I am of course grateful to ALL you guys who read and take time out to review/comment... but I just wanted to say a special thank you to Becs for such a lovely note on last chapter. I'm so glad you're enjoying the ride so far and I really appreciated your suggestion on a beta reader... I havethought about it lots but honestly I'm such a novice on I guess I just wasn't sure about the ins and outs even after looking up info. I will definitely try to proofread better... think I get a little carried away sometimes wanting to share with you guys asap haha!
As for those frustrated with both Elliot and Olivia at the moment - I hear ya! Rest assured that I'm not unaware that we know nothing of Elliot's home life at right now. I'm also not taking the easy way out letting neither one of them really fully think through what they're doing... it's just how I honestly imagine they'd be, so swept up in the raw emotions and rose tinted glasses of all that's happened and especially having Eve etc...
Fear not, we're a long way from done and hopefully all will unfold... ! xxx
"Something you want to share with the group Detective Tutuola?"
"My girl's wearing my cap, and looking like a little peach in it. S'all." Shrugged Fin in reply to Cragen's wearily tolerant question, grinning from ear to ear after receiving a picture message from Olivia of Eve wearing his gift.
"She's got a head the size of a cantaloupe and you've already got her ready for chillin' with her homies?" mocked Munch drily.
"You're too cute doting on her the way you do..." smiled Rollins breezily, leaning over behind Fin for a peek at the photo, "... and dang does that kid make my womb ache!"
"A little much there, Rollins?" winced Munch, taking the cell phone from Fin and reluctantly allowing the lines of his face to fall into an adoring smile. "No, no actually on reflection you're probably justified on this one."
"She's like Christmas and 4th July all rolled into one." Grinned Fin, gooey eyed as he contemplated calling Olivia and arranging coffee with her and Eve sometime soon.
"Is she wearing a Yankee onesie there?" asked Cragen with a high arch of his brow. "I might have to have words with Benson about that."
"Well don't leave a guy out..." ventured Elliot, attempting desperately to sound casually indifferent as he held out a hand for the cell phone, "... let's take a look?"
"She's got Liv's looks that's for sure..." smiled Rollins warmly, "... hell fire is she gonna need locking up when she hits her teens!"
"Wow, yeah, she's cute." Acknowledged Elliot, his heart aching to see Eve wearing the outfit he'd bought her. A twisting in his gut standing as a painful reminder of the web of lies he was weaving.
"Give me strength!" muttered Fin under his breath as he took back his phone and deliberately turned away from his friend for fear of saying something he shouldn't out of sheer frustration and withering despair.
"So I'm thinking that we hit up the bar where all this went down and see whether we can't find at least one other person to confirm Jackson's story?" offered Rollins, bringing them all back to the task in hand with a tap of her pen on the desk in front of her.
"Sounds good to me..." nodded Elliot distractedly, typing on his cell phone as he sent a subtle text. "Nice onesie, Mouse. Wanna wear it to the game Friday night?"
"Fin and I will go see Warner, check if she has anything yet." Said Munch, grabbing his badge and weapon.
"Didn't she call you just before, Stabler?" asked Cragen, as Elliot's phone buzzed with a reply. "Yes."
"Yeah, yeah she was pretty slammed over there but she said she'd try put a rush on it for us..." nodded Elliot, his fingers dancing across the keys the moment he'd finished his sentence. "Does your mom want to come with us?"
"Shout her frickles and a beer and she's there."
"Worst game snack ever!"
"Frickle you."
"Are you with us, detective?" asked Munch, poking Elliot's shoulder and bringing him back to reality. "You're in your own little world there, Stabler."
"That's for damn sure." Replied Fin bitingly.
"Help! Help me! Help me please!"
"Dear God!" cried Cragen, as a waif figure fell into the squad room and collapsed against Benson's vacated desk.
"Carrie?" breathed Elliot, tossing his cell phone aside and leaping from his chair.
"I ain't seen a kid beaten that badly in a long time and that's saying something in our line of work."
"She's not a kid, Fin." Forcing himself to admit it more than anyone else Elliot sighed heavily. He had seen a little girl where a woman once stood and allowed Carrie to feed them so many red herrings they had been powerless to help her. She had tied their hands and he had let her.
"It just don't make no sense. It's like every word that came out of her mouth was a lie right from the start. I was so sure we had this one in the bag but it turns out..."
"We were absolutely nowhere the whole time." Offered Elliot, jadedly.
"How the hell did we get it so wrong, bro?" asked Fin, with equal frustrated disbelief.
"I just don't know how we didn't see this coming. I can't believe I couldn't see she was playing us. I just don't know how I..." expelling air from puffed cheeks Elliot rubbed his face wearily, "... it just doesn't get any easier, you know?"
"Sure..." shrugged Fin without resistance, "... but that's life, man."
"I'm just not sure how long I can keep doing this..."
"Jesus, don't you start!"
"Why? Who else is feeling it?" asked Elliot flippantly, nothing preparing him for Fin's white hot response.
"If you could unplug your head from your own ass long enough to take a look around you'd know that there's a growing list."
"Fin..."
"Forget it."
"No, no come on? If you've got something to say then..."
"Ain't none of my business..." backtracked Fin, rolling his shoulders and biting his tongue for Olivia's sake. "Oh, hey doc! What's up with Carrie? How's she doing?"
"Not good. We're looking at several broken ribs, cuts, contusions and severe rope burns consistent with prolonged restraint. She was undoubtedly held against her will and did her damndest to break free."
"And the rape kit?" asked Elliot, with dread.
"Positive for hair and semen..." and then with regret the doctor added with a poignant sigh, "... and he did a real number on her downstairs too."
"What sick kind of world puts a kid through this sh-t twice..." murmured Fin, both men in agreement that in that moment Carrie was no adult, "... what the hell, Elliot?" as the doctor left them alone they looked at one another speechless for a few moments.
"Nathan George has been sat behind bars on Rikers Island for the past week and a half..." said Elliot finally, breaking their silence, "... so either we got a second perp or..."
"Or we got the wrong guy last time." Said Fin, because there was no escaping the grim reality of their situation and there was no point in pretending otherwise.
"I'll call Cragen."
"How are you?" asked Alex Cabot with a decisive opening statement as she wandered through Central Park beside Olivia Benson, who was pushing her daughter in her stroller.
"I'm fine." Was not exactly the response she had hoped it would incite. Bringing her coffee cup to her lips she took a slow sip, rolling the hot liquid around her tongue and narrowing suspicious eyes at the deliberately faraway detective.
"Fine?" arching a sceptical brow Alex noted the casual way Olivia set her own drink cup down in the convenient holder atop the stroller's handlebar. If she didn't know better she'd think her every bit the conventional city mom.
"What? Did you want to know how sleep deprived and sick of diaper duty I am? I didn't think you of all people would want tales from the new mom diaries..." flashing a wry smile Olivia tutted, "... honestly I expected more from you Alex."
"The novelty wore off already, huh?" comfortable enough to tease the ADA chuckled amusedly.
"Yeah..." though holding her face poker straight Olivia's warm brown eyes were filled with palpable, unconditional love, "... yeah, I'm pretty much over her at this point."
"So other than being mom to the hands down cutest kid on the planet..." smiled Alex, turning to her friend with genuine concern adding, "... you're really doing okay?"
"Yeah, yeah like I said I'm fine."
"Your face says you're a little more than fine..." twisting her lips to an impish smile Alex breezed, "... I've seen that look before Detective Benson."
"Look?" asked Olivia maintaining innocence.
"It's the same one you had the night you disappeared with Detective Stabler after the NYPD ball last year..."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"But you do, don't you precious girl?" cooed Alex, leaning into Eve's stroller and ticking the child's tummy fondly. "You know exactly what I'm talking about. Its how you got here isn't it?"
"Don't patronise me Alex..." snapped Olivia hotly, pushing the stroller a little faster so as to break her friend's connection with Eve and adding, "... and don't use her to do it."
"Olivia I wasn't..."
"I know what you're thinking and maybe you're right, but it's not your place to judge. Don't think I'm naive about what I'm doing here..." lowering her voice to a reluctant mutter Olivia confessed, "... and I can't stand your condescending pity."
"That's not what this is Olivia and you should know it."
"I'm not going into this blind the way I did before, no matter what you or anyone else thinks. I have my eyes wide open and I know just how stupid and foolish and nigh on masochistic it is, but it's my choice."
"And you are? Going into this again?" hesitating for a moment, knowing just how tightly bonded the layers of Olivia's onion heart were Alex held her lips pressed together and waited. "With Elliot?" she added finally, breath baited.
"She's gonna need feeding soon so we should..."
"Olivia?"
"I'm only feel like me when I'm with him..." were the simple, vulnerable, completely honest words that broke Alexandra Cabot's heart as Olivia stopped dead in her tracks in the middle of the park and confessed that which she had held inside for what felt like a lifetime.
"Wow."
"I'm not deluded, Alex."
"No one said you were."
"It isn't perfect, it isn't even close and we don't even exist to the rest of the world. It might well be the biggest lie I've ever lived but the truth is I've never felt more honest about anything in my whole life. I've been without him and it was unbearable. It was lonely and empty and I know that what we're doing is wrong but I'd rather have him this way than not at all."
"I wish I could make this different for you."
"He's married, it's an affair and people will get hurt by it. Hell I'll probably be one of them but..." with the dam broken suddenly it was cathartic to allow her most hidden truths to escape, and shrugging her shoulders Olivia spoke into Alex's empathetic eyes, "... but I'm in love with him."
"I know..." in that moment Alex realised that not only had she always known it to be true, but in a strange way she had simply been waiting for the two detectives to act on what was obvious to all around them.
"I thought I could walk away. He was gone and David was there and it was all so easy. Up until it wasn't, up until I was holding Evie in my arms and feeling things that I can't even begin to..." gasping lightly Olivia held her breath before exhaling with powerless acceptance, "... and so now I accept that it won't ever be over, even if I wanted it to be."
"And do you?" asked Alex, fearing she already knew the answer. "Want it to be?"
"No..." whispered Olivia, faint in voice but firm in desire, "... no, no I don't."
"Olivia..."
"I want him." She shrugged, knowing exactly how hard Alex was having to work not to judge her in that moment. Meeting her friend's eyes and accepting that they had gone as far as the blonde's moral and emotional convictions would allow she quipped darkly, "So the prosecution can rest now ADA Cabot. I'm guilty as hell."
"No."
"Oh come on!"
"I don't do hats."
"Liar! I've seen you rock a bunch of different ones over the years. Your uniform one, that little beanie in winter and..."
"Okay let me rephrase..." twisting her lips to a wry smile Olivia pointed a dismayed finger at the baseball cap in Elliot's hand and added, "... I don't do that hat."
"Huh, fine, spoil sport..." tutted Elliot with a dismissive chuckle, turning his eyes to the neon banner of snack options displayed above their heads and musing, "... okay, so what are we thinking Mouse?"
"You gonna buy her a corndog?" quipped Olivia, rearranging Eve's bib as the over stimulated infant beamed open mouthed at all the sights and sounds of her first ball game. "Maybe a side of garlic fries and a pint of orange soda?"
"We could go off you, you know that right?" groaned Elliot, shuffling down the line a little and moving out the way as a family a few before them shipped out clutching their refreshments.
"Oh they do have frickles..." replied Olivia, eyes twinkling as her hands unconsciously gravitated to him and played with the buckle belting his jeans, "... you gonna get your usual fries and a brat?"
"Sure, sure that sounds good..." smirked Elliot, sliding his hand casually around her waist as they took another step forward and giving her a gentle squeeze, "... you want a beer with your frickles?"
"Yeah, yeah but make it a light." Nodded Olivia, narrowing her eyes to get a better read of the selection as Elliot stared down at her and realised he was in too far to ever get out unscathed now. Before there had been unconditional friendship and an insatiable spark, now there was love. A love that only strengthened with each hour they spent together and each stitch of thread which wove them ever deeper into each other's souls.
"You wanna take her and I'll grab the food?" offered Elliot, feeling the scrum of people tightening around them and worrying for Eve.
"Sure, sure we'll wait right over there." Taking Eve from him Olivia headed to the railings while Elliot moved to the front of the line and gave their order. As the vendor gathered their snacks Eve caught sight of Elliot across the crowd and wriggled excitedly in Olivia's arms. "What is it, baby girl? Oh, did you see Daddy? He's coming right back, baby."
"Hi Evie, I'm coming." Mouthed Elliot, waving his fingers at her and grinning as the vendor set their snacks one by one on a tray for him.
"Are you waving? Are you waving big girl?" laughed Olivia, as Eve open and closed her starfish fingers and held her hands above her head for Elliot.
"Does the lady want dipping sauce with her frickles?"
"No, no she likes things plain..." he heard himself answer without needing to pause for thought, "... thanks."
"That's an even 15 bucks then when you're ready!" announced the young vendor, loading the rest of their order onto his tray. Elliot, meanwhile, was somewhere else. A place beyond space and time in which he could only stare across a ball park crowd and lose himself in Olivia's glowing smile as she tickled Evie, and the divine sound of their daughter's giggles. "Sir?"
"Sorry, sorry buddy how much did you want from me?" he asked, snapping back to reality and reaching for his wallet.
"15 please..." repeated the boy with only mild irritation at Elliot's lack of urgency as he put a handful of bills in his hand and went to pick up their tray.
"Your wife is smokin' hot..." was the statement that came right out of left field and threw Elliot into a stunned silence as he felt the tectonic plates shifting beneath his feet, "...for a mom I mean." Realising he had overstepped the bespectacled youth gave an awkward laugh and waited nervously, half expecting Elliot to land a punch for his audacity.
"She's..." he began uneasily, but then seeing Olivia pull a comical face of impatience at him from across the crowd he flashed a jaw aching smile and sighed adoringly, "... yeah, yeah she is. Keep the change, buddy."