Chapter Tweny-five
The rain though it changed pace had been a constant throughout the day and not even night that had fallen several hours ago seemed to put a stop to it.
Eliot and Parker had shown around three, Hardison having passed out on the couch an hour earlier, relatively safe and sound.
He had planned to speak with Eliot about the strain this accident had been putting on their relationship but those thoughts were quickly pushed to the side as he became more concerned with the strain Eliot was putting on his leg as he attempted the porch stairs. Nate quickly moved to help him into the house, Parker pointing out the bedroom she and Hardison had picked as Eliot's before excusing herself to find Eliot's prescription.
They didn't speak but Nate felt the air between them had lost some of its weight since that morning which he was thankful for.
Soon after he had accepted the medication Parker offered obvious exhaustion took over and Eliot was out for the count, Nate leaving Parker on her own a few hours later as he joined Eliot for the night.
Now he was blinking sleep from his eyes as he glanced at the clock that read a little after one trying to figure out what had woke him. He listened carefully but heard nothing more than the storm outside, still something felt off somewhere and his thoughts quickly went to Eliot.
Hardison and Parker were upstairs, Eliot having gotten the only room on the main floor, so it surely couldn't be them. The even breaths next to him told him Eliot was still sleeping which was strange but not a cause for concern. Sighing he removed himself from the bed and eventually the room as quietly as he could performing a search of the house, only after a full inspection of every door and window and finding two more sleeping bodies did he return to their room.
Still he felt uneasy, but he planned to ignore it figuring it had to do with staying in a house he was unfamiliar with but something continued to nag him like a thorn in the side until finally he decided to turn on the light. It was a side lamp so the room remained fairly dim but the light was more than enough to show the pain on Eliot's nearly healed face.
He'd seen pain there before but never had he seen this and it was bothersome.
In the near two years they had been together nearly every emotion had surfaced between them but this new experience took all of that to another level.
Eliot was crying in his sleep.
There were no sniffles or whimpers, nothing to suggest he wasn't doing well but the silent tears that ran slowly over his nose dripping onto the pillow from his turned face said differently.
Nate just sat there stunned, he had never seen a tear stain Eliot's face and now he was witnessing just that.
Why was he crying?
Nate hadn't an idea, he knew Eliot's life hadn't been an easy one and he was sure more than one occasion had left him near tears.
Should he wake him?
He didn't seem to be in distress but maybe the tears were from physical pain, he was supposed to take his pain meds every six hours and it had been over ten.
But Eliot didn't appear to be hurting, no Nate recognized that look as emotional agony and it had him wondering if those tears were there for his fault.
That thought angered him and he was soon thumbing them away, tears didn't belong on Eliot's face, he deserved a rest that wouldn't be disturbed by his burdens even if Nate was classified as one of those for the moment.
He had just ran the back of his fingers over Eliot's cheek bone when those icy eyes snapped open soon meeting his. Eliot just stared with watery eyes his gaze so intense that he was more looking in Nate than at him.
Nate could have said something, should have said something, questioned or hounded, fretted or pried but he didn't.
He simply reached over, turned off the light, layed down, and pulled Eliot closer.
He didn't say anything as Eliot layed his head down on his chest, didn't mention how the tears that were falling harder soaked his shirt as he ran his hand over Eliot's hair to keep it from falling in his face.
Sometimes words just weren't enough and answers weren't necessary.
They stayed like that, Nate holding Eliot close continuing to offer comfort until he could no longer fight the pull and he eventually fell to sleep.
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It didn't seem very long at all before the birds were chirping and his eyes were opening again. He was greeted by an early morning light and knew it couldn't be past seven, Eliot was still lying on his chest and he moved an arm to pull him closer as he attempted to stretch. He loosened his hold when he heard a grunt of pain with a mumbled, "Sorry"
"S'alright" His shoulder was still a bother and his ribs ached but Eliot was content with where he was for the moment. He hadn't found it in himself to return to sleep and had instead listened to the steady rhythm of Nate's heart wondering what he'd say about the events of that night.
"Get up." Nate nudged as he moved to sit up himself.
Eliot didn't really feel like it but did as he was told watching Nate disappear into the bathroom for a few minutes before leaving the room with a hurried, "be right back." When he returned it was with a glass of water, hand of pills, and an expectant gaze.
"Really?" Nate didn't budge though and eventually he was lifting his head to take the medicine.
"When did you get to be so lazy?" Nate mocked jokingly as he sat on the side of the bed placing the glass off to the side. Eliot had just plopped his head back down on a pile of pillows, having stole Nate's to use as a third.
"Lazy?" He already felt useless and here Nate was making him feel worse about it. "I am not lazy."
So a joke hadn't been the smartest move but Nate wasn't sure where they stood after yesterday and he really didn't feel like bringing it back up. "I'm sorry."
Eliot just nodded and left it be, they had enough problems already and it'd be a waste of time to blow something so juvenille out of porportion. "About last night..." He began but stopped as Nate shook his head.
"You took some time for you and that's okay." He didn't want an explanation, didn't feel like he deserved one.
"We need to talk." Eliot sighed as he stared at Nate. He wasn't excited about this conversation but they couldn't put it off forever.
"And we will," Nate promised. "but it can wait until you're feeling better."
"The longer we ignore things the worse off we'll be." He had resigned himself to Nate's mood shifts but things were starting to get out of hand and it wasn't looking good. He hadn't told Nate as much but this was the first serious relationship that he had had in a very long time and there was a reason for that. He hadn't even wanted this one to exist but with time his mind had changed and he was dead set on changing his ways with it.
"I'm not going to ignore you, not again." He swore as he kissed Eliot's forehead.
"Stop," Eliot grabbed the front of his t-shirt to keep him close. "stop blaming yourself." He knew he had hit the nail when Nate dropped his head to touch his own closing his eyes with guilt. "It wasn't your fault." He gave a soft kiss to ease Nate's mind as he clenched his eyes tighter. "It wasn't."
"It was." He whispered in Eliot's ear as he started rubbing circles on his side. "It was and I'm sorry." Nate apologized again as he started kissing down Eliot's neck, angered by the scratches his fingers found as they slid up Eliot's shirt.
"Nate it's fine, I'm fine."
"No!" He sat up angry with Eliot for saying such a thing. "No it's not! These," he pointed to quite a few different injuries. "these don't belong here. Not this one," He dragged his fingers from Eliot's knee, up his thigh and over the fabric of his boxers to his hip. The leg held plenty of color and the knee didn't look to have lost much swelling, probably because Eliot insisted on using it before he'd been given the clearance to do so.
"Nate it isn't as bad as it looks." They were dressed the same, in boxers and t-shirts, but he was feeling exposed. He moved to get up but Nate pushed him back down.
"No Eliot! You shouldn't have any marks and how many haven't I seen yet?" Pushing the shirt up he ignored Eliot's attempts to pull it down as he got his first glance at his boyfriends torso. "I put this here." There was a horrible discoloring on Eliot's side that traveled past where he could see, though his fingers continued to follow behind Eliot's back. "I did this." It was a vain thought to think he could kiss away the marks that Eliot had been left to wear but he tried with as many as he could see anyway.
"You did this?" It took a bit of effort and the use of both hands which wasn't the brightest move but Eliot had gotten himself away from Nate and into a sitting position. If you did this than tell me why! Why the hell did you want something like this to happen?" If anyone was to be placed with blame Eliot would claim it for himself but maybe using Nate's guilt against him would help to finally figure out what had happened that night.
"I didn't want it to happen! I didn't want it to but it's my fault that it did!
All I had to do was listen but could I manage that!" He was more yelling at himself than anything else. "All of this could have been avoided if I'd stop being such an idiot!"
"How? What happened?" Eliot honestly didn't care that Nate hadn't been listening it was the thought that he had done something wrong and it angered him.
"Rebecca"
"Rebecca?" He had to make sure he had heard right for how faint it was. What could his niece have to do with anything?
"She was crying." Eliot remembered how tears had started down her face when they left but it was her way of trying to guilt people into staying. She had taken to Nate instantly and he had promised to return but he didn't see how that had anything to do with what had happened between them. "When Sam was younger he'd sit by the door every morning and beg me not to leave." Nate's voice was shaky as he looked at his feet but this was something he needed to get out.
"And Becca brought it back up." He suddenly understood Nate's reaction and felt like kicking himself for not realizing kids would be a touchy subject for him, especially being around them.
"After he got sick I'd spend every moment that I could with him." Eliot had moved closer and he appreciated the gesture, he did but it didn't help much.
"The day he..." He tried to form the word but it wouldn't come and he didn't really care to bother with it as he moved on. " that day I spent with him. Maggie and I had been arguing most of the morning and the day had been hard for Sam too ..., I just wanted a minute.
He begged me not to go but I didn't listen, all I planned to do was stretch my legs, to just go down the hall for some coffee and I'd be right back.
What could possibly happen in that time?" His laugh was humorless and bitter.
"Sam pleaded with me not to leave, the last words I heard from him were... don't go daddy." Once again he heard them and it felt like a little more of himself was being killed. "Hearing Becca cry was like going back to that room all over again." He bit his lip to keep himself from going into those thoughts and pulling away. "I wasn't there for him when he needed me, I wasn't there."
"I'm sorry Nate, I should've known."
"I watched my son die, ..." Nate was past hearing as he continued on. "My baby was alone for the last minutes of his life for no damn reason!"
"Nate there was nothing you could have done." Some things just weren't mentioned and Sam was a big one. He wished he would have known so he could have avoided causing Nate this hurt, he knew it all to well and the best he had figured to do with it was bury it, deep.
"You're not seeing." Nate shook his head as he brought himself back to the original point of their conversation. "I haven't dealt with his death and it nearly caused yours!"
"Well then," Eliot grabbed Nate's hand as he began hearing movement above. "we make the best of this. We learn from our mistakes and move forward."
"They were my mistakes yet you're the one paying the price." He could never seem to do good for those he loved and it left him believing that Eliot would be better off without him.
"They're ours and sometimes some lessons just need to be learned the hard way." Blame was a vicious thing and Nate clearly wasn't ready to forgive himself but now that the air was clear perhaps they could start moving forward again.
"I'm still sorry." Nate placed a kiss to Eliot's hair as he got up to get ready for the day. Hardison and Parker would be making appearances soon and he wanted to have himself back under check before that happened.
"So am I Nate, so am I."
E/N: Woohoo look at that!
I fixed everything! :)
Who actually believes it will stay like that? Yeah, me neither.
Not sure how I feel about the first ep of season five, (what do you guys think?) but I'm excited it's finally here! It also inspired this because the more I'm told Neliot isn't happening the more rebelious I become, LOL
Hope you liked this and as a treat for us all next chapter will be complete fun and nonsense!