being locked up once again with snakes as his guards started to choke him. Only with great difficulty he could persuade himself that the door knob was not a living and moving animal but merely a brass ornament.
Still he couldn't bring himself to touch it.
"Harry!"
Draco felt the heat of shame rising in his body as he became aware of how pathetic he had become. The once proud Malfoy heir was almost wetting himself because of a door knob and calling for rescue. Terrified that Harry had heard his wail he froze for some seconds before he could be sure that his call had went unheard in the ongoing argument. With the relief the shame and desperation slammed back into his mind. Pressing his eyes shut he tried to lock in the tears which were burning beneath his eyelids.
"Not real! Not real! Just a door knob!" he whispered breathlessly.
When Draco opened his eyes the brass snake stared at him with a venomous smile, mocking him with its immobile shape, looking for everything in the world as if it was just waiting to coil around his hand the second he was foolish enough to touch it. Gritting his teeth he tried to suppress the terrified wail clogging his throat. Draco pulled the blanket off the bed and cautiously stepped closer to the repulsive door knob. Covering his hand with the thick cloth, which still held traces of his body heat, Draco loathly grabbed the door knob and turned it. Nauseated by the mere thought of the shape under his hand he pushed open the door with force and stepped through, carelessly letting the bed cover glide onto the floor as he rushed down the stairs.
Like a sleep walker Draco followed the voices towards the stairs leading down to the kitchen. The angry sound of Harry's voice made his legs tremble as if he had been hit with a Jelly-Legs Jinx. Every word he could make out now made it clear to him that he had displeased Harry. Again.
"This is the wrong decision, Harry! You cannot leave him alone! He needs you--"
"He's afraid of me. I can see it in his eyes, and in the way his body tenses when I come close to him. I can't do this, Remus. I have to go."
"You can't just--"
"Remus, please!"
"Harry--"
"Hogsmeade!"
The telltale swoosh of flames, followed by empty silence, was all Draco needed to hear to know that Harry was gone. Slowly he slid down the wall he had rested against until he could feel the hard stone floor under his trembling hands. His heart was racing in his chest, drowning out the sound of steps coming closer until worn, black shoes, splattered with mud, appeared in his suddenly blurred field of vision. Confused Draco's gaze rested for a moment on them before relief welled up in his heart.
"Harry, I--"
The words died on his lips as he looked up into the scarred face of Remus Lupin, the man who had been their DA teacher three years ago. Three years which seemed like a lifetime to him right now. With a sad smile Lupin crouched down in front of him, his friendly brown eyes locking with Draco's stormy grey.
"Are you okay?"
Draco slowly shook his head. "He left," he said quietly, his stare empty and broken.
The faint frown line between Lupin's eyebrows disappeared, as a soft smile lit up his tired face.
"He'll come back, Draco! ... Harry's hurting inside. He's afraid of losing you."
"Losing me?" asked Draco confused. "But I'm here."
For a moment Lupin's smile widened, deepening the lines beside his mouth.
"Yes! You are here -- and Harry will realise that, too."
Even though his muddled mind couldn't apprehend the meaning of Lupin's words, the blonde was persuaded by the warmth and sincerity in his eyes that everything was going to be alright. For the first time Draco looked past the shabby robes and saw more than a man of middle age with greying hair and more scars than any wizard should bear. Lupin radiated kindness, a soothing calmness and wisdom beyond his years, but underneath that all Draco could feel the suffering deeply ingrained in the man's soul, a suffering and loneliness so vast that he wondered why he had never noticed it before.
Lupin reminded him of the pure Gryffindor Harry once had been...
When Lupin's hands came to rest on his upper arms to help him get up from the cold floor, Draco wrapped his arms around his former teacher, desperately clinging to the man. Bitter tears burned in his eyes as he felt Lupin holding him tight, making him feel secure and cared for. His tears were soon soaking the patched robes, as he became so painfully aware of what he had lost...as he was finding it again in the arms of this old and worn out man.
ooooooo
A big 'Thank you!' to all reviewers since the last update, which nobody can remember after such a long time ;)
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