Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters of MGLN!
Interview 21: Pool of Hell!
Yunno: welcome to another episode of Interview Hell, I'm your host Yunno Scrya
Vivio: and I'm your secondary host Vivio T. Harlaown.
Yunno: today we're interviewing from the mansion of Alisa Bannings.
Alicia: it's nice to relax once in a while
The camera pans to see the rest of the staff and lounging on the private beach (on her private ISLAND!), the camera returns to our host and zooms out so we can see they're in swim wear as well… all the hot girls in bikinis… *commentator is now unconscious due to having a massive nose and ears bleed!*
Samurai: the primal man in me say "howl with glory to the swimming pool in front of me!"
The water from the sea splashes high onto the rocks and shower the Samurai whose wearing nothing but a traditional Fundoshi to show off his Samurai pride… Fundoshi is simply a length of cloth… if you imagine what it is then please feel free to send hate mail for the Samurai!
Ninja: I will now commence my training of the use of my new nimpo, "Art of Dissolving Clothes!"
Before the Ninja could implement that, tasty, Ninja magic he found the shadow of the Grim Reapers apprentice looming behind him, despite certain death standing behind him he readies to unleash his new found skill… let him try it! *drools*
Pirate: hah! I will sail in my new mini ship and sing our praise to our hosts!
He jumps into his one man pirate ship and began to sing loudly, which is silenced by a cannon shot from Arf… I would rather hear nails on a chalk board for an entire year than to hear that pirate sing!
Marine: I burn easily in this intense sun
Everyone look at the Marine with a shifty look as he drank the milkshake with a content look while sitting in the shade with a nice book about how to deal with loli that are trying to kill you… how in freaking name are you going to get sun burn when you're wearing your armour!
Arf: WHEEEE!!!!
Vivi: YAY!!!!
Arf took Vivi on the jet ski passing by Zafira as he surfs the waves like a pro… this would be picture perfect if the damn fans weren't chasing Arf in their own jet skis!
YN: ooo, target practice!
The unfortunate fans found themselves the object of interest as
YF: could you help with my tanning?
YN smiles while blood spurting out of her nose at the thought... *the commentator has been rushed off to the hospital due to loss of blood... and drowning in it!*
Yunno: anyway enough with side tracking and let's get this show on the road!
Vivio: you stole BT's lines… anyway today's guests have been completely phased out of the series by the time of Strikers, has long been vying for Nanoha-mama's hand in marriage before Fate-mama came in and stole her and lastly but not least they have developed magic in total secret just so they can capture my mama's heart again, kittens, puppies, dogs and Cats, I like to introduce to you my aunties, Arisa Bannings and Suzaka Tsukimura
Drum rolls and from the back door of the holiday mansion came Arisa Bannings and Suzaka Tsukimura, aged nineteen wearing matching bikinis… I wonder what's they're measurements now they're nineteen years old??
Yunno: please excuse the commentator for his rude question
Suzaka: oh we don't mind
Arisa: said the one who unleashed her blood thirsty tigers to kill a commentator
Everyone looks worried as Suzaka laughs modestly at the compliment… that's not a freaking compli…ARRHHHH *the commentator has been dragged out of the room by a pack of big cats*
Yunno: moving swiftly on…
Vivio: how did you manage to obtain magical powers?
Suzaka: fu, fu, fu you shouldn't underestimate me!
Arisa: she simply went and beat up the producers of the show with a sledge hammer
Vivio:… speaking of producer, today show seems a little late…
Yunno: the producer for Interview Hell just told me that he's got the case of the cold, that's why we're a little late in airing this episode
Suzaka: oh dear, I hope the producer gets well soon
Arisia: it's kind of hard to tell which producers we're referring when we talk about beating up producers of a show…
Fate's puppy, a Husky, brought a letter which said, "I the producer of Interview Hell will now be known as Mr P!"… At least he's original in his ideas… I think
Yunno: anyway, just a quick question will we be seeing young versions of yourselves?
Arisia: oh no, I'm afraid we won't…
Suzaka: about three weeks ago BT said that if he went and brought MORE people back from the past Mr P is going to grill him slowly over two weeks over a volcano, and letting the White Devil take pot shots at him while he's resting from the griller…
Vivio: do you guys know how BT does it?
Arisia: I think he mentioned about sneaking into Mr P's home and writing in his book or something
The two temporary announcers wonder is that even save for BT to walk into his creators home and change the contents of THAT book without Mr P knowing… we'll probably find out later in the show… that is if BT is still alive by the end of the show…
Yunno: anyway we have some questions from Retarded Fool
Arisa: they're not anything intimate are they?
Yunno:… sort of…
Suzaka: oh is that so…
Yunno watch nervously as Suzaka brings out, with a lovingly smile, a black staff topped with an interesting triangle design with three rings attach to it, so when she shook it the triangles would ring, plus the familiar revolver looking magazine from Fate's Bardiche is present meaning it could use cartridges as well… why do I have this sudden feeling that we're all doomed!
Suzaka: I believe Mr P. is working on a story for his own amusement where one of the mages he created had an interesting affinity for ice magic
Vivio: when was this?
Arisa: when he came to visit and gave us our powers, he said it would be took much of a hassle to think of new and original ones so he simply copied them from his other story… still I'm happy with my own magical powers and device!
Everyone began to worry as Arisa brings out a flaming katana and put's on a black long jacket that hung from her shoulders while Suzaka laughs happily at her friends happiness in now been able to dish out magical judgement… what in hell's name was Mr P thinking of letting these two have magical powers… somehow Arisa's weapon and that black jacket seems familiar…
Yunno: anyway the first set of questions is for Arisa, "Nanoha, Fate, Hayate, Suzuka, choose one as your life-partner."
Arisa: …
Suzaka: oh my, should be interesting
Cameraman: my money is the one that begins with N!
Arisa:…
Arisa is engulfed in flames as she holds her fist up in defiance to someone… my guess is that she was afraid of been turned into cinders by Fate because she didn't have any magical powers… but now she has…
Arisa: NANOHA BELONGS TO ME!!!!
Everyone: …
Everyone waited for at least two minutes for the inevitable thunder storm to come their way in the form of Fate… let's go to Mid-chla and find out what's Fate doing right now!
Somewhere in Mid-Childa at section six under the bed sheets of the aces room… let's stop at the bed sheet level… for our safety…
Fate: mmm… did someone say that Nanoha belongs to them?
Nanoha: errr… Fate-chan… sleeps needed
Yunno and Vivio hear a loud yawn then snoring… I can't believe it… Fate didn't come over and slaughtered Arisa for saying that…
Ninja: the great lightning mage is tired
YF: my older self said that she was so tired with playing with her new puppy, Suzu… then something about twenty four hour of Nanohaness…
Samurai: is that even a word?
Marine: do you want to discuss this with Fate and Bardiche in Zamber form?
Vivio: moving on, "what is your feeling when you discover that Nanoha is a Mage for another world?"
Arisa: well at first I was really worried and angry that she hid it from me
Yunno: we had our reasons
Arisa: when I met Yunno back in A's for the first time I wanted to eat him
Yunno: yes, yes th… WHAT!
Arisa: I thought that Nanoha was been married off to someone without my consent
Samurai: where did you get that idea from?
Arisa: well this IS an anime so I thought that the producer will instantly make some excuse that Nanoha has to marry the one who taught her magic
Yunno feels a little scared as Arisa begins to mutter about the producer been unfair in not giving them magical powers, then she began to stab a well used human size straw doll… let's not even mention the words "anger Management" to her.
Vivio:… anyway the final question for Arisa, "what is your feeling when you discover that Fate is not from your world?"
Arisa: well at first I thought that she was an alien or something in human form who seduces Nanoha through some alien probing thingy way.
Yunno: that is the most disturbing thought I've ever heard!
Vivio: I doubt Fate-mama did anything of that sort of thing…
Arisa: I know, she's a normal girl who's so shy of people that she slaughters them out of shyness.
Marine: that's not what you call NORMAL!
Arf: I kind of feel sorry for the poor guys that try to confess to her.
YN: is someone confessing to MY fate-chan?
They all turn round to see YN holding Raising Heart in Excellion mode AND a bloodied spiked mace… Starlight Brekaer on one hand and a mace in the other… which one would you choose?
Yunno: err… nothing… anyway moving on RF asked these set of questions to Suzaka
Suzaka: before we start how's BT doing?
Zafira: he's currently at Hayate's place.
Arisa: is he mad?
Vivio: there's a reason behind that…
Yunno: why did you ask?
Suzaka: I heard this strange rumour that some evil organisation is sending assassins after BT.
Yunno: no worries he's in the care of Hayate, I'm sure no evil doers will be stupid enough to try and infiltrate Hayate's castle just to kill BT… would they?
Somewhere far away from everyone else, two evil doers, one wrestler guy and the other is some news reporter, judging the mike and camera she's holding, stood before the castle of horrors after passing through the gates, the dark foreboding castle greets them… if vampire exists they would defiantly have this as their castle.
Evil doer 1: for crying out loud can't they not name me as Evil doer 1! It's me Bulk Bolgan, I was introduced in Interview 18 when they were interviewing Hayate!
Evil Doer 2: and I'm his partner Laura Bestial!
Bulk: OK we're here to kill BT just like the boss said.
Phana: who would have thought the front door was unlocked?
Bulk: did you read what that sign we walked pass said?
Phana: probably nothing important that our life would depend on… anyway where do you think we'll find BT?
Bulk: let's try those row of doors.
They approach the large door, Bulk opens it slowly, the two looks through the door to see a great cavern with a huge chasm… did I mention that anyone that go into Hayate's castle tend not to come back out sane?
Bulk:… what is this suppose to be?
Phana: look, that stone bridge in the distance!
The two look carefully and saw a stone bridge that span the entire chasm, standing in the middle is a lonely figure dressed in a grey suit with a chair and sword in each hand, from the left side of the bridge came a huge flaming man in a suit, holding bills shaped into a sword in his left hand, and a pen that has whip end… oh dear no they're ripping off one of the most EPIC scene of LOTR!!!!
BT: you do not belong here foul Taxpayers of Mordor!!
The two watch BT slams his chair into the bridge he stood and shattered it, the Taxpayer use the whip to take BT down with him and the two began to battle over the legal bill been placed to BT with chair and bills… they ruined it!!!
Bulk:…
Phana:…
The two close the door slowly and look to one another… they're probably wondering was that even real…
Bulk: this couldn't get any worse… could it?
Phana opens the next door to show a hanger with a bow TIE docked above them, they heard something and crane their heads to the left through the door to see two people duelling with what appears to be glowing chairs… WHY!!! WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS!!!
Bulk:… epic scene?
Phana:… yes…
The two look carefully to the two duellers, the one holding the blue whitish chair is wearing a brown cloak and is unmistakably is BT, while the other is holding onto a red whitish glowing chair and is wearing what appears to be a black life support suit thing, with a toilet as the helmet complete with the flushing handle… Obi BT Vs Darth Toilet head… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Toilet head: you have become weak, once you were the master and I was the apprentice but now I'm the master!
BT: you've only become the master of the chit-chat show Darth Toilet Head, strike me down and I'll become more powerful than you could ever imagine.
The two slam the door shut then look to one another wondering what kind of mad house is this, they move to the next door wondering will they find another outrageous scene or something just as stupid... this IS Hayate's place so having crazy things happening is pretty much normal here.
Bulk Bolgan: OK this will be the LAST door we open, if we find something stupid we're leaving.
Phana: you said it, this places gives me the creeps.
Phana opens the door slowly and finds them staring upon the scene with BT bare-chested with blue war paint while riding upon a horse with his Chair held high addressing some rough looking people who also dressed similarly and armed the same... here we go with another epic scene gone wrong… why is BT holding a photo of Vivio in his other hand????!
BT: FOR FREEEEDOOOOOM!
Men: FREEEDOOOOM!!!
BT: FOR VIVIOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Men: VIVIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The two evil guys look to see turkey knights charging BT band of men while using stools as weapons, the two villains slam shut the door to save their sanity... it's official, this place is madder than BT's freaking room... and that's pretty random with a robot from the future coming back to save BT only to be clobbered by BT chair for disturbing his sleep...it just occurred to me that BT is shouting Vivio while his men is shouting Vivi… BT is a dead man!
Phana: I think it'll be more of a blessing if we do kill him.
Bulk: I agree... let's get out of here before the owner turns up and makes us participate in those brain stupid things.
Voice: did you call my art brain dead?
The two villains turn round to find the mistress of the house standing behind them with a paper fan and a black aura, standing behind her is Shamal who simply smiles... two more bodies won't make much of a difference.
Bulk: errr...we...we were just passing through!
Phana: that's right we got lost on our way and... Well we thought of asking for directions.
Hayate: fu, fu, fu, do you really think I'll let two trespassers to leave without paying?
Bulk: pay?
Shamal: this was on the front door what happens if you come in without permission.
Shamal holds up a large sign that said "Trespassers will be severely dealt with!"
Hayate: now then what should I do?
Shamal: BT needs a little more people right now with his current stage.
Hayate: good idea!
Before the two evil doers could say a word Hayate kicks them through the door where BT is currently cosplaying as a brave heart.
The sound of plenty of screaming and begging can be heard as well as the clucking of turkey breakfast... that has to be the most screwed up scene I've ever seen in my entire life!
Vivio: I got a craving for turkey burger now…
Yunno: I feel like checking up on my tax bills all of a sudden.
Arf: what are you two on about?
Zafira: by any chance it's the mysterious "interviewer hears painful thing" again?
Cameraman: who would want that kind of ability?
Yunno: anyway, next set of question from RF are directed to Suzaka.
Suzaka: would they by any chance the same as Arisa's?
Yunno: unfortunately yes… anyway the first question, "Nanoha, Fate, Hayate, Arisa, choose as your life-partner."
Suzaka: Fate-chan!
Everyone:…
YF: EH!!!
YN: ARRRHH!!!!
Before YN could so much give a blood curling cry Suzaka freezes the White Devil in a block of ice with a wave of her staff, she then laughs merrily as if some kitten just tripped over it's legs… I'm not sure should I be more scared of Arisa or Suzaka?!
Yunno:… why Fate?
Suzaka: well you know how she looks when she's worried she would start to panic in such a cute way
YF is running round in circles wondering what to do to help YN… somehow I have to agree that YF do look cute when she's panicking…
Vivio:… moving on "what is your feeling when you discover that Nanoha is a Mage for another world?"
Suzaka: very much the same as Arisa
Marine: and?
Suzaka: nothing else really just that
Everyone:…
Yunno: OK, final question to Suzaka, "what is your feeling when you discover that Fate is not from your world?"
Suzaka: well my first thought was that maybe Fate has a manly side to her
Yunno: am I thinking what you're implying…
Suzaka: of course it was a shame she's just a normal human girl… oh well I'll settle for Arisa until then.
Everyone: WHAT!!!!
Arisa: don't you guys get any funny ideas… this is the first time I heard Suzaka said that even!
Suzaka: that wasn't what you said half an hour ago in the showers
Everyone stare with disbelief as Arisa shouts at the giggle Suzaka… I bet someone had a nose bleed at this revelation!
Yunno: OK the next two questions from RF are for both of you to answer.
Vivio: first one, "you two are just friends? Or more than that?"
Suzaka: I could show you how "more" we are if you like
Arisa: STOP IT SUZAKA!!!!!
Marine: somehow I feel like the questions are getting more… naughtier…
Yunno: I know what you mean, the second question "do you consider Nanoha, Fate and Hayate just simply as friends? or more than that?"
Suzaka: well if you were here for the last party we all had Nanoha, Fate and Hayate all drank until they started to st…
Arisa: STOP!!!!
Arisa stops Suzaka from saying any more by pressing her hand to her friends' mouth… you do understand that at least half the audience is wondering what happened during that party!
Arisa: remember what they said if you tell anyone?
Suzaka: oh yes, silly me they said they would wipe out all of humanity if I tell anyone of what happened
Marine: why do I get the feeling Suzaka is doing this deliberately?
YN is finally defrosted with the help of the Ninja and his new "Art of Dissolving Clothes" technique which melted the ice and YN's one piece swimming suit… do you think YN will forgive the Ninja for saving her despite melting her swimming suit?
YN: I'll forgive him… for now…
Vivio: moving on to our next questioner MMP III, first question… "Arisa, are you actually in love with Nanoha and are using Suzuka as a replacement, or are you REALLY in love with Suzuka?"
Arisa:… where do he live!
Yunno: *sigh* you can slaughter half the population of earth and we still wouldn't be able to answer your question… simply because we don't know where he lives!
Suzaka: oh dear, let Suzaka kiss Arisa all better
Arisa: stop… SUZAK….mmmmfff…
Everyone watch with slack jaw as Suzaka kiss Arisa on the lips, everyone watch as Arisa turns blue before Suzaka finally stops and let's Arisa breathe… somehow I feel like Suzaka is the man in this relationship…
Yunno: moving on… this is the last question from MMP III, "Have you girls ever wanted to ask Nanoha for a three? Like in my fic "Hurt and Comfort"? Or maybe, have a totally AW3SOME! Grouping with Nanoha, Fate AND Hayate? ROFL"
Suzaka & Arisa:…
Vivio: the question didn't sound that bad… in some way
Yunno: the producer changed the question a little bit…
Everyone felt an extreme drop in temperature and rise in temperature at the same time, turning round they saw Suzaka and Arisa now powered up to the maximum with rage mode on… there goes my life insurance
Suzaka: my, my, what bold words
Arisa: I'm going to slaughter every man on the planet now!
Yunno: can't we talk about this??
Suzaka: my, my Yunno-kun, are you suggesting that we ask you to help us to understand about a perverted persons question?
Yunno is about to say something but when he found both of their devices pointed at him he quickly shut up and shook his head… wise decision Yunnno, even I have to admit that defying them is the worst possible thing you could do… right next to angering the three aces… and possibly everyone related to them!
Fans: WE WANT YOUR AUTOGRAPHGHS!!!!
Suzaka and Arisa rush off and slaughter the large group of fans in two second flat the move onto the next one in land… I wonder how long will it take for them to get back?
Yunno: well I guess we'll call it a day
Vivio: yeah, this episode seemed to have gone nearly on for forever
A body covered in cob webs falls to the ground while holding onto a golden statue of Hayate award survivalist award… why in hecks name is the guy dressed up in Indiana Jones clothes!?
Yunno: did someone forget to kill a fan?
Alicia: that was yesterday when Arf was ambushed by them while she was out buying that beanie for Young Fate
YF:… I wonder who it is?
Young Fate rolls the body, she jumps back in fright at the face of BT looking like he just seen hell… what could have happened to him?
BT:..Ha…ya..te… cosp…lay…Hell…
Zafira: quick get the doctor!
Shamal: did someone call me?
Shamal appears in a nurse uniform with a very low cut shirt and mini skirt, BT jumps to his feet and hid behind Vivio... BT suddenly recovered thanks to our miraculous nurse Shamal!
Shamal: we're not done with you BT
BT: I RATHER EAT MY OWN SHOES AND SUFFORCATE ON IT WHILE WATCHING ZECK STRIP DOWN INTO NOTHING THAN GO BACK TO HAYATE FOR ANOTHER SECOND!!!
Shamal: oh but you haven't tried out that new suit Hayate-chan got for you...
BT: there is no way in hell, not even if Hayate came here with her fan of death, will you make me go back and make me cosplay freaking Goku from Dragon Ball Z!!!
Arf: what's wrong with that?
BT: Because Jail is playing the role of freaking Cell in a neon green leotard!
The cameramen all began to scream the humanity of such a thought of seeing Jail in that kind of clothes while laughing at his genius in getting to play Cell… thank goodness my mind had already turned to mush from the last time Zeck showed up in that cat girl outfit...
Vivio: there, there BT, I'm sure uncle Yunno will think up of something to stop Hayate from taking you back
Yunno: I'am?
Yunno watch Vivio pat a crying BT on the head like some pet while giving Yunno one of her infamous innocent look he's all too familiar with a certain White Devil... BT the lucky sod!
Marine: Shamal, it's been three weeks since we gave you BT
Shamal: oh but I recall that we can extend the contract as it said in the small print
Shamal brings out the contract and brings out a microscope to show the small prints stating they CAN extend the time if they want to… didn't anyone read the contract carefully!
BT: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
Vivio: Shamal-sensei, would it be too hard to ask you nicely to forget about it?
Shamal: oh but Vivio you do understand that I…
Shamal looks warily as Vivio's left eye brow twitch ever so slightly, also the tell tale sign of a Starlight Breaker been prepared behind Vivio which seems ready to be used… I hate to say it but I suggest you destroy that contract before Vivio lose it.
Ninja: Nimpo, Flames of Darkness!
The contract is instantly consumed in black flames that, some of it torched Shamal's nurse uniform, within moments Shamal had nothing except her lingerie… the Ninja is going to be cosplaying in a bondage suit next used by the famous ninja from Ninja Gaiden!
Ninja: to be the legend I will do anything, even if I have to pay my soul!
Shamal: oh is that so… then in that case…
The Ninja never saw it coming as Shamal ties him up, she quickly puts on an apron… oh god Shamal in lingerie AND apron!!!! WOOHOOOO (the commentator is taken to the hospital for another case of massive nose bleed…)
Shamal: say "ahhh"
At that precise moment Arisa and Suzaka returns to find the poor Ninja refusing the food with all his might… just to let everyone know, they slaughtered about at least 10% of Nanoha's slaughter number… which is off the freaking chart!
Arisia: she might as well be putting on the executioner gear is she's feeding him her own home made food
Suzaka: reminds me of the time we accidently ate some of Shamal's food…
Vivio: I recall when I took a bite out of Shamal's chocolate cake thinking it was Nanoha-mama's
Yunno: or what about that time she accidentally mixed up Nanoha and Fate's home made sandwiches with hers?
Arf: I recall the time when she told me that Yunno made the roast me for me… turns out she made it…
All of them turn green at the memory of what happened afterwards… I'm surprised that they're still alive after eating Shamal's food ONCE!
Cameraman: it couldn't be that bad… could it?
Fan: FEED ME SHAMAL SENSEI!
Shamal: of course, here you go
The fan eats the spoon that's offered to him, the man turns multi coloured before running around while screaming "COSPLAY!" like hell before coming to a complete stop and exploded into mini fans that all began to scream that they all worship the great Shamal… that is one screwed up reaction!
Arisia: I think I went and did "it" with Fate under the influence of her food…
Suzaka: my butler didn't recognise me because I was turned into a man by Shamal's food…
Vivio: I think I cosplayed my mamas into something which is best left unsaid…
Yunno: I was turned into a woman… Chrono even try to ask me out on a date…
Arf: Nanoha gave me a funny look... she try to force me into bed with a hungry look of a crazy animal...
Cameraman: maybe Shamal's food turned you into Fate???
They wall watch as the Ninja Cameraman refuse to eat it, Shamal seeing little choice dragged him back to Hayate castle... should I get the advert going for a replacement Cameraman?
Vivio: anyway thanks for watching, next time we're off to see my grandparents and uncle and aunt! (aka the Takamachi family!)
Yunno: since the producer has been rather busy he said he don't know when he'll be able to air the next episode.
BT: has Shamal left yet?
Yunno: she just left
Cameraman: maybe you should take a rest boss…
Arisa: he could stay at my mansion for a while
Arf: that's pretty nice of you
Suzaka: well BT did ask us would we like to be interviewed and we agreed, he even made a point of getting this broadcasted in all dimensions
Yunno: well considering you completely disappeared in Strikers with no mentioning of you by name or even a picture
Arisa: well BT did asked would we like to join your staff rosters, so we agreed
Suzaka: we'll be managing the broadcasting of the show and will also be in charge of promotion of the new DVD set for this show
Yunno: we haven't done one of those advertisements since the time we interviewed Reinforce
Cameraman: guys what is BT doing?
They all look to find our indestructible interviewer fighting a horde of fans with a large round shield and spear, with a chair point at the end, while wearing what appears to leather thong and a red cape… looks like staying under Hayate's care has caused BT to cosplay without thinking… yet again another epic scene from the movie 300 has been spoiled by that fact they're all driven into the sea with the blood thirsty Young Nanoha waiting for them…
Vivio:… I'll handle BT
Yunno: please do…
Cameraman: you do understand that everyone is probably saying "lucky BT!" while stabbing voodoo dolls of BT?