Dean woke with Castiel's name lodged in his throat, sitting bolt upright on the floor only to lean over the blankets he was tangled in and spill his guts all over the floor. Bile burned its way up his throat and out his nose and he thought for a minute that he might drown in the smell of burnt air after a storm mixed with sick. He opened his eyes, not sure exactly when he had closed them and saw Sam out of the corner of his eye, hovering and wringing his hands, trying to decide on a course of action. Dean looked up at him, eyes filled with unshed tears, a burning pressure in his skull. He coughed a few times and spit the remaining vomit onto the floor. A pretty, dark haired girl approached with a bucket, moving to clean the floor while Dean collected himself. Sam's face was pinched with worry and he crossed his arms across his chest, looking down on Dean with suspicion.

"What's all that about?"

He gestured at the puddle on the floor. Dean flushed and looked away, focusing on the rough pattern of the rug he laid on. Impala licked his face once before he gently nudged her away.

"Nothing Sammy. Just a dream."

Sam frowned at him, reaching out a hand to help Dean off the floor. Dean flinched away from the hand and moved to stand on his own. Sam narrowed his eyes.

"You just flinched away from me. Why?"

Dean avoided the accusation and averted his eyes, quietly watching Sarah kneeling on the floor meticulously cleaning his mess. He felt guilt mingle with the lingering sickness in his stomach and he felt even worse.

"It was a bad dream Sam. Leave it."

Sam smoothed out his features and lowered his voice to a soothing, gentle tone, moving closer to his older brother.

"Is this about that monster? The one in the cave?"

Dean flinched as if struck. His face screwed up for a brief second before he schooled his features into a blank mask. His arms twitched as if he ached to wrap them around his own shoulders in defense. Sam watched his every move, trying to piece together his brother's strange behavior.

"Did he... did he hurt you?"

Dean snapped his head up, anger filling his eyes as he finally looked at his brother. He drew himself up to his full height, hands subtly shaking before he tucked them into pockets. His voice came out shaky, despite the truth behind the words.

"Jesus Sam. No, he... Cas wouldn't... It's not like that okay?"

Sam tilted his head slightly, mirroring the movement Cas made when Dean did something puzzling and Dean felt a twinge in his chest at the familiar action. He shook himself slightly as if trying to dislodge the memory. His head throbbed.

"Cas?"

Sam's face was pinched, holding back the barrage of questions he no doubt had and it made Dean hesitate, hands balling up into fists in his pockets before releasing. He set his mouth in a straight line and walked to the table in the centre of the kitchen. He slid into the chair, back ramrod straight, as though slouching over would cause him to break apart. He set his hands flat on the table and drew in a deep breath. Sam slid in across from him, gently laying a hand over Dean's on the table. Dean didn't withdraw but his arm twitched slightly as if keeping his hand still was the last thing he wanted. Sarah moved outside, giving them some privacy with the thin guise of cleaning out the bucket and rag she had used on the floor. Dean could hear her puttering outside, the scrape of the well pump loud in the silence of the cabin.

"She seems nice."

Sam smiled slightly at his brother's attempts to redirect conversation.

"She is."

Dean lowered his eyes to the table, tracing the grain of the wood.

"And you're happy?"

Sam got up from the table and poured two cups of water from a battered looking jug on the counter. He hid a happy grin from Dean with his turned back.

"Yeah Dean, I'm happy."

Dean examined the set of Sam's shoulders, wider than he remembered, a boy growing into a man's body, limbs still a bit too long for his frame, but filling in. One corner of Dean's mouth twisted up with a defeated sort of look, a melancholy nostalgia for the time he had never experienced filling him before draining out of him as quick as it came. He fixed his features into a blank mask as Sam settled in front of him. Sam opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to form a sentence that he hadn't quite figured out yet. Dean held up a silencing hand.

"If you're going to apologize, don't."

Sam shook his head and smiled, just a tiny amused twitch of lips.

"I forgot you did that. The mind reading thing."

Dean huffed.

"For the last time Sammy it isn't mind reading if it's written all over your face."

Sam rolled his eyes.

"We can't all have a flawless poker face Dean."

Dean huffed out a half laugh, the sound getting caught and mangled on its way out, but the sentiment was there. Sam allowed himself a small smile, letting the happiness at having his brother, for however long he was home, fill him up.

"Dean, what's going on? I haven't seen you like this since... shit, since Dad died."

Dean pulled the cup of water closer to him, twining his finger tightly around the rough wood of the cup and bringing it in front of him like a shield.

"I just... Cas, Castiel... I think he's in trouble."

Sam's bows drew together.

"Castiel is the thing in the cave?"

Dean nodded, a movement that would have been missed if Sam hadn't been watching him so intently.

"Angel"

Dean cleared his throat and tried again.

"He's an angel."

Sam leaned back in surprise.

"Like a feathered, halo wearing, god's soldier? Like a real angel?"

Dean nodded, still not meeting his brother's eyes. Sam drew in a deep breath through his teeth in surprise.

"So what's he doing in a cave in the woods?"

Dean looked up at Sam briefly before letting his eyes fall back to the table.

"Kind of a long story, but basically he's cursed."

Sam leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table, eyes narrowing slightly at Dean.

"So he's evil?"

Dean met Sam's eyes.

"No."

The word was out of Dean's mouth before he even knew he had spoken. He cleared his throat and shifted from side to side slightly.

"I mean, no, he's not. He's … misunderstood"

Sam smiled a little but kept his comments to himself, waiting for Dean to continue. Dean loosened his grip on his cup, rolling it slightly between his hands.

"He uh, let me hunt and we talked about stuff and, I don't know... he's just misunderstood. We just ... He understood my shit and I understood his and he gave me space and it was just... you know..."

Sam's face had softened during Dean's rant. He glanced briefly out the window and saw Sarah puttering around in the vegetable garden and he smiled at the way the light hit her hair. He dragged his eyes back inside and settled on his brother. Dean still looked edgy and slightly green.

"You care about him."

Dean's eyes went wide and he met Sam's probing look with a startled expression.

"What?"

His voice came out strangled. Sam laughed a little at the sound and Dean glared.

"Come on Dean, you haven't said three words about another living thing other than your damn dog since I can remember. Whatever it was you had with Castiel seems like it was a good thing for you. Hell I haven't seen you as relaxed as you were when you came home last night since we moved out of town all those years ago"

Dean smiled a tiny, sad smile, mouth dragging up at the corners.

"Yeah I mean, it was peaceful in the cave. Easy almost. Nothing to worry about… Well, nothing to worry about except my little bitch brother anyways."

Sam laughed loudly, throwing his head back, happy that Dean was feeling well enough to joke.

"Hey! I will have you know that I have done pretty damn well for myself."

Dean looked around at the cabin and catalogued the signs of life. New dishes were piled on the counter, there were more furs on the chairs, and Dean was even willing to bet that Sam had built a new bed. He smiled.

"Yeah it looks like you have."

Sam looked around proudly at the praise from his older brother. His eyes found the half-finished knitting in the basket near the hearth and the touches that were very obviously Sarah's doing and he felt his heart warm. Dean watched him carefully, taking in the happy glow in Sam's eyes with a wistful sadness and a pang of longing in his heart for, well for something missing. Thinking too hard on the topic of things he was missing made his chest ache like his ribs were being pried apart so he tried to avoid it. A heavy silence fell on the cabin and Dean fidgeted with a loose thread on his shirt.

"I think he's dying"

Sam's head snapped around, bringing him out of his happy reminiscing.

"Castiel?"

Dean nodded slowly.

"I've been having these dreams about a man."

Sam wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at Dean. Dean blushed a little and looked down, shaking his head.

"Not like that you perv."

Sam rolled his eyes and made a sound of disbelief. Dean smirked a little.

"Ok so maybe it was a little like that."

Sam laughed and motioned for Dean to continue.

"I don't know Sam, they always just felt like more than dreams. The guy was always so intense, but he never talked to me, never approached me, didn't even interact until I engaged him first."

Dean took a deep breath and kept talking.

"And there was something about him. He was so familiar. He looked at me like he knew me, and every time I woke up I had this feeling like I knew him but his name was just out of my reach."

Sam's brow creased. Dean took a sip of water and breathed out a heavy exhale.

"And then I started getting these headaches when I tried to think too hard about him. But the weirdest part was how lucid the dreams were. I could control everything, I knew I was dreaming, and I still felt so at ease with the guy."

Sam tilted his head to the side and his eyes narrowed.

"Does this have to do with last night's dream?"

Dean waved him off impatiently.

"I'm getting there Sam, Jesus."

Dean shook his head and rolled his eyes.

"Patience of a squirrel I swear. Anyways, yeah so last night, I dreamt of the guy again."

Sam waited, hands folded on the table primly.

"It was the dream that actually felt the most like a dream. It was foggy and dark and he was glowing a little bit, and whenever I got too close he would kind of just, disappear."

Dean's face scrunched with confusion as if he was trying to figure it out as he talked.

"And then I noticed that when he disappeared, something else was taking his place."

Sam raised one eyebrow but stayed silent.

"When he disappeared, it seemed like… like Castiel's body appeared instead. And then the glowing suddenly made sense."

Sam leaned forward a bit in his seat, starting to put the pieces together in his head.

"I think the guy in my dreams was actually Cas all along and that's why he seemed so familiar."

Sam waited, sensing Dean wasn't quite done. Dean slumped forward, elbows resting on the table. His voice came out like a croak, eyes suddenly stinging

"The guy looked like he was dying Sam. Cas looked like he was dying."

Sam's face softened into a look of sadness and compassion.

"Dean."

Dean looked at Sam, eyes vulnerable and so young seeming. He looked like he was waiting for instructions.

"Why are you still sitting here?"

Dean looked at Sam questioningly.

"Dean, I love you, and you're my brother, but you are an idiot sometimes."

Dean started to open his mouth to defend himself and Sam held up a silencing hand.

"You are sitting here telling me all about some guy, one who you happen to be in love with by the way, telling me all about how you think he's dying, and not doing anything about it."

Dean gaped at Sam.

"Love?"

Sam rolled his eyes and looked at Dean, waiting for him to work through his ideas.

"Oh my god…. Sam."

Dean stood up abruptly, knocking his chair to the floor. His face was slack with surprise.

"I love him. Oh my god, Sam! I love Cas."

Sam just shook his head and gestured to the door.

"So what are you waiting for?"

Dean stalked to the door, circling back to grab his coat and pausing at the threshold.

"I'll be back Sam. Somehow I'll be back. But right now, Cas needs me."

Sam smiled, getting up to hug his brother goodbye. Their embrace was short but tight.

"You're the best Sammy."

Sam laughed and pushed Dean out the door of the cabin.

"Yeah I know, now go get your man."

Dean laughed before turning and running into the woods with a backwards smile. Impala followed close on his heels.