A/N: Well, the very first book of my series is almost completed! At the beginning of the last chapter, I'll give the name of the next 'book'. I've decided that my Fanfiction titles will follow the same format. This is Hogwarts? How Serendipitous! The next one will be Chamber of Secrets? How ....! Something. I haven't decided yet. I don't own Harry Potter, blah blah blah, please read and review!

Minerva McGonagall, Severus Snape, Filius Flitwick, Pomona Sprout, and Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore burst in the room in which the two forces were battling it out.

When they entered, however, they found that the action had completely vanished, and were instead left with several very odd things going on at once, including a teal-colored animal in a fedora, a dissolving, ex-Defense Against the Arts Teacher, a pharmacist, and a teenage girl Muggle.

Filius Flitwick stepped up and began addressing these issues. He turned to the first thing he noticed.

"Flynn!" he gasped, as did all the other teachers. A cruel realization was settling upon them.

Phineas Flynn kneeling on the ground, bending over the remaining bits and pieces of his mechanical wand. One of Quirrel's spells had hit it, and the whole wand had exploded. But now that the teachers were here, they saw all the mechanical parts strewn about the floor.

McGonagall picked up a small computer microchip. "This is a Muggle artifact!" she gasped. "But...but...surely...it's impossible!"

"Flynn!" Severus Snape barked. "I demand that you tell the truth! EXPLAIN YOURSELF!"

Phineas took a deep breath in. He began to speak very slowly.

"I am actually a Muggle...who snuck on the train in Ferb's suitcase...and built a mechanical wand to fake magic."

It was the awkwardest silence in the entire documented history of magic.

"He was telling the truth?" Professor Sprout squeaked, her voice suddenly as high as Flitwick's.

"You were telling the truth?" Professor Flitwick asked incredulously.

Phineas nodded solemnly. "Yes. Yes I was."

"Inside your brother's suitcase?" McGonagall flinched. "Well, no wonder your head is a triangle."

"All right, moving on!" Flitwick announced.

Whishhhhhhhhhhh went our field of view as it zoomed over to show a new person.

"Okay, people," Candace Flynn protested, realizing all the attention was now upon her. "I have, like, no idea what the heck is going on here. Two-faced turban dude wanted a rock – this is all I know."

"Are you a Muggle?" Dumbledore asked.

"Uh, if that means normal person, then, yes!" she said rudely, putting her hands on her hips.

"What are you doing at Hogwarts?"

"Well, when I came here, I was trying to get a stupid plant off of my arm. Then my brothers showed up with some British dudes and almost got me killed!"

"Moving on!" Flitwick announced.

Whishhhhhhhhhhh...

Perry the Platypus was standing on his two legs, wearing his fedora, evidently confused.

"That's our pet Platypus Perry!" Phineas said happily.

Sprout scratched her head. "Why... is it wearing that...hat?"

Perry's heart sank. He would have to leave the boys now –even Candace, and Linda, and Lawrence. He would be reassigned to a new host family. And he would never see them again, now that he was exposed as Agent P.

"Oh, well, Quirrel was casting this spell, but our platypus got in the way and it hit him instead!" Phineas informed them. "I dunno what on Earth the spell was supposed to do, but it apparently turns platypuses into Secret Agents!"

Perry looked up with newly restored hope. If everyone thought that it was a spell that had caused it...

"Well," Dumbledore said, taking out his wand, "if it was a spell, than this charm should restore your platypus to normal. If it doesn't, your pet is truly a secret agent."

Dumbledore began chanting in an ancient language, and smoke rose around Perry, obscuring him from view.

Perry felt the magic, but he was actually a Secret Agent, so it didn't do anything. But, what the heck? The smoke was hiding him, so he just took of his fedora and plopped down on all fours.

"Et Finite!" Dumbledore finished, ending the spell. He waved his arms and the smoke dramatically dispersed.

Perry was Perry the dumb platypus again, the one that didn't do much.

He made his platypus chittering noise, and went over to be by Phineas.

"Well, that's resolved. Moving on!"

Whishhhhhhhhhhh...

Harry was kneeling on the floor, holding the last remaining piece of Quirrel in his hands, which dissolved even as the teachers turned their attention to him.

Harry glanced around him at the Quirrel Dust sprinkled on the floor, in utter confusion. "He...er...I...what?"

"Nice work, Potter! Moving on!"

Whishhhhhhhhhhh...

Ferb was standing in a fighting stance, his two shoes tied together to form a pair of nun chucks.

He glanced at the teachers, and then twirled and snapped the nun chucks.

"Very good! Moving on!"

Whishhhhhhhhhhh...

"Who the HELL are you?"

"Me? I'm...I'm Heinz Doofenshmirtz!" Doofenshmirtz picked up his Duct-Tape Inator, which had a huge dent from hitting Quirrel.

Snape wrinkled his nose. "A pharmacist?"

"Really?!" Doofenshmirtz asked angrily. "Really? I'm an evil scientist, the most brilliant mind on earth, and FUTURE RULER OF THE ENTIRE TRI-STATE AREA!"

Sprout gave him a funny look. "You must be that disturbed creep from Danville."

"Oh, so you've heard of me!" Doofenshmirtz said delightedly.

Phineas blinked. "There's a mad scientist in Danville?"

"Yeah!" Doofenshmirtz said. "And my brother is the Mayor!"

"But you are a Muggle?" Dumbledore asked.

Doofenshmirtz crossed his arms. "Well, I just got this lecture from a snake man who was stuck on the turban guy's head about it, so ... yeah. But I'm not, like, the scum of the earth, or the brainless, useless, animals who deserve to be slaughtered without mercy."

McGonagall gasped. "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named?" She cast a worried look at Dumbledore.

Dumbledore nodded solemnly. "It appears that Voldemort did not die that night, eleven years ago. I suspected as much." He cleared his throat. "My apologies, Mister Doofenshmirtz, but as you are a Muggle I will be forced to perform a Memory Charm on you."

"Oh, that's fine, I ... wait, what?"

"Otherwise I would break the Secrecy Stature," Dumbledore said impatiently. "It will only take a second, and you will forget everything you saw here."

Doofenshmirtz staggered backwards, putting up his hands to defend himself. "Uh, I'd rather not..."

Dumbledore shot a Memory Charm at him.

"Hey!" Doofenshmirtz yelped, shielding himself with his Duct-Tape Inator. The Memory Charm bounced off and hit the wall instead.

Dumbledore frowned and tried to Stun Doofenshmirtz many times, but Doofenshmirtz shielded himself with the Duct-Tape Inator and ran screaming "NO, I'm a schnitzel!" through the hole he had dug previously.

"Are we pursuing him, Headmaster?" McGonagall asked.

Dumbledore pocketed his wand. "Not yet, Minerva. A Muggle, I daresay, will not make it very far in the time we shall allot to him."

Flitwick raised an eyebrow. "I hate to object, Dumbledore, but this deranged Muggle managed to make it into Hogwarts. If we let him go..."

"We have more pressing matters," Dumbledore said. "I believe that Harry Potter, Ferb, Phineas, and their sister, have been quite valiant and deserve some rest. If you would please take them to the hospital ward, I will consult my partner on Alchemy as to the future of the Stone."

"Thanks, sir," Harry mumbled, before exhaustion claimed him, and he collapsed on the floor.